I needed him more than he could ever know. He was the sun at the zenith of my world, at the epicenter of all that willed me to live. Walking away was like swallowing broken glass but it wasn't my pride that made me walk away. It wasn't about losing to her. No, I truly believed he would be happier without me even if my very essence died. It was my defining moment, something inexplicably painful but likewise painless knowing he would find happiness. I couldn't have imagined myself arriving at that moment. It blew my mind that it was possible to love another person so much it was simply

Something Unfathomable…

-Salina

Warning: Contains a single masturbation scene, the rest of it is clean.

We had been friends since before we even started school, Diamond and I, and we were a match made in heaven. We had become close friends quickly once he moved to Twinleaf, and much of our time was consumed by pursuing our shared dream of becoming the greatest manzai duo in the world. He was a funny kid; he always had a goofy smile and eyes glazed over by a seemingly oblivious demeanor. I knew better though, I always knew what he was thinking or how he felt. Something about his eyes always betrayed him when he tried to hide what he was feeling. And he certainly had striking eyes. They changed color between grey and blue like the sky in the winter or spring. As a kid I never preoccupied myself much with how much of a pleasure it was to have his eyes on me or even what secret bliss I eventually got from seeing him in general. When he was really happy it was crazy how infectious his positive energy was. Even someone as restless as me found it in me to slow down and just smile with him. He knew how to slow down and take things in stride while I always had to be in stride and pushing ahead adamantly. I led him everywhere by the hand, I always tried to help him to catch up to get on my level, to see things through my fiery eyes but his patient pools always slowed me down and wouldn't allow me to ever reach what I felt my potential was. Sometimes I found I didn't mind this but other times I felt annoyed by the hindrances and would lash out at him unfairly. I hated seeing him upset, especially when it was my fault. I never meant to hurt his feelings when I would lash out or when I got frustrated, and I never knew the right way to approach the situation. Hugging him felt odd but that's what my mom would do and it usually helped when I allowed myself to do so.

Whenever he would come over I was always preoccupied with practicing the skits I would devise for us or wanting to go on adventures for kicks. He, on the other hand, was always consumed by small snacks or watching my mother awestruck, like a lovesick poochyena. I found it faintly amusing but also irritating how much of his efforts seemed to go toward being seen in special light with her instead of focusing on achieving our goals. Everything seemed to leave him awestruck, everything was so impressive to him, even simple things most people wouldn't take much notice to at all. He looked at her with endless adoration, taking in her image like one might an oasis if you were dying of thirst. My mother has always been a beautiful woman, very much like a porcelain doll, extremely petite but she had an underestimated sparkle in her eyes that told the story of a possible rebellious youth. Her skin was fair but lightly sun kissed perhaps from years of travel and littered with freckles especially on the bridge of her nose. Her hair was a golden blonde and cascaded from a youthful ponytail in bouncing curls and waves, her mouth was posh with perfectly pinkish lips. Her hazel eyes were mostly green with auburn highlights that seemingly vanished whenever she cried. Her aura was pleasant; she was poised but extremely witty and almost flirtatious in her mannerisms. I haven't since seen her eyes light up the way they did when I was a child in quite a while. It always bothered me that I saw her youth and personality slip away before my very eyes with no hope to reverse it. Now that I think back it was likely no fault of my own but rather my father's. He was never home, I barely remember him if at all in any of my childhood memories but I knew he meant more than I could possible imagine to my mother. You know, she always kept the house up and primped herself as younger ladies do, just in case he wanted to surprise her. Just in case her heart's pleas or her late night sobs were answered at last. In that regard I didn't mind Diamond's doting on her. She probably thought it was cute or nothing quite serious but there was no denying the genuine happiness that made her simply glow when he was around her. When he'd bring her daisies from the yard or share cookies with her she always smiled so wide that the dimple in her one cheek always became exceedingly more obvious than her normal smile. I felt relieved to see her so genuinely happy and I was thankful that someone appreciated her as much as I did, although it was odd because she was still my mom and everything.

