This is just for fun and I was bored so figured what the hell I'll post it. It is the second slashy fanfic I wrote. And it is actually one of my favourites of mine. It's supposed to be funny. Purely for fun this so don't go flaming me or what not if you don't like it. Because I do, so I don't care :P

Seriously though enjoy my little OP/I one shot :)

Ironhide's dirty little secret.

Ironhide/OP Slash M/M

Based pre 2007 movie. Travelling on the Ark in search of the Allspark.

Bumblebee peered around the door cautiously, the racket had died down somewhat. He glanced nervously around the recreation deck, where had he gone? Entering slowly, he ventured across the room, finding a discarded energon cube lying on the floor; he picked it up and frowned. The high grade stuff now that explained a lot. He placed the empty cube onto the table, and started searching in the private booths. The ship was large; it had been built to accommodate over fifty individual mechs on a day to day basis. Now it only housed five. The recreation deck was large, with fifty private booths, Ironhide could have collapsed anywhere. Sighing he started searching each one; thankfully he did not have to search for long. A loud crash interrupted his search. Running over to the commotion, he was greeted by a sight, which would have been hilarious if it wasn't so cringe worthy. Ironhide lay sprawled on his back, giggling to himself like a sparkling. Supplies of energon cubes scattered around him having fallen from the supply cabinet, which to the best of Bumblebee's knowledge had been locked by Prime after the last incident. Glancing up at the sorry looking cabinet, Bee's stance slumped, where the lock should have been there was now a gaping hole. Leaning over the inebriated weapons master, he eyed him carefully his electronic voice prodding Ironhide in the head.

'You're drunk.'

Ironhide snorted as his giggles erupted into a roar of laughter. Bumblebee could not help but be tickled by the larger mech's state as he struggled to help him to his feet. Ironhide, stood, swayed a little and placed a heavy hand on the young bot's shoulder. His other hand sporting another energon cube. He smiled widely at the smaller mech, who attempted to guide him to the nearest seat before he toppled over. He sat heavily, almost falling backwards of the chair before Bumblebee caught him.

"I'm not drunk Bee. I'm merry. Don't you ever just want to get merry?" His voice was slurred and loud. Bee didn't answer him, but his bemused; pitying look spoke volumes to Ironhide whose expression changed rapidly to one of frustrated anger.

"Don't you look at me like that, youngling!" He slurped the energon lazily before continuing, "It's not like there's anything else to do on this damn ship!" He shouted angrily. Bee took a few small steps back. Fully aware of Ironhide's live cannons on his flailing limbs.

'We should get you to your quarters 'Hide so you can sleep it off.'

"I don't need to sleep anything off. Geez! Doesn't anyone ever lighten up around here? First a lecture off Prime, now off the youngling. Why can't everyone just leave me in peace to have a drink hmmm?"

With his words blurring into each other in a drunken haze, Bumblebee had a hard time understanding him. Still bemused, he stiffened visibly as another voice echoed sternly across the room.

"Nothing you ever do is peaceful Ironhide."

Turning to greet the medic who strode over to them, Bumblebee merely shrugged. Ratchet sighed, "Just look at the state you've gotten yourself into this time."

Ironhide stared defiantly at the irritated medic and hiccupped loudly as he gulped down the last of his energon cube. Tossing it to one side, he stood up shakily and pointed an angry finger at Ratchet, who had to take a step back to avoid actually being hit by the large mech.

"Slag off Ratchet. I don't need you butting in every time I choose to enjoy myself. Such a kill joy." He muttered as he stormed off back to the broken supplies cabinet.

"Oh no you don't!" Ratchet grabbed the mech's shoulder ducking to avoid a swipe of Ironhide's forearm as he swung round violently.

"Get off me!!" He roared angrily stumbling backwards for his efforts. His canons pointed at Ratchet, who raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.

"All right 'Hide, put the canons down. You know what happened last time. You don't want to be pointing those at us, we're your friends remember?"

"HA!!" Ironhide whirred the cannons threateningly, "Some friends you are."

Ratchet sighed sadly, "Why do you do this to yourself? You always regret it in the morning."

'If he remembers.'

"Bee, not helping." Ratchet shot a stern glare at the now sulking and tired mech. "Go recharge he wouldn't want you to see him like this."

Bumblebee hesitated briefly, then with a nod headed out of the room. In his distraction he almost ran straight into Prime. He glanced up at his leader, noting the displeasure in his optics; he pointed and shrugged, before giving him a quick nod and exiting the deck.

Optimus sighed, pinching the plates that bridged his nose, before joining the fray.

