Dear Journal, a kingdom hearts fanfic

-slips in sneaky like-

I now it has been a long time since I last updated on anything, specifically my What If I fanfiction, but I have been really busy with other events that have hindered me from doing so, so I apologize and thank those who have been waiting. However I decided to give you guys a SoRoku oneshot that has been sitting on my mind for some time. Well, specifically I'm making this for a very special friend of mine. We had known each other for less than a year and I am glad to say that we are the best and closest friends a girl can ask for.

This fanfiction is also dedicated to my dearest friend Mark. I adore you with all my heart and the bottom of my core being and I hope you enjoy this very late birthday gift just as much as I enjoy you!

xoxo

-Roxy

~Happy Readings!~

{Roxas POV}

Dear Journal,

I am an idiot, I know. Everything I wished I could have had always seemed to slip through my fingers. That is why I should just continue to live my life like a nobody. That way, nobodies like me don't have to risk losing things they try too hard to gain. Though then again, I never really listened to that rule. I should have known that if I tried too hard to get the unattainable, that I'd just be digging my own grave.

I am simply hopeless, and nothing proved that more than my junior year at Twilight High.

Growing up, there wasn't much I could have. It happens when you live with your parents that have to stretch a dollar every now and then. If I wanted anything, I always had to wait until my birthday or Christmas. Other than that, I couldn't have anything no matter how much I begged, whined, or threw a tantrum. I was always jealous of all the other kids that surrounded me. Their parents could afford to get them new and expensive stuff while I was stuck with hand-me-downs and clothes I had since late elementary years. It was a good thing that I was smart, but it was a bad thing for my social life.

You could say that I was the nerdy nobody that was a social recluse. I barely had any friends thanks to my intelligence, and most of the other teens just ended up ignoring me. My parents decided it was good a time for me to get me a pair of reading glasses with way-too-big lenses that were most likely fit for a grandpa. On top of that, they also made me get braces that made my teeth look like they were made of metal. That and I was bullied a lot during my middle school years, and discovered that I was gay after a really bad experience with a girl I thought I had loved since sixth grade. What makes it worse is that I fell in love again. With a guy. A popular guy. A popular guy named Sora Hikari who is one of the best swimmers of the Twilight High Swim Team.

That guy had been my teenage heartthrob ever since the first time I saw him. Most of my journal was littered with multiple entries talking about how perfect he was. He was absolutely beautiful, and had a thousand watt smile that'd simply make my heart melt. Everyone loved him. That was no surprise. He practically had girls latching onto his legs trying to get a chance to spend a few minutes with him. He strangely had the neatest mess of gravity defying hair that I had seen besides my own that had a unique way of swinging to one side. He was drop dead gorgeous, and I was an idiot to fall in love with him. He was something I should have known I could never have.

Hard nails sank into the soft skin of my back creating red welts on my once smooth skin. Sheens of sweat coated mine and his body as we rocked our bodies together with feverous want. The sound of my name leaving his sweet lips were music to my ears mixed with his wanton moans and gasps. Our lips met, molding together perfectly then dancing in an unpracticed dance. Tongues lashing, feeling, tasting, and trying to get as much of each other as our bodies would allow. My precious love tried to speak through our smashed lips. I let him go, eager to know what he had to say. I watched his face that was contorted by pleasure and bliss. His forehead shining with sweat and his brown locks matted and messier than normal. He tried to peek at me through lidded eyes but struggled with concentrating on me or the pleasure I was giving him.

'Come on, Sora… tell me what you want. You know I will always give it to you.' I whispered into his ear then waited for his reply.

All I heard passing through his lips was the obnoxious sounds of an alarm clock ringing…

My eyes shot open so quickly that the action hurt my eyes. I stared at the offending clock that ended an amazing dream, but even a stare down wouldn't stop its loud screams. I groaned, feeling the familiar uncomfortable feeling between my legs. 'Great, I had to get a hard on the first day of school, but damn was that a good dream.' I thought groggily making my way to my bathroom to take care of my problem and get cleaned up for the day. I took a quick cold shower willing my hard on away, but as soon as I got out I didn't bother to dry my hair since it somehow had this weird power to dry quickly itself. Wiping the fog from my mirror, I grumbled when I discovered I had gotten some new pimples overnight. It was a puzzle to me since I knew they weren't there before, but had miraculously appeared the next morning. I grabbed a tube of an acne treatment I had bought for myself from money I saved up from my past allowances. I was allowed five dollars a week to spend on necessary things, but I managed to save up enough to buy one at the store.