One thing about growing up with Diamond in Twinleaf that I cherish is all the time we spent together at Lake Verity. Camping in the backyard and sneaking off to the lake to watch the sunrise or waiting for a red gyarados to come out for us to see or simply hanging out and swimming during the summer. The lake was always a lot of fun, although before we received our first pokemon it was always a gamble. I came home on more than one occasion scraped up from fending off wild pokemon and protecting Diamond from all sorts of things that always seemed tempted by his endless arsenal of snacks. That's one thing that always annoyed me about Diamond, he was such an avid eater it was like all he ever did! Most of the punch lines to our skits ended up unintentionally food related but I learned to work with it. The lake also became a very special place when I was eleven.

It was an autumn day and we were at the lake practicing manzai and playing with Diamond's action figures he had brought with him. We must have played and practiced for hours, we lost track fast, and eventually we contented ourselves to simply stare out at the lake and sit at the edge of the water. We were sitting together for a long time and I found myself growing anxious so I tried to fixate my attention on something to distract my restlessness and found myself staring at Diamond. He was wearing a red beret and the vest his mom made him put on to keep warm. He was shorter than I was, even sitting down and his eyes looked blue and grey that day. His eyelashes were also quite long and dark I noticed, almost like my mom's which was odd but I didn't mind it. He had lovely eyes, I could've sat there watching him for hours and still found him interesting.

Something about him that day changed in my eyes, like I was seeing him for the first time. He looked… he looked so… I was so afraid to think it in my head. It wasn't normal and it made me feel strange but he really was so… cute? Handsome? I felt my cheeks heat up and they only got hotter as I felt myself grow more embarrassed for thinking that about Diamond. He was my best friend, what was I thinking? I nearly jumped out of my skin when he looked over and smiled inquiringly at me. He didn't need to say a word, I could see it in his eyes he was slightly confused at my expression and likely at the blush which I could no longer attempt to hide. My face must have matched his hat perfectly and I watched as his cheeks tinted slightly as he watched me watching him.

"Pearl? What are you thinking about?" He asked softly as though coaxing me from a dream.

And I panicked. I couldn't tell him, he wouldn't want to be my friend if he thought I was weird. I couldn't lose him. He meant too much to me to lose him over these odd thoughts I was experiencing.

"N-Nothing!" I stammered but he made a face like he knew better. It scared me to think that my eyes were betraying me the way his always did that let me know what he was thinking most of the time. "I can't tell you…" I sighed miserably.

"Oh…" He sounded hurt. He was my best friend but he wouldn't understand. I didn't even understand myself.

We sat silently for a few minutes before he spoke again.

"It's cold," he said simply.

It was cold, I could see my breath and when he spoke a trail of smoke like from the top of a train sprouted from his mouth. I sat tensely as I contemplated my next move or what I would say in response. Without thinking, as I did most things, I claimed his hand in mine and tried to play it off like I wasn't afraid of the rejection I was almost certain would come, like it didn't feel wrong because honestly it couldn't have felt more right. But in that regard I was always quite lucky, impulsive as I was things usually seemed to work out without my trying. He looked at me like a stantler in headlights, blushing more as I looked at him a bit desperately. He smiled softly before averting his gaze and squeezing my hand tighter. His hand was cold, not colder than mine, but I tried to focus on making my hand feel warmer to comfort him. I'm not sure if thinking something over and over can actually make it happen but at eleven it sounded like a good plan.

"I-Is that better? Warmer?" I managed to ask and he nodded quickly.

We held hands like that in silence for quite a while; it wasn't long enough for me though. When we finally left and got near our houses I had to let go first. Diamond was very predictable, he followed my lead and I knew he wasn't going to let go for whatever reason. I wouldn't have minded but I had to go home for dinner and so did he so we went our separate ways for the night. It was the first time I held anyone's hand like that before, it felt more special to me that it was his hand I held but we never spoke of it again.

That was only the first incident of many where I noticed how much more than a friend I wanted Diamond to be. The way I started to look at him and feel about him made me feel worried that I was going slowly insane. I tried to bury myself in our work, my work, anything to distract me or prevent me from having the time to spare a bold glance at his body or think about holding his hand or hugging him. It wasn't normal, it wasn't right to think about friends that way let alone that he was also a boy. And just when I thought I had hit a streak of not thinking about Diamond in an odd way, everything I held sacred, my dignity and my sanity, slipped through my fingers like sand through a glass.

