Stendan One shot.
Ste finds himself on a downward spiral when he starts to take drugs. His family are worried and when it effects his mind and Ste begins to have vivid dreams of Brendan, Sam tries to bring him back for real.
I wrote this after watching the recent HO scenes with Ste. A/N: Thank you to my guest reviewer for pointing out my mistake, it has now been corrected :D xx
This fic contains references to drug taking.
When Dreams Become Reality.
Sam rushes to grab Ste by his arm as he cruelly pulls it from her grasp. He's hardly been home in recent weeks, his distance from the family widening, they don't know where he goes from one day to the next. Ste ignores the calls and texts, turning up at the flat in a mess, he can't stay awake long enough to be a proper parent to his children. Sam and Danny have been taking care of them, but they ask questions, they want to know why their Dad isn't around as much and whether he even still loves them.
Sam has had enough this morning, finally catching up with her step son she is going to get to the bottom of the situation and end it.
"Get off me…" Ste seethes at her, doesn't think twice about it nowadays, he feels anger a lot. He's making his way to the restaurant when her interfering ways catch up on him again. Sam turns him around and Ste's stance tells her he couldn't care less what she thinks or says.
"What is going on with you? Have you been drinking?" It's an assumption on her part, but Ste has been acting out of character lately, as much character she has slowly come accustomed to anyway.
"Yeah so what of it?" Ste dismisses it, moves to open up the restaurant and tries to push Sam out. He gives in to her persistence eventually, he hasn't got the energy not too. Ste glances over his shoulder making sure she stays put and then moves to the back of the kitchen, fishing around boxes of wine he finds what he's after and quickly pockets it grabbing a bottle of wine. Sam is still stood waiting as he returns. Ste's eyes roll.
"Ya wanna drink? Pour yourself one, I have to…I need to go to the bathroom" Ste looks up at her and before she can answer he rushes into the bathroom. The door slams shut when he backs onto it limp. Pushing off Ste feels to the side of him.
The light flickers on, off and on again when he switches it and looks at himself in the mirror. The white powder spilt over the counter when the little bag opened and it went through his nose quickly as he sniffed it up, finger pressed tightly at his nostril as he consumed the drugs swiftly. It feels weird when it goes up, horrible, and makes him cough and sniff uncontrollably. He sneezed and sneezed the first time he tried and it ended up everywhere. The regret he felt waking up that first time, he grabbed the empty film wrap and looked at it like it was a daft dream. It wasn't though.
Now Ste has been taking it a lot longer and is used to the strange feeling it produces. He dreams now, even with his eyes wide open. He sees him, he waits for him to appear, so he can yell and shout or cry and sob. It's different each time, one minute he's happy the next sad or angry. The world floats by instead of being solid and firm. It moves in strange shapes, lights and sounds aren't the same. People change too.
Ste looks into the mirror and as if by magic Brendan appears behind him. Ste sways his head and grins, but then he sees the disappointment on Brendan's face, the disappointment in him and he can't bare it, he scrunches up his face.
"Don't ya judge me!" Ste yells at his image and he doesn't reply, Ste holds his hands on either side of the mirror. There's a knock on the door and Ste swings around quickly. Wipes his hand up his nose sniffs again.
"Why are ye doing this?" Brendan's voice echoes round the bathroom.
"Why did you leave me?" Ste snaps in insolence
"This isn't the answer ye know"
Ste looks up at the mirror eyes shaking when they sheen over his voice cracks "Why did you have to go Brendan?" Ste sniffs and a tear rolls down his cheek when his eyes close.
"Ste? Ste please open the door, we need to talk" Sam pounds at the bathroom door
"Go away!"
"Please Ste, just five minutes yeah? Please" Sam's desperate pleas make Ste feel ashamed, his eyes look down at his hands that are shaking and when he glances up again the image of Brendan has long gone. His feet drag to the door sliding the bolt across Sam almost falls into the bathroom she had been leaning that heavy against it.
Ste huffs and straightens himself out, back of his hand smoothing across his nose, it prickles annoyingly. Ste blindly pushing into Sam he falls onto one of the restaurant chairs. His body spasms with it, the light headed effects spins him out so much his eyes roll white.
"Ste…are you okay?" Sam looks at Ste concerned and her hand tilts Ste's head to look at her.
"Yep, just peachy ta." Ste's head jolts as he fights the urge to sleep "I've lost everything, but I'm happy, gotta be right?"
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and pull yourself together! Your kids need you!" Sam sits in front of Ste, whose eyes keep closing. "What is wrong with you?"
"I'm just drunk is all" Ste slurs his words, eyes closing heavier each time they do "He's witty ya know? And has this dead funny moustashe"
"Who? Ste what are you talking about?"
"Him!" Ste points behind Sam at Brendan who's stood there looking at him. Sam turns around and sees nothing but the restaurant tables and chairs. "You know he's like, proper…Fit too" Ste giggles fighting the sleepy feeling that threatened to take over. "He did things to my body, I mean wow"
"Look Ste, I am gonna get Danny and come back and…"
"NO…look I just need to be alone. I will come home later, promise" Ste slumped over the chair "I love him…I love…Bre"
Sam stood up and sighed heavy, looking back at Ste who had now fallen asleep, she moved out of the restaurant to find Danny.
"Brendan…?"
Ste jolts awake finding himself on the cold floor of the restaurant, mind hazy eyes dilated. His nose tingles from the powder that's been smeared by the back of his hand. Ste groans and tries to get up onto his feet, he's weak and wobbles as he corrects his posture.
Around him his vision blurs and moves elongated. Makes him feel sick, he rushes to the sink and vomits into it, stomach retching it convulses. Ste turns on the tap and washes away the remnants of yet another night he's taken a hit. Deep down Ste knows he shouldn't do it, knows its bad for him, but it takes the hurt away, makes things seem better, he forgets to even care.
The loneliness hits him again now as the drugs begin to subside, it's replaced by something new, a craving he's never experienced before. It makes his body ache in need, he scrambles to the box of wine under the counter again and clanks the bottles around loudly, he has to find some, there must be some left. Ste gets desperate moving the bottles out they roll all over the floor as he crawls on his knees to find a small ball filled with white powder.
Ste sighs with relief, it's okay now, it will soon feel better again. A tear rolls down his cheek as he stares at the tiny wrapper in his hand. When did it become so bad, when did he become so desperate the only solace is now with drugs coursing through his system. Ste's fingers shake when he opens it, the cling film rips and it spills over the floor.
"No…no" Ste cries as more tears fall he crouches low to the floor and sniffs the white powder up his nostrils till it goes all white behind his eyes. The room spins quickly as he falls backwards. Legs curled up on the floor he looks up at the ceiling dancing in strange movements. He turns his head to the side mesmerized by it and laughs pointing up at it. There's a bang, and movement around him that he doesn't even flinch at. The kitchen door swings open and a clamber of feet.
"Ste!" Sam and Danny grab Ste up to his feet as he watches the ceiling still laughing
"Look at it, it's dancing though! Dancing on the ceiling! Ha ha"
"Oh Ste, what have you done!" Sam's face drops as she looks at the remnants of white powder all over the floor and Danny who's scared out of his mind "Let's get him home"
Danny nods placing Ste's arm over his shoulder they move him out of the restaurant. A few of the residents of the village stare in disapproval at Ste pointing and looking down their noses at him and the state he's in. Ste doesn't notice though, his laughing now turned to tears again. He hates himself, hates how he even got here, he knows he's being dragged somewhere, not sure where though.
He turns to look at Sam and when she speaks it sounds distorted like they're under water. "Amy?" He asks, "Is that you?"
Sam sighs heavy "No love, it's me Sam, we are getting you home" Sam stretches her neck to look at Danny
"He's taken something"
"What has he taken? How the hell did he get hold of drugs?"
Ste falls on the sofa and jolts his head back, he feels anger now at being manhandled like this "E'yar don't treat me like this! Where's me kids? I want to see me kids!" Ste shouts at Sam who's now knelt in front of him.
"Ste what have you taken?"
"Nothing! Where are my kids?!"
Danny sits on the arm of the sofa and looks to the side "They've gone. We had to send them home, Ste they can't see you like this"
"You've done what?!"
Sam stops Ste from moving "Is it coke? Have you taken cocaine? Ste?" Sam shakes Ste enough to make him look at her, his eyes are red and swollen as tears fall again.
"They've gone…Leah and Lucas? I had to protect them though, from Fraser"
"He's gone now though, remember?" Sam pulls Ste into a hug "What can I do to help?"
"This making ye happy is it?" Brendan speaks again, Ste looks up quickly
"Brendan?"
Sam moves Ste back to look at him, his face pale, eyes blank and blinking slowly. Ste's mouth is open slightly as his thoughts pain him. He's there again, stood by the door, not moving or talking now, just there.