"Ironhide!" His commanding tone was one of annoyance and concern. Ironhide looked at him, blinking a few times.

"Put your weapons down. Now."

Slowly, holding his leader's glare, Ironhide complied. He took a step back from the larger mech, losing his footing on a previously thrown chair he tripped and fell to the floor with a crash, temporarily off lining his optics. Joining Ratchet, Optimus shook his head.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"You want me to sedate him?"

"Ratchet!"

"Well you can take him back to his quarters then. I did it last time." Ratchet cast his leader a faint smirk. Optimus rolled his optics. "Fine but if he off loads on me, I am assigning you to personally clean it up."

Ratchet laughed, "Give him this it'll calm him down and hopefully prevent that. It will also help him recharge, although he's going to wish he went into stasis lock in the morning with the head he's going to have." He handed Optimus a small vial. Glancing back at the groaning mech on the floor, he patted Optimus on the shoulder and left him alone.

Optimus was tired; this had not been on his list of things to do this morning. Right now he should have been in recharge. Slightly irritated, he scooped his hands under the stocky mech's' arms.

"Up ya get."

"Ooohh…" Ironhide groaned, as he was hoisted to his feet. "I don't feel so hot…" He mumbled almost incoherently. Optimus bit back the words that formed in his mouth he instead placed Ironhide's arm round his neck and supporting him round the waist with his other hand, he gently coaxed him out of the recreation deck. Reaching Ironhide's quarters had been simple enough, having only bumped into an amused Jazz on patrol, who had gone on his way after a warning glare from Optimus. Stumbling over to Ironhide's berth he lowered him slowly, the mech weighed more than he thought and Ironhide landed heavily, dragging Prime down with him. Grunting with irritation, Optimus righted himself. Looking down at the drunken mech he frowned as Ironhide was watching him with amusement, his chuckles grew into a fit of laughter.

"Oh Primus." Optimus muttered. "Right I better keep an eye on you. Take this, drink it all, it'll do you good."

Ironhide frowned, "This is all … your fault you know." He grumbled more seriously as he drank the contents of the vial. Lying back for a moment with his optics shuttered he sighed and sat up. He glared at Optimus who had positioned himself opposite on a chair.

"Excuse me? I don't remember forcing high grade energon down your throat."

"You know what I mean!"

"Ironhide, I don't think even you know what you mean."

Ironhide frowned and pointed at Prime. "You are so completely oblivious aren't you? You just won't open your eyes." He gulped strongly as if choking down a bad taste. Optimus was slightly stunned. "Ironhide I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Me! I'm talking about me Prime. Call yourself a leader, ha! Barely older than a youngling you are!" Optimus was shocked; even when drunk before, Ironhide had never been insubordinate with him. Something was clearly on his mind. Optimus sighed.

"Ironhide, if you have a problem with me, you need to tell me. You can't keep shooting off your cannons and getting drunk off high grade energon. I can't allow you to keep doing this to yourself. It's not fair on the others."

Ironhide stood sharply, his anger getting the better of him, stepping toward Optimus he pointed a hard finger into the shocked leader's chest, leaning in his face a picture of anger, Optimus actually felt intimidated in his disadvantaged sitting position.

"Now Ironhide, don't do anything stupid, calm down." He spoke quietly, trying not to rile the older mech further.

"You won't ALLOW me?! It's not fair on the others!? Do you really think I give a damn what they think? DO YOU?!"

Optimus was at a loss for words, Ironhide clenched his jaw and for a brief moment Optimus actually thought he was going to hit him.

"You're unbelievable Prime you know that?" Ironhide blinked as the vial of Ratchet's started to take effect. "This is your doing, your fault. You've always been oblivious to those things closest to you." He stared at Optimus fiercely, "That's why you didn't even notice when Megatron was betraying you right under your optics." His powerful voice was barely more than a whisper as he almost spat the sentence out. Snapping his mouth closed he turned and sat back heavily on the edge of his berth, resting his now sobering head in his hands. Optimus had remained silent and merely stared at him incredulously; Ironhide's words had felt like a slap in the face. He actually would have preferred him to have physically hit him. His words had cut more deeply than his fist would have. Dropping his head he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and stared silently at the floor.

Ironhide shuttered his optics briefly as the ache in his helm grew worse. Glancing up sheepishly, he noticed Optimus's head lowered his optics shuttered. He knew he shouldn't have said what he just did, he hadn't meant it. Well he hadn't meant to be so harsh. He had just been angry. The words that came from his leader now made his spark ache with guilt and self loathing.