It was a normal night and I was alone in my room lying on my bed looking thoughtfully up at my ceiling as I often did. I looked around my bedroom, there wasn't much to do. I had a Wii whose games I never had the patience for and a TV that wouldn't be airing cartoons at that hour, rendering them useless. The computer had its limitations as well. Strangely I wasn't in the mood for manzai which I shrugged off since I had spent my entire day writing in our joke book and frankly was burnt out. This type of complacency scared me usually but it felt oddly ok. I had my hand on my stomach and the other arm aiding my pillow in propping my head up. I looked around again and sighed before looking down my stomach to where my hand rested. I stared at my hand for several minutes not thinking of anything in particular, just staring. My mind went completely blank as my body seemed to move at its own accord, and I watch with rapt attention as my hand started to move down little by little. I didn't know what I was doing but I was almost excited to see what was about to happen.

As my hand slid under the waist band of my boxers my face started burning, and I gasped as I touched myself lightly. It was only a light brush but it felt suddenly so intensified. And seeing as I was voluntarily touching myself there not because I was showering or anything that would require me to do so, made me feel strange. I didn't understand why I was doing it, what confused me more was how much I enjoyed it. I grasped myself and stroked it gently, curiously until I felt comfortable pumping myself a bit faster. I whimpered at the strange feeling but it didn't last long, a few brief minutes at most. I felt almost instantly desperate and with a groan a scrunched my eyes closed as I felt my body do something, what I wasn't sure, but then I felt an awkward chill between my legs as I panted.

I couldn't fight my curiosity as I lifted up the waistband so I could examine the aftermath of what I had done. There was this stuff, sticky and viscous stuff, all over my hand and in the fabric. I had seen this once before after I had woken up from a strange dream but I was too embarrassed to ask my mom if it was normal or rather what it was. I hadn't wet the bed but I was afraid to know because what if it was a guy thing? My mom was a girl and she wouldn't get it or think I'm weird. And now I knew I couldn't ask because I knew where it had come out of and it would just be gravely awkward to try to articulate. I didn't know what to type into the computer either to try to figure it out on my own, not that I was too preoccupied with what it was but rather how was I going to make that happen again. It felt good but it didn't last long enough, I wanted more.

Flushed, I looked around. No one was watching, no one had to know. So I slid off my boxers and took off my shirt. It was a bit embarrassing being exposed and even though I was alone it still felt unusual. But I also felt bizarrely rebellious at the same time and I liked it. I liked it a lot. Sitting up, I looked down at my flaccid appendage curiously. I took in my hand cautiously again and felt it in a inquisitive manner that made me blush more as I noted which parts made me flinch when touched or simply just examined what I had attached to me for my twelve years of life. The head was the most sensitive, touching that alone made me shudder in ecstasy. I started stroking it again rather clumsily as I tried to figure out how I was supposed to do it and what felt best. Once I established a good rhythm I found my chest rising and falling as I required more oxygen than usual to keep up with my racing heart not as overwhelming as my raging hormones.

It was so new, it was so amazing but I just couldn't figure out how to make that whitish substance appear again. I grew frustrated, groaning and whining as I felt myself throbbing with need but no matter how I touched myself it wasn't adequate. I looked down, it was red and something was oozing from the tip. I felt the liquid between my finger tips but I wasn't sure what it was so I wiped it on my inner thigh before trying to pump myself again. From the liquid slowly oozing out of the tip I figured I was close but I just couldn't do it. I kept trying but I wasn't good enough. The longer it took the more worried I grew that my mom would come in and see me so shamelessly touching myself. This must be a sin, I thought. It felt too good to be acceptable. But how could something so good be wrong? It was so innocent, so uncoordinated and inquisitive; I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.

I took a break to catch my breath. I tried to envision something that would be 'arousing' I thought the word was but really I was just trying to picture anything that would excite me enough to push me over the edge so I could get some release. I thought about how tired my arm felt and about how my body felt sticky, like on a humid day in the summer. That wasn't terribly exciting, although the beach sounded like fun considering it never snowed enough to really play around here. That made me think of the color blue. Ice blue, like icicles in a snowy cavern in the winter under a grey overcast sky. It was winter now so the thought wasn't completely random but nothing if not scenic which is the opposite of what I wanted.

