Disclaimer: I own nothing! Not Power Rangers, not Super Sentai, not even the premise for this story or the joke it's derived from!
A/N: Ok, I got the idea for this oneshot while listening to Dane Cook. I originally wasn't sure what section to put this in. And as for the charecters, if you know the main characters from Boukenger and the Dino Thunder rangers, you should be fine. And for those of you are going to ask about the language difference, let's just say that the Boukenger had to learn English while in training. Anyway, let's begin.
Why did all of Hayley's vacations turn into shit? Like that time when she was 15 when her and her family went to New York City. To this day she'll never know why her brother Carl felt the need to run around the Statue of Liberty naked. Or when her and her friends from college all went to Miami that one year. She still had scars from that one. Or the time that Tommy brought her as his guest to see the Command Center ruins and meet the other Mighty Morphin rangers.
And, of course, Rocky try to hit on her which in turn pissed off Tommy because he was trying to get with her and they ended fighting in the fighting of the ruins while Adam, Zack, Trini, Kat, Billy, Aisha, and Kim looked on in a shocked manner while Jason tryed to cheer Tommy on while wearing some unusally short short-shorts. I mean, if those things were any shorter they'd be a belt! And now there was her current vacation to Japan.
"He's really determined." Kira said as she and her fellow rangers watched Conner try his hardest to flag down a cab.
"Yeah." Trent said. "Who would've thought that getting a cab in Japan would be so damn difficult."
"Well it might be easier if we didn't have these damn things painted on our foreheads." Ethan said as he scrubbed his forehead, trying to erase the large Japanese letter painted there.
The gang was sitting outside on some benchs, waiting for Conner to try and find a cab that would take them to their hotel so they could get their stuff and leave this country.
"This is all your fault!" Hayley said as he threw a nearby cup at Tommy.
"Sorry! It's not my fault that woman came on to me." Tommy defended.
"Ok, I'll give you that. But why did you feel the need to be so... aggressive?" Kira asked
"It was just some harmless flirting." Tommy said
"You tryed to milk that poor woman!" Trent exclaimed
"And then those people surrounded us and painted this on our heads." Hayley recalled. "Guess they don't take too kindly to tourists trying to breast rape there young woman"
"Ethan, do you know what this means?" Kira asked, refering to the mark.
Ethan shook his head as he continued to scrub. It was then that he saw it. Now it was well documented that he and Conner weren't the best of friends, but he wouldn't even wish what was about to happen to Conner. What was about to happen you ask? Conner McKnight was about to be struck by a vehicle. And Ethan wanted to tell him. Really he did. But he didn't the time nor presense of mind to say "Your about to struck by a vehicle!" All he could say was this:
"Ohhhhhhhh!" that concerned moan was Ethan's biggest warning to Conner.
And then it happened. BAM! Conner was hit by a car(which ironiclly was a red Dodge) and was sent flying into the air. His shoes came off of his feet as he spun in air, which is quite common when a person is struck by a car. He landed standing up on his feet, clearly embarrassed.
"Oh my God! Are you okay?" Hayley asked as she rushed up to him
"Oh I'm fine. I'm a little hungry, but other than that I'm good." Conner said
"No I think you should sit down." Kira said
"I'm fine really." Conner declared
"Your bleeding out of the ears." Ethan said
"I know. I often times do that. It's a family tradition." Conner said. He then looked around slowly. "Has anyone seen my shoes?I kicked them off in a fit of joy, because I enjoy being struck by vehicles."
"Dude, are you sure you don't need to see a doctor or something?" Trent asked
"No I'm quite fine. I just need to go over here and...die." Conner said as he fell out.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! Cooooooooonnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tommy screamed into the air.
He rushed up to Conner's body and held him tight. "He's like the son I never wanted!" he screamed. "I'll avenge you my boy. I swear it." Tommy said as he closed Conner's eyes.
He ran down the street in an angered rage until he found a man sitting on a park bench that looked rather smart.
"You! Do you speak English?" he asked. The man nodded. "Good. Do you know the man that just hit that boy over there?!"
