Me: Well, here it is! The first chapp of Ichigo and Peyton's epically funny adventure!
Ichigo: (Dullly) And it has absolutely nothing to do with a highway thus far.
Me: (Snaps fingers) KOOOON! GAUNTLET, PLEASE!
Kon: (Scurries in with my Gauntlet of Epic Awesomesaucery) Here it is, Mistress Mandy!
Me: Thanks. KI-YAAA!
Ichigo: (Tries to dodge and fails) Gah! Dammit!
Rukia: (Shake of the head) Morons. Can we just get on with the damn story? Before this author's note takes up, like, half the space on this one? Like LAST TIME...
Carmen: To be fair, that wasn't their fault. It was all the cakes.
Ichigo: We wouldn't have had to list so many cakes if SLACKER over there had put them in the chapp they belonged in instead of skipping it!
Me: ASSHOLE, YOU KNOW WHY I DID THAT!
Rukia: ALL OF YOU, SHUT THE HELL UP! ... (Smiles innocently and brilliantly at camera, sparkle bouncing off of them included) Well, guys-
Me: Read!
Ichigo: Review.
Rukia: Andddd ENJOOOOY!
"C'mon."
"No."
"Come onnn..."
"No."
"Ichigo-"
"NO."
"C'mon, this is going JUST HOW the conversation about me being on top went! Do you want a repeat of that?"
"...No."
"Because, do remind me, WHERE did you sleep that night?"
"With Nel on the floor."
"And WHO got laid that night?"
"Not me."
"So what should you really be doing right now? And if you gimme a dirty answer, you'll be sleeping on the floor the first chance I get."
Ichigo's mouth opened and closed a few times in disbelief, just now realizing how totally whipped he was thanks to the damn American in front of him. At least six inches shorter than him, yet all she had to do was put her hands on her hips and glare at him, just like she was doing right now. So what did he do about it?
He sighed heavily in defeat and answered, "I should be agreeing with you and following you into your house of fucking horrors..."
Peyton grinned that cocky grin of hers and nodded. "Yeah, you should be. C'mon. Nanaw won't be waiting forever."
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah she will. She's obsessed with me." Peyton frowned, looking towards her house. She knows I'm right, but will she admit it? Not unless I threaten to pop her toes.
"I wouldn't say obsessed...she's just...um...infatuated! Yes. Psychotically infatuated, but infatuated nonetheless. Yes. Mmhmm."
Ichigo sweatdropped. ...And so works the mind of Peyton Cullen. He decided to play the Pleading Amber Eyes That Peyton Loves So Much Card, widening aforementioned eyes innocently.
"Peeeyton...pleeeeasee," he said in a voice that wasn't so innocent, fiddling with a few strands of her hair.
She was really glaring at him now. "Ichigo Kurosaki, don't you dare try to-"
"Pleeeease," he murmured in that tone again, right against her ear this time. Peyton groaned. "Awww, don't do that, that's not fair."
"C'mooooon...why don't I just suffer after we get back? Huh?" he asked, stroking her upper arm with his thumb.
"HEY! KUROSAKI! SAVE IT FOR THE ROAD, ALRIGHT!" Seth bellowed as he threw his bag into the backseat of Dad's car.
The deal was that they (meaning Ichigo or Seth, definitely not Peyton) would be driving the car to the airport, leaving it in Long-Term Parking, and then Miya and Dad would use it to get home when they got back.
Because they didn't know Ichigo and Peyton would be leaving, too. They'd bribed Lindsay to keep her mouth shut, who bribed Keigo and Nanaw to keep their mouths shut.
Which, considering what both of them would have to gain if Ichigo or Peyton were mauled to bits by her father, was quite an amazing feat.
Peyton smirked as Ichigo groaned and stepped away. "Since you failed epically, Ichigo, I pity you. Fine. I'll enjoy it more afterwards, anyways, when I'm in less of a hurry."
She leaned close to him, lowering her voice to a seductive purr. "And you won't be able to get out of it next time, Kurosaki."
"Tch, fine. Not like I'm scared of your great-grandmother or anything!"
As if on cue, she stuck her head out the window. "You're leaving?" she whined like a child before ducking out of the window. They could hear her coming down the stairs as quick as possible all the way from where they were standing, making Ichigo cringe.
Peyton had that grin of hers on her face again, making him scowl at nothing and everything in particular.
The front door flung open, and Nanaw shuffled towards them as fast as her elderly feet could carry her.
She promptly flung herself into the arms of her great-granddaughter's boyfriend. "MY HUNK MUFFIN, I SHALL MISS YOU SOOOOO! PLEASE DON'T GO-O-O-OOOO! I HAVEN'T HAD MY ALONE TIME WITH YOU YET!"
Ichigo felt like doing his own little Happy Dance as Peyton's eyes twitched menacingly. "Uhhh...I'll...miss you too, Nanaw."
"And he's gonna prove how much he missed you by giving you your alone time ASAP once he gets back!" Peyton added, making him pretend to strangle her when she was the only one looking.
She just mouthed "Love you too" and giggled. Dammit, Peyton, you suck. Nanaw looked up at him with the same gasp his dad always did, making his temple throb. Well, I'll be damned. Dad's habits are spreading.
"Really, Ichigo? You mean it?"
Peyton doubled over with laughter at his expression as he gritted his teeth, faking a huge smile. "...Yeah. Yeah, I totally do."
She hugged him even tighter, and he groaned weakly. That's when Peyton sunk to the ground, holding her abdomen as she laughed uncontrollably. "AWWWWW! THAT'S SO SWEET OF YOU, MY SPRY YOUNG HUNK MUFFIN!"