But speaking of winter… Diamond's eyes. They were like the winter sky, or like the ocean even. His eyes were perfectly framed by his oddly long lashes. I thought of his smile that I always found infectious, and made my heart flutter more recently… Yes, oh yes, that's it. I drank in his image from my memories like a desperate man with a death wish consuming more than his fair share of alcohol, indulgently frantic, but it was such a wonderfully blissful way to go. I was soon barely aware of anything but reviving the throbbing in my groin that had subsided a bit in my distraction and the images of Diamond's exposed body, wet from swimming or the way he looked at me when we held hands so long ago. It all felt like distant memories now. With Diamond's name on my lips, and not just "Dia" I mean his actual name, I felt a tension release in sporadic spasms from somewhere within my hips as at last that whitish fluid burst into my hand and onto my stomach. I felt proud, blissfully content and dirty in a dangerous way that made me feel like a criminal on the run. I barely cared that thinking of Diamond was what helped push me over the edge; it was hard to deny that I wanted him in that moment.

I eventually figured out what that "stuff" was and the term they use for what I had done. It was perfectly normal, or so most sources stated, but for a while all I thought about whenever I saw anybody was whether or not they were doing the same thing. Or I wondered if their hands were clean which made me grimace with unease. Even girls did things like that apparently which roused some curiosity as to how they managed to but those thoughts were quickly dismissed. My mom was a girl after all. I felt awkward pondering if she was crying in her room alone or doing something else but in time I found I didn't care anymore. I didn't have the luxury of free time much after that because I had to prepare Diamond and I for the New Generation Funny Grand Prix in Jubilife City. Our manzai routine had to be perfect if we were going to win and that was exactly what I intended on doing. We practiced so much and we were pretty good but we weren't the best, yet anyway. The outcome wasn't quite what I had expected but we did manage to get a special merit prize from the judges which we were proud to have received. However, after that everything changed.

How we ended up tangled in that whole ordeal with Platinum I'll never know for certain. Was I thankful for the journey? In a way yes, I learned a lot about myself and did a lot of growing up on the road. Along the way I faced moments that tested my patience, integrity among other things. I finally got out and saw the world. I saw pokemon and places I had only seen on TV or places I never knew existed. I also got into my first real argument with Diamond. I wanted to protect him; I needed him to be safe. I told him to escape but he didn't listen to me. And then he had the audacity to… put me in my place.

"Pearl, you're not the boss of me."

I couldn't believe it. It was the first time he had ever, ever told me how he felt. It wasn't what I wanted to hear but he put everything in a new light for me. I was pushing him too hard. In my attempt to distract myself from my own feelings and harbored fixation with him I pushed him away. Thinking that we might not be friends after the battle that ensued with Cyrus scared me more than any rational or even irrational fear that a person could possibly have. It was like I was holding my breath the entire time, drowning in the misery that was pooling behind his grey steel eyes. What killed me was that he was right, I didn't deserve his patience. I felt then more than ever that I had to prove myself to him. Show him that I could be the guy he thought I was, the guy I knew I could be if I tried hard enough. Making up with him set the world straight again, his smile was like a breath of fresh air and I was always more attentive and sensitive to him after that. I told him I wasn't that strong, that I only act that way to prove my willpower. I showed him weakness, I wondered if he realized that my only weakness was and will always be him.

While Platinum brought an interesting twist in our lives at times I found myself disliking her quite a bit. The way she spoke down on us in the beginning and still does at times was nothing short of berating. It infuriated me to no end. What's more, she would boss me around like I was one of her interchangeable servants at times. Diamond was too willing to please and oblivious to how unreasonable her requests tended to be which was also frustrating. To me she was like the illusion of a person, the perfect daughter to a family of status. She looked perfect at face value like her countless possessions and never stepped out of line by their social standards. She was beautiful, elegant even but she was socially inept which I think often hindered her from communicating with others. It was like she had no emotions, always a serious expression that rarely strayed from an almost irritably bored expression. In short, she was born to play the role that life had set before her but that didn't make it necessarily a good thing. I mean, I will admit that there was a time when I actually liked her and we were all good friends but feelings got in the way of it all.