I applied it to my face and other places they happened to appear, and then brushed the tangles out of my hair. Pausing for a moment, I looked myself fully in the mirror. I stared at myself, wondering how I got stuck with such a small and feeble frame. I had very little muscle mass, but not to the point of being unhealthy. I was sickly pale and looked worse with the extra accessories in my mouth and face. For the first time in a while, I was getting tired of my appearance. But there was nothing I could do to make myself look better. I could barely tan and there was no way that my features would change overnight. I was stuck with this physical appearance for however as long as I'll be like this.

I stepped out of the bathroom, drying myself, and made my way to my already prepared attire for the day. Pulling on a clean pair of boxers, I got dressed in my usual plain white t-shirt under my favorite checkered jacket, long faded blue baggy jeans, and black sneakers. I checked myself in the mirror once more before I deemed myself ready for breakfast and to catch the bus to school.

Twilight High was a well known high school throughout the huge town, if you could call it that. They were notorious for their swim team and high academic scores. There were a lot of preppy kids at this school, and anything they considered 'out of the ordinary' was quickly shunned or greatly judged. That was why if anyone ever wanted to attend my school, they had to quickly choose a side before they became a nobody like me. The only thing I hoped was that none of the bullying from the years before had followed me to my third year. Though even I knew that wouldn't be possible because of one person… or a group of people in particular.

I clambered out of the bus and looked about to see if I could spot my perpetrator. I pulled over my black hood seeing that the coast was clear before proceeding to follow the other students into the school. One thing that I always liked about coming back to school was the fresh scent of clean hallways and the paint on the walls refurbished. The floors were redone and shined like a million diamonds. There was always this 'luxurious' feel that Twilight High gave off.

Multiple groups of teens and cliques rejoined after a full summer of separation. Some of the prep kids were already making their snarky comments about the 'fresh meat' that entered the school. Luckily for me, I was smart enough to come on opening night to locate all of my classes, and I could find the fastest ways to my classes before the freshman clogged the halls with their ill knowledge of navigation. I continued to look around until I couldn't find anything of interest. I made my way to my first period class, AP Literature, taking a flight of stairs and turning corners until I recognized where I was. I looked down at my schedule making sure I was heading to the right class. Being too caught up looking down at my paper, I didn't notice I was in the way of someone I hoped I wouldn't encounter for the rest of the school year.

"Oh, well if it isn't the four-eyed freak of nature." I froze and slowly met eyes with the leader of the swim team; Riku Anders followed by his little group of cronies.

"What do you want?" I glared up at the silver-haired junior that stood but a few feet in front of me. This guy had pegged me as his favorite target for as long as I could remember. The only reason he went after me more than anyone else was because –like he'd put it- I had more 'spunk'.

"Whoa! I just came to say hello to an old…" He trailed off then leaned in closer to my face. That in turn made me step back and bump into one of his lackeys that I hadn't noticed that gotten behind me. "…friend." He finally added smirking seeing the discomfort I was giving off from being surrounded.

"We were never friends and we never will be." Trying to not come off as intimidated and holding my ground. I really didn't want to start my first day as a junior with a bad temper.

"Good. I hope we stay predator and prey for as long as we know each other." The smile never left his face as he nodded towards his men. That only meant one thing that I really wished I could avoid at a time like this.

"H-HEY!" Before I knew, one of Riku's friends snagged my hoodie and pulled it over my face obscuring my vision. I grabbed at the hand that kept my hood down and tried to pull pry off his grip. Another guy that was behind me yanked off my backpack and threw it elsewhere. I could hear their laughter as I struggled with getting their hands off from around my wrist and forearms. One idiot thought it was a good idea to punch me hard in the gut, and push me over causing me to land on the ground on my hands and knees. I held onto my stomach with one hand trying to keep myself from groaning from the pain and fend off my attackers.

"Riku!"

An angelic voice rang out through the halls making me shiver by its beautiful sound.

"Riku, I have been waiting for you for the past half hour down at the gym! Stop playing around and help me move the equipment. Now!" Oh, did he notice me? Just like that, Riku and his drones had left me on the ground and went to my angel's side.

