TANK POLICE
The Great Diamond Heist
written by Ashe
Author's Notes:
I'm not sure if you'll have needed to see Tank Police for this one or not. I think it's pretty self-explanatory, and no, this is not a very serious anime! *grins* Have Fun! I know I did!
Disclaimer: Dominion Tank Police and its characters are trademarked and copyright by Masamune Shirow. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to make money so do not distribute it with that purpose in mind!
Warning:
This story contains violence, swearing, death, explosions, gratuitous semi-naked cyborg cat-girls, and of course the Newport Tank Police Division. You have been warned.
The Great Diamond Heist Part One
By Ashe
When Jake Hatfeld awoke from his nap, he found himself sitting hog-tied in a shoddy old chair across from three very eager looking people. Just from the start he realized he was no longer in the holding cell down at precinct thirty-seven. The walls here were a little grittier; there was the smell of engine oil and lubricants. At first he thought the motor pool had kidnapped him, until he got a look at what was sitting in this garage; a tank. That's when he started to struggle, when he realized he was in Tank Police Headquarters. He went to say something about his situation when he found something shoved into his mouth. It wasn't a gag that was for sure, it was round, but lumpy, and the man in the sunglasses was running a string from whatever they'd put in his mouth to the three people sitting across from him.
The first was a somewhat boyish but cute young woman, the next a blonde male about her age and then some strange officer with a cross around his neck. What was going on here? Had these people kidnapped him from his cushy cell downtown? He decided right there that they would get no information from him.
That's when he finally figured out what was in his mouth and wet himself.
It was a grenade.
***
Specs adjusted his glasses one more time as he looked over his cue cards behind the curtain. He knew this was a risky proposition, but the Lieutenant would be damned if the SWAT team was going to pull one over on the Tank Police. Two days before, their 'prisoner' and the Puma Sisters had pulled off one of the biggest Diamond Heist's in all of Newport's history. It had been all over the news and more and more people were looking to SWAT for heroes and not the Tank Police. Detective Britain had gone outside the chief to snag this guy.
Britain's words rolled over in his mind; "No one can stand up to Tank Police questioning!"
Specs waited for his cue nervously behind their thrown up curtain and adjusted the clip-on tie again. Britain was supposed to introduce him as the host for this little shindig, but first they had to clean up the small mess outside.
"And now, fellow members of the Tank Police, without further ado, I present to you, your host for tonight's edition of 'Who Gets to Pull the Pin on the Grenade?', the one and only Specs!" shouted Britain in his best announcer impression.
The Tank Police garage erupted in cheers and hoots and hollers, most of its 35 members present for this 'interrogation.' Specs stepped out, looking like his usual self through his thick glasses. He made a nervous bow and motioned everyone to quiet down as he looked at his cards. Britain stood off to the side, carefully holding the string that led to the pin. Their prisoner was conscious again and looking very terrified much to the glee of the three contestants.
"All right everybody, welcome to our special edition," began Specs, still smiling. He adjusted his glasses again, pushing them back up onto his face. "Our first and only round to see who gets to pull the pin, is a list. I'm going to list three things and the first to get them in the proper order gets their chance at questioning our suspect. The list is: shell-size and destructive capability. Put these in the correct order: armor piercing, high explosive, plasma, fragmentation, and stun. Go!"
Leona, Al, and Chaplain began scribbling furiously on their papers in front of them. In a flurry of motion and speed Leona Ozaki stood up first, waving her paper about. "Done!" she cheered. Al and Chaplain fell back in their chairs and sighed. They knew she'd have them all right even before she handed it over to Specs.
Leona bounced in her chair as Specs declared her the winner of this part of the game. "Yay! I won! I won!" She smiled broadly, clapping Al on the shoulder. "I didn't think I'd get them as fast as I did! Thanks for the help Al!" Al blushed as Chaplain shot him a dirty look.
She moved her desk and chair up to sit closer to Specs who was busy cleaning his glasses. "So what's next four-eyes?" asked Leona affectionately.
"Well, now we move on to the winner's circle," he said re-positioning his clean glasses back on his face. He always had a computer geek air to him, even more so when he kept playing with his glasses like he was now. That's what had earned him his two nicknames among the Tank Police.
"You just have to stand here and then Leona, you'll get to pull the pin using that string that our esteemed Lieutenant is holding."
Britain lifted the cord high to let everyone see and the room erupted in ooo's and ahhh's.
