"Regrets"

Alright sooo! Thanks winter, in France we somehow have issues dealing with a mere 2 inches of snow on the roads. It basically paralyzes the whole country. Pathetic? Yes. I was pissed at the idea of being stuck home and... Then I had an epiphany. I am quite excited at the prospect of episode 99 and episode 100, and come up with loads of different scenarios. This is the newest I came up with, "the" epiphany. So to speak. It's about love, regrets and all the usual BB stuff, except that here... It might actually happen. Gosh, I want it to!!

Disclaimer: Not mine. Although for the record, you'll remember that if it really happens in episode 99, I'll have written it BEFOOORE!! Na!!

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She never considered herself an accomplished athlete. Yes, she was trained in different martial arts, took yoga classes and valued greatly the spiritual benefits of such activities. But she hated to run. What's the use when you can drive a car? That was her practical excuse, and she wondered why she had not listened to herself tonight. Well, that was not her fault, she could not take her car since she was already where she wanted to be, almost.

She had run up stairs, mostly.

It was probably the first time in her life she acted upon an impulse. If she had thought rationally, she would have taken the elevator, right? But it seemed the elevator would never go fast enough. She had to feel that she was getting there. She had to persuade herself that thinking, rationalizing were enemies of hers tonight, not allies. They were allies, most of the time, but not now.
Out of breath, she did not bother to knock, as she knew he had not locked his door when she had left, a mere ten minutes before. They had talked about regrets, about life, about how you can mix these two words and wonder. She was tired to wonder. She wanted to know. She needed to know. And she would not wait. This is why she had run.

- "Booth..."

He was startled, not to say confused. He had put on his pajamas, she noticed. She realized she was lucky his gun was still in his bedroom, otherwise her little intrusion would have led her straight to the hospital.

- "Bones, what's wrong?"

Stop, thinking. She ordered herself. You just need to let the words flow. Say it! Talk!

- "Do you love me?"

Great. Her attempt at regaining control not only of herself but of her self-esteem had transformed into some sort of inquisitive, dominatrix rambling, right out of a Dostoyevsky novel. It was too late to take it back though. He had heard, apparently. She cursed herself for thinking such nonsense; of course he would hear, he was merely 6 feet away from her. Yes, rationalization was her enemy tonight, but she could at least keep herself from acting like an imbecile.

- "I...Wh..."

And now he was not even able to formulate an intelligible sentence. Great, again. So what? Was she going to resume thinking? Weighting pros and cons? Wondering? Having regrets? She was determined not to. So what kind of choice did it leave? She was getting scared, she could feel it. His nervousness was beginning to infect her and if she thought, if she processed it, she would run right back where she came from. No. Not an option. She was not an accomplished athlete. But she was accomplished author. Talking was her thing. Well.. supposed to be.

- "I... just... I just kept wondering why regrets are so... Your grandfather told me not to have regrets and then this case just... You are Andy Lister, okay? I suppose I projected fantasies into the safety of a fictive universe that I could... control. When... When you were in that coma... I wrote us the life that I would have wanted to have with you. I wanted it and I was... I'm just... Do you love me? Because I think I love you, and I don't want to..."

Well, not bad. Stuttering aside. If he was not dangerously approaching she would enjoy her newly discovered talent at speaking her mind freely. She had never done that before. Nor had she dealt with the physical proximity of Booth in such a context. What was he doing? And why could he not just answer?

- "Booth, what are you doing?"

She recognized his smile, although it seemed different, more intense, more intimate. She shivered. It felt strange, but somehow exhilarating. As much as her race towards his place, his gaze left her out of breath.

- "You want to know if I love you?"

- "Yes"

Remembering that evening at the Museum when they had been so close, surrounded by the remains of Egyptian Royalty, she instinctively leaned closer. She had succeeded in shutting off all thoughts. For now. And she hoped it would last.

- "I love you."

He loved her. It seemed simple. Three little words and she knew.

- "You love me?"

- "Yes. You want me to prove it to you?"

Usually she hated to be taken aback, but right then it did not matter. It did not matter that there could be no such thing as "proving" emotions. Emotions were undependable, subjective, impalpable. Or so she thought before this instant. She just wanted him to prove it. The incredible sensation his touch brought forth was already an indication that he was right. He could prove it. He would... If she just let him close the distance between them and graze her lips with his own.

- "For the sake of scientific inquiry, prove it, if you can."

She knew he would. He would never leave her with regrets.


The End.