From the moment he saw her, Diamond was love struck with Platinum. I hadn't seen him look at anyone the way he looked at her other than my mother and occasionally me but I doubted he was actually looking at me when he had that stupid look on his face. I didn't ogle him so I didn't see why he would me if he by some feat of Arceus he perhaps liked me even a fraction of the way I liked him. But I digress, I knew he liked her. It was painfully obvious. To everyone except Missy that is. She didn't pay much attention to us "commoners," she was too important to care. At the end of the day we were hardly anything to her in reality. Her world was the stars, and we could only watch her from below like watching the sun, its intense beauty and power dangerous and blinding; untouchable glory. But it killed me to watch Diamond watch her the way I watched him, to see him gaze longingly at something he couldn't have but still try and hope that maybe everything would work out somehow. To see him stumble in my footsteps as he doted after her, more specifically after someone who wasn't me. If we could relive the moment when we were so young at the lake maybe now he would recognize the heartsickness simmering behind my desperate expression. Maybe he could look at me the way he looks at her and then she would be jealous of me.

In time I realized that he either didn't notice the subtle hints I tried to give him or maybe he just didn't feel the same way. It hurt to think I was losing my best friend to her. It hurt more to watch the love of my life love someone who didn't appreciate him the way I did. That is truly why I will never forgive Platinum. It wasn't that I was jealous of her wealth, I didn't hate her for talking to me like I was nothing more than the dirt it takes to make a pearl, I didn't even hate her because Diamond liked her and not me. I couldn't forgive her because she wouldn't give him a chance, because she wouldn't step off her high horse to see what an amazing person he was, because she treated the only person who would probably ever genuinely love her for the shell of a person she was like he was nothing instead of like the brilliant diamond he was. I look back now and sometimes regret that I trusted her, that I gave her the benefit of the doubt even though every cell in my body keened in protest.

It was late summer and the autumn breeze began blowing cool winds from the north that shook the trees, their leave trembling as though aware of their inevitable demise. We were fifteen, Diamond fourteen for the next few months, at the time and we were on our way back home. It was a typical night, nothing special. Missy strode along on her rapidash beside Diamond and I as we trekked through Sinnoh one last time. As we stopped to rest we built a fire for Diamond to cook some dinner for us much to Platinum's discontent. It was nostalgic for me and I tried not to let her inability to appreciate the situation ruin the mood for me. Usually I was in a hurry to get from point A to point C as fast as possible but tonight was one of those rare nights where I felt at ease. Pretty soon we would be home, the journey perhaps forgotten in time with these cities we coursed a flickering memory in the back of our heads.

Diamond looked genuinely happy to be cooking even if he couldn't do anything extravagant in light of our circumstances. He looked like he was working quite vigilantly although it came easily to him and the façade of difficulty was forced unsurprisingly to impress Missy if she happened to spare a glance. Their eyes met and a glint in his eye of hope started burning, hoping that she would notice that he was selflessly slaving away for her. But alas she said nothing as she smoothed the pleats in her skirt. With a defeated sigh he continued working.

"Smells great, Dia," I said trying to cheer him up.

He looked over at me with a soft smile. Did he think I felt sorry for him? Did he know I saw through his thwarted attempts? Did he not want my praise?

He murmured his thanks.

We sat pensively for a while and I thought long and hard about things. I had been thinking a great deal on our trip back home not that there was much else to do otherwise. I thought about Diamond, I thought about us and about him and Platinum. It was no surprise that happiness in Diamond's eyes would be having Missy as his girlfriend although I knew full well that any gesture from her would satisfy him in any capacity. So naïve. But thinking about his happiness led me to think about my own. What did I want? What would bring me happiness? My whole life was ahead of me so what did I want to do with myself? The obvious answer was to be with Diamond, make manzai a profession and such. Or even convince him that he could learn to love and want me the way he wants Missy. I knew that I needed him.

