author's note: oof, I haven't used this site in years. but I found it fitting to crosspost this here from Ao3 as my first kyouru fic is also on this website, but under a different account I can no longer access since I don't have access to the email anymore. :') that fic is from 2006 and it's under the name inflamedmuse. With the new anime coming out soon, I reread the manga and rewatched the first anime, which led to this fic. I've missed these two and all the characters from Furuba. :')
/ / / / / / /
if you tell me that i'm nothing,
i won't flinch and agree -
it's not as before
Shigure's house felt different tonight.
He remembered how he felt when he broke in through the roof: tumultuous anger, ragged breaths, and a shock to the system from a variable he'd never considered entering the picture.
Tohru Honda.
Feeling like he was being tortured by Kyoko-san from beyond her grave, Kyou hadn't known what to do with himself, how to react. He defaulted to blustery remarks, dodging, reflecting everything away from the truth that lay inside his heart, crumpled so tightly it had silently suffocated him.
He couldn't escape. Always running, but all the time he hadn't even realized where he'd been running to, or rather, who. Thinking he was running away from memories of Kyoko-san, he'd only run headfirst into her daughter.
It used to hurt so much. Unintentionally, she hurt him, reminding him of her mother. The care and attention Kyoko-san had given him, like a loving aunt he never had. For all of that to waste away as she'd lain on the street, noticing him again, saying those words… He swallowed hard, remembering what Tohru had told him. She'd been dying, he had to have heard wrong.
She would never say something like that.
Taking a deep breath, Kyou laid back against the roof of the house, watching the clouds shifting, revealing faint stars every so often. The moon's glow came and went, at the moment slightly muted behind a cluster of clouds. He held his left arm out, knowing the cursed bracelet wasn't there, but he swore sometimes he still felt it against his skin.
Too many nights he had nightmares of that true form. He'd wake up in a sweat, searching for the beads around his wrist, only to find Tohru asleep in a futon on the other side of the bedroom. Seeing her there, he'd feel his breaths settle, realizing she never slept in here before the curse broke.
The first night after, he'd screamed.
She was there every night after that.
Somehow the next morning he hadn't fought Yuki like he would have before just from the sheer embarrassment of it all. Because certainly the stupid rat would have heard his screams. "Stupid rat"… why had they resorted to that? It seemed almost ridiculous now, though he still felt an underlying agitation whenever he met Yuki's gaze. Maybe it'd fade with time, he didn't know, hardly cared.
(He still wanted to fling Shigure's smug face out the damn window, though. That shit had nothing to do with the zodiac curse, the man was just annoying as hell.)
Kyou didn't start when he heard her climb up onto the roof to join him. Even without the cursed cat possessing him, somehow he still retained a few of those cat-like qualities. Perhaps it'd found fit to leave him with a few good reminders, taking all of the bad with it as it left him… minus the memories, at least.
"Kyou-kun, I knew I'd find you up here," she said, the softest of smiles on her face. It was so easy to smile back at her, jaw relaxed, the skin at the edges his eyes crinkling. He reached out to Tohru and welcomed her into his arms as she got close enough to sit next to him. A few years ago, he would have never imagined this type of future in store for him.
There were times he still wondered, in passing, if he deserved any of this. He'd shared the concern with Tohru one late night, only a week ago as they'd visited Kyoko-san's gravesite again. Not exactly the best timing, but when had they ever had that on their side? They'd been sitting cross-legged in front of the shrine, she had lit a candle for her mother while he watched silently, hands on his knees. Afterward, he had muttered it, but she'd somehow caught it all.
Likely the silence around them made it easy.
He remembered her hand on his, moving to cradle it between hers. The tears that fell from her chin onto their hands... he'd say he still felt bad about making her cry (and would Uotani and Hanajima bust his ass if they knew); but again, not thinking of herself, she'd told him to not feel that way. He swore Tohru could read his mind better than he could himself.
"You deserve the world, Kyou-kun… and I know I can't make you see that, but please. Please know that this… this isn't about deserving. I want you with me, Kyou. However… however selfish that is."
Kissing her as her tears dried on her cheeks, as he felt himself cry, wasn't how he wanted the whole, "Formally get introduced to Kyoko-san as Tohru's boyfriend" bit to go. He felt Kyoko-san would be torn between slapping him across the face and bear hugging the both of them.
Tonight, as he held Tohru again, he realized that only wisps of that thought still remained. Deserving someone… it wasn't that. It was wanting, like Tohru had said, and even more so, couldn't imagine his life without her now. He'd do anything to keep her by his side unless she ever wanted to leave him. He knew that he'd let her go if that was ever what she wanted. But… right now, right now he was happy just to have her against him, arms wrapped around her as she rested between his legs, watching the sky with him.
"So… graduation. How's it feel, Tohru?"
She rested her head on his chest, sighing contentedly.
"I fulfilled my promise to mom. I'm… I'm so happy, Kyou-kun… but," she faltered, and he felt a slight tension creep over her. He reached out, grabbing hold of her hands in his own. Squeezing gently, he kissed the crown of her head.