"Ironhide… I… I'm sorry…"

Ironhide shook his head, "No it's me who should be sorry. I shouldn't have said that, I was angry… I…"

"You're right, I was oblivious…" Optimus's optics met his own and the sadness he saw there almost knocked him flat. "It's entirely my fault… you have every right to be angry." He dropped his head once more and all of a sudden appeared much older and much wearier than Ironhide had ever seen him.

"Frag it Optimus! That's not what I meant." Ironhide refused to let this unfold this way, his feelings refused to be denied any longer. Optimus stood up angrily and paced away from him towards the door.

"What else could you possibly have meant Ironhide!? I got the message loud and clear." He made to leave. Ironhide moved swiftly, his anger allowing him to grab the larger mech and slam him into the bulkhead next to the door. Pinning him angrily he glared at Optimus defiantly.

"You're oblivious to ME Optimus, to me. I was angry and drunk; the argument we had earlier today had me so riled I just wanted to punch you! You don't have any idea how you make me feel." Optimus shoved him back angrily, "Then why don't you tell me instead of raiding the supplies like an irresponsible youngling!" He hissed through gritted teeth, his usual passive, controlled demeanour fell away as Ironhide touched his last raw nerve. Still reeling from Ironhide's words, he let his emotions and anger get the better of him. Steely optics held Ironhide's. Ironhide nodded with grim determination. "Alright I will."

In one swift move he had pinned Prime to the bulkhead once more, grabbing his helm in his strong hands, he kissed him fiercely, forcing Prime's head to jolt and bang against the wall. He did not release as his surprised leader tried to back away, finding himself trapped between the wall and Ironhide, Optimus had no where to go. Ironhide held the kiss firmly, pressing his labia plates forcefully against Optimus's own, his glossa sliding between his slightly parted mouth, caressing the inside. Finding Optimus's own and caressing it passionately. The larger mech let out a faint squeal of surprise before finally managing to get his hands onto Ironhide's chest and forcefully push him away. Standing, staring at him gasping. Optimus was even angrier and now confused.

"What the frag Ironhide?!"

"You want me to tell you what I feel? There you go." He paused gauging the other's reaction. 'Frag it all, he's probably going to shoot me.' Ironhide thought as apprehension built up in his gut.

Optimus's annoyance faded only slightly, dropping his optics from Ironhide's intent stare. "I don't… I don't understand."

Ironhide laughed shortly, "Here let me reiterate." Without warning he forcefully pressed himself into Prime, his chassis once again pinning him to the bulkhead, this time however he grabbed Optimus's wrists and pinned them to the bulkhead, either side of his head. He kissed him more passionately this time, feeling the larger mech shudder involuntarily beneath him. With no hesitation he released the kiss and tilting his head slightly, bit down on the sensitive wiring exposed on Optimus's neck. The younger mech moaned in surprise as he tensed at the touch. Feeling him squirm slightly in his grasp, Ironhide smirked slightly. Catching Optimus's optics, "So, am I any clearer?"

"Ironhide I…"

"Don't… just don't say anything. For once Prime, you're not in charge of the situation. All I want to know from you is; do you want me to stop?"

Optimus stared at him, his face a mixture of horror, shock and confusion as it slowly dawned on him what Ironhide wanted, why he'd been so angry at him. His mind raced, could he let this happen, did he want him in the same way. He moved slightly and felt Ironhide's grip tighten on his restrained wrists. Having the strong mech pressed against him firmly, pinning him to the wall was nothing if not arousing. Dare he give in? Ironhide leant closer; Optimus could feel the hot air circulating through his facial plates, his anger melted away, replaced with arousal and a desperate need to not be the leader just this once. He leaned his head back against the wall, almost not believing his own voice as he whispered, "No…don't stop."

Ironhide growled with satisfied pleasure, with considerable strength he practically dragged Prime to his berth, and with unbridled desire pushed Prime down and straddled him. Wasting no time at all, his hands probed and caressed the wires and nodes in and around Optimus's chassis, causing the younger mech to squirm beneath him and groan with pleasure as tingles of excitement shot through his body. Ironhide noticed Optimus's optics were shuttered, smiling he teased Optimus's labia plates with his glossa. Optimus clenched his jaw and Ironhide felt the hot air through his face plates, his body all but trembling beneath him.

"Open your optics." He commanded gently. Optimus complied hesitantly, looking at Ironhide questioningly, Ironhide continued to tease him. His hands also roaming across his spark chamber sliding down to Optimus's interface port. A swift intake of air was exhaled through his slightly parted mouth as he gently caressed the port.