"Yeah. His name's Akashi Satoru." the man said
"Are you positive?"
"Postive. We used to be part of the same book club a few years back. That was, until he got that new job."
"What new job? Tell me!" Tommy said as he picked up the short, round man.
"Please stop! I don't wanna be a soccer ball again!" he screamed
"Soccer ball?" Tommy asked as he put the ball-man down.
"Sorry bout that. I had a run in with a kid named Kai a few years ago. And when I find that bastard, he'll need a miracle to save him...Oh yeah, about Satoru. He got some treasure hunting job. Some people say that it's really a Super Sentai orginazation."
"Sentai?" Tommy said as his eye twitched. "So that's it! You damn Sentais weren't pleased with just trying to kill me, now you want my boy pupil?!" Tommy screamed at nobody.
"Huh?" the man said
"This ends today!" Tommy was then surrounded by a bright light. When it subsided, he was wearing a combination of his former ranger suits. His Black ranger pants, his White ranger torso, his green ranger shield. and his Red Zeo helmet. He then took off running in a random direction.
The man shook his head as Tommy ran off. Just then, he saw Kai coming down the street with his soccer ball. The man smiled and hid behind the bench he was sitting in. Then, as soon Kai passed the bench, the man jumped back out.
"Remember me Kai-san?" the man said
"Didn't I use like a soccer ball a while back?" Kai asked
"Yes you did! And now comes my revenge!" the man blew what appeared to be a dog whistle. Moments later, WWE Superstar Umaga came from out nowhere.
"Get em Umaga!" the man screamed. Umaga then grabbed Kai by the hair and hit him with a vicous Samoan Spike. Kai began rolling on the ground and gasping for air. He sold the move like a seasoned vet, or maybe he was really hurt. Oh well, no one cares.
Location: SGS Headquarters
"Chief!" Sakura said as she entered the room. "We have a report of your brother hitting some poor American boy with a car."
"That damn Evil Akashi!" Akashi said.
"What was he driving?" Souta asked.
"A car." Natsuki said. Masumi shook his head and petted her.
"I believe it to be a Dodge. Why?" Sakura asked
"Haha, looks like that American didn't take the car's advice!" Eiji said as he took a bite out of a carrot. He and Masumi then laughed loudly.
"Boukenger!" Mr. Voice said as he came up on the viewing screen. "We have reports that Tommy Oliver is looking for you!"
"Tommy Oliver? We have to go!" Souta said as he leapt up.
"Why? Does this guy have a Precious or something?" Eiji asked as he bit into a squash.
"Yes. A Precious called the Dragon Dagger" Akashi said as he turned to face the camera "Attack!"
Location: Random Alleyway
"Come to me you cowardly fools! I want your blood for the death of my boy!" Tommy screamed.
"Stop your screaming." Akashi said as he and the other's arrived, Zubaan in his hands.
"It's you! Your the one who hit my boy with a vehice!"
"Actually that was my evil twin brother Evil Akashi."
"Yeah right. Well whatever the case, I've come to destroy you!"
"Ha! You actually think you can defeat us?" Eiji said as he bit into a pumpkin.
"Yeah, do you know who we are?" Masumi asked.
"START UP!!!"
"The Fiery Adventuter! BoukenRed!"
"The Fast Adventuter! BoukenBlack!"
"The High-Up Adventuter! BoukenBlue!"
"The Strong Adventuter! BoukenYellow!"
"The Deep Adventutuer! BoukenPink!"
"The Dazzling Adventuter! BoukenSilver!"
"Zubaan!"
"Endless Bouken Spirits!" Akashi said as the large explosion happened behind them. "GoGo Sentai Boukenger!" everyone followed.
"That was pretty damn cool. You even have a sword man and everything. But sadly, it won't help you!"
Just then, Mr. Voice called the Boukenger.
"Boukenger! Ryuoun are currently trying to steal a valuble Precious called Crap!" Mr. Voice said
"Ok. I'll leave this guy to you guys. I'll go handle Ryuoun. I expect you to be successful." Akashi said
"We'll handle it Chief." Sakura said. Akashi nodded and ran off into the direction were he thought Ryuoun was.
