Suite magic gone Batty
(Takes place somewhere during season 2, before Rumple is reunited with Neal/Bae)
Also, Bruce is from the future of the Batman TV show universe, before Terry McGinnis would show up.
In Mr. Gold's pawn shop…
An elderly man and a young blonde boy walk in. Gold has never seen either of them before and wonders what they could be doing in Storybrooke, and why they have come to him. However, with magic he is no longer a coward, and can handle himself when necessary.
"Good evening gentlemen," Mr. Gold said, "My name is Mr. Gold. Welcome to my shop. Do you see anything that interests you?"
"Hello," the old man said, extending his arm, "I'm billionaire Bruce Wayne. I just bought a Doberman recently and I'm looking for a sign to warn people of how dangerous he is."
"Well, danger is as danger does, dearie," Gold quipped, "I think I have just what you're looking fo—"
"Ah, here it is!" Bruce exclaimed.
He looks at a display of signs. Gold assumes Bruce will pick the "BEWARE OF DOG" sign but instead, he chooses the one underneath it.
"'ONE WAY'" Bruce said, "Perfect! That way whoever steps in to my yard, like those Jokerz or mutant punks, they'll know there's only one way out—in a body bag!"
"Yes, I'm sure your dog must be very fierce indeed," Mr. Gold said, "a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Wayne."
He turned to the young blonde-haired boy.
"Can I help you, young man?" Gold asked.
"Yeah," he said, "I'm looking for something for my girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend, Maya."
"Oh, I see," Gold said, "Looking to win back her love? Well, I hardly think baubles would do that, dearie."
"It's complicated," he said, "I'm Zack, by the way. Maya went to study in Africa, and she felt she couldn't manage a long-distance relationship."
"What if I told you, I could…work some magic, and get you two together again?" Gold asked.
"I don't know," Zack said, "What do you have in mind?"
"Well, what if you could be together with each other, even though you're miles apart?" Gold asked.
"She said that electronic devices are scarce there." Zack said. "By the way, do you know a London Tipton and were you ever on the SS Tipton?"
"No to both questions. I'm not talking about electronics," Gold said, "I'm talking about physically being with each other, even though you're really separated."
"How do you propose to do that?" Zack asked, "Virtual reality?"
"No, something a bit more…fantastical," Gold said, "Magic."
"You mean, Magic: the Gathering?" Zack asked, "My brother Cody and my friend Woody more into that than I am. They're huge nerds. Maybe I can get them the new trading card set."
"I'm not talking about card games," Gold said, "I'm talking about actual magic. Powers that can allow you to become whatever you want. You can be with your Maya, even though she's halfway across the globe."
"Just a minute," Bruce Wayne said, "I'm not sure I understand you."
"Don't believe in magic, Mr. Wayne?" Gold asked.
"Of course I do," Bruce said, "Demons, immortals, witch-boys, zombies, fifth-dimensional imps, I've seen it all, but why would you do this for a couple high school kids?"
"For your information, sir," Zack said, "I'm going into college, and you've lived one crazy, but awesome life."
"I'll tell you about it some time," Bruce said, "Listen, I don't feel like I'm supposed to be here. I was at home fooling around with a device my company had created, when I suddenly got transported here."
"Hey you're Batman!" Zack said, "I love comics! You're awesome, Mr. Wayne! Wait'll I tell Cody & Woody that Batman's real!"
"Was Batman," Bruce said, "I've put my crimefighting life behind me. But sometimes I wish I could do it again! Soaring the rooftops with my old chum looking for criminal miscreants and protecting the citizens of Gotham, oh what a blast!"
"So if I understand your situations correctly," Gold said, "Mr. Wayne here fell through a portal that transported him to this land. Zack, you need your relationship with Maya mended. I can fulfill both your wishes, for a price, of course."
"Name your amount," Bruce said, "I'll pay it."
"You misunderstand," Gold said, "I'm not interested in money. Even though you may be a billionaire, I'm satisfied with my current financial status. What I want is something far more…precious. As you said, yourself, once, 'Nothing in life is free.' All magic comes with a price! You have to be prepared to pay."
"How did you know my identity?" Bruce asked, "You've compromised my crimefighting ability!"
"The same way young Zack knows," Gold said, "In this world, you're a hero in fantasy, comic books. You don't exist."
"So you're saying I'm not real?" Bruce asked. "This is obviously a diabolical trick from one of my many fiendish foes! I don't believe you!"