Peyton calmed down around the time Nanaw finally let him go, and her temple throbbed as she blew him a kiss before heading back inside.
"...Oh, I'll miss ya too, Nanaw. Really. Oh, don't cry, it'll sadden me."
Nanaw waved her off. "Ehhh, don't get my Hunk Muffin killed when it's your turn to drive, Peyton." Her right eye twitched menacingly again. "...I drive just fine, thank you."
Everyone doubled over with laughter at that one, and her temple throbbed so big it was nearly covering her whole head and face.
"DAMMIT, YA'ALL, STOP LAUGHIN'!"
Of course, everyone was so busy laughing (or in Peyton's case, shouting her head off) that they didn't see Isshin Kurosaki sneak into the trunk of Dad's car, nor did they hear him shout "SUCCESS! Ichigo's bag...is...INFILTRATED!"
ROUGHLY SEVENTEEN HOURS LATER...
Peyton was staring out the plane's window when she was poked on the shoulder, successfully scaring the living crap out of her.
"...Yes, Ichigo? What can I do for you?"
He grinned. "Seth's asleep. We're almost there. And we're about a mile high. Whaddaya say we..."
Peyton huffed and folded her arms across her chest. "Is that all you think about? Jeez, we've been on this plane for more than half a day, and I've got jetlag out the yin-yang! The last thing I feel is hot. So try and keep it in your pants for a day or two, it won't kill ya."
Her temple throbbed as she realized he'd been looking at her chest the whole time. Okay, so maybe she sort of deserved that since she knew crossing her arms like that made her boobs rather noticeable.
"...Ichigo? Ichigo. Ichigo-fricking-Kurosaki. ICHIGO!"
"Huh, what?"
Peyton sighed tiredly, rubbing her temple. "Did you not hear a damn word I said?"
"Not a word. I just heard 'boobs'."
"...Moron, I didn't even say 'boobs'."
"Oh. Well, I heard it."
She sighed again. She knew this would happen, it always happened when they were tired. She'd be moody or hyper, and he'd be even more perverted than usual or grumpy.
Or both.
Sigh.
"So you want to?"
Her jaw dropped rather comically, making him grin. "D-Did you not hear a word I said?"
"We already established that I didn't hear any of it!"
"Yeah, but...my answer should be obvious by now!"
"...So..."
Peyton sighed grudgingly. "Fine."
"YES! LET'S GO!" he exclaimed, unbuckling his seatbelt in record time before grabbing her hand and trying to pull her up.
Which failed epically, since she still had her seatbelt on. "...Dumbass," she muttered, taking as slow and sweet a time as possible unbuckling it.
She nearly lost it when he started growling under his breath, but tried not to laugh for fear of not being able to stop.
Almost before the buckle could even come completely off her lap, she was pulled up by the Lord of the Pervs, and she really DID lose it.
"Shhh, they're gonna know what we're doing if you keep giggling like that!"
"What do you care?"
"...Good point."
That got her laughing again, sweatdropping simultaneously at Ichigo's giddy expression. He was practically crying Tears of Manly Joy.
And they weren't even in the bathroom yet!
They finally got in the bathroom (earning a giggle from one of the female flight attendants that passed by at the time), and Ichigo did the honors of locking the door while Peyton did the honors of trying to put the toilet lid down.
Because she had always had a fear of falling down that toilet and plummeting to her death. But she didn't get a chance due to Ichigo having to be the dominant one, as usual, and pinning her against the wall.
Of course, in less than a minute she was getting just as dominant and just as into it. Although, the plane descending kind of ruined it for them.
She pulled away and looked at him uncertainly. "Is...the plane supposed to be landing yet?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. We sure as hell've been on this thing long enough."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be landing in Memphis in less than ten minutes, and there appears to be some turbulence ahead. We ask that you please put all trays and seats in the upright position and keep your seatbelts fastened. Thank you for your cooperation and for choosing Delta Airlines."
"B-B-But we're not done!" Peyton protested as Ichigo let his hands slide out from under her shirt. He grinned and adjusted his own shirt as she reclasped her bra.
"We always have the flight back."
"But...but...Unnnh!" she whined, stomping her feet after him. Before they could unlock the door, turbulence hit. "Ohhhh craaaaaap!" they hissed, sliding across the slick floor.
SPLASH.
"No. No. No no no no NO, I did NOT fall in the toilet, NO!" Peyton practically shouted, temple throbbing menacingly.
Ichigo stared at her for a second as she struggled to free herself. He then promptly laughed his ass off, laughing so hard he fell on his ass and started turning red from lack of oxygen.
Peyton's right eye twitched, and a rather demonic aura kicked in. "Ichigo Kurosaki, you better help me off this toilet or so help me, the only action you'll be getting for MONTHS is during video games and road rage!"
He nodded, still laughing as he attempted to stand up. "Alright, alright, fine- CRAP!" he shouted as more turbulence hit, making him stumble and ram right into her, sitting on her lap.
On the toilet.
While she was stuck.
"You do realize that this would be infinitely awkward with anyone else, right?" Peyton asked dully.
Ichigo made a clicking noise with his tongue. "Yeeeep." They looked at each other, then burst into uncontrollable laughter.
"I think they might be in here, we heard a couple screaming in here just a few seconds ago..." a flight attendant was saying as she unlocked the bathroom door.
Needless to say, the expressions on Peyton's, Seth's, Ichigo's, and the flight attendant's faces were just plain priceless.
"...Sis, I knew you were kinky, but...that's just plain sick."
"SETH, DAMMIT, GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!"
"Well, to be fair, we DID come in here to-"
"Shut up, Ichigo!"