Prologue:
It's been almost a year now…
I remember that point in my life when everything just felt like it was going so right, like there would never be wrong again, almost that invincible feeling.
Where was it now?
It's a feeling I have come to be well acquainted with many times in the past. The feeling that everything is going right, but somewhere deep, deep in the back of your head and heart, you can begin to felt he oncoming wave of pain and strife about to erupt and surround everything your life is about.
In my teenage days I never felt it because I always had that one thing holding my head above water.
Jasmine.
My life vest in the endless sea of life. The thing that kept my head above water and my hope up, despite the fact my limbs were aching from trying to find a nearby shore.
No this is not the story of drowning. This is, or once was, the story of two friends who loved each other with every possible part they could, but even then it wasn't enough.
I recant it for the reason that maybe you will learn from it, and learn to value your friends with everything you have, and always cherish those little moments you have together.
Like I forgot to do.
Jasmine
"Hey downer, bad weekend?" someone yelled. Looking up I realized it was my best friend Danielle.
"Why you say that D?" I asked smiling.
"Oh gee, well the frown was a big indication," she said, laughing to herself.
"I was not frowning, and FYI, my weekend wasn't too bad, other than the fact that I couldn't be with Micheal at all. His cousins came into town."
"Oh! A weekend without the boyfriend. How horrible! How will you ever go on?!" she said sarcastically. "Do you even really like him Jaz?" she asked, more seriously this time.
I was hurt, but she knew me to well. "Yeah D I like him." I lied. "And what about you know-it-all? How was your weekend with Tommy boy?"
Then the smile fell off her face and she looked at her feet as if they suddenly became interesting. Realizing that this wasn't a question to ask, I hoped I didn't strike a nerve and held my breath in wait, hoping she wasn't mad. Finally, she looked up and answered me. "It wasn't too bad I suppose," she said thoughtfully. "He had a game Friday, so I went to that. Saturday we got real fancy and went to McDonalds for a short date. I should be grateful I got to spend that little time with him at all," she said sighing.
D and Tom have been together for two years now, only it's seemed to dwindle since senior year began. I know D worries it's going to end soon; that may be one reason she envies the cheesy little relationship I'm in. I'd have to be more careful about what I say to her. I'd be a bad friend to rub things in her face.
"Yeah at least you have that."
I thought to say something else. Something more reassuring, but before I could Micheal ran up to us. "Hey babe!" he said, enthusiastically kissing my forehead.
"Hey!" I squealed accidentally. Like I said my relationship is cheesy; we act like we're in middle school again. That stupid little fall-in-love relationship, minus the falling in love on my part.
Rolling her eyes D turned to Micheal. "So how was your weekend Michael?"
"Hectic," he said sighing."I'm just glad it's over and I'm here today," he said grinning and wrapping his arms tighter around my waist.
Rolling her eyes again she said, "Yeah, lucky you."
The way she said it made my stomach turn. She was jealous that Micheal had time to spend with me. Then the initial feeling I had went away and I felt bad. Danielle just wants time, time she doesn't usually get with Tommy.
I ignored all my conflicting thoughts and grinned at them. "Well I have to get to trig. I catch ya later D. Bye Micheal!" I said giving him a quick kiss and flashing D my best smile. I turned and made my exit.
Danielle
Jasmine's my best friend. She always has been. Although I could do without Micheal being in her life. Don't get me wrong; he's an ok guy. I just don't think he's the right guy for Jaz. Man whores just never seemed her type. I don't care to watch my best friend get her heartbroken by that kind of guy.
All the same, I know Jaz doesn't really like Tom either. I'm not sure why though, I just know she doesn't. I think it has something to do with how close Tom and I used to be. She felt like she was losing me several times.
So in our situation we both hate each other's boyfriends, but we're more than willing to look past that because of the love we have for each other.
"Hey babe!" Tom hissed impatiently, as if he'd been trying to get my attention for a while.
I whispered back. "Huh? Sorry zoned out for a minute. What's up?"
Putting a smile on his face he replied, "Not much. What are you doing tonight though dear?"
I stopped; stun washing through my body starting from my heart. Was he really asking me? Tom never had time to ask me out anymore, being football captain and all. If we ever do go out it's always a last minute thing. How did he manage to get the night free, more importantly I hope this isn't a "last date" kind of thing.
"Uh? Nothing much, why?"
"You want to go out? Your choice… any place," he said grinning now.
Worry washed over me. I'd hoped it wasn't a break-up date. Tom would never understand how much I love him.
