"But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep." -Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

There is a difference between fear and panic.

Fear is the hand that twists your stomach into knots and whispers terrifying thoughts into your mind. Panic is the cold and long fingered nail that ices your blood responds to the fear already in your body and, in essence, confirms or denies your terror-filled fantasies. I have felt fear at the hand of Gozaburo, when he decided new methods of punishment on me without telling me what they would be. And I have felt panic too. Panic that I lost the trust of my little brother after pretending to be angry with him about a betrayal I devised. I have felt both of these things, but never strongly and never together.

But today, I do.

The prospect of this causes them to come together, a violent collision of gut wrenching fear and heart hammering panic. It tenses every muscle in my body as it reacts to the unfamiliar sensations working together. I can feel everything in this moment. The icy chill of air in a high place. I can feel the wind whip against me. I can feel my hands tremble ever so slightly at the idea that my worst fear may have come true. I had let my little brother down.

Nothing terrifies me more than that. I have had a few moments in my life where I worried I wasn't doing enough or saying enough to make him understand that I cared. That was scary for me, not just because letting myself feel emotions is difficult under any circumstance, but because it made me wonder if he ever doubted my love in the first place. I feared that the most, that in my relentless pursuit of a better life for us I would lose him in the process and not even realize it. But that hadn't happened. I kept him in sight the entire way. I said to myself, "This is why I'm fighting."

And so this is where I stand now, in the midst of a fight.

Only, it's not a fight anymore. It was at one point. But now, now it's several people trying to literally talk me off of a ledge. As if I would listen to them. The one voice that could have pulled me off of there was silenced, never to speak again after his soul was taken. The voice that was left was my own, from several years ago, repeating the phrases, "you should have protected him! You promised you would! You swore you would be a father to him! What kind of father lets his child get taken? How did you get so caught up in finding yourself that you lost sight of what was important?"

And that voice is right. I should have known. One game should not have distanced me from the last flesh and blood I had walking this earth. But I let it control me, and in the end, I lost far more than one card game. I let it take over my life. I was blinded by my desire to win and subsequently the shame of my loss that I forgot what was important. All I can think now is how could I have done that to him? The one person who always supported me no matter what I've done.

Mokuba.

Thinking of his face, of those slate gray eyes that were once filled with so much life, and are now empty and hollow shells makes me want to open my head up and soak my brain in bleach so that I never have to see that image again. I fought every day of my life since he was born to protect him, and now look at what has happened. Look at what I have done. This is my fault, just as much as it is Pegasus'. Even if he had still been kidnapped and I had been there, I could have felt like I had done something. But not this time. This time I was so swept up in being the best and losing a title that my brother paid the price for it. That wasn't right, it wasn't how things were supposed to go. I should be the one to pay that price. And now, I would make sure I did.

The wind whips around me, letting my jacket flap about in the wind. I glance around, take one last look around. I see the trees, parts of the castle from overhead, and the orange and pink color of the sunset. I breathe in, smelling musky forest and a very faint hint of salt air from the beach. I see the sunset one last time, and close my eyes. One breath in, one breath out, and I lean back and begin to fall.

I can hear screaming in the distance. I can hear people calling my name. But that doesn't matter anymore. The only thing I can focus on is the sense of peace growing through my chest. That soon, I will be with my little brother again. That's all I want. That's all I care about. I sense the ground fast approaching, but I do not brace myself for pain. A half a second of excruciating pain would be worth an eternity of peace. And then, the ground comes, and oh, the pain is worse than anything I have ever felt. But it only lasts a moment.

I open my eyes. There is a glowing light in the distance. And in the light, someone walking to me. I know who it is just by the shadow.

"Mokuba." The word is soft with my relief and my happiness.

"Seto!" He says, coming into view, looking just as he did before. He runs to me, and gives me a hug. I am glad to return it. The feel of him in my arms again brings me so much peace it's overwhelming. I run a hand through his thick black hair, and he eventually pulls away with a smile. "C'mon, Seto! Everyone is waiting for you!"

I blink. "Everyone?"

"Yeah! Mom and Dad, and Yugi is waiting to battle you for the crown! And don't forget that everyone at Kaiba Corp needs your instruction."

I start to smile. "What are we waiting for, then?"

He takes my hand in his, like when we were small children, and I don't let go. I need the reassurance that he is there just as much as he needs me. And together we walk into the light together. The closer I get, the happier I feel, and the more I see other figures waiting for me. My parents are there, smiling at me. Yugi is there, with his determined "It's-Time-To-Duel" look. Several members of Kaiba Corp are there, including Roland, who looks to be waiting for my instructions. The sights soothe me.

My father- my real father- walks over to me. "Welcome home, son."

Mother comes and puts a hand on my shoulder. "We have a lot of catching up to do."

I find myself smiling, genuinely smiling, for the first time in such a long while. I reach out to hug them, and I am reminded of the promise I made to my mother on her deathbed. The way I swore that I would save my little brother, that I would always protect him. I would keep that promise. I always would.

Just before I hug them, I wake up.

I am in my bed. I am not sweating as one would assume, merely breathing slightly more heavily. But my mind is sharp, fresh, and I remember that dream. More so, I remember my promise to my mother. I get up from my bed, throw on my robe, and walk through the manor I call home. I cross through the halls, across the hardwood floors, until I reach the door to my little brother's room, and I open it, thankful that the doors don't creak anymore like they used to. I poke my head inside.

It is still very early in the morning, the sun barely cresting over the horizon out his window. Thankfully it is my day off, and Mokuba doesn't have school today. My little brother is sleeping peacefully, chest rising and falling slowly and evenly. My promise echoes through my mind again. It had been several months since I dueled Yugi on Pegasus' castle rooftop. So much had changed since I risked my life for my brother. Unlike the dream though, I did not have to go through with my threat. The fight for my family had been won several times over. Not just by Pegasus, but by Marik's rare hunters, and then, by Noah, my stepbrother who tried to take him away from him. They all tried, and they all failed, because our family is stronger than any of them. Our bond is unbreakable. I carefully sit down on the edge of his bed, watching my little brother sleep, and remembering my promise. I memorize this moment, burn it into my memory for the next time he is away from me.

As if he sensed my presence, Mokuba rolled over, and one hand landed on my leg, and clutched at the fabric of my robe. I smile, because moments like these are what make everything worthwhile. I don't think I will be leaving for a while, so I lay back onto the pillows, and keep watch over my little brother.

Because I have a promise to keep, and I have a long time with my brother to go before I go into that dark sleep.