I slowly glanced up and watched my blue-eyed beauty walk away in his dark blue jacket vest, over his tight black tee, baggy white slacks, and bright yellow track shoes with that damned silverette. He was exactly how I remembered him. Soft looking cinnamon brown hair, fairest of fair skin, great figure, and the brightest azure eyes that I have ever seen. Every time I saw that hot mess, I wanted nothing more than to jump his bones and call him mine. I never realized that I was so love struck with him until I started to have fantasies about the both of us doing all the things normal couples would do, and have wet dreams about him every now and again. And boy, were they vivid. I would find myself staring at him whenever I noticed he was in the same room I was, or even looking for him when I hadn't caught a glimpse of him all day. It was pretty obvious that he would hang out around the school's indoor pool, or wander around the fields with Riku. Whenever Riku was present, I couldn't risk trying to find a way to secretly watch Sora from afar. I only did it when I knew when Sora was going to be either surrounded by a group of girls or plainly by himself. I knew that I was helplessly in love with the brunette, but what could I do to stop myself from falling in love with such… perfection? What made it worse was that I couldn't even get close to him for fear of running into trouble, or him even considering me as someone with the potential of being worth his time. I was a nobody after all, and nobodies didn't gain or lose anything in the world of the social life.

I quickly got up and collected my backpack and everything that had been scattered all over the ground. Other students walked past me, not bothering to help me pick up my dropped items. That was another thing about being a nobody. If no one knew you, they didn't consider you at all. You became invisible to everything around you, and you were of the least importance. Yep, life as a nobody is swell.

Another day with the same old friends, and the same old school that I was forced to go to since I moved here. Don't get me wrong, I loved all my friends, but sometimes I just didn't want to get involved with their idiotic ways and possibly get myself in trouble. The only closest friends I had in this whole island were Riku and my close to blood sister Kairi. Everyone else was either trying to be my friend because I was 'popular', or trying to make a spot for themselves to say that they 'know' me and I'm one of their good friends. I guess it isn't bad that almost all the girls in the same and lower class want to hook up with me, but sometimes it can rather be annoying. Especially since there are also guys that find me attractive. Not much of a surprise there.

For the past two years I have been going to school here, I've been having this feeling that someone has been watching me. But the thing was, there were always people watching me, and I could always tell who was doing it and where. However, when I was alone I had the same feeling and I couldn't find who or where it's coming from. It had been really bugging me for the longest time, and I was getting tired of not knowing. I wasn't sure if I should continue looking, or leave it be. I couldn't help but feel it is unsettling.

I grumbled and glanced at the clock that hung above the entrance door of the gym. I was standing by the pool with a basket full of gym equipment that was way too heavy for me to move by myself. I had texted Riku earlier to meet me here, but he thought it was more important to do whatever he was doing now than to help his friend. I had waited at least fifteen minutes before I decided to seek out the silverette and snap at his sorry ass.

It didn't take me long to find that 6'2" tall teen and his so called friends huddled around what looked like a shorter student. With closer examination, I noticed that it was that kid that Riku liked to mess with from time to time. I had never gotten a good look at him for his head was always down or his back was facing me. Like everyone else, I deemed him as another student in the sea of the student body that I wouldn't associate myself with. Now that I thought about it, whenever I was not with Riku I always guessed he was causing trouble for someone just for kicks and giggles. I tried to keep him from bothering others, but for him it was what he liked to call 'My second nature' so I just passed it off as something to keep him occupied.

"Riku!" I stomped down the hall and called that idiot friend of mine out for him to finally assist me with the job that we were previously assigned. He and his friend left the kid on the ground and made their way towards me. I turned away from the scene and bitched at Riku for not meeting me at the set time.

"You don't have time to play with that kid; plus we are expecting better competition with the rival team at the Islands."

"How could I leave that little shit alone? He's so fun to mess with!"

"Well do that when you finally get the nerve to tell me that you turned gay to play with your little fuck buddy." I huffed but smirked when Riku sputtered trying to think of a better comeback.

"Well for one, I am not gay! I have a girl-"

"A friend named Kairi." I cut him off adding my own little comments. "Oh my god, I have one too! What a coincidence!" He exclaimed mockingly with shock.

"I'm working on it!"

"Sure, when her thick skull finally sees the little hints you drop every time you see her. It still doesn't excuse the matter that you toy with that nobody." I grinned, liking that I was rile Riku's feathers.