Then as suddenly as it came the feeling left me.
He knew when he said it, that I would agree. I loved when he used to say stuff like that. The stuff that brought out the romantic side of my romantically shy boyfriend. It reminds me how unselfish he is. I realized he really is trying; it's just hard to juggle everything.
Thinking about his offer I replied, "Ok babe, sounds good," and I grinned in return.
When he wants to be Tom is a really sweet guy. Although he shows his rough-tough exterior to all his buddies and whenever we're in the public eye of the high school, he has a sweet, soft, ooey-gooey inside. Only I have seen the softest part of him. That's one of the reasons I love him. He really is a great boyfriend, even if Jaz does disagree.
Jasmine
I HATE TRIG!!!! I don't understand it at all.
Ok… honestly I do, but I still hate it.
None of my friends are in honors classes, my boyfriend definitely isn't. No wonder I'm considered the "brainiac" of the group.
I guess I am being a little conceited, but then again being smart is no walk in the park. It's double edged both a blessing and a curse. Great because, obviously I make good grades and keep my mother happy. Bad because, I feel like when I talk no one understands me, even in the advanced classes. Go figure.
So since I hate trig, and quite frankly, I've heard this lesson in my mom's college classes, now would be a good time to whip out my phone and text my best bud. I figure she's not doing anything expect looking deep into the center of Tom's eyes and reading his inner thoughts. Or whatever lovers do.
Hey D! What's happenin'?
I texted her. The convenient thing about texting is its fast, private, and a good past time. Plus it gets your mind of the boring lesson you're supposed to be paying attention to. Even better, it's against school rules. This automatically makes it a natural temptation. What teenager doesn't want to do something against the rules?
Hey Jaz. Whatcha need?
It's always 'what's wrong?' or 'what do you need?' with D. Never, 'hey I was just getting ready to text you cuz I wanted to actually talk to you.' Or 'hey how's it going… glad you texted me.'
Nothing! Just bored out of my mind!... Again!
Haha, Heard this lesson before?
She must be psychic. Haha… NOT!
Mhm… you know me. So what's the plan for tonight?
Um… plan?
Yeah… you know the one where we hang out and act stupid. Same one as always.
Oh… that plan. Well Tom actually just asked me out like a minute ago. So… not tonight. Sorry.
Well that sucks!
I guess I do get to kick it with her every night though. Her and Tom hardly ever get time alone. He's always busy or tired and they don't get quality time. I can't be selfish; I do occasionally have to share her.
I thought about what to text her back, taking in account the rare set of circumstances.
Well! Just don't let it happen again… I want to spend time with you to gosh! Lol j/k D. I can always spend "quality" time with Micheal. You 2 kids have fun!
I'm sorry Jaz.
Hey! Don't give me that sob! It's all good Danielle. Seriously, I know how it is for you guys. I want you to spend time together. Have fun boo.
Thanks Jaz. I g2g. LYLAS
Yeah… Ditto, bye
No lie, not hanging out with my best friend tonight was really disappointing. Even if it is for just one night. But, I also can't be selfish. I know what this means to her.
What kind of a friend would I be if I said I didn't like it?
Besides I guess I could use more time with Micheal.
Hey babe!
I texted Micheal. I really hoped I didn't get turned down by him too. Otherwise it was going to be a really long night.
Hey what's up baby?
I always loved it when someone called me 'baby', through text or otherwise. It always felt good to know someone thought of me like that. It's one of the only reasons I stay with Micheal after six months. The other just being that I got tired of being single.
Nothing much, thinking 'bout you.
Sometimes I don't know what to say to him or even how to start a conversation. I know he's looking to eventually get more out of this relationship than I'm willing to give. It just kind of makes me nervous. But, every now and then I'll get some courage and throw him a bone.
Me too. So listen, I was thinking about skipping my b-ball game tonight to b with you. That ok?
He always seems to know what's on my mind. Even better, since he's just second string on the school basketball team he doesn't get much game time anyway. He's there for moral support really. That's why he's always so intent on skipping his games.
Sounds great babe! You ask coach yet?
No not yet. But I will.
Better do that first, before you make any promises.
Either way I'm going to be with you tonight.
Oh joy! I guess secretly I was hoping he'd go to his game so if we did get to spend time together it wasn't for very long.
I got bored texting him and decided to just end the conversation.
Hey, I have to go. TTY Soon.
Ok… love you.
Stupid high school relationship! Why do guys say 'I love you' within the first week of a relationship?