"Hey, who's Brendan?" Sam whispers, "Can he help?"
Ste nods slowly still looking through Sam into another world he once lived in and cruelly lost. Ste smiles suddenly and moves his eyes to hers.
"Him over there yeah, he's the love of me life. He left me though…jus went away" Ste's eyes close as Sam shakes him awake again. Looks behind her and feels frustration she can't see what Ste perceives to be real. Sam isn't stupid though, she knows it's hallucinations Ste is having.
"What choice did I have Steven? Ye think I wanted to leave ye?"
"I know that, you could have let me see you though Brendan!"
"Stay with me Ste." Sam speaks looking into Ste's eyes "Him, who? I can't see anyone, who are you talking too?
Ste points to the door "There! Are ya blind?" Ste whispers then moving close to Sam as if trying to be secretive "I keep seeing him when I take that stuff, he talks to me,sometimes" Ste's eyes close again and his head falls backwards and then jolts forwards again, he giggles with it.
Sam sighs and shakes her head "Ste, how long have you been taking it? Listen to me, that stuff is bad for you. You need to stop"
"But…he's here now."
"No, it's not real, what you can see is a side effect the drugs cause"
"You ain't taking him away from me!" Ste shouts and pushes at Sam, Danny grabs his arms until he calms down again.
Ste looks at Sam, head swaying eyes fluttering as he tries in vein to stay awake. "Instead of in prison, he's with me"
"Brendan, he's in prison? What's his name?" Sam shakes Ste awake again "Ste! What's his name?!" Ste slumps on the sofa limp, mouth open. Sam grits her teeth trying to hold back tears, her hand moves to a cushion, which she places under Ste's head gently. Her gaze trails to Danny.
"Who is this man he's on about? Has he even mentioned him before?"
"Not to me he hasn't, but someone in the village will know wont they? Brendan, that's a name someone else will remember"
"Right, let him sleep it off, he's gonna wake with a bad head and feel like absolute crap." Sam shakes her head "Why the hell did we not notice he was taking it?" Sam sits hard on the sofa as Danny pulls her into a tight hold, his hand on her shoulder.
"We had Perry, and then this thing with Tegan and Fraser...I just didn't notice" Danny answers and his words burn, too busy to notice.
"Yeah, well...Tony. I'll ask Tony, he's known Ste the longest, find out who this Brendan is. He better not have a part in this cause I'll wring his bloody neck!" Her voice shakes as she speaks, standing up from the sofa she looks at Ste who looks peaceful as he sleeps.
"You keep an eye on him, and for gods' sake don't let him out of your sight! He will wake needing more drugs, but we can't let him leave"
Danny walks up to Sam as she is leaving "Wait, I can't hold him against his will."
"You want him addicted? Cause let me tell you this; I've seen what that stuff can do to a person. It destroys lives" Sam warns Danny and points back to a deathly white looking Ste "Keep him here, I will be back soon"
"Tony" Sam moves past Tony as he opens the door to his flat, he turns and watches her enter his home like she owns the place then closes his door.
"Sam? What's going on, is it Sinead?"
"No, it's Ste. I've just found him in the restaurant coked up to his eyeballs. Where were you when it was happening?"
"Hey now hang on a minute, I was here with Diane and the kids, and there's no way Ste would take drugs"
"Tell that to the desperate man curled up on my sofa, he's in a mess." Sam walks away then moves close to Tony again "Look, he's been speaking in riddles, I need your help"
"Anything" Tony gestures to the sofa for Sam to sit down "What do you need to know?"
"You've known Ste many years right? Have you heard of Brendan?"
"Oh" Tony relaxes back into the sofa "What's he done now then?"
"Ah, you do know him. Who is he Tony?"
"He used to live in the village, he went down for the murder of his father"
Sam's eyes widened "Murder? Why the hell is Ste talking about him like a love sick teenager then?"
"They were together that's why; they had a turbulent relationship that went on a couple years. Before they parted though, they became a family, Ste was so happy with Brendan. Then, the things went wrong, I don't really know the entire story but things unfolded at the club, and Brendan got sent down. Ste hasn't been the same since Brendan left" Tony sighed and got up to make a drink
"Want one?" Tony poured a drink for himself and when Sam nodded grabbed her a glass too.
"Just a small one thanks. So, they were in a relationship. Why has he never mentioned him?" Sam was trying to understand the situation, instead she was more confused than ever.
"Probably hurts too much, he has to me, but you can see the pain behind his eyes, Ste is still in love with Brendan, always will be"
"You don't look happy about it" Sam realises taking a sip of her drink, her finger gestures to Tony and his disapproving face
"You think him back in Ste's life would prove a bad idea?"
Tony laughed and shook his head "Nah, Ste would be able to breathe again if Brendan was back. Never gonna happen though, he just gets on with it, has no other choice does he?"
Sam looked up over her glass at Tony and thought deeply. "Problem is all these little upsets in his life have become so painful he's got himself in a bad way. If, if this Brendan can help then I will go out of my way to make it happen"
Tony splutters on his drink in disbelief "Yeah? How? He's in for life, whether or not he did it it's..."
"Wait...he's innocent!?" Sam looked at Tony who couldn't do anything other than shrug "Ste says he is"
"What's his name?"
"Brady, Brendan Brady"
"What is he doing here?" Leela walks in and folds her arms at the state of Ste on the sofa, her loud voice rouses Ste. His mouth feels dry and difficult to swallow. Ste moves up, head pounding. His hands come up to his face as it hangs heavy.
"Can ya just shut up" Ste snaps rubbing his face, his face white as a sheet and dark red circles around his eyes.
"You look like death warmed up" Leela replies then shakes her head at her dad who has a drink of water for Ste. Leela stomps loudly up the stairs and to Ste it sounds like a pack of elephants have descended in his head.
"He shouldn't be here!"
"What so you'd leave your own brother to rot? He needs us, look at the state of him! This is a cry for help" Danny snaps and sits next to Ste helping him take a drink, he coughs with it and looks at Danny. His eyes are glazed over, distant.
"Where's me kids?"
"Ste remember what we told you before? They've gone home, they can't…"
"See me like this" Ste cries again "I lost them anyway didn't I?" Ste places his head on Danny's shoulder "I lose everyone I love" Ste whispers and closes his eyes and sniffs up, his hand wipes at his nose again.
"I erm…need to go. Left somet at the restaurant" Ste searches his pockets, just in case he left some stuff in them, he thought he had done but they're empty.
"No, Ste you cannot leave here. Sam's gonna be back soon"
Ste wriggles in Danny's strong grip "No, no I have to…let me go"
Danny refuses to let go and Ste looks at him again "Please, it hurts. I need it. I will feel better again then. Ya don't want me in pain right?"
"First tell me about Brendan" Danny asks changing tactics, Ste immediately stops moving and snaps his neck to look at the door. Where is he? He's disapeared again.
"I can't, he's gone. Let me…let me just take that stuff and I will show you."
"Ste, that stuff is playing tricks on you, your mind is being scrambled, there's only us here, and Leela is upstairs"
"No! Brendan is here, I see him, I get him back again, please" Ste begs Danny to let him go, Ste hits him, its quick and Danny is taken aback by the force of it loosening his grip Ste bolts up and moves out of the doors quickly.
Danny holds his jaw and groans lifting himself up from the sofa he rushes to find Ste but he's gone. The village packed full of people wandering around getting on with their lives while Ste is somehow lost into the crowd.
Ste runs and runs, ending up at the local park he settles down on a bench there and folds his arms across his stomach rocking into them over and over, the pain is so bad now, the craving spanning through his body at a hundred miles an hour. He feels sick with it, needs to take some more, it helps. A dog passes by and sniffs at Ste's trainers, he kicks at it and it barks, but it's not normal. It sounds distorted and in slow motion, he holds his ears and slants his eyes.
"No...stop it. Stop barking!" The dog's owner mouths profanities at Ste and grabs their dog walking off. There's people looking at him, all over the place, they're everywhere and surrounding him. Ste panics and stands up stumbling on his way. Ste needs to get to the restaurant, needs some more.
He knows it's wrong, so very wrong, but Brendan has gone again and that's worse. Needs to get him back, he needs to get to the restaurant quickly, before anyone sees him. Ste wobbles as he runs, smacking into random people who yell at him for being druggy scum and push him out of the way. Ste's vision deteriorates as his heart beat races, his breathing is shallow the more he runs, he can't catch his breath. He falls and cracks his head on the pavement and everything goes black.
"Where is he?" Sam cries at Danny as she meets him in the middle of the village, he's desperate to find him. Having already looked at the restaurant, he wasn't there. Sam pushes Danny angrily she knows what he's trying to find, and the more he takes the worse it gets for him.
