Cuisine of Death

Author's Note: NOT Ichihime!!!! Get your facts right people! This is the true, yet untold story of the REAL downfall of Aizen and the Espada.

Chapter 1: Bean Crème Flambé

Orihime squatted in the corner of her tiny prison cell in Hueco Mundo. Tears formed in her eyes as she remembered her goodbye to her beloved friends. As she wiped the tears of sorrow away with the back her hand, the door of her room opened, and in stepped Ulquiorra.

"Lord Aizen wants you, now woman," he said flatly.

"W-why?"

"Don't know, don't care, now move."

Orihime walked quietly into a large room, where Sosuke Aizen sat waiting with a cold smile on his face.

"Orihime Inoue..." he started smiling

Orihime felt as if she'd been plunged into a bucket of cold water.

"Can you cook?"

The question caught her off guard.

A smile popped on her face, "Oh yes! I would always cook for my friends in the World of the Living and Soul Society! I love to cook!"

Orihime stopped rambling instantly, remembering that she was a hostage.

Aizen smiled, "Then would it not be too much to ask if you made me and the Espada dinner tonight?"

Orihime was silent. Aizen took that as a yes, "Good, then, see you tonight Inoue..."

Much later, Orihime stood in the kitchen, wondering what to make. "What do hollows eat..." she wondered and looked out a small window/hole in the wall. After a long time of thinking, she made a decision. "I'll make something that'll blow their socks...erm...shoe...thingys off!"

Orihime ran out the door and crashed into Grimmjow. "Watch it woman!" Grimmjow snarled. "What do you want?"

"I...just wanted some materials for..."

Ulquiorra stepped out of the shadows and threw a sack of food at Orihime. "Use that, some of it we gathered from the human world, the others came from the deserts of Hueco Mundo" he said apathetically.

Back at the kitchen, Orihime took a deep breath and said to herself, "Alright! Time to cook! Man, I haven't made something for such a long time; I hope I haven't lost my creativity!"

Orihime emptied the sack Ulquiorra gave her and started throwing things together:

"First, a boiling bowl of water! Wait, no, this isn't water...It red and liquidy...Hmmm. Oh well! Next we add, uh...."

Orihime examined the contents of the sack. "This is weird. The food and materials here are similar to those in the World of the Living, and yet, seemingly different...Oh well. I'll just use them as whatever they look like compared to those in the Human World!"

Orihime began her cuisine: Add, 5 cups of hollow eyeballs (ew), squash, nuts, apples, weird red shavings, wiggly worm like thing, sand, watermelons, seeds, whipped cream, peas, olives, wasabi, onions, purple gooey thing, 2 cups of soy sauce, and then, she added over 20 types of beans and over 10 pounds of chili. Orihime mixed them all together and it turned into a mashed-up green paste.

After that, Orihime poured the past into a metal bowl and stuck it over a stove lit by hollow fire. "I'll call it, Bean Crème Flambé!"

"Something's missing..." Orihime wondered. "Of course! I forgot to make a drink!"

Orihime skipped out the door.

Moments later, Grimmjow walked into the kitchen, "Hey woman! Aizen wants to know when dinner will be ready!" Grimmjow looked around but didn't see Orihime. "Where did that woman..." His eye caught sight of Orihime's Bean Crème Flambé.

"Oh??" Grimmjow looked around the room. No sign of anyone. He walked over to the stove and used his finger to scoop up a bit of the green mash.

"What the heck is this?" Grimmjow stuck it in his mouth to taste it.

Suddenly, Grimmjow's face turned blue and he opened his mouth to scream, but nothing came out. He felt the pain of the flames of hell burning down his throat and melting his every organ. He choked and gagged, crashing into walls, knocking over pots and pans. He felt as if he was dying, and yet, death was clawing at him slowly, as if not knowing whether to end his life or not.

Finally, he fell against the wall and out the window into the desert. His body was sprawled across the sand, his face pale, his eyes bulging, and his mouth was open, as if screaming for somebody to end his misery.

Author's Note: Poor Grimmy...That is why you never eat something if you don't know what it is. But don't worry, Grimmjow fans, he isn't dead, just scarred for life!

Dislaimer: We don't own Bleach. If we did, Don Kanoji wouldn't have such a ridiculous outfit and quote. .

THE SPIRITS ARE ALWAYS WITH YOU!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I mean, seriously.....

That was "Blade" talking..

This is "Ryoka", and I personally find Don Kanonji gut-bursting funny...

Haha, you should have seen the look on "blade's" face when I went BWAHAHAHAHA each time we met...

I almost died of laughter.

No offense taken, "Blade"

Oh, and if you don't understand the whole "Ryoka" and "Blade" thing, I'll clear it up...

Our user name is Ryokablade. The fanfics we wrote are made by TWO people, as it says on our profile.

One of us goes by "Ryoka" the other by "Blade"