Bombs With Blues and Zero
By: Fira, The Mouse of Anon
Disclaimer:
I do not own anything Megaman/X/Zero/NT related except whatever bizarre stories I come up with. Therefore don't sue me and we'll get along just fine. And for the record I do own the less-than-brilliant genius that Blues and Zero show in this fic.
Author's Note: Okay, before anybody goes on to read this fic I have a few things to explain. First off, this fic is based off of an RP universe that I and my best friend, Rama Olendris, have going. In that universe Blues is a Maverick Hunter (long story on that, not getting into it). On top of that Alia is a tranny. Why? Because when Rama and I first saw Alia we both swore that Alia was a dude; all the way up until X7. I'm serious: look at Alia in all of the games up until that point. Alia looks like a dude. Without a voice doesn't Alia just look like a bishie-boy? Anyway, that aside, we figured that Alia would be a tranny. (As you can tell, we don't like to let go of our bishounen characters.) So, the final bit of weirdness is this: (tranny) Alia and Blues are together. Don't worry, there's only minor mentions of it in this fic… and Blues being bitchy… but you can ignore it. Also, I refuse to call Blues 'Protoman'. That's not his name, Blues is the Japanese name, and it sounds a hell of a lot better. Shutting up now, enjoy the fic, and if you have a problem with (tranny) Alia you get a curb-stomp. Bye now, and review please.
"That's not exactly what I'd call a polite way to die."
"Do you want to be the one doing this?" Zero snapped at Blues, an expression akin to contempt in his sapphire eyes. When he got no response the blonde snorted, "I didn't think so. Besides… as if there's ever a polite way to die."
Blues shrugged, silver hair trying to fall forward over his shoulders. "I'm just saying… There are better ways to die. Quicker too. Ones that don't involve being blown to itty-bitty pieces and being a reploid smear on the wall."
Zero rolled his eyes. "If you're done being a prima donna, then you can either take over talking with Alia and disarming this bomb; or you can shut the hell up." Blues was tempted to reply with a scathing remark, but thought better of it and took a step back so Zero wouldn't think he had volunteered.
The situation the two of them found themselves in would have been comical, were it not for the bomb that Zero was currently laboring over. Normally, under no circumstances, would the two of them have been put on the same team. They simply fought too much for any work to be reasonably expected of them. However, a bizarre twist of events (almost like a domino effect really) had conspired to lump the two long-haired reploids together on the same patrol. X had been 'under the weather' and thusly unavailable to work where he normally would have fit in. (And gee, wasn't that an interesting coincidence? As to how he could have possibly ended up so unfit for duty; well that was another story!) Axl had been off on 'gofer' duties; so Zero had largely been left on his own.
End result: the blonde had been stuck with the other swordsman for his temporary partner. That alone was bad enough, but the night had been nothing but one disaster after another. Which was why they were in a Maverick base… in a small room (little bigger than a walk-in closet really) with a bomb that was rigged to explode if any of the doors were opened… Yeah, a regular walk in the park.
Ducking into the damned room had been Blues's idea in the first place. Then again, Blues was also the idiot that had unintentionally tripped the security system in the first place on their way in. That naturally brought every maverick within hearing distance stampeding after them like a herd of rabidly psychotic rhinos (never mind that Zero had no idea if rhinos traveled in herds or not). So what better place to ditch the mavericks that were crawling out of the woodwork than what they thought was a supply closet?
What had been a genius idea at first, immediately turned into a genius idea when they realized that the door had been left ajar intentionally so as not to activate the bomb. Of course, they only realized that detail after the door had been closed. Simply put: while they were in a small room with several doors (and no windows), they were also stuck in there with each other and a live bomb. Zero had already fantasized about jamming said bomb down Blues's throat several times within the last hour. If the other reploid said one more thing to set him off, then he was quite tempted to follow through.
Naturally Alia had been immediately contacted once they noticed that the bomb was attached to the doors. The little blinking light that had come on when the door was closed certainly hadn't helped to settle either Blues or Zero's nerves. Alia was very calm and collected about the whole thing and was methodical in his questioning of Zero. No, there weren't any windows (wasn't that already established?). No, there was no way out- the doors (of which there were three) were all attached to the bomb in the center of the room. No, he didn't see a timer, but there was that flashing light. And no, he had no idea why the mavericks would be so interested in protecting what was probably an almost-vacant broom closet.