"I am sorry, I tried. He wants to see Brendan, it's all he's focusing on, it…that stuff makes Ste see him"
"I know, I figured as much, he's delusional. We have to get him medical help."
Sam looks all around her not knowing where to even start. She grabs her radio and calls in a favour.
"Detective Lomax looking for suspect Steven Hay, white male, wearing a grey tracksuit, brown hair, blue eyes, he's wanted for questioning" Sam looks at Danny who widens his eyes.
"I've no choice Danny! We need to get him to safety" Sam listens to her radio crackle
"Suspect was found on the street, unconscious male matching your description. He's been taken to hospital"
"Fuck!" Sam swears and replies on the radio looking back at her husband "Right, you go. Don't let him out of your sight!"
"Wait" Danny grips Sam's arm "Where are you going?"
"To find Brendan, who else?"
It didn't matter how long he'd been inside; the noise of the doors slamming still made his body wince. Footsteps had now become recognisable; the hard tap of patient leather on stone floor, made with confidence, with arrogance only the prison guards would dare to hold within them. The majority of inmates would argue it was in defense, as any weakness shown would only result in them losing status amongst them.
Then the soft squeak of cheap trainers would be heard, either in quick succession or forlorn, like it didn't matter where it went. It wouldn't get to see the answers its owner desperately wanted. No matter where they ended up, a wall would be on the horizon. Brendan shifted slightly on his bed, it was hard and uncomfortable. The sheets were scratchy and worn out. Comfort couldn't be found in here, this place where he languished.
The only happiness he found was through his memories of Steven, he had them locked up deep inside his heart and mind, had too for fear of losing them to this place scared him. He's lost Steven physically, he wouldn't from memory, he couldn't.
The leather shoes gained on his door, and Brendan half expected them to pass by like they always had. Not this time though, this time they stopped. Brendan's heartbeat slowed, what did they want. Was it Cheryl? Was it Steven? Brendan shifted his legs over the side slowly in time with the door moving ajar. His breath caught, if it were Steven, how would he cope with the news. He was all he had keeping him going, that one day he'd see his face again.
The guard walked in and stood arms folded looking at Brendan with contempt like he was beneath him, like he wasn't worth anything. Brendan was used to the treatment of course, however the thought of wiping the look off this man's face became more appealing the longer he stared.
"Up Brady" The guard barked impatiently like he had something better to be doing with his time. Brendan doubted that.
"Why?"
"Don't answer me back, who are you? A scummy murderer that's what, now…UP"
The guard unfolded his arms and pointed at Brendan who nodded slowly standing up. The best thing about prison, and there wasn't much to be fair, was the facilities. Brendan had spent a long time at the gym, working his body to perfection. He moved and his muscle flexed. He was tall too and towered over this guard enough to easily swat him like a fly.
The guard however intimidated moved back a step to look up at Brendan. He smiled and fingered over his moustashe and into his beard. That motion just wasn't possible anymore, his beard had taken over his face too much, despite that he still felt that urge to gain strength from his moustashe stroking. The guard looked back puzzled.
"What do ye want from me?" Brendan leaned close to the man "And that's right, I AM a murderer"
"Detective here to see you, how the hell should I know? Your other crimes come back to haunt you no doubt, now move Brady"
Brendan felt the man push quickly on his shoulder, moving him out of the cell a hundred eyes all attacked his vision. Inmates whispered and pointed as he walked past. No one dare speak to him; Brendan had made sure in the early days no one was going to mess with him this time around. The iron gates slammed open and shut as he was led to the visiting room, Brendan leaned in to see a blond haired woman sat there looking like she was worried. He had no idea who she was or what she was even doing here.
As he was led over, the woman looked up at Brendan who felt sincerity for her obvious pain. Her hand gestured to the seat in front of her at the other side of the desk. She dismissed the guard who in turn protested. The woman was having none of his backchat and stood to reiterate her words. Brendan glanced back at him and smirked with a glorious moment of revenge.
They sat down and stared at each other, Brendan shrugged eventually and his hands moved around in that gesturing movement he loved to do.
"Ye gonna speak? I mean we could sit here in silence, but really…where's the fun in that?"
"He said you were witty" The lady smiled at Brendan who circled his head up
"He? He who?"
"My name is Samantha Lomax, I am a detective. You may know my step son, Steven Hay?" Sam watched Brendan's face change and light up like she'd just given him reason to live again. Sam smiles then, obvious what he means to this man before her.
"S..Steven. Is he…is he…?"
"He's…" Sam swallows "There has been problems"
"Tell me!" Brendan shouts and slides his chair out from behind him screeching the metal on the floor. Sam doesn't flinch but her expression tells Brendan he won't get away with such outbursts with her. So he sits back down again rubbing at his temple.
"Just, tell me he's okay. Please"
"Ste, he needs…you" Sam sighs and looks at the man in front of her, can't quite believe Ste even knows this man let alone loved, loves.
"Why are ye here? Can you not see where I am? How the hell do I help him from here?" Brendan points at Sam in anger
"Jesus you always been this whiney?" Sam asked shaking her head "Thought you loved him?"
"I do, he means the world to me"
"I pulled strings to be here. Can I be honest?" Sam watches Brendan open his hands in agreement, he has nothing to lose, he wants to hear about Steven now, in fact he needs to know.
"I didn't know what else to do, he keeps mumbling things, seeing things, you he sees you. And it's obviously something that is affecting him. I wanted to know who the man in his dreams were"
Brendan scrunches up his brow and moves his fingers towards Sam closing his eyes "Let me get this straight, you're here because Steven has been dreaming about me? I dream about him too, I don't see people worrying about me"
Sam angers and points back at Brendan "Ste has problems with drugs. He's taking Cocaine…now do I have your bothered attention?"
"Drugs? What? No, no" Brendan stands up and paces the room "Steven wouldn't do that, ye have the wrong person"
"Do I? Leah Lucas, his kids? Slim body, golden skin…"
Brendan interrupts her before she can finish "Okay, I am listening"
Ste is in and out of consciousness, not sure where the hell he is even. Shapes move around him like dark shadows. They appear and re appear, like smoke they swirl as his hand reaches out to try and stop them. They don't stop though and Ste tries to gain control of his mind when it becomes more distorted in vision and sound. A hand eventually holds his and squeezes softly. The bed lowers as the person sits next to him.
Ste looks there; his eyes flutter as he tries to stay awake enough to know who is with him.
"Please, who are you?"
"Steven…I am sorry I left ye"
"Brendan?" Ste sobs as tears fall down his cheeks "I have been waiting for you" He turns his face to the side and rubs the back of his hand across his nose
"They say the drugs make me see you, It's not true, right?"
"I am here…ye are in hospital"
"Brendan's in prison. He left me, he left me"
"I regret it every day Steven, I never wanted this. Taking drugs, are ye crazy? The kids, ye could lose them"
"I have lost them, and you. This isn't real is it?"
"If I kissed ye, would ye believe this to be real then?"
"No…"
"Why?"
"We kiss in my dreams all the time" Ste smiles then, can't help it, the giddy feeling gives him tummy flutters.
"Yeah? All the time do we?"
"Stop it…this isn't fair"
Ste listens but there's no reply. "Brendan?"
"It's me, your Dad" Danny holds Ste's hand and Ste turns to look at him, a tear rolls down his face.
"It's not fair Dad, it's not…fair"
Danny moves to hold Ste tightly stroking his hair gently. He turns to see Sam standing against the open door looking with pity at Ste. She mouths for Danny to follow her. As he does Ste falls back to sleep again. He kisses him on his forehead and moves out of the room.
"He's been dreaming again, having conversations" Danny looks through the window at Ste. "I am worried about his state of mind"
"I found him, Brendan" Sam moves them to sit down and looks around her "I've spoken to him." Sam watches Danny's face shock at her words
"Really? What happened?"
"I had to see what he was like first; you know make sure he was safe. After speaking with him I realise how much he loves Ste. There's not a lot he can do from inside though" Sam bites her lip and finds it oddly helpful, no wonder Ste does the motion so much she thinks. Danny's words bring her back in the room.
"And he is…safe?" Danny asks for confirmation
"Well I wouldn't want to cross him, but as far as Ste is concerned, we've nothing to worry about" Sam swallows under the scrutiny of Danny's gaze "He wants to see Ste"
"Can that even happen? I thought you said he was in for murder?"
"Hmm, well he is, but with good behaviour, maybe I could swing visits for ill family...I don't know. I have no answers" Sam looks towards Ste's room. "It might not be possible. What do you think, should we wait till he's better?"
Danny stands up and takes Sam with him "Look, all he does is dream about him, if he really turns up won't it have a bad effect once Brendan has to leave again?" Danny looks at Sam who sighs.