"Don't hold back whatever you're feeling. You're not gonna scare me off or anything, remember?" He nuzzled into her hair, around to her ear where he kissed the underside of her jawline. He felt her shiver slightly, then slowly relax.
He couldn't see her face, but he could imagine it. She was better at telling him exactly how she felt now, infinitely better than when they had first met a couple of years ago, but it still took a lot out of her. Old habits die hard, he'd heard. And he was no stranger to that himself.
"I… I just wish that she had been here to see it. To see me. It feels selfish, I'm so-"
The rest of what she said was muffled. Kyou grit his teeth, covering her mouth with one of his hands as the other still held hers. Old habits did die hard, and even though he found her overly polite nature kind of adorable, this wasn't the time for it.
"It's not selfish at all, Tohru," he said, taking his hand off her mouth. "Any kid with decent parents would want them at their graduation. It's natural, so you don't have to, y'know, apologize." Still awkward as hell with his words sometimes; he could feel the warmth spread across his cheeks, and he took his hands away from hers to hold her just a bit tighter to him.
"God, I love you."
It wasn't the first time he'd said it to her, but every time he did, it felt like the emotion was simultaneously crushing and bursting out of his chest.
A part of him wanted to stay the night here with her, but there were no beds left, and even Shigure had left for the main house, while Yuki was, well, Tohru knew and that's all that mattered. Below the roof they sat on, the entire house was as barren as could be, except for all the memories he knew both of them could picture if they just stepped into a room.
After this, they would make the journey to Shishou's dojo for the rest of the night, and in the morning, to a dojo faraway. This house they were going to leave... it wasn't really "Shigure's" anymore, but a vacant Sohma-owned property on the outside. But what did outside and inside mean now? He hoped they would become obsolete terms over the years; they simply weren't needed anymore, so what was the point?
In the end, it'd be up to Akito.
A part of him still couldn't come to grips that she was… well, a she. A damn woman. At least he hadn't been the only one blind to the fact for all his life. They were all thrown by it, the majority of them, at least.
Like the rest of them, she was changing, though. Not as if that excused her for all the shit she'd put them through, but most of them were willing, reluctantly or not, to give her a chance to be a real head of Sohma house.
Destroying the cat's room was one step.
He remembered standing there with Tohru as it happened. Akito had been kind enough to come to Shishou's dojo and tell them when it would happen. Her gaze had flickered over to him as she said it - still uncomfortable, but another step. Of course, he hadn't even thought about going to see it, had done everything in his power to push the existence of it to the back of his mind for years, but he knew it was the right thing to do. For every single person possessed by the cat who had been locked away there.
It hadn't been easy to watch. Kyou didn't really know why, because up until recently, it had been his dreaded future: isolated, imprisoned. He should have been ecstatic, and in a way, he was. But it was akin to how he'd involuntarily cried when the cat spirit had left him. Tohru had an arm around him the entire time, and he felt her turn and hug him when a pile of rubble was all that remained.
Centuries upon centuries of those possessed by the cat. Gone.
Kyou still thought about it every so often. Tonight of all nights, as they prepared to go farther away than any of the former zodiac so far, and further than anyone priorly possessed by the cat spirit, he couldn't completely shake his mind of the cat's room.
Suddenly, it occurred to him.
"Tohru…"
She turned around to look at him. "Hm?"
He gulped. This was stupid.
"Do you think Akito would approve a statue where the cat's room was?"
Utter stupidity flowing from his mouth like a broken water tap. He felt his cheeks heat and turned his head away. But he couldn't take the words back now.
"I'm sure she will, Kyou-kun!"
God, he could feel Tohru's smile without even seeing it. Her fingers gently grasped him by the chin and he let her turn his face back toward her. She'd changed positions, now facing him and sitting with her knees to the side of her.
Oh. Now he didn't feel so stupid with the way she was looking at him.
He leaned forward and gently kissed her, bringing a hand to the nape of her neck and pulling her closer. A little pleased noise escaped between her lips, and he smiled before playfully nipping at her bottom lip. She giggled and they bumped noses, making him breathe out a low chuckle. They were both idiots, and he loved and adored her.
"Let's see her tomorrow before we leave," he whispered, his courage and confidence bolstered by her.
We should get some rest, then.
The next morning he was almost having second doubts. Or rather, fifth doubts. But Tohru was an expert at calming his nerves and rationalizing out the thoughts he'd rambled out over the past few hours. He still felt like pounding his fists together in some inane way to attempt to relieve the last minute stress that gripped at his body.
Tohru held his hand instead as they entered the area of the main house where Shishou had told them they would find Akito.
"Likely Shigure-san, as well," he had added.
Of course. Another bit that Kyou had to wrap his head around. He mentally shook away the thought; they were here for one thing and one thing only.
Akito sat cross-legged on a zabuton, only raising her head when they walked inside the room. Kyou wasn't used to her new form of dress, her smile, anything. She tucked longer strands of hair behind her ear, and he spotted Shigure's form just outside, leaning against the wall with a pen between his lips and a notepad in his hand. Kyou had the vague passing thought of whether Shigure would still write his terrible novels now but brushed it off.