That in turn led to the situation Zero found himself in at that moment: trying to disarm a bomb while Blues made a complete nuisance of himself without helping in the slightest. Pacing back and forth and complaining didn't count as 'help' in Zero's book. "Alright Zero, there should be three wires. Do you see them?" Alia questioned.
"Yup."
"Since when do you say 'yup'?" Blues muttered snidely, only to get another freezing glare.
"There should be a yellow wire. Do you see it?"
Zero stared down at the bomb in silence for a moment before he responded in a less-than-thrilled tone. "Alia, problem: they're all yellow."
"What?" It was rare that Alia was befuddled. As such Zero knew that whatever happened, the situation could not end well.
"Just what I said. All three wires are yellow."
"Well, crap."
"I've been saying that since the beginning," Blues griped.
"And nobody asked you since you're the one that got us in this mess," Zero snapped in return.
Alia gave a slightly exasperated sigh over the headset; a few hours of listening to Zero and Blues go back and forth was enough to give anyone a headache. "Zero, focus. Are there any differences in the wires?"
"Hold on…," he muttered as he cautiously poked at the wires, "No- wait. I can see a couple of the connections. I can't see the rest though."
"You mentioned something looking like a motherboard earlier. Are one of the wires fixed to that?"
"…Not really."
"What do you mean 'not really'?"
"It's kind of melted in place."
One of Blues's eyebrows arched above his trademark sunglasses, "Would it be a bad idea to just rip the thing apart if it's already slagged anyway?"
Alia's response made the silver-haired reploid's most scathing comments look like child's play. "If you want to blow yourself up by being a pea-brained, moronic monkey, be my guest. As it is, you're already looking at several severe penalties for this fiasco that you caused, Blues." It was funny the way relationships could get tangled up in situations where people were trapped (or had to listen to those that were trapped) for a prolonged period of time.
Continuing with the business at hand (regardless of whether or not Blues was in a huff about having been told off by Alia), Alia cleared his throat. "Zero, are any of the wires shorter than the others?" After a moment's checking, Zero gave the affirmative. "Cut it."
"Are you sure that won't blow us up and make us reploid-pancakes?" Whether Blues realized it or not, he was dangerously close to getting sentenced to the couch for a month and a half if he continued on like he was.
"Blues, if you don't shut up and let me do my job as your navigator, I swear to god that I'm going to beat you to within an inch of your life the next time I see you."
Trying desperately to ignore the bickering couple, Zero did as instructed. The blinking of the light immediately sped up in response. "…Alia, the light's blinking rapidly now-"
"GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE NOW!" Zero and Blues both rushed for one of the doors (unfortunately the same one) to try to make good their escape while they could. As they scrambled to get the door open the light continued blinking faster and faster. Blues chanced a look back to see the flickering of the light reach its peak before…
The light blipped out at the same moment Zero got the door open; losing his balance and almost falling on his face in the process. Blues, who had almost been leaning on Zero, lost his balance as well and landed on the blonde. The two of them went down in a tangle of limbs. However much they cursed and ranted at each other, both were thankful that the bomb hadn't gone off. It was a miracle in and of itself that their bickering didn't attract the mavericks that had been hunting them earlier.
The two of them slipped out of the maverick base as quickly as they could (after notifying Alia that yes, they were alive and could he at some point check on X and make sure he wasn't comatose?), before darting to their respective (hidden) ride-chasers. In perhaps the truest ironic twist of the whole ordeal, it was only after they were on their ride-chasers and had started to drive off, that the little room they'd been in exploded with more force than could have alone been in that single bomb. (It makes one wonder about the reasoning power and sanity of whatever mavericks rigged up half their base to explode.)
The ride back to base was otherwise uneventful. Their debriefing in Signas's office however, was the cause of much rumor-mongering several years after that event. If the more extreme rumors floating around the Maverick Hunter base are to be believed; Signas threatened to shave off all of Zero's hair while making Blues a eunuch at the same time, and Alia threatened to have a sex change back to being a woman just to spite Blues. Needless to say, the two of them were never assigned to work together on a mission ever again.
Review this warped piece of crap. You know it's weird enough to compel you to push the button…