"Never thought of that. He talks to him all the time. I think it broke Ste when Brendan left"
His hand moves over the cool cotton bed sheet to Ste's hand and smoothes across it, feels cold, clammy, lifeless.
"Steven?" Brendan chokes then clears his throat. "Steven?"
Ste doesn't move at first so Brendan sits on the chair by the bed.
"I can't believe this is really ye" Brendan speaks and looks over Ste's pale features.
"Will ye wake up, then I can see your beautiful eyes again"
Ste does begin to stir making Brendan stand up and sit beside him. "Steven?"
"Can you please stop…don't you know that this is killing me?" Ste cries in a low voice, his heart breaking.
"How do ye mean Steven? Please open your eyes"
"You're not real, go away, go away"
"I am real!" Brendan squeezes his hand again "See"
"I know this is a dream" Ste moves his head to the side and tries to open his eyes, they're so heavy feels like weights are attached to them.
Brendan edges close to Ste's face and speaks softly "Feel my breath on your lips, and now tell me this is a dream"
"No…it's not… it's the drugs…they make me see you"
Brendan kisses Ste's lips and moves his tongue between Ste's tight held lips "Open your mouth"
Ste moans trying to shake off the dream, but it feels so real. Ste opens his mouth a little and before he can even think Brendan's tongue is warm in his mouth exploring him, Ste gasps and responds quickly. His eyes open and meet shining blue ones.
Ste pushes away, it can't be.
"Brendan?"
"I promise ye, I am here"
"Oh god" Ste whimpers and brings Brendan back down into another kiss, the force of it has Brendan draping over Ste's body. Ste's arms tighten around his neck and holds them in the kiss, deeper and deeper till they can barely breathe.
Ste lets go again and tears fall down his face, Brendan thumbs them away but his own mix with them. They stay close staring at each other the longest time until Ste breaks the silence.
"I'm waiting"
"What for?"
"For you to disappear" Ste sniffs stroking Brendan's face and around his beard, he laughs through his sobs. "You always did look good in a beard" His voice whispers now, unable to stop himself choking up.
"Look, I don't have much time, and okay, I will be going again…but listen"
Ste moved his face to the side as more tears fell "It's ok, you always leave me anyway, it always happens. I need to take more, then maybe you will always be here"
"Ye listen to me Steven Hay, ye are never ever taking drugs again. So help me god, I will spend my life making up my past mistakes to ye, but first ye gotta fight this" Brendan turned Ste's face to look at him again.
"I love ye, so fucking much, I cannot bare seeing ye like this, my beautiful man"
"Brendan would never say that to me, he'd never…"
"Ye think because I never said it, I never thought it?" Brendan held Ste's face in his hands and kissed him again softly "Ye are perfect" through the tears and soft sobs, Ste soon whimpered into Brendan's mouth.
"I love you, Brendan. Don't leave me again."
"I have too…"
"No…no"
Brendan thumbed over Ste's closed eyes
"Look at me"
"Stay with me now" Ste tugged on Brendan's clothes and darted his head quickly Brendan sighed heavy and pressed his lips at Ste's forehead
"Remember my promise, I will be back, I will save ye Steven."
Ste swallowed and laughed "See…told ya you'd leave, Just get lost will ya!" Ste shoved at Brendan's chest turning to look away from him. Brendan moved off the bed leaving Ste to fall asleep again.
Sam's at Ste's bedside, holding his hand as he writhed around in and out of sleep having painful withdrawals. He turns and looks at her pleadingly "Help me…you can get some. I know it, I know it."
"Bring him back again" Ste whispers barely coherent.
"Ste, I can't do that, It will get better, I promise" Sam looks down into Ste's watering eyes.
"Noo…he was here…"
"Ste, who do you think was here with you a moment ago?"
"Brendan, he lies. Liar!" Ste sits up at points to the door "You PROMISED ME!"
"Ste, Please calm down" Sam held Ste closely "Let us help you"
"No he doesn't….he's torturing me, keeps appearing and disappearing. Saying he'll stay. He's in prison, stupid idiot knows nothing"
"We are gonna get you out of here, into a better place" Sam rocks Ste who is in tears again, begging Sam to help him.
Ste's shivering, cant stop himself, so damn cold like ice. In fact he feels like he's at the north pole without actually wanting to be there. His eyes flicks open and shut, trembling the light on the ceiling is one of those long ones, an oblong shape. Ste wonders if it switched on right now if it would do that mad fluctuating light before turning on completely. Ste is confused, Where was he, he certainly didn't recognise the place, it was different to the last room he's woken up in.
Brendan was there, he remembers and ghosts his fingers over his lips, his eyes close Brendan was kissing him, on his mouth with a hunger he'd almost forgotten. Ste had been having lots of dreams and visions of Brendan, and each time the elation of having him there was crushed by the knowledge he'd leave again, over and over. Ste couldn't bare it anymore, his body ached with the withdrawals of drugs, he knew he had to fight it, but it hurt, it hurt so badly. Now it was leaving his system, Brendan's appearances were becoming less frequent and Ste missed his presence even if it was fake, fake dreams fake promises, fake everything.
Then Ste realised he wasn't alone and looked to the side of him, his vision zoomed like a long bubble being dragged along the sky, a little blurry and filled with water. He could just about make out Sam and Danny. And he shifted a little trying to sit himself up properly. Their voices were so strange, he wanted to fine tune his ears so he could hear again properly.
They were talking, to a doctor, at least he thinks so because he's wearing white. It's about him, can't quite make it out but his name is mentioned.
"I can't understand ya, you're wasting your time" Ste shrugs then noticed he was sat up, he rubbed hard at his eyes in the hope they would finally focus. It was a hospital room, of sorts. Not the same as last time though.
"How long have I been here?" Ste turned to Sam shakily
"A while, you've had bad withdrawals, and we moved you to this place. It's a clinic. And erm…" Sam looked at Danny who nodded encouragement
"Ste you keep having conversations with someone who isn't there"
Ste shook his head slowly and pointed to them in anger "You, you are doing this on purpose. I told ya I see him and now you're making things up"
Sam moved to the side of the bed and gripped Ste's hand "You were on a downward spiral, and during the times you were bad, all you did was speak of Brendan"
"Of course I did" Ste's voice lowered "He was with me"
Sam shook her head at Ste even though she wanted more than anything his dreams to be true "You thought he was...the times you saw him it wasn't real. They were illusions brought on by the drugs, I think deep down you know that"
Ste shook his head "No,well maybe. It was real some of the time, had to be cause I felt him." He felt across his lips "He kissed me, how could I feel that if it wasn't real?
Danny stood close behind Sam "This all wont make much sense at the moment, but you are going to get better" Ste looked up at Sam and Danny a while processing his thoughts.
"Where is he then? Brendan? I'm confused" Ste rubbed at his aching head
Danny closed his eyes, head turned to the ceiling in frustration "I can't work out if he's getting better or worse Sam, he's still delusional"
Ste shook his head at them, then the room began to spin again. "Stop talking about me like I'm not here!"
"We're not, we are just concerned for your health"
"Look, can I have some water?"
Sam grabbed Danny's hand and led him away. After a while a nurse entered and passed Ste a drink of water. He sipped at it and placed it on the side. Closing his eyes again his head fell on to the pillow.
"Don't ye think you've slept enough?"
Ste moved his head up quickly and looked around, all he could see was the nurse stretching up to adjust the blinds, as they opened the sunlight filled the room. His eyes squinted, why was the light so blinding, it hung around his eyes like a permanent haze. Ste swung his hands in front of him, the smokey vision was back again, it annoyed him.
"Did you just speak to me?"
Ste asked the nurse who looked at him puzzled the way he was acting. She was rude with her attitude shaking her head she left the room. Ste covered his face, was he going mad? Why couldn't all this just stop now, he'd had enough.
"Steven, ignorance is rude"
"Right! That's it, show yourself or I swear…"
""Ye shouldn't swear, your mouth is far too beautiful" Brendan moved from under the bed and laughed holding his arms up shrugging.
Ste moved to leave the bed "Why was you under there?…I'm dreaming again aren't I?"
Ste rubbed his eyes, the sun was getting thicker, and he needed his eyes to focus on what he was seeing.
"Steven" Ste looked back at Brendan quickly and swallowed "I don't have much time"
"No I don't understand, how is he even here?" Ste looked at the door and then to look at Brendan again "How are you here?"
"You're getting better" Brendan told him
"Am I?"
Ste crawled back onto the bed staring at Brendan. Brendan edged up the mattress to sit near Ste. He held his hand out and Ste took it and brought it to his face. Brendan's thumb swept across his cheek.
"I miss you so much my heart hurts every day" Ste admitted, his eyes closed.
"I'm sorry ye had to question your life enough to do this to yourself" Brendan moved closer and Ste crept into his hold straddling his legs over Brendan's they hugged tightly.
