Disclaimer: Victorious and its characters are the property of Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. No profit is intended or wanted for this story.
Lunch time on the Asphalt Café. The gang sat at their usual table, all facing out from the tables in the shade under the raised stage. Clockwise from the parking lot side were Robbie, Cat, Tori, Jade and Beck and Andre.
"So my brother went to a nunnery and…"
"Cat! You're killing me!" Jade yelled.
In the ensuing silence, there was a quiet but distinctive 'phweeph'.
Tori's eyes darted around but saw no one had apparently noticed until she saw Jade's expression. Then Cat asked, "Oh! Does someone have a balloon? I think it has a leak."
Jade smiled widely, "That was no balloon, Cat. That was Vega."
"What? No! Someone has a leaky balloon. It wasn't me… I don't… Shut up!"
"You don't what, Vega? Fart?"
"No. I never fa…pass gas."
"I call bullshit!" Jade declared. "No pun intended."
"I gotta agree," Beck said. "Everyone farts. You can't not fart."
"I'm with the exes. Farting is a natural as breathing," Andre agreed.
Cat chimed in with a giggle, 'My brother says there are six kinds of farts. The fizz, the fazz, the fizz-fazz, the rip-shit, the tear-ass and the one that goes whoomph!"
Rex spoke up, "You're wrong baby, there are seven kinds. Now we have the Tori squeek."
"Then there are the SBDs," Beck added. Seeing the blank looks on Robbie and Cat's faces, he went on, "Silent but deadly."
"Well, Vega wasn't too quiet so it's a good thing it wasn't deadly. For her…"
"HEY! I didn't do…that!"
"Oh woman up Vega. Just admit you farted."
"Actually, women don't fart. They poot," Robbie stated.
"I… Alright, I did. But, for dinner last night, we had…"
"No one cares about your roughage intake, Vega."
"Hmmmph!" Tori grumped as she went back to her burrito.
"Sure you oughta eat that gas factory. Sweet Cheeks?" Rex asked.
Even Jade laughed at that comment as Tori's eyes sent daggers at everyone. Then she took a big bite. As she chewed, she paused, eyes narrowed and she sat slightly sideways for a quick second.
Jade saw this and smirked at the Latina. Tori blushed lightly but said nothing.
Seconds later, a freshman sitting behind them jumped up, holding his hand over his nose while waving the other frantically, he yelled, "Eew! What is that?!"
Note: This has got to be the shortest story I've ever written but it's so self-contained, I had to post as is. This was partially inspired by a friend's claim that she has never farted as well as an old George Carlin routine.