"Welcome, Tohru… Kyou," Akito said, gesturing for them to sit on two cushions a couple of feet across from where she was. "Kazuma told me that you had something to ask of me, Kyou." She steepled her hands, resting them against her lips.
Kyou, now seated, nodded.
"It's about the old cat's room," he said, fidgeting with his fingers. "I… I was talking with Tohru last night about it." He looked away for a moment, then met Akito's gaze again.
"First," he said, then swallowed hard. "First, thank you for destroying it."
Tohru's hand came over and rested on his own, halting his fidgeting. Usually, he was better than this. He still remembered Rin's outburst after the curse had broken, and while he was doing better than she was on the outside, nothing could erase all those years they were all bound by the curse. He used to scream at Akito, lash out in any way possible because of his pre-assignedplace, anything to prove that he was still there and he wouldn't be left behind.
And now she was actually sitting here, listening to him calmly? Maybe it was Shigure's surprisingly silent presence a few meters away. But his keen eyes still noticed the way the tips of her fingers twitched. This was still difficult for her, too. But looking into her eyes, he knew she was trying.
She was trying.
"It needed to be done," she said, clasping her hands together on her lap.
"Secondly…" he continued, keeping eye contact, knowing that every moment he waited the more strain he was putting on Tohru, since he knew how excited she was to see how Akito would react. He wondered if her guess would turn out correct.
"I'd like some of the family funds to go towards building a commemorative statue, for all of the people who were possessed by the cat and confined there."
There. Just as he'd rehearsed with Tohru.
He heard Shigure's notepad fall on the floor. The former dog cleared his throat, picked the pad up, and walked back inside under the guise of taking the empty teacup on the table behind Akito to the kitchen area for washing. Akito said nothing, hardly reacted to Shigure's blunder. Instead her somewhat widened eyes settled back to normal, and she let out a small breath.
"Considering you've hardly used any of the funds so far, you're welcome to. But," and she held her pointer finger up, "It has to commemorate the entire zodiac."
"But can the cat still be the centerpiece?" Tohru broke in, then quickly covered her mouth with her hand, blushing furiously. "I'm sorry, Akito-san," she said, lowering her hand. Akito smiled a bit brighter in Tohru's direction, telling her it was okay.
Akito rested her chin in the palm of her hand, looking between the both of them. A pregnant pause later, she got to her feet and walked to the open doorway that Shigure had emerged from earlier. Resting her side against the frame, she cast her gaze back on the two of them and beckoned them over with a hand. Kyou stood first, then took Tohru's hand in his own, helping her up.
"The remains of the cat's room aren't actually that far from here," she said, her voice so soft it was nearly a murmur. But except for her, the only sound was a windchime several meters away. Akito turned to look at Kyou, then Tohru, and back to him again. None of this was easy for any of them, though he knew Tohru was having the least trouble. He knew she held a love for them both, but he and Akito? Time would tell.
"I have another caveat to what I already said. Rightfully, it's your idea, Kyou, but I would like to be kept in the loop of what you and Tohru-kun plan. I'm still the head of Sohma house, and every final decision goes through me."
"That's fine," he said, a small smile tugging at his lips. They were actually getting somewhere.
Akito smiled at both of them. "If you like, feel free to let the other former zodiac members know as well. I'm sure most of them will be interested to see how their zodiac spirits are represented. Now," she said, walking to the edge of the engawa and sitting down, "was that everything you needed?"
"Yeah," he said (a bit breathlessly), and Tohru quickly echoed him with her own excited, "Yes!"
"Thank you, Akito-san," Tohru went on, unable to keep herself from sitting down next to Akito and hugging her. Kyou saw the former God of the zodiac stiffen for only a moment before she practically melted into Tohru's hold. He folded his arms across his chest and shook his head in amazement. Tohru truly could melt anyone's heart, he believed.
After they broke their embrace, Kyou took the few steps over to them and leaned against one of the wooden beams supporting the roof. Looking out towards the rest of the Sohma estate, he repeated Tohru's words of thanks to Akito.
A few minutes later they were bidding Akito goodbye. He didn't hug her but waited as the two women hugged again and promised to call. He was glad that Tohru had made a burgeoning friendship with Akito but even happier that she'd chosen to come with him. He knew she'd miss the rest of the former zodiac members - it was clear she'd made an impact on each and every one of them, but at the end of the day, she only had thoughts for him.
He was the luckiest man in the world.
She loved him, listened to him, fought for him, understood him, and stood beside him. Tohru wanted to be with him. His heart swelled at the thought of it, knowing full well he felt the same, and was only thankful that they'd found each other.
They had plenty of work ahead of them: the move, settling in, and now working on creating a zodiac commemorative statue. But with her by his side, he felt like he could conquer anything that came his way. He loved her.
He loved Tohru Honda.
Everything felt different now, all because of her presence.
for a future shared with you,
glorious with the sun shining on us,
i'll reach out with fingers outstretched