"I don't want to live without you anymore. If I'm getting better, you wont come back"
Brendan didn't answer.
"Let me visit you, please"
"Steven…it's not the life I want for ye"
"It's my choice, you think it's easy living without you?" Ste met Brendan's gaze and watched his mouth open slightly.
"It's not been easy for me either"
"Why not just appeal?" Ste held Brendan closer, pressing into his body. "Sam will help us, I know it…please"
"What if it doesn't work?"
"Then we fight" Ste held Brendan back "Fight for us"
Brendan tilted Ste's chin up to join their lips together and moved them down onto the bed gently.
"Remember how I used to touch ye?"
Ste wrapped his legs around the back of Brendan and moved their bodies together.
"Remember how we ached for each other?" Brendan whispers "That tremble when I push inside ye"
"Don't…" Ste stroked his hand between them and over Brendan's groin. "I remember everything""
"How can I let you go?" Ste asked sobbing cradling inside Brendan's arms again.
"I will send visiting orders, but only if ye promise ye wont fall back into old habits"
"I won't, I have you in my life again, right?" Ste asked looking up at Brendan
"Right?" Ste suddenly felt frightened.
Brendan was gone.
Ste woke up and looked at the light of his bedroom ceiling. His eyes blinked a while till the sleep was gone. Ste was home. Ste could hear voices downstairs as he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. His head didn't hurt anymore. It felt better again. Ste smiled and stood up, spring in his step. He walked over to the mirror and reached into his top fishing out the shiny cross that hung around his neck.
It gleamed as it span; Ste kissed it and moved to get dressed. After bounding down the stairs Ste hugged Sam tightly who smiled in response.
"Good to have you back" Sam winked and Danny held his hand up
"I second that!"
"Has my visiting order come yet?" Ste asked quizzically, he looked around at everyone who looked blankly at him.
"Visiting order? Who are you planning on visiting?"
Ste's smile fell into an open mouth. It couldn't have been.
"Please tell me, how long was I in hospital for?"
"Month or so, you were barely conscious half the time." Danny stands up slowly looking between Ste and Sam, his face says it all, and Ste backs off.
"No, no. Brendan was real. Please tell me he was real?" Ste begins to hyperventilate and Sam rushes to his side.
"Ste, you've only been home a couple of days"
Ste gasps.
Sam takes Ste over to the table in their lounge and sits him down. Both her hands cradle over his shaking ones, she sees the colour drain from him in such a way it worries her. "Ste, have you been seeing Brendan again?"
"I can't do this" Ste feels tears wobble down his cheek "How can I be without him, he felt so real. I believed...I believed it"
"I don't know...I don't know what I can do...Ste?" Sam watches the life light go out of Ste's eyes as he sits there in front of her.
"What's the point to everything if I don't get to see him anymore?"
"Brendan loves you" Sam speaks quickly, low in volume and captures Ste's watering eyes when he looks up. Instantly colour flushes in his cheeks.
"When you first started to see him, I went to the prison" Sam confesses and Ste can't believe his ears
"You saw my Brendan?" Ste wipes his eyes "Is he Ok?"
"Yes love he was worried about you, and if he could have been here...I'm sure he would have in a heart beat" Her hands tighten around Ste's frail hands, he moves them and quickly stands up, determination in his eyes.
"He was..." Ste speaks under his breath
"I need your help, take me there. I have to make him see yeah, make him change his mind" Sam tilts her head and looks with fondness at Ste, her small smile bringing comfort to Ste.
"How? Tell me how I can help?"
"He's innocent Sam, I swear to you. It's complicated, but I know, I know there's things he's keeping secret, things that will free him" Ste is pacing around eyes imploring he looks at Sam again.
"Okay" She whispers, "Let's go see him"
"Sweetheart, I want to help you, but what if he doesn't want to do this?"
Sam is stood at the prison gates with Ste, he's told her everything. All the dreams he had, the times he believed were real, none of it happened except in his mind. He's determined, if he can survive that, he can survive anything.
"He will" Ste smiles at her "I have a feeling. He will see me, he has no choice right?"
Sam laughs then "That's right, he doesn't" The squeeze she has over Ste's hand is reciprocated as they walk to the building.
Sam smiles when Brendan walks into the room again, and sees a change in him. He has a look of belief about him, not as weighted down as last time. Brendan looks hopeful as he sits arms out in front of him waiting for her to speak.
"How's Steven?"
"He's doing better, he's asking to see you"
Brendan's face drops as he thinks, "Is it my fault? He took it because of me?"
"No, it was a number of things. Fraser Black. Look it's something Ste will want to tell you himself."
"I heard he's been murdered" Brendan leans in "Good job, if he's touched Steven he's already dead"
"Ok enough with the macho bullshit. I get it, you love Ste and want to defend his honour, but getting yourself into trouble aint gonna help you get out of here, is it?"
Brendan smiles then "Like that could happen"
Sam leans close to Brendan "Ste seems to think so"
"He does?" Brendan swallows hard
"He say's you have evidence to prove your innocence, that true?"
"No comment"
"You didn't see him, you didn't see him wake up every day thinking you were there, only to find nothing more than pain" Sam begins to feel pissed off and it doesn't go unnoticed by Brendan.
Sam leans in closer "Admit you miss him too" Sam continues "Help me, is there anything that I can use?"
Brendan breathes deeply through his nose "There is a memory stick, my sister has it. Think ye should look at that"
Sam raised her eyebrows "Finally grew some balls huh? Where Is your sister living?"
"Ireland, with her fella Nate…I don't want her involved in this" Brendan points his finger at Sam "Else I will just serve out my time in here"
"I think Ste would kill me if that happened now" Sam smirks
"What?"
"Look, I have a confession to make Brendan, I haven't been entirely honest, you see..."
Brendan edges closer to Sam hands clasped in front of him, he doesn't know what to expect.
"Jesus, this the family I will be marrying into?" Brendan whispers it, or so he thought but Sam's face is a picture before him, he wishes he's kept his mouth shut now.
"Marrying…what?" How did marriage come into the equation? Suddenly Sam begins to see Brendan through Ste's eyes, maybe he really was innocent of the crime he was locked up for.
"Ye think I'm not going to ask Steven to marry me? Well, I would do if I wasn't in here" Brendan sighs and looks up at the ceiling shaking his head, he doesn't even know this woman, all he knows is she's connected to Steven, if she's even telling him the truth.
"Jesus, it's true isn't it? What Ste believes."
Brendan looks up at her with childlike eyes, the innocence in them takes Sam's breath away.
"You didn't kill your father, did you?"
"Steven is fierce when defends me, his protests are without merit though"
Brendan manages a small smile as he looks down at the desk, Sam has seen it though, enough to relinquish any fears or doubts she had coming here today.
"A likely story. Okay, give me time though, this ain't gonna be easy."
"What isn't going to be easy?"
"I am getting you out of here, I can't bare to see Ste so heart broken. Those dreams he had of you, he thought they were real, and now he's been hit with the fact they're not. Time to change that...but first…you like surprises…right?"
Sam moves to point to where Ste is nervously waiting, he want nothing more to run to Brendan, but Sam told him he has to wait till she's spoken to him. Once Sam turns to leave Ste walks in. Brendan freezes on the spot seeing him. Can't believe after all this time. Brendan slowly stands up, shakily, hands twitching by his side, his throat bobs slowly as he swallows.
"Steven?"
Ste walks over to him and flings his arms around his neck kissing him so hard he falls back into his chair. Brendan's arms surround Ste as he deepens their embrace. Sam holds back the guards and shows her badge to them telling them to back off. Her face lights up seeing them together, she can't help but smile and giggle with it.
Ste is breathless when they finally part, he doesn't move from Brendan's lips though, just looks at him through his eyelashes, his body so responsive it's crying out for Brendan in so many ways. Ste nibbles at his bottom lip flicking his gaze from Brendan's dilated eyes and parted red lips.
"Don't ya even think about it…I have been to hell and back. I am coming every week to visit, and we are gonna fight for your release, just like we planned"
"Steven I…we never planned" Brendan is silenced by Ste's hand over his mouth, Brendan darts his tongue out over his fingers, kisses them as he stares into Ste's eyes.
"Are ya really gonna argue with me?"
"No" Brendan lowered his voice to a whisper, he stutters as he tries to understand what's actually happening "I can't believe you're here" Brendan feels his eyes glass over and even though he wants to fight the feeling of overwhelming emotion, it stabs at his heart too much.
