-Chapter 1-
A boy dressed in a black overcoat stood on the cafeteria table, preparing to announce what he was sure his opponent couldn't combat.
"Attention, fellow students!" he began, hardly catching his rival's attention, "I have some very important news concerning Zim! As you are all aware, ZIM IS AN ALIEN!"
Not a single person turned their head to look at him. They continued to eat their food nonchalantly, unaware that the words he spoke were true. A few of them talked amongst themselves, while others enjoyed each other's presence. No one so much as batted an eyelash towards the issue.
"No, really! I can prove it!" he persisted, finally catching the green-skinned boy's attention, "How many of you have a crush?" After seeing nearly everyone raise their hand in response, he smirked and continued, "Well, has it ever occurred to you that Zim has never felt anything for anyone? This is because aliens can't feel human affection!" Dib pointed at Zim with a stiff finger.
How was the alien to combat this statement? It was true; he'd hated the humans ever since he arrived on this planet. And being an Urkan invader, he found people disgusting. He would have to show by action that he belonged among them.
"Um...I simply do not show emotion the way most people do. But I have felt many things for your earthly females!" he protested.
"Oh, yeah? Which one?" Dib pressed, confident that he'd finally gotten the intruder cornered. His smirk grew, intimidating Zim.
"For..." He thought for a moment. He didn't ever pay attention to the school's girls or boys. It was only Dib that had ever concerned him. He didn't know any-wait! "I feel affection towards-" he hopped off his chair and walked over to a girl with some kind of electronic in her hands. She seemed quite focused on it, and didn't acknowledge his presence. He pointed at this lavender-haired girl and resumed, "-this one."
Everyone gasped, being as no one had ever liked her before, and Dib's jaw dropped. "G-Gaz? She's my sister!"
"Yes, I feel very fondly for her. Now you know the truth! I am normal, now we may continue eating," he said.
"Are you kidding? Gaz?" the paranormal investigator repeated.
"Yes, I have chosen Gaz. Is this so-"
"Wait! Did you choose her or did she choose you?" he interrupted, the smirk slowly returning.
"Uh..." He thought again. How did humans 'choose' each other? On Urk, they were created, not bred. Apparently, humans were bred. "She has chosen me, of course," he lied. He bent to tap Gaz on the shoulder.
"What?" she hissed, "I'm busy."
"Um... Of course you are! So very busy! We shall meet after school and...uh..." What did humans do again? Food! It was something they all shared in common, wasn't it? So naturally, he could pull this off, though Dib already knew what was going on. "We shall meet after school, where you will be pelted with chocolates!" he announced.
"I know what you're up to, Zim..." the boy muttered. How had his plan gone so wrong? He thought he'd finally cornered him! And instead, he ended up giving Zim a free ticket to Gaz. To his own sister! The realization dawned on him. He'd given away his sister to an alien. What kind of brother was he? And where was an overprotective dad when you needed one?
Zim walked out of the cafeteria, feeling satisfied at yet another victory over Dib.
Gaz's eyes widened as her game died. "Noooo!" she yelled, "And to think I was almost done with Gnack!" She glanced again at her game and flicked it. It wasn't going to come back on. "Noooo!" she yelled again.
"GIR!" Zim called out in his house, "Gir, I have called in ill today. I shall not be attending the Skool where all the other humans go to. This will give us plenty of time to work on our new evil plan of destruction for the DISGUSTING MAGGOTS that are the humans!"
"Does the plan have muffins in it?" the challenged SIR unit asked happily, "Will you make muffins?"
"I will-"
"Will you make muffins?"
"I will-"
"Will you make muffins?"
Zim did not answer back; if he did, Gir would only repeat his question.
"Master, why are you calling in ill?" the SIR unit said, his few-second-long serious mode activating.
"I just told-"
"Will you make muffins?"
"No, Gir, I won't-"
"MUFFINS?"
The Urkan sighed. He'd already tried making Gir smart; that hadn't gone as planned.
"Master, you wouldn't try to abandon the girl yet, would you?" the robot's deep voice asked, "That would never do."
"Gir, tell me what the mating practices of a FILTHY human are," Zim commanded, determined to take this rare chance of focus.
"Unlike Urkans, they are not created, they breed to create new life forms known as 'babies'," he started.
"Yes, yes. I know that much. Tell me more, Gir. Things I do not know," he ordered.
"Yes, sir! It is common for a male to court a female by doing whatever it is she bids. The females often play coy at first, but as the rituals continue, she begins to accept the male as her mate."
The alien nodded. "And tell me, what are these 'rituals' of which you spoke?"
"The male often obtains food, known as 'dinner' for the female. It is a an instinctive act of courtship that has never been bred out of the human race. Taking the female to dinner or to the movies is often known among them as a 'date'. The same behavior may occur countless times before the female will become closer to the male. This is the second step, known as 'boyfriend' for the male and 'girlfriend' for the female. The third step is marriage, or the joining of the pair. But most relationships do not last this long."
"And how long does a human have to be married for?"
"Until one of them dies. It symbolizes that the courtship is over and the female has chosen her mate to be the current courting male."
"Current?"
"Yes, current. Many males may court a female at the same time, but only one of them can be her mate."
"I see. How long does the courtship usually last for?"
"It ranges from months to years."
"Then this means the girl humans are much harder to court than the girl Urkans. But then, this may be why we Urkans do not breed anymore."
"Will you make muffins?" Yep, the original Gir was back. Back and as happy as ever, because it was impossible to be any happier.
"Now that I know how to capture the Gaz human's heart, I shall whisk her to a land she never even knew of! A land called...ZIM!" he said. Oh, this would be sweet, sweet revenge on Dib.
'Kay, so...yeah. Just a prologue for now. Always open to ideas for the next chapter! (and please suggest some, I don't know where to go with this story) Also, didja like the Gir randomness? I don't know where I got the muffin idea from, but it suits him, I think.
Lemme know what you guys think! R&R