"She'll see it one day. But you don't even know that four-eyed Roxas plus-"

"Now you know his name? Well, all the more reason to think you turned homo. Tell me; what color are his eyes and hair?" I chuckled rolling my eyes at my own interjection.

"You know what, whatever! You do what you do best, and I do what makes me happy, alright?" Riku huffed obviously wanting to settle the argument.

"Fine." I chuckled as we finally made our way to the gym and placed everything in their proper place.

Dear Journal,

Yeah, it's me again. Funny that I should be writing this to you while I'm in the middle of having lunch. I had accomplished running into that fat ass Riku earlier today. I could have sworn he gained quite a few pounds over the summer, and his intelligence still seems to be zero to none. He and his cronies had got me in the middle of the hall when I was making my way to my first period. They did the usual: take my stuff and get a few punches in. Nothing major. Though the heavens must have favored me today, for my beautiful blue swooped in to save me. Well, not save me directly, but he did stop Riku before he could do any other damage. I swear Sora becomes even more beautiful the more I see him. To say honestly, he is the only reason why I keep coming to this school. Other than that, I would have asked my parents to have me home schooled. I know you know this but… Sora Hikari is most the handsomest creature known to man. And I know I would give anything to be with him.

My stomach still kind of hurts from the blow I received, but I can man it out. I went through this kind of thing many times so this wasn't any different. Though I have been thinking of doing something that I have feared for quite some time now. I know I shouldn't hold things in especially when it involved the love of my life, Sora. I have been thinking… should I tell Sora my feelings? I know it's probably not a good idea, but it's my junior year and I don't want to pass up the time I have left with my angel. I want to at least let him to know that I exist, and that I have really deep feelings for him. I just hope that he doesn't take it as bad as some people here at the school that really look down at homosexuals. When an opportunity shows itself, I swear I'm going to tell Sora my feelings.

That's a promise.

-Roxas Strife out!

My stuff was scattered on the ground while I sat under the tree writing in my journal. It wasn't every day that I would bring it with me, but I felt more relaxed when I knew that I had it in my possession. I was able to finish some of the work that the teachers had assigned to us for the first day, which was mostly papers that needed to be signed, and problems that tested how much we knew about the subject we were learning. Suddenly the bell had rung and students were rushing to get inside to get to their next class. Hastily picking up my things, I stuffed everything into my bag and followed the rest of the students into the building.

It took me everything not to scream at the top of my lungs, thanking the gods that they allowed me to have my last period of the day with the love of my life. The only class that we had together was AP Environmental. I never ran faster in my life than when I was trying to get a seat behind Sora. I knew this was the only class that I wouldn't be able to focus in because I would be staring at the back of Sora's head through the whole period. From then on, I would secretly check him out as much as the space between us allowed. There were close calls when I thought Sora had caught me staring, but then again I don't think he noticed me at all. Another advantage of being invisible, but another disadvantage when you want to be noticed by the person you fell hard for.

"Come on Roxas. What do you have to lose?"

"But you know how popular kids are! It's more than likely that he's going to have everyone laugh at me."

"But you'll never know until you tell the kid your feelings."

"But that's what I'm afraid of, Axel!" I almost shouted at the redhead that sat across from me while we sat under the tree eating our lunches.

Two months had passed with the same events. Bullied by Riku and his drones had become a regular, so had stealing glances of my brown-haired prince. It was becoming more than likely that I'll never have a chance with him as the girlfriends that kept piling up in every direction. In these few months, Sora had already gone through nine girls. NINE. There wasn't any other guy that could break that many hearts in over sixty days! Though despite the shock, I had managed to make a new friend; a nobody like me named Axel. I've only known him for a week. He claimed that he used to know Riku at one time, but their friendship ended horribly when someone broke a promise.

"Look, it can't be that bad. How about this, I write a letter by a 'girl' saying that 'she' wants to meet your dream boy in the male's locker room after school."

"Right. Like you have the handwriting-"

"Actually, I can make very impressive girly handwriting. I will sit here right now and do it if you don't believe me." Axel had such a serious face on him that I couldn't help but laugh.

"Sure…sure. I believe you." I chuckled finishing the last bite of my sandwich then taking out my journal.