"God, I missed ye Steven, so much…so much" His fingers filter through Ste's hair making the soft strands stand up a moment, they fall back down as his hand trails to the back of his neck. Ste's blue teary eyes are dancing with his own "Forgive me, I love ye"
"I do" Ste whimpers "You broke my heart Brendan…don't you ever…ever do that again"
Ste implores hands tightening over Brendan's top he claws at it again and again, gripping the chest hair. Brendan closes his eyes at the pain but he doesn't stop him instead arch's his arms so tight around him needing more closeness. They'll never get to hold each other like this again as far as he's concerned, he's gonna milk this moment for all it's worth.
"Thank you" Ste breaks the sound of their breathing, their heart beats.
"What for?" Brendan's voice still low, keeping their conversation for them and no one else. He kisses Ste on his neck and behind his ear.
"For saving me" Ste whispered and looked back at Sam
"How long have we got?"
"Visits are around an hour long right?" Sam winks looking back from the window.
"I am sitting here the whole hour" Ste smiled looking back at Brendan "I ain't moving"
Ste's arms move to the back of Brendan's neck, his mouth opens and closes the gap between them.
"Kiss me"
Brendan smiled and pressed their lips together; Ste stroked Brendan through his beard as he did, kissing in desperation, sensually. Sam felt awkward and moved out of the room to give them privacy. Ste moaned into his mouth, sucking on his tongue.
"Your heart is beating so fast" Brendan purrs into Ste's ear
"So's yours"
"How long will it take to get you out of here?" Ste asks through kisses, he can't get enough of him, Brendan who is just as responsive, little touches, strokes they're sending sparks through their bodies.
"Wont be over night"
"We can plan our reunion?" Ste suggests
"How?"
"Tell me what you're gonna do to me"
"In here?" Brendan glances around at the guards who look sick to their stomachs, unable to part them, Sam made it clear to leave them be. Brendan can see how it's winding them up, he kind of loves it, having this power over them, even if it wont last.
"Ye know I want ye Steven"
Ste grins and wriggles his hips enough to feel heat between them, Brendan closes his eyes and grits his teeth. "Don't…I'll have ye over this table"
"Hmm, I want you inside me again"
"Ye not…with anyone else?" Brendan asks
"Um, maybe this isn't the time for this chat" Ste bushes with embarrassment.
Brendan moves his hand under Ste's arse. "Anyone else touched ye here?"
"No Bren, I'd never let anyone else touch me there" Ste grunts when Brendan kisses him hard again, he feels himself lifted up and suddenly moved against the wall hard. Brendan moves his hard groin against him, he can feel it pulse over him.
"When I get out of here, I will ruin ye"
"Can't wait" Ste pants and then cries as Brendan is then moved away by the guards.
Sam walks in and tries to alleviate the problem but there's no arguing with them this time.
"Sorry Ste, you'll have to end this visit now"
Ste brushed himself down and watched Brendan stop and look back at him. "I will see ye again Steven, I promise."
Ste smiles and sucks in his bottom lip resting his teeth on it.
"I know"
A year later.
Ste paces his room. It's been a long time, and Ste's body is craving again, it tingles at the thoughts racing through his mind, he gets up for the umpteenth time and rushes downstairs. Danny is sat there shaking his head as Ste rushes into the kitchen makes sure the food is sorted.
Danny turns around and kneels up on the sofa watching him.
"Just checking…this last year definitely WASN'T a dream yeah?" It's the millionth time he's asked, Danny has counted. He smiles, no grins at Ste who is visibly flapping around like a headless chicken. Seeing his son so happy swells his heart. Twelve months of visits, clinic appointments, counselling. Ste's year has been pretty crazy, but no matter what life threw at him, the bad times were easy to sail through, because now he had Brendan in his life again.
"Scouts honour, it was all real"
"Ya were a scout?" Ste asks momentarily distracted from his thoughts, it doesn't last long though and Danny doesn't get chance to reply.
"Never mind, I look Ok right? And the food, smells good?"
"He will be too busy with you to even bloody care!" Tegan smiles wagging a finger at Ste. "In fact, why don't you just go naked?!"
Leela joins Tegan and nods with her grinning "Oh my god, you should so do that!"
Ste looks sheepishly at them and then Danny who quickly holds his hands up "Right that's me out of here! Remember you've only got the house for the weekend so…"
"Jesus five minutes is all they'll need!" Tegan giggles grabbing Rose into her hands. Leela gets the suitcases they all begin to congregate by the doors, still staring at Ste with grins plastered all over their faces.
"Don't ware him out Ste, I mean I know ya gagging for it"
"Oi! I aint seen him in two year, well at least touched him. Give me a break will ya!" Ste blushed the reddest ever.
"A break? Doubt you'll get one of those"
"Bloody witty arses, jog on. Sam will be back soon, and I need to make sure everything is ready" Even though he has checked that many times things couldn't be more ready if they tried.
"Naked Ste…trust me he'll love it" Tegan winked before they all piled out.
He looked down at his clothes and pondered, maybe he should strip, but then again he was cooking and he certainly didn't want to have a mishap in the kitchen. Ste sighed then rushed upstairs again.
They were in the car, Sam held her hands on the steering wheel, Brendan looking up at the stairs that once led to his flat. It was a silence between them, but a comfortable one. Brendan's heart jolted as he knew once he walked into that flat, he would be reunited with Steven again. He made to get out until Sam placed a warm hand on his wrist and stopped him a moment.
"It's weird" Sam spoke finally, Brendan looked back at her. "Feel like I've known you ages"
"Thank ye Samantha, for everything" Brendan opened the door of the car getting to his feet he leaned in on the window.
"Anytime, and Brendan?Be gentle with him" Sam smirked and reversed the car out of the village.
Brendan managed a grin and blew out a log breath looking up the stairs he bounded up them. He stood at the doors, not knowing whether to knock or walk in. He did both. The flat was dimly lit with the only light coming from the kitchen, curtains drawn, no sign of life. A smell of cooking hit his senses as he entered and placed his bag down. The place looked different, but it felt like home because Steven was here.
"Hello?"
Brendan walked into the kitchen and opened the cooking pot on the stove the aroma made his mouth water. As he turned Ste leaned up against the stairs, his body glowed with the light from the kitchen and Brendan's mouth watered again realising he wasn't wearing anything.
"Oh Steven, this for me?"
"This is all for you"
"Am I dreaming?" Brendan smiled watching Ste look down at the floor, his head shaking as he did, he looked beautiful, happy.
"Wanna pinch me to find out?"
"I'll do more than pinch ye…" Brendan took his jacket off and let it drop behind him, opening up his buttons one by one, his eyes trailed down Ste's body as he watched it spring to life before him.
"You're getting excited" Brendan walked over to Ste and traced two fingers down his body, sweeping over his navel, thumbing the pre come that wet the head of his cock, Ste sighed and closed his eyes. Brendan's thumb swept between the slit, and cupped his palm over his heavy balls.
"Put your hands on me" Brendan asked leaning in.
Ste blushed and moved closer to Brendan his heart thumped at his chest, the bottom of his lip chewed red and swollen, his hands moved slowly reaching out to Brendan. This time it wasn't a dream, the words repeated through his mind till he touched him. Ste fingered through the hair of Brendan's chest settling on the nipples he pulled at the nubs. Brendan closed his eyes at the touch, mouth opening Ste relished what he could do to Brendan, twisting them and getting a breathy moan his eyes flicked open and looked darkened. Ste moved up to his tip toes and kissed Brendan.
"Get these off" Ste pulled at Brendan's belt and opened it unbuttoning him and drawing his zip down slowly. Brendan was hard as Ste's hand snaked into his pants, he helped him out of them, they both stood naked and erect. Ste's breathing trembled when their bodies pressed close. He felt his knees buckle but Brendan was quick with his hands and held Ste up against him.
"I'm scared" Ste admitted suddenly making Brendan hold back and look at Ste. It's the last thing he expected Steven to say to him.
"Why?" Brendan softened his voice "Is it me?"
"No…I'm scared this isn't real" Ste rested his head at Brendan's chest
"What if you leave again?"
"I will never leave ye again, not on purpose, I want to spend my life with ye Steven"
Ste felt Brendan's hands curl around him and lift him in his arms, Ste instantly wrapped his body around him hanging on for dear life. Brendan's lips were soft when he kissed the back of his ear
"I'm gonna prove to ye, this is very real"
He carried him to the room downstairs and backed into it, wincing with the cold on his naked form. A double bed was in there, but not the same one he remembered.
"Steven, is this your room?"
"No, mine is upstairs…"
"Oh…"
"You could carry me up there, look at these strong arms now" Ste bit his lip grabbing Brendan's muscles.
"I could do that, problem is I want ye right…" Brendan throws Ste on the bed "Now"
"Fuck" Ste sighed as Brendan held up a pack of condoms and threw them on the bed with some lube.
"Where the hell you keep those?!" Ste asked in shock
"Ye learn things being in prison Steven"
"Ya what?"