"Then perhaps you'll believe your eyes," Gold said, "if you simply give me knowledge of how you do what you do, how does Batman survive and fight on, even without any powers whatsoever? Zack, from you I need something that you and Maya have had mutual interest in, preferably a small object."
"Here," Zack said, "I have this bracelet Maya gave me."
"That'll do the trick." Gold said. "Now Mr. Wayne…"
"Batman's been able to live on all this time by using his wits, and never giving up, no matter the struggle. You see, you can't possibly get that, it has to be earned. Hard work and discipline are key." Bruce said. "He's endured because…he's Batman."
"I see," Gold said, "that'll do."
Suddenly, with a wave of his hand, Bruce was young again and in his Batman costume while Zack's bracelet was glowing.
"You tricky devil!" Batman shouted, "What have you done?"
He heard a giggle.
"I've given you what you wanted, dearie," Gold said, "the rest is up to you."
Gold looked different. His skin was green and scaly, while his clothes were not from the 20th or 21st century.
"Allow me to introduce myself," he said, "Rumplestiltskin! You have your secret identity, so have I. If I was going to face you in your prime, I wanted to be in my prime as well!"
"What do you mean, you fiend?" Batman asked.
"Well, now you have to pay the price," Rumple said, "use your skills to defeat me."
"Simple enough. All have to do is grab some magic-repellent bat-spray from my utility belt and—" he said, as he reached down to discover his belt was gone!
"Looking for this?" Rumple giggled.
"What?" Batman asked, "How did you-?"
"The World's Greatest Detective and you can't figure it out?" Rumple mocked, "Magic, of course!"
"You jolly devil!" Batman shouted, "Have you no scruples?"
"I merely do whatever's in my best interest," Rumple said, "as for your belt, well, I'm sure this'll fetch a pretty penny in my shop. Speaking of interests, I feel we need a change of scenery, don't you?"
With a wave of his hand, Rumple, Batman, and Zack were all down by the docks of Storybrooke, with the Batmobile nearby. Batman's utility belt was still missing.
"I'm giving you a choice, dearie," Rumple said, "defeat me in battle and go on to be a crimefighter again, righting wrongs, or leave now and never get back home. Zack, you can find your twue wove, or you can stay here, forever."
"How 'bout a third option, Rumplestiltskin," Batman said, "Zack, would you care to be my new Boy Wonder?"
"Would I?!" Zack asked in excitement.
Batman and Zack got in the Batmobile.
"Atomic batteries to power," Zack said, "turbines to speed…"
"Roger, ready to move out." Batman said, as the Batmobile sped off.
"No one breaks deals with me, dearies!" Rumple said, as the Batmobile suddenly disappeared, and Batman and Zack suddenly found themselves in a quicksand trap by the ocean.
"You impudent imp!" Batman shouted, "What do you have planned for us?"
"No one gets out of a deal with me, and gets away with it," Rumple said, "therefore, I must now leave you to die. I thought about just ripping your hearts out and crushing them, but you might prove useful to me…if you can escape. Besides, I've heard theatricality and deception are powerful agents to the uninitiated. We have to get you initiated in magic."
"Henry Yu?" Zack asked.
"No," Rumple said, "Henry Mills, the Mayor's son."
"Rumplestiltskin, we could do some good in this town," Batman said, "We can help you."
"Too late for that, dearie." Rumple said, "when the tide rises and the ships come in, you and Zack are going to be up the creek without a paddle."
"Rumple, do what you want with me!" Batman shouted, "but leave the boy out of this!"
"You both have to pay the price, dearies," Rumple said, Been a pleasure doing business with you!"
Rumple giggled as he disappeared.
HORROR OF HORRORS!
BATMAN AND ZACK MARTIN, THE NEW BOY WONDER, TO DIE IN STORYBROOKE?
RUMPLESTILTSKIN LEFT THEM IN A WATERY GRAVE!
WILL THEY ESCAPE?
CAN THEY?
WILL ZACK REUNITE WITH MAYA?
WILL BRUCE FIND HIS WAY BACK HOME?
WHAT DOES RUMPLE HAVE PLANNED FOR THE CITIZENS OF STORYBROOKE?
FOR THE ANSWERS TO THESE AND OTHER MYSTICAL QUESTIONS TUNE IN TOMORROW—
SAME BAT-WEBSITE!
SAME BAT-ACCOUNT!