"Oh dear sweet Circe" I exclaimed as a bedraggled group made it back to Grimmauld Place. People kept filing in, but the face that I wanted the face that I needed wasn't there. The one who I had hated and grown to love, the one that I had given my heart and soul to were not among those returning from the battle ground the that Ministry of Magic turned into. Remus was the last of the group to come through. The poor man looked ragged and worn far beyond his years. Slowly he raised his lowered eyes to meet mine. His eyes where red and raw from crying, there was also a depth of great sorrow and pain. His eyes told me all I needed to know. I let out a muffled sob. Slowly Remus approached me.

"Gemma I am so sorry." I side stepped his open arms and let out what could only be the most guttural of primal yells, one that came from the bottom of ones soul and could only pierce in the most brutal of ways the souls of those in range to hear it. I collapsed to the floor crying and screaming. It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. Sirius promised me that it was a quick job and that nobody would get hurt, he was just going to help get them through the wards and into the Ministry with as little snags as possible. Why was I so stupid? Why had I believed him? I should have known better, he was always making stupid decisions when Harry was involved.

Remus had moved to the ground with me. He slowly wrapped his arms around me. I desperately hung on the him uncontrollably sobbing. Molly who was in the kitchen before the group made their way in came from the kitchen followed by the others, come to see who was making such a scene.

The person I blamed most for my pain, kneeled beside me and tried to tell me how bravely he had fought and that Sirius had saved his life.

"I wish he hadn't I wish it were you." I whispered

"Gemma, don't say that love" Remus said as he loosened his grip on me.

"Gemma, I am truly sorry." Harry started reaching for my hand

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" I screamed and slid away from both of them. Harry continued with his speech about how noble and brave Sirius had been.

"If it wasn't for you he would still be here with me. Don't you dare sit there and fucking tell me how brave he was. It was a bloody fools errand and you know it. He went to his death and if it wasn't for you and the goddamn Order keeping him not locked in this physical , but mental prison as well he would still be here with me." Harry made a move to touch me again.

" I hate you Harry fucking Potter! Don't you dare touch me!" I burst into hysterics again. Molly pushed everyone aside and pulled me into her arms and just softly rocked me till I stopped my hysterics.

"Come Gemma lets go get you a cuppa." Molly sweetly encouraged.

"I'm okay, I think…I think that I am just going to go to bed." I stood and claimed the stairs, to Sirius' room. I rummaged through his closet picking out one of his favorite coats that he wore all the time. I wrapped myself into the jacket and than into his bedding and slowly cried myself to sleep.

A/N: Not sure if I want to continue with following chapters as the build up of the relationship between Sirius and Gemma