I watched him without seeing him as he handed me a small treat. He smiled at me and my heart fluttered and I was thankful that the lack of light hid my blush well. For a brief moment we stared at each other before I noticed him break eye contact, still smiling, as he offered one to Missy. I wondered if she noticed he served me first. She smiled at him, even if it was only for a few moments I knew that he saw it and the beautiflies in my stomach became choked by the knots of jealousy that contorted my stomach.

Happiness. Happiness for me meant having Diamond as my own. Happiness for Diamond was bringing happiness to others. I was selfish and he selfless. He was in love and I was loveless. The more I contemplated the situation the more it became dismally clear what I needed to do. His happiness was worth more to me than my own. But in his triumphs and bliss I thought I could find my own. Yes, if he was happy then I would be happy whether I was there to share it with him or if she was. For something I had thought through so thoroughly that night, it sure felt like I hadn't quite thought my plan through at all. Most of my plans were like that though. I was impulsive but things usually worked out without me trying anyway so I knew that wherever my feet were about to lead me that it would be ok. Even if I died inside, I trusted myself to know what the best course of action was.

I felt distant as the two of them chattered away even though I was sitting right next to him. He was about three inches away, three and a half actually, and I felt guilty but I interrupted and asked him to come with me to get more firewood. We had enough but he knew something was wrong. Once we were out of range he immediately asked what was wrong and I stuffed my hands in my pockets best I could. My pants were impossibly tight and I barely managed to get my fingers in. I looked at him and didn't fight the smile his image brought to my face though it was a pained smile of surrender. I sighed heavily through my nose.

"This has been quite a journey, eh, Dia?"

"It's a lot to process. We've grown up a lot but it was a lot of fun. Did you have fun?" He smiled at me quirkily.

"Yeah… Dia, I-I mean, Diamond?"

"Yes, Pearl?"

"You're… You're my best friend. You mean a lot to me and growing up with you has been amazing."

He smiled softly but he looked worried as well. He opened his mouth but I continued.

"I think… I hope you'll understand why I'm doing this. Diamond…"

I looked at him desperately; my shoulders slumped as I faced him. It felt like I had a gun to my head and was anxiously trying to figure out how to ask for his grace to pull the trigger. I wanted him to do it for me so I didn't have the blood on my hands. So I didn't have any hope left to cling to or tantalize me once I was gone. I put a hand on his shoulder and tried to smile as a lump formed in my throat. I felt like I was suffocating.

"Diamond, I'm… I'm going away."

"When? Where are we going?"

My heart sank. He automatically assumed we'd go together? If I had my way we'd never have to part but I saw things in a different light tonight. I knew what I had to do.

"I'm going to do some… soul searching." I sounded less than convincing. In all honesty I had no idea where I was going, I hadn't thought about it.

"Alone," he whispered, it was barely a question and he looked confused.

"No long faces, bro. It's not forever," I smiled awkwardly trying to look confident but it didn't feel right to have my face gesticulating like that. I wanted to cry. "I want you to take Missy home. Spend some… quality time with her. Why don't you show her your new recipe you've been working so hard on lately…? I-I think she'd like that. You're amazing… an amazing cook! I bet she'd find it pretty cool, you know?" I tried to imply what I wanted him to do, to try and woo her into seeing him the way I saw him.

"How did you know I was working on a new recipe? It was a secret," he looked surprised.

"(Because I love you, I know and notice everything about you.) I've noticed you were working hard lately."

"Oh… I don't think she'll like it though it's spicy." He sounded like he was making excuses, like he didn't want her to have any. He probably didn't want me to feel bad that he was trying to surprise her with something special. But I didn't care anymore, that was good. Good for them, lucky for her.

"(My favorite) I'm sure she'll like it… if it's from you… Can you promise me something?"

"…Anything."

"Be happy."

"Huh?"

"Just… Be happy; find happiness, find yourself, just… be happy for me, ok?"

"Ok."

"I need you to promise me," my voice was stern. I needed to hear it from him. I needed his assurance to know or at least feel like I wasn't making the biggest mistake of my life.

"I promise." I sighed with relief.

"Good… now finish getting the wood. I need to talk to Missy."

"When will I see you again?" The edge in his voice told me he was scared. He would be ok, though. He was stronger than he thought he was. I never wanted him to fear or feel loneliness and I was practically praying that now he never would.