"Is that where you keep all your delicious secrets of your so called 'Angel from Above'?" Axel wiggled his eyebrows then snatched my book from my hands flipping through the pages.

"GIVE IT!" I hit him on the backside of his head, which made him yelp and drop my book on the grass. I snatched my book back and moved a little ways off so he couldn't reach me or my book. "Consider yourself lucky that I did feel comfortable enough to open this around you!" I hissed adjusting my saucer sized glasses on my face for good measure. That only made Axel laugh at me trying to be tough.

"Please, Roxas, can I just see one page?"

"No."

"Please!"

"No."

"Oh pretty, pretty please? I'll buy you lunch for the rest of the school year!"

"No, Axel. I already find it pathetic that you're begging."

"But I want to read firsthand what your feelings are like for that little brunette you love so much. If I'm going to help you, I need to see where it comes from. The source!" The redhead thought it was a good idea to use those eyes I hated so much. It tried to not look at him, but he kept whimpering and pawing at my book like a fucking dog!

"OKAY! Fine… here." I grumbled slowly handing my journal over to Axel. He certainly had a way of making people cave in when he wanted to.

We sat there for a few minutes, Axel skimming through my book. I barked at him whenever he laughed and made comments about all the things I wanted to do with Sora. I just about had enough when suddenly Axel started to read one of my passages out loud.

"Axel! Give it back before I shove my foot somewhere where the sun doesn't shine." I threatened lunging for my book, but he moved away before my fingers could even brush the spine.

"AXE-"

"Riku."

I froze and turned around to see Riku smiling down at me and Axel. He was by himself, which was a bit strange since he always had his buds around him. This time his lackeys were sitting at a table under a tree at the other side of the courtyard. They were looking in our direction, but weren't making any advances to come to Riku's side. This I found a little odd. I noticed that Axel moved my book behind his back, most likely hiding it from Riku. The latter looked at my redheaded companion for a moment before turning his attention back at me.

"So it looks like you have made a friend for the first time in your lonely life. I am very proud of you, Roxas." I glared daggers into those blue-green eyes of his formulating a comeback but Axel had beat me to it.

"Shut the hell up, Riku." Axel growled getting up on his feet, leaving my book on the ground for me to grab. I quickly snatched up my book and tucked it safely in my bag.

"Why, hello, Axel. It's been a long time since we last had a civil conversation." Riku's eyes narrowed, saying this with an all too knowing smile on his face.

"Whatever trouble you want, take it elsewhere where your sorry excuse of cheap cologne doesn't stink up the air we breathe." Axel retorted coming up close to Riku to the point their chests were almost touching.

It didn't take long for people to start noticing the scene that the two were creating. Even Riku's groupies were taking notice and heading towards them. Axel and Riku were throwing swears and insults at each other, but neither making so much of an effort to push the other away. It was like they had an odd common ground for battle that didn't involve physical attacks. It made me wonder when they were friends back then if they always fought like this. Axel had told me they were close at one point, so it was least likely than anything that the two did anything physical to each other. Their little verbal fight lasted for what seemed like forever until Riku left with a cocky grin on his face and left Axel to stare after him as he left with his gang. The crowd quickly dispersed finding nothing more of interest, and Axel returned to the place right next to me.

"Are you guys always like that? I've never seen Riku get into a fight without using his little posse or his fists." I asked him eyeing the redhead with a bit of concern. I didn't get to catch everything the two spat at each other, but I was a bit worried if any of it affected my new friend.

"Naw, it's cool. If Riku ever bothers you again just let me know. I'll be your wall of fire." Axel offered a stupid grin slugging his arm round my shoulder and pulling me in for a headlock.

"Yeah right, you weird pyro!" I chuckled but felt touched at his words.

Axel had become the first friend that I ever made that promised to be there for me when I needed him most. For once in my life, I was glad that I allowed myself to have a friend.

Many weeks had passed since I started my new friendship with Axel. I've told him more and more about myself and discovered we had a whole lot of things in common. We both had the same taste in music, food, and views on life. I was glad that Axel wasn't a homophobe. I allowed myself to talk freely of my opinion of other teen guys that passed our way, or answer any questions the redhead had for me when it came to how gay and straight relationships differed. I always enjoyed the time I spent with Axel and he seemed to as well. I even told him about all the things I would do when I happened to notice Sora was present in the same room I was. I even openly told him all the things I wanted to do to him. If anyone had seen the expression on his face when I went into great detail about how, when, and where I was planning to take his 'ass virginity', anyone would be having a ball at how astonished he looked having never before hearing me talk so dirty. Every moment I spent with my fiery haired friend was a memorable event for me, and also another page in my journal.

