Status: One-shot (complete).

Rating: M (R).

Disclaimer: Gus and Shawn aren't mine. They're each other's. ;3

Genre: Err, my extravagant silliness? XD Romantic humor, if that exists.

Pairings: Shawn/Gus.

Beta: Yep, by greenonme. Thanks!

Notes: I can't explain why, after the wonderful oh-so-filled-with-Shus-gay-moments 3rd season, Shassie is still more popular. Come on, Shus fans, where are you and your fics? I need them. T.T

GUS' TEN WAYS TO TURN "OFFENDED SHAWN" INTO "HORNY SHAWN"

1-Gus' food... all over his chest.

*sniff sniff* "Is that... pineapple pie?"

"Why don't you come here and find out yourself?"

2-Big complicated words that sound good (Shawn doesn't know their meaning, but they promise a lot).

"Do you realize that I'm just memorizing my salesman speech?"

"Stop bitching and continue reciting..."

3-Making erotic sounds while peeling... a banana? Dear God, no! A pineapple, of course!

"Dude, you have to change your technique, look at this mess! And your hands... are... all... wet. Want me to... *gulp* get a napkin for you?"

"Thanks, but it isn't necessary. I'll just lick it off..."

*breaths deeply, gulp*

4-Singing the dirty version of "Shout".

"Shout, shout, let it all IN..."

5-Shutting Lassiter up by yourself (Shawn's enemies' enemies are his friends).

"You. Me. Desk. NOW."

"But Shawn, we're still..."

"SPENCER! I HOPE THE IMAGE OF YOU TAKING OUT YOUR PANTS WAS JUST AN ILLUSION OR YOU WON'T BE SEEING DAYLIGHT FOR AT LEAST A MONTH!"

6-Telling him to read your mind with his "powers" for him to see what interesting thoughts you're having (his own dirty imagination is his worst weakness... and one of Gus' best weapons).

"I'm sensing something... Aliens? That's not hot. Wait... it's someone chasing the aliens. William... Shakespeare? No! Smith! Will Smith! Will Smith dressed in black! Lots of black! And riding a... cow? The rests of a cow. Is that leather? It looks like somebody has a secret fetish... It's your lucky day, Gus, because just the other day I thought of buying..."

7-Considering accepting the role of "Magic Head".

"After all, since I was a kid I've always wanted to be one of those superheroes who wear all that warm, tight, nipple-hardening spandex..."

8-Taking out a Scrabble and spelling dirty words, slooooowly...

"..........Damn, there's a missing letter. Shawn, have you seen a "j" around?"

"Dude, what on the name of sharks with big teeth would you want a "j" for?"

"Well, I already have "b", "l", "o", "w", and another pair of "o" and "b", so I thought..."

9-Using the "super smeller" skill.... on the pineapple flavored lubricant.

"I'm impressed. They are using this new chemical that makes it even more slippery and warmer...."

"I can think of at least five more impressing ways of testing that..."

10-Three simple words: "You are right".

Of course, this is a double-edge weapon. It's a well-known fact that agreeing with Shawn means a weak of victory-dances and millions of "Told yah". But if you're Burton Guster, you know you must start the corresponding "activities" as soon as you finished the sentence and be so good to leave Shawn in such an incoherent state that makes him forget anything.

Except shout.

Because for Shawn, Gus is the thing he can't do without.

-The end-