"Kidding, they were in my pocket" Brendan grinned "Spread em"
Ste opened his thighs letting Brendan crawl up between them.
"I've missed ye" Brendan kissed down over Ste's body settling between his parted arse cheeks his tongue felt around his hole.
Ste gasped and lay down off his elbows gripping the sheets between his fingers. His knuckles whitened the more Brendan pressed inside his warm entrance lapping deeper the more Ste moaned.
The lube Brendan coated his fingers with was cold as it entered Ste, his body acutely responsive to his every movement inside him Brendan placed his fingers further up and held Ste's stomach with the other loving to watch his face curl in pleasure. He'd missed this, and what Ste looked like on the edge. His hand twisted and pressed over his prostate. Ste widened his legs, as he did Brendan lapped his tongue across his thigh up and across his ball sack and down the other thigh. Ste's cries became strangled, desperate.
As his fingers slopped out, Brendan rolled on a condom and coated it with lube his dick pushed in, the head opening Ste's tight hole slowly. Brendan moved Ste up to settle over his lap and pulled his thighs down, their mouths ghosted together.
"I love you Brendan" Ste caught his breath, his hips moving faster.
"I love ye too" Brendan thrust up to meet Ste's rocking over him.
"Still think you're dreaming?" Brendan asked throwing Ste down on the bed filling Ste completely, the head of his cock manipulated at Ste's sweet spot in a punishing manner leaving his body keening for more. Ste crushed the sheet material into his fists and he held on mouth wide.
"I can't…Brendan...god"
"So beautiful" Ste's cock throbbed as come pooled in streaks across Brendan's stomach, his arched back Brendan held his hands against watching his boy fall apart before him. He rocked inside him deeply, slowly through their come down. Brendan panted and rested against Ste's neck kissing there, licking long lines with his tongue, his body tasted sweet, hot, perfect.
Ste laid down on the bed on his front, Brendan next to him stroking his fingers across his glowing skin, over every curve getting to know his body again. Ste hummed and kept his eyes closed enjoying his bodies' reactions to Brendan's touch. His fingers crept between Ste's arse cheeks and Brendan smiled at the gasp Ste made, he pushed his digit against the muscle, circling the rim until it tingled in response.
"Happy?" Brendan asked toying an open mouth down to kiss Ste's shoulder blade, travelling the contour of his spine, lower back.
"I am now"
Ste grinned, face resting on his folded arms, Brendan's beard felt soft over his back, his lips moist and tongue wet exploring. His cheeks parted and Ste bit down on his bottom lip, the tip of Brendan's tongue flicked there, then lapped wide, the goose bumps were like little hot sparks fanning over his golden skin, all the time they'd spent apart, no one touched him like Brendan.
"I want ye again"
Brendan told him before opening his hole with a taut tongue. Ste moaned loud and pushed his thighs open and up till he was on his knees and Brendan could get deeper.
"Brendan" Ste sighed and fucked himself back on his tongue, his hand moved to his leaking cock and pulled on it. Brendan's movements making noises so obscene Ste was glad they were alone. Warm fingers caressed around his thighs jolting him towards Brendan's open mouth. Ste felt his body tremble as he climaxed, the tongue inside him licked hard, tasted every inch it could. Ste collapsed on the bed and turned to look at Brendan who fingered at his swollen mouth.
"Enjoy ya self then?" Ste blushed red and Brendan pulled him down by the ankles flipping him on his back
"Ye taste good Steven, I can't get enough" Brendan crawled over his body and held himself up by his arms.
"I noticed" Ste swallowed looking into Brendan's hungry eyes, he could see he wanted to devour him, his stomach caved in at the thoughts Brendan was obviously having.
"Ye are so beautiful" his fingers touched Ste's cheek "I could barely breathe without ye" Brendan enhanced his words as he spoke, voice low, growling.
"You are the love of my life" Ste answered
"Steven, marry me"
"Yes" Ste brought Brendan into a kiss, all tongue, wide mouth.
Their smiles beamed through kisses
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, it's all I've ever wanted"
Brendan laughed as Ste pushed him over on the bed he stood up and moved off the mattress pulling Brendan up with him, his hand on his chest he walked him back to the wall with a grunt and kissed him up against it, hands moving over their bodies they couldn't touch each other enough. Ste grabbed a condom wrapper and tore it open, moving it over Brendan's thickening erection he fisted at it slowly smearing it with lube. Brendan's voice caught in his throat.
"Fuck me against this wall" Ste purred and fluttered his lashes at Brendan who's hands held over Ste's silky hips, they shifted so Ste was against the wall, Brendan's warm palm caressed the hair of his leg and reached it around his waist. Ste jumped and Brendan caught him falling together with a jolt the breath left Ste's lungs, Brendan's mouth wide over his lips kissing desperately.
"Ye want it hard?"
"So hard I'll feel you for hours" Ste flirted and dragged his hand over Brendan's length placing the head at his hole,he pushed down sliding over his cock and keeping his mouth open as he did, Brendan watched him move up and down, using the wall as leverage his hand gripped above his head on a wooden ledge as he rode him. Brendan held either side of his body guiding it, moving up inside Ste meeting each others thrusts, Ste cried out his sweet spot nudged the harder he bounced.
Brendan traced his fingers over the sides of his body up and back down helping their movements, fingers touched the slit of Ste's dick, Brendan smeared the pre come in a circular motion Ste panted and lowered his gaze from the ceiling to Brendan's, their eyes locked, bodies moving languid. Ste bounced his hips in time with Brendan's thrusts.
"You feel amazing inside me" Ste whispered and brought them into a kiss, licking into Brendan's mouth his hips flicked faster feeling his prostate throb, Ste panted and moaned resting his head on Brendan's shoulder.
Brendan moved his hands to Ste's thighs and slid them around to his arse cheeks spreading them open Ste gasped as Brendan thrust up inside him deeper.
"C'mon baby, ride me harder"
"Oh god Brendan...ask me again" Ste whimpered, his hips keened forward
Brendan moved to the side of Ste's ear and growled breathless "Marry me Steven"
Ste moaned,letting go of the ledge they fell backwards onto the bed and bounced over the mattress, Brendan filled him, in one fluid motion hitting the perfect angle and with eyelids heavy Ste climaxed with a scream. Brendan gripped hold of his arse and held Ste down over his dick he pooled into the condom as his walls contracted around him.
"Yes" Ste grinned and relaxed his legs and Brendan moved out and tied the condom wrapper up throwing it in the trash, his breath caught Ste shoving him back on the bed, hands on his chest.
Ste leaned down to his lips breath catching in his lungs then they hugged tightly so tight Brendan feared he'd squeeze the life out of Ste. He couldn't let go, and neither could Ste. They held each other for the longest time, in silence eyes closed. Ste kept squeezing Brendan who responded in the same way.
"I will ask ye again…when I have a ring" Brendan sighed as he held on, the love he felt overwhelmed him.
"Okay" Ste mumbled into Brendan's shoulder. "You hungry? Only I cooked"
"I noticed, and yeah, lets go eat together"
Ste lead Brendan to the kitchen table and plated up some food for them, they ate in silence every now and then looking up at each other. The food was amazing and Brendan ate every morsel, Ste ate but not as much, leaving a little and watching Brendan eat. It was normal, a normal coupley thing, having a meal together seemed so insignificant, but not to them. This meant everything.
Brendan held Ste between his legs as they sat on the sofa, the tv flickered in the back ground, neither of them were really watching it, all they cared about was being together, being close, touching. Brendan stroked through Ste's hair and looked down at him.
"Why did ye do it Steven?" He'd been holding it in, but he needed to know, needed to understand why his beautiful boy had done something so out of character.
Ste swallowed and sat curled up into Brendan's body, needing to hear his heart beat.
"You left me"
"Steven I'm…"
Ste placed a hand on Brendan's chest "I felt the world pull out from under me. Things happened, lots of things. I made mistakes. And the pain losing you, I thought I'd die from it." Ste felt Brendan's arms tighten his hold, Ste molded into it willingly.
"You know that feeling when your reason for living suddenly leaves? Times that by infinity and then you might just see"
Brendan shifted uncomfortably, there was nothing he could do to change what had happened in the past, but he wasn't surprised by his words "Steven, my heart broke too, I thought I was doing the right thing for ye"
"Don't…just don't. I have just got ya back I can't lose you now"
"I ain't going…"
"You will if I lose my temper, the best thing for me? Is you, all you did is rip my life in two"
"I'm sorry, I can say it the rest of my life if ye want. Give me the chance to make it up…"
"Can't…ya can't make it up Brendan. It happened, I lived it every day. You went and forgot I gave you my heart, took it with you." Ste shifted to the other side of the sofa and Brendan felt naked without his warmth. "Look I ain't blaming you, I am explaining the factors that led to what happened is all".