20 minutes later
When Akashi returned, he was stunned at what he saw. The entire team had been demorphed. Eiji, Sakura, and Natsuki had been tied together by there hair and had been hung across a nearby powerline like a pair of sneakers. Zubaan was back in his sword mode and had been used to impale Gaja(who thought this would be the perfect time to sneak attack them.) As for Souta, he was being used as a weapon to pummel Masumi.
"So you've returned to battle me like a man eh? That's good. Because now I can avenge my pupil by defeating you!" Tommy declared.
"I told you. It was my evil twin borther Evil Satoru that did that evil deed."
"...Your brother's name is Evil Satoru?" Tommy asked
"Yeah. Mother never was too...normal." Akashi said. A long uncomfortable silence followed.
"Damn. Well with a name like that maybe he did hit Conner." Tommy said quietly. "But just to be safe, I shall defeat you."
"Very well. I'll certainly win and retrieve the Precious." Akashi said
Tommy and Akashi rushed each other. Just when they were about to make impact, both were hit with large pebbles. They turned to see the throwers to be none other than Hayley and a morphed Kira and Ethan.
"Looks like we finally found you." Hayley said "We've been looking for you and Conner."
"Conner?" Tommy asked. "What'd you lose the body?"
"No. Actually he was never dead." Kira said.
"Right after you left, he wandered off into the city. So we had to split up and find you guys." Ethan added.
"Found him!" A voice yelled out. Everyone turned around to see a morphed Trent with a woozy Conner slumped over his shoulder.
"MUHUHUHUHUUHU!! So it appears that you survive my hit and run! Well no matter, for now you all will meet your downfall!" everyone looked up to see a man who looked exactly like Akashi(save for the sinister grin and long evil chin beard thingy) flying over head is a red hang-glider. He tried to land, but ended up crashing into Sakura, Natsuki, and Eiji, somehow freeing them from there entanglement.
"Evil Satoru!" Akashi declared.
"That's right brother! I'm here to destroy you for permanent!" Evil Satoru said as he pulled out a large automatic gun that was attached to a large cage of...babies. Evil Satoru shot the gun as dozens of babies shot at the gang.
"Start up!" Souta, Sakura, Natsuki, and Masumi sayed as they grined there Accelluars(A/N:I think that's how you spell it. I'm far too lazy to check) off of Conner's face, while Eiji simply pressed his button.
"We have to catch those babies! Attack!" When Akashi said that, everyone(even Tommy and company) began catching the flying infants.
"You dare catch my barrage of babies? Well then take this!" Evil Satoru said. "Oh? It appears that I forgot my toddler cannon.Well then, it looks like we'll have to fight another day. Until then, take this!" Evil Satoru then tossed a huge bomb towards our heroes. Moments before it hit them, it exploded into another swarm of babies, covering our heroes in a large pile.
"Ah! The babies have demorphed us!" Ethan said.
"And it's too much of them to move!" Sakura exclaimed
"We'll have to do this the old fashioned way..." Tommy began
"Kill them?" Masumi asked. Despite the fact that he couldn't see anyone's face, he could tell they were staring at him.
"Why the hell would we kill the babies?" Hayley asked
"Nevermind that. I was actually talking about tummy-kissing our way out." Tommy said
"Good idea. Everyone, Attack!!" Akashi said as he snapped.
Over the next few minutes, a loud chorus of giggling and tummy-kisses rang threw the area.
"Hehehehe.."
"Natuski what are you laughing at?" Souta asked
"So...hehehe...someone's kissing on Natsuki's thigh..hehehehe."
"Oops. Hehe, no wonder there was no belly button. Sorry bout that." Ethan said
The gang continued with there work, trying to ignore the uncomfortableness that was sure to follow if they didn't. They continued for about 20 more minutes until Kira noticed something.
"Guys, were not making any headway here. We might as well give up." she said
"And die in a pile of babies? Never! I refuse to die in such a manner!" Eiji exclaimed.
"So do you have a plan?" Hayley asked. Silence followed. "I thought not."