"You have to want it. You have to want me Optimus." Optimus stared at him, his systems switching to overdrive as he continued to stroke him. "Give in." Ironhide breathed, before kissing him gently. A strangled moan sounded from Optimus's vocal processors. Strong hands grasped his helm pulling him closer for a more passionate kiss. Ironhide felt Optimus's glossa slide into his mouth, wrapping round his own, teasing it caressing it. He breathed deeply, inhaling the warm air exhaled from his leader. Releasing his helm, Ironhide felt his leader's steady hands probing his chassis, feeling beneath it, caressing the sensitive nodes and wiring. Nipping one Ironhide cried out in pleasure, throwing his head back. Optimus took the opportunity to push Ironhide from his frame, lying beside him, his hands explored all over his body. His glossa teasing the wiring at his neck, just as he had done to him.

Ironhide could feel his systems heating up. He pressed Prime closer to him, feeling the warmth emanating from his form. Glancing up at Optimus's face he noted the sheer look of desire in the mech's optics. Unable to resist any longer, Ironhide flung himself once again onto the surprised bot, taking his interface module he plunged it deeply into Optimus's port relishing the yell of pleasure in that rich voice. Taking Optimus's own module, he teased it with his fingers, becoming even more aroused as Prime writhed in response to his touches, his fingers digging in and scraping along his chest. He growled deeply as an intense shudder shook his whole body. Optimus thrust against him forcing his module into Ironhide's port, he roared with ecstasy as he felt the pulses hard and strong within him. Optimus had managed to sit up as Ironhide straddled him. Their modules pulsing faster. Ironhide not one for being gentle rocked back slightly on his haunches, pulling Prime with him, with one movement he managed to lift Prime from the bunk and force him against the wall, landing with a thud he pressed himself roughly against the now standing mech's frame. Optimus growled and cried out Ironhide's name as he thrust against him. Gripping Ironhide's helm tightly, Optimus threw his head back with pleasure. Ironhide grinned, his hands pressed firmly against the wall either side of Optimus's head his module pulsing harder by the second. He could feel the energy building within him, his systems struggling to maintain the strain. He moaned loudly as Optimus gripped him even tighter.

"Oh Primus… Ironhide… Ooohh…" Optimus groaned loudly as his body tensed, pleasurable spasms racking his body as his overload took over. In response Ironhide's module pulsed violently with one last roar he overloaded into Optimus. Quivering in exertion, their bodies intertwined they slumped to the floor in a tangled heap, sliding down the wall. Ironhide heard a faint whimper of satisfaction from Optimus as he blacked out.

****

Ironhide shot up with a start gasping. Holding his helm as the pain hit him. He found himself lying on his berth. Optimus was half sat, half slumped at his desk in recharge. Frowning Ironhide, grunted as the memories of his drunken antics came flooding back to him. A deep velvet voice graced his senses.

"You're awake." Ironhide glanced sheepishly over at Optimus, trying to prevent the blush from rising in his now heated face plates. Optimus's optics studied him carefully, a slightly bemused expression on his features. He stretched before standing and making his way to sit beside Ironhide.

Ironhide tensed his dream still very vivid in his mind. His mind not entirely sure whether it had been a dream.

"You slept here?" He inquired innocently enough. Optimus nodded, "You were in a pretty bad way. Mumbling all sorts, I couldn't exactly leave you like that. Ratchet would have my spark." He cast a lopsided grin at Ironhide. Ironhide relaxed very slightly. "Um thanks… and I um… I'm sorry if I did or said anything that…" Optimus held up a hand. "No need. You're on clean up duty for the rest of the day. Recreation deck." He smirked, "And you're banned from the high grade energon, is that clear." Ironhide nodded contritely, "Yes Sir."

"Optimus did I um… do anything um… you know…"

"Embarrassing? Oh yes. You have a lot of explaining to do to Bumblebee."

"Frag it." He mumbled making a mental note to avoid the young bot. "When we got back here, I didn't um…"

Optimus chuckled lightly, "No you passed out pretty much instantly after drinking Ratchet's apparent cure and accusing me it was my fault."

Ironhide slumped in relief. "Well that's something at least."

Optimus got up and patted him on the shoulder. "Get yourself cleaned up then report for duty. You're going to have to suffer through your hangover."

Optimus motioned toward the door, hesitating, he turned back to Ironhide amusement playing across his mouth.

"Ironhide?"

Ironhide looked up, noting the look of amusement in his leader's optics and his playful smile.

"Yes Optimus."

"Did you know that you talk in your sleep?"

Ironhide's optics widened in horror, Optimus gave him a sly wink before letting the door close behind him.