"Sooner than you think. If you need me I'll be in touch," I smiled reassuringly but he didn't look convinced.

"How will I know how to reach you?"

"You'll just know."

With that we stood there staring at each other. I longingly and him confusedly, longing more than anything to know what was going on. He would figure it out soon enough. As I watched him looking so distressed I felt as I had many times as I had when we were children; like I didn't know how to soothe him. Except I did know. I nearly tackled him and I threw my arms around his neck in an embrace. After a few moments and he returned the gesture and I was as elated as I was heartbroken. After the hug, I put my hands on his shoulders and smiled determinedly at him. I was doing the right thing.

"Don't be scared, bro. Just be happy." He smiled sheepishly at me as I turned to head back to the fire.

"Wait, Pearl!"

My heart stopped. In my mind I replayed this moment in my head a million times after it had happened. How I wished it had happened. I wanted him to tell me he had always been in love with me and that he had never loved her. To take him in my arms again and claim his virgin lips, runaway together somewhere where we wouldn't have to worry about being judged or about dealing with the consequences. I wanted to lay him on a bed of roses and deflower him as though in a dream. To touch him everywhere. I wanted to see his oceanic eyes burn like the wildfires that surged through mine and prove to him that no one on this earth could make him feel this way; make him feel loved. We were young and the world was within our grasp and I didn't care how incredibly unrealistic it was to have such a fantasy. That's not what happened in the least though.

"When you think of pokemon…" He smiled and waved as I swallowed the pooling misery and smiled wide at him and waved back. That meant more to me than I think he realized.

"When you think of pokemon, Diamond…"

I knew I loved him enough to let him go, to sacrifice my happiness for his own because anything that put a smile on his perfect face was worth any effort to obtain. And if he wanted a princess then I sure as hell was going to do everything in my power to deliver one to him. He meant more to me than he would ever know. He was everything to me that was everything. I needed him but I needed him to be happy more than I needed to confine him to my ideals and fantasies of our happiness together. I was a fool to think we could achieve that kind of perfection. And I may have been a fool but I wasn't stupid enough to think he was mine. He wasn't my property or a possession to ravish over like a gem. He was a person who deserved to be treasured for the guy he was behind those blue steel orbs. Believing that she would love him or that anyone could ever love him like me, that was foolish. Something unfathomably foolish.

But in time I got over my obsession, the feelings died down and I called it a phase to make myself feel like I didn't waste my early teen years lusting after someone who never felt the same. I feared his rejection but maybe it's because such strong feelings were really too good to be true. I sought his affections and to suffocate him with my own but in the end I only suffocated on the heart ache and longing I never satisfied. But the friendship meant more to me than anything else and I supposed it was only natural that being so close to someone you might think you're in love but I doubted that at my age I even knew what love was. I still hoped that he was happy, more than anything that never changed.

After talking to Missy, I realized that there was one person in the entire world who could ever love a snake like her. And if that would make him happy then fine, I could sleep at night knowing Diamond could. Because he was the sun at the zenith of my world, he was all I needed to live. And drowning in those oceanic eyes was like a euphoric suicide, cinematically wonderful. I would relive all the pain and secret bliss if I could again because he was worth it all.

He was everything that was everything.

Whew! This has been a long time coming my friends. This is the prequel/prologue of sorts to my fanfic Something Unforgiveable, for the pokemon fandom. After it became dismally clear that this my boys needed some extra attention, I made it my mission to not only draw as much as I could but also to write the fic to end all fics for this couple. It would have everything in it; romance, fluff, drama, sex, love triangles, and the works and enough times to make up for the lack of fics in one shot. I've been working on it for about a year between school and everything and am almost to the halfway mark. I'm really proud of it although the beginning has been scrapped/redone/revised to date about 30-40 times. But alas, if you would like to take this journey with me, I do indeed have a story to tell and hope you all enjoy it.

I had alot of fun working on this and think I did well considering I've never been a [pre]pubescent young boy before. But I digress, please leave feedback and I implore you to read its counterpart, Something Unforgiveable, to find out how the story progresses. As you can probably see, it is definitely a manga verse oriented story although I do draw on the games a bit too in my head cannon. I took few liberties although some people take far more in my opinion that the minute ones I took.