"Wait a second." Tommy said. "Where is your sword man? Perhaps he can help."
"Good idea. Zubaan! Assist us!" Akashi yelled
At that moment, Zubaan flew out of Gaja's chest while Gaja mumble/whispered something unimportant. He then converted to his humanoid mode and approached the pile. He reached into the pile and pulled out the gang one by one, before discarding them to the side with the exception of Natsuki who he calmly placed on her feet.
"Wow. Um, you should really come back to headquarters with us so we can try to a find a way to take of that." Sakura said as she pointed to the mark on Kira's head.
"Ok, but would you mine telling us what they mean?" Hayley asked.
"Trust me you don't want to know." Akashi said "And you might wanna get your friend. I assume that's how he got struck in the first place."
He was referring to the fact that Conner(still a little loopy from the hit) was now in the middle of the street doing what appeared to be the Electric Slide.
"Dammit...Ethan, Trent, go get him." Tommy said as he rubbed his temples.
Location: SGS Headquarters
When back at headquarters, Makino whipped up something to erase the marks from the gang's head. As is procedure in SGS, Makino was then forced to go back into his lab.(A/N: This has nothin to do with the story, but he needs more camera time! Makino-sensei pwns!)
"Well, we defeated this guys evil twin, stopped Dr. O and said guy from fighting, and we got those symbols off our heads. Sounds like a good day to me!" Trent said
"Your just lucky I didn't have to fight one of you." Eiji said as he bit into a beanstalk.
"Takaoda-san, did you and Masumi return all those babies?" Sakura asked
"Yeah we sent a Myspace bulletin." Masumi said
"And you honestly think that solves the problem?" Hayley asked
"Yep." Eiji said as bit into a giant cucumber.
"I mean, what's the worst that could happen?" Masumi asked
Location: Random Alleyway
Child Collector Org couldn't believe his eyes. There it was, a pile of babies that would perfect for his collection! He swiftly scooped them up in a large sack and skipped along his merry way. He just hoped customs wouldn't ask questions as to why he's carrying a bag of Japanese babies. But then again, he was a freakin monster!
Location: SGS Headquarters
"But what if there not in your friend's list? However will they wind there babies?" Ethan asked
"What part of it's taken care of do you not understand?" Eiji said as he brandished his blaster/spear/item detecter thingy(A/N: Once again, far too lazy to look up the proper name.)
"I understand completely I'm jsut sayin..." Ethan gave up as he say Eiji brandish it once more.
"Tell me, where exactly is that Precious you hold?" Akashi asked
"Oh, you mean my Dragon Dagger? Trust me, it's in a safe place."
Location: Angel Grove
Jason is sitting on his couch in front of the TV with a nice steak dinner. Just as he was about to eat, he noticed that he had forgotted to get a knife. And I mean, the knifes are all the way in the kitchen! Thinking quickly, Jason reached under his coach and retrieved the Dragon Dagger. After staring at it for several minutes, he simply shrugged and used to cut his steak.
Location: SGS Headquarters
"Well I think it's time for us to go home." Tommy said. "I guess you Sentai's ain't that bad."
"What did you dislike us or something?" Masumi asked
"Yeah. But I have my reasons." Tommy answered
"What are they?" Natsuki asked.
"Well it began some time ago. It was a cold day. It's always cold in Angel Grove..." Tommy began
"Oh boy. Here we go with this again." Trent said
"My pickles aren't done baking yet." Conner said woozily.
"We know Conner. We know." Ethan said with a smile.
The camera pans out from the building while Tommy tells his story to reveal non other than Evil Satoru sitting on a blimp, watching with a telescope.
"Soon my brother. Soon I will have my revenge! FUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" the sound of Evil Satoru's voice rang threw the land as the screen darkens and the story ends.
A/N: Well boys and girls that ends this "story". As some of you may know, this all stems from a Dane Cook joke that made me laugh. Why would I write this you ask? Simple. I was bored out of mind and I just decided to give it a go. Oh well. Read and Review, try the salad, and Merry Christmas!!
...Oh yeah, GO SOONERS!!!!!