"Show it to us again, Vanna," shouted Mohican, the mohawked indian in the back. The room erupted in snickers and laughs.
"Yeah, I'll show it to you later when I lay your ass out," mumbled Britain under his breath in his usual 'Dirty Harry' way.
"All right, Leona," began the head of the Tank Police, handing over the line to the pin, "Wee do want some information from this guy on the diamonds, so don't kill him outright."
"I understand, Lieutenant," she said as she took the line from him, her eyes glazing over at the prospects with this. She looked up at the suspect and saw the fear in his eyes. He was trying to speak, but the grenade was keeping any sound form his lips.
"I think he's trying to talk," interrupted Al.
"I doubt it," said Mohican, trying to get closer to the action up front. "He's probably just going to beg for his life. Pull the pin, Leona!"
God's too busy to be kept waiting for this sinner," added Chaplain. "You could always give him another chance, but I would have just laid his poor soul to rest."
Leona thought about it and against her better judgment was going to pull the grenade out, but just as she started forward she sneezed violently. The sneeze jerked her hand back and she felt something hit her forehead. She let the metallic object fall into her hand and she held it up. It was the pin.
"Oh, sorry!" said Leona as the rest of the squad began scrambling for cover. Her eyes went wide as she realized what she had in her hand and she went for cover behind the table. The suspect finally managed to cough the grenade out of his mouth as it rolled across the floor and landed next to Britain.
He managed a muffled yelp as he tossed it away, landing somewhere in the middle of the Tank Police bay.
The explosion and smoke could be seen for half a mile over New Port City as well as the Tank Police Chief's cry of "BRITAIN!"
***
Detective Britain stalked down form the Chief's office, his face red and twisted in anger, ready to bitch out every member of his squad for the screw-up. While they had gotten every bit of information they needed from the suspect afterwards, the laid up tanks in the garage prevented the Tank Police form acting on it. He was going to have Leona's hide for wrecking his tank, again.
As he pushed open the door it fell from it's hinges and resounded across the room. Everyone scattered and continued working on their tanks. None of them wanted to get on Britain's bad side right now. They all remembered what he had been like when Leona had wrecked his tank on maneuvers. This was going to be even worse.
"LEONA!" screamed Britain as he stalked along the south side of the garage. Specs moved to head him off.
"Are you sure this is wise Lieutenant? I mean after all it was an accident and anyone of us could have pulled the pin that caused the mess," said Specs animatedly.
"There'll be no talking me out of it this time, Specs. I want her into the child welfare division for sure this time! No one's going to talk me out of it!" That's when the two of them arrived at Bonaparte's empty bay. "Where is Leona and Al and her toy tank?!?"
"Umm. That's the other thing I was getting to, Lieutenant. Bonaparte only suffered minimal cosmetic damage and she took off after the Puma sisters an hour ago."
"Get her on the radio, I want her back NOW!"
***
Anna and Uni Puma sat with their two cohorts, sifting through the two mounds of diamonds they'd managed to get their hands on in their ultimate heist. It had garnered them more profits in one hit than something that the Boss and Buaku had ever gotten them. The two well-endowed former lovedoll droids would pick up the diamonds and examine them, their cat-like ears twitching as they did.
"What do you think we've got here, Anna Puma?" asked Uni Puma, dropping her latest diamond back into her bag.
"Several million at least, probably a lot more. We're gonna be set for life once we get outta this city and away from the cops."
"Yeah, I wonder why they were so upset anyway, it was just a diamond depository. It's not like we blew up the front door to a school or something."
"I know," said Anna Puma, putting a few more handfuls into her bag.
The Pumas two compatriots could only sit in awe at their catch. They'd been worried at first when one of their own had been snagged by the cops, but then they realized they'd be OK. It was only SWAT that had their ex-cohort. It wasn't like the Tank Police had gotten a hold of him.
It was then the Pumas each heard the incoming siren. They'd been ratted out. Their ears twitching, the four-some began piling their catch into the large sacs they'd used getting ready to run and get to their bikes.
"You don't suppose it's the Tank Police do you?" asked Uni nervously.
"It has to be. As long as it's not that psycho with the toy tank we should be all right," answered Anna.
The main door chose that moment to explode as one of Bonaparte's shells impacted against it and the custom built 'toy' tank came barreling in, it's Vulcan cannon firing rapidly at the Puma sisters as Leona smiled while hanging out of the top turret hatch. It was go time!
TO BE CONTINUED…