"I know, and my life wasn't fun and games inside. Ye think I was happy? I wanted to die than be without ye, remember? And then I survived and…" Brendan crawled over the cushions and nudged his nose on Ste's cheek.
Ste turned to watch him and slid his face closer "The reason I took drugs? To escape, to forget the pain, it never went away or got easier. Time doesn't always heal, it makes it harder. Then that Fraser started all this crap. He threatened me kids Brendan, my family. I did this stupid favour for him and…"
"It's okay, even though I don't understand how ye could put those drugs into this perfect body, I can deal with it. Have too. It scares me to think what could have happened though"
"Init weird ya came to me in all those dreams though? I was happy to see ya, but god my mind was screwed, I lost grip on reality and realised having dreams of you wasn't as good as the real thing" Ste dragged his fingers through Brendan's chest hair slowly and watched himself do it.
"I was always with ye, just like ye was always with me, in here" Brendan points to his head then his heart "And in here"
Brendan snakes his hand to the back of Ste's neck and brings him into a kiss. Drives his tongue over Ste's appologising with each stroke, he feels him gulp back the lump in his throat as they deepen the kiss. Brendan falls backwards and Ste follows tilting his face to gain more from their embrace.
"I could kiss ye forever" Brendan cups his lips over Ste's eyelids.
"Go on then" his small breathy laugh makes Brendan smirk, they kiss again, only stopping to change the angle or for Brendan to lift Ste higher up his body to get his tongue deeper.
"Things are gonna be different now" Brendan speaks coming up for air, Ste gets up and as he passes gets a firm slap over his arse cheek as a parting gift. Ste slips his tongue out through his teeth and grabs a drink from the kitchen returning to Brendan's lap his legs cross, cock limp on it's side. Brendan massages it, loves the feel of it's softness as it fondles through his fingers, Ste sighs at the touch and kisses across the nape of his neck.
"Can we get a place of our own?" Ste asked and settled back down between Brendan's legs their hands linked. Ste lifted them up and moved his fingers loosely with Brendan's.
"Hmm, think that's a great idea" Brendan paused for thought "Dublin?"
Ste thought about it, and untold moments passed, the memories there were his absolute favourite "Yeah okay, Dublin. A fresh start, away from all the memories here. And the kids can come visit, stay with us?" Ste stretched his head back to look at Brendan.
"Of course, we could get a club, with a restaurant. Let's do this right this time Steven" Brendan brings Ste's hand up to his lips and kisses him.
Ste woke up and stretched his arms above his head, his bones cracked with the strain. He felt to the side of him and the space beside that was empty and cold. Ste sat up fast and looked there, around the room and felt his heart stop. The clock on the wall was noisy, enhanced by the quietness the room had. His feet fell onto the carpet and padded across to the bathroom.
The toothpaste was a strong minty taste, and the brush glided across the back of his tongue before he rinced his mouth out with cold water. The mirror held Ste's reflection and nothing else, he moved from it swiftly to get dressed, pulling on his clothes, the material was soft over his skin. Ste weaved his hand through his hair and dragged on his shoes. He took a last look around before he left, the door banged loudly behind him.
The walk through the street was warmer this time, the people and faces he saw were different, some smiled, some frowned, some spoke in greeting. As he settled and looked over the bridge he's arrived at the water sparkled with the morning sunshine, a leaf that had settled on the water span around slowly as it drifted along with the water.
Ste shivered when hands moved around his waist, lifting up the material, his fingers cold with the morning air they teased his navel and Ste keened into it, loved being touched there, kept his hand over Brendan's wrist to let his fingers circle him gently, they dipped inside and pressed a little pressure, god he felt his cock swell in response. Ste moaned and held his head low, enough to feel moist lips drag over his skin with small puffs of warm breath. Ste held back and pressed into the kiss that lingered on his skin and closed his eyes.
"Ye really love me doing this don't ye?" Brendan pushed two fingers against his stomach as it caved in "Reckon I've ye wet right now"
"It feels so good, want ya tongue there" Ste sighed
"Later" Brendan promised biting down hard on Ste's neck.
"Happy?"
"I am now" Ste answered and opened his eyes again as he turned. His met the bluest gaze. His heart began to beat again.
"Ye found me then" Brendan spoke blinking staring back intently into Steven's eyes.
"I followed my heart didn't I?" Ste grinned licking a kiss into Brendan's open mouth.
"Plus...the paper says it's where I'm meant to come" Ste holds up a expensive looking invite, scrolled with gold letters.
"Wedding, it says" Ste reads out the words to Brendan "Steven and Brendan, Liffey Bridge, 9 am" Ste smiles at Brendan "Thought I'd best be on time, sounds like it's important this"
"I like the suit, enhances your" Brendan's eyes trail over Ste's body "Assets well"
"Says you, I see you got a smaller size, Brendan, so predictable" Ste whispers and kisses Brendan again slowly, his tongue moves with need and Brendan accepts willingly.
A man moves closer to them and stands like he's waiting, Brendan moves and looks at him nodding. They look at each other a while before Brendan moves them towards him.
"Ye not mind it being just us?"
"No, it's the way it's always been, me and you, don't need anyone else, not for this anyway" Ste grips Brendan's hand and stands before the man with a bible.
Brendan gets down on one knee and looks up at Ste who looks a little taken aback, his hand is held in Brendan's.
"I never asked ye again, Steven Hay, with all my heart I love ye more now than I ever have. Marry me"
"Bren...god" Ste chokes as a tear falls down his face "You know I will. You're the man of my dreams ain't ya? Love of my life,right. I will marry you" Ste wipes the tear from his cheek and lowers down to Brendan.
"Now get up will ya, I want that ring on my finger!" Ste laughs through the tears and helps Brendan up, They hug a while and then turn to listen to the wedding ceremony read out for them. Brendan places the ring on Ste's finger and kisses it telling Ste he will be by his side forever. Ste in turn fits the wedding band on Brendan's hand promising this is their happy ever after. They kiss and seal the fact they're husbands and finally married. Brendan lifts Ste up into his arms and they kiss like it's their first time.
The love lock clicked shut with ease, Ste drew a heart between their names, it was a little lopsided as Brendan kept kissing him while he tried to concentrate writing out their names on the brass metal, he always was a pain in the arse. Ste threw he key into the river and gave in to the kisses with hunger. He'd never been so happy.
They stand and look out onto the Liffey a while, Brendan stands behind Ste and holds him so tightly Ste can feel the love radiate through him, they're still in their suits and people are beginning to look at them, not that he cares though. Ste has never been happier. Brendan's hand moves against his stomach again and he feels his grin widen against the back of his ear. Ste feels Brendan finger at his navel again and he jolts.
"So responsive" Brendan growls "Think if I played with this enough you'd come?"
"Brendan fucks sake, not out here"
"Yeah, how ye gonna stop me?" Brendan tickles the pads of his fingers into Ste's belly button and hums at his moans. His other hand strokes over Ste's groin and he's rock hard for him.
"Bren...stop it"
"Make me" Ste's chest rises and falls in quick succession, Brendan's hands are magic with fleeting touches in all the right places. "I could always use my tongue instead" Brendan whispered thumbing across his stomach.
"Oh...fucking...hell" Ste shudders and Brendan hold him tightly to his back, whispers how beautiful he is, and all turned on to hell listening to those moans he makes.
"So goddamn hot Steven, I need to get ye home, now" Ste turns in his arms and they kiss passionately, they want each other, and if it wasn't public, the bridge would have done.
"Take me to bed" Ste growls
"With pleasure"
Ste holds Brendan's hand as they walk to their home "Are we gonna have a honeymoon?"
"Course, where ye wanna go?"
"Dunno,don't care as long as we're together" Ste stops and looks up at the building before them. 'Brady-Hay's' the sign says, they bought it when they first arrived in Dublin, it was a shell of a building and they renovated it, club and restaurant. That was almost a year ago now, the wedding was the last thing on their list. Now all they had to do is live their lives together.
"I like the thought of a desert island Steven, where I can have ye all to myself"
"You gonna pay for that?"
"No...but Chez will." Brendan's smile is cheesy as his eyebrows dance Ste smirks at him.
"Oh well, in that case...I can't wait" Ste kisses Brendan wrapping his arms around his neck "It's our wedding night...or day. How shall we spend it?"
"Well first things first" Brendan lifted Ste up into his arms and walked him through the door, Ste giggled as he was placed on the floor inside the club.
"Aw, too sweet, over the threshold, what happens now?"
"I ain't drawing ye a diagram Steven, but I want ye naked in our bed by the time I count to..." Brendan looks at his watch and then back up, but Steven's already gone. Brendan grins and locks the door loosening his tie he follows behind quickly.
Had to be a fluffy ever after didn't it? I can never resist. ;D Thanks for reading. xx