It's something I'm not ready for, love. It gives me the shivers just thinking about it. Micheal is a fast progresser, I'm slower. I don't think this relationship is going to last long simply because of the speed difference. He'll tell anyone he wants in bed he loves them. Why should I be any different?
Danielle
I was kind of upset I had to let Jaz down, although I was even more curious as to why Tom asked me out. He never usually has time. As much as I do want to spend time 'kickin' it' with my best friend. I'd much rather spend this rare night of free time with my boyfriend.
I guess it's not like he's busy on purpose. He has real obligations, which is mainly football. We've been together for two years now and he's always played football. But, this year he is captain and he really wants to have an excellent season, so he's going to be busy until football season is over and the prime players are picked for next year.
Thinking about it all curiosity over came me. So I decided to write a letter.
-So you don't have anything going on tonite then?
I watched as he scribbled back in his chicken scratch.
-No, why? Can't a guy just want to spend time with his girlfriend?
-Yes a guy can. You just always seem like you don't even have time to stop and see what I'm up to lately. I never expect you to ask me out now days.
-I'm sorry babe. It's just football has my time. I do love you. Besides I want to be with you tonite. I miss you.
-That doesn't make sense to me Tommy.
- exactly
I looked up at him and saw a foolish grin on his face. I figured he was up to something. I wasn't quite sure yet, but I wanted to know.
-What are you up to?
He took my note and glanced over the words as the bell rang, then he wadded it up and threw it in the trash can next to him.
"Are you going to answer me?" I asked him, grabbing his arm tenderly.
He looked at me and smiled. "It's nothing babe. I just miss my girl," he said.
It was the same thing he always used to tell me. I could almost feel my heart skip a beat. I loved being 'his' girl.
He kissed me on my forehead and stroked my cheek. "Bye baby!" He said, running to catch up with the guys.
I wanted to trust Tom, everything in me did. I was never given a reason not to. I just wasn't sure what tonight was really about. I almost worry that this is a break-up date for him. I silently prayed it wasn't.
Jasmine
When I ran into Michael after first period I was getting ready to ask him about tonight, but before I could get the words out of my mouth he did something he's never done before.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. So close I could feel his heart beat through his chest, even paced, unlike my ever quickening heart pace.
Good thing I took my meds today.
He paused for a second to look at me; then he bent down to my face and kissed me. Not just an ordinary kiss though, he kissed me long and hard. It was a kiss that would normally make you rethink everything you'd ever thought about him.
Suddenly all the blood flooded to my face, turning my cheeks pink because everyone's attention was on us. Talk about embarrassing. He could warn me.
He pulled away from me and spoke. "Babe I talked to coach," he said glumly.
I felt all the blood drain from my face. Knowingly I replied, "Yeah? What did he say?"
Naturally, any time I want anything. Even just a little it just ends up not happening. It's like I take a minute to steal my little moment of happiness and suddenly the world can't take it. Hell would have to freeze over for me to be happy.
Sure it's drama queenish but, I guess somewhere inside of me I was just kind of hoping. I couldn't have happiness if it was handed to me in a nice package with a little bow on top.
"Well, he said no." Micheal said, unaware of my on-going, raging thoughts. Looking away I fought the urge to scream.
I am just used to being spoiled and getting things my way. Sometimes, even though I'm almost an adult, I get upset when things don't go as planned. So far I'm two for two today.
Sensing my feelings he put his hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him again. "But I can duck out early baby. I'll still go to the game, but I'll also get to spend time with you," he said hopefully.
I looked at him almost lovingly, knowing that he was trying to make it work and that he was being sincere.
I answered back, "Ok babe that sounds great."
Looking into my eyes, he nodded as if reassuring himself that I was ok with his plan. Then he bent down to kiss me again.
This time, the kiss made me feel like maybe, just maybe, I can get one night where everything is right.
Before I knew it my heart was racing, almost in excitement. I felt dizzy and had to push myself away from him; it was overwhelming. "You better go. Wouldn't want you to be late for class again." I whispered to him.
"Ok," he said. He turned to leave for his class, then as if he forgot something he stopped and turned to look at me. "I love you Jasmine," he said softly, but loud enough for me to hear.
"Love you to Micheal," I said, mainly to myself.
Why not lie to him? In reality I don't think I could ever love him, at least not for a long time.
Like I said before, he'll tell anyone he wants in bed that he loves them. I was only a matter of time until he wanted it from me. I don't want sex, but telling Michael I loved him bought me time.
Time was all I needed. Time to be happy, just for a minute.