Dear Journal,

I started up on my old routine again. When I mean routine, I mean hiding behind the door to the indoor pool and watching Sora practice his laps. To my dismay, he was wearing his swim trunks today. He didn't seem to notice that his swim trucks were a bit too tight on him, but that didn't help with my tight situation in my southern regions. Riku was there with him 'coaching' him along even though they both knew that he didn't need any. Riku's words of 'encouragement' were more like swearing, and sometimes resulting in play fights and throwing each other into the pool. Though they were the least of my concerns unless either of them wanted to exit the room using the door I hide behind.

I swear Sora has the most beautiful strokes. Just watching him swim idly was enough for me to have fantasies of making love to the brunette in the water. For those who haven't even thought about it, it is a major turn on believe me. I was practically drooling whenever Sora pulled himself out of the water. His hair watered down but somehow still finding a way to rebel against gravity. I watched water glisten on his skin like his whole body was peppered with little diamonds; water running down his body outlining his frame and the contours of his muscles. If I didn't know any better, I would have labeled him as a god. I could never understand how I could still stand there and watch him without becoming a puddle.

If only I had learned how to swim, then I would have another excuse to get closer to my blue-eyed beauty.

When it was getting close to the second semester, that was when everything started to get strange. When I passed through the halls, I would get funny glances and other kids would whisper whenever I appeared. I was beginning to get a little paranoid that I was suddenly becoming the center of attention for reasons unknown to me. What was stranger was that Riku started to double the amount of time he would put in harassing me, and Axel had become a little more distant. Before all the weird things started to happen, I noticed that Axel would sometimes stare off into space and barely pay attention when I spoke to him. Sometimes he would have this sad look on his face like he just went through something rough. I asked him about his odd behavior, but he either avoided the question or said it was nothing and apologized I was getting a little concerned about what was going on with my friend, but I didn't want to get too much in his business since I wanted to give him all the space and time he needed for whenever he decided to tell me what was troubling him. Although, he never did.

And that wasn't the worst of it. Everything that I thought was my world came crashing down a whole week after the strange occurrences.

I had entered the school like I always did with my heavy black jacket hoodie over my head and my glasses hogging more than half of my face. Other students continued to whisper and snicker when I passed them, and it was sadly almost a norm for me whenever I came to school. I tried to see why the other kids kept giving me weird looks and making small comments, and I even tried to change up my wardrobe to see if that had any effect. Unfortunately, it didn't but made people think that I was trying to fit in which was nothing but the least of my concerns.

I went outside to the courtyard to meet up with Axel at the tree we always ate our lunch but he wasn't there. I waited around for a couple of minutes and checked my cell phone to see if he had sent me any texts that said he might not be here at his normal time. I frowned when I saw that I hadn't received anything, and pondered on the idea of just heading back inside the building and heading to my first period class. Just when I was about to leave before the first bell, a bunch of guys that I had recognized as Riku's gang had come and surrounded me at the tree. All of them were wearing smiles on their faces as if they were coming to me in greeting but I always knew better than to trust those fake smiles. I immediately felt threatened because I couldn't see any means of escape, and I didn't want to hang around and find out what Riku's goons were like when he wasn't around to direct them.

It was obvious that something was going to happen, and the friend that I needed at a time like this wasn't here to aid me.

Of course I wasn't alone with them for long until one of them saw their leader coming and roughly grabbed me from my sanctuary to stand in front of him.

Riku wasn't coming to me alone. My eyes widened when I saw Sora Hikari was marching beside him in his thick camouflage sweater and dark blue jeans. The only thing that I could think at the moment was he was coming towards me. Looking at me. The guy that I had a huge crush on was walking towards me with a not so very happy expression on his face versus Riku's much too big smirk. Sora looked pissed. Beyond pissed even, and he was glaring directly at me like I had done something awful to him.

What happened? Something is going on…

"Roxas Strife!" My heart lurched when he suddenly shouted my name bringing everyone within earshot at attention. I could have sworn that my heart wanted to rip out of my chest when Sora stopped his angry march in front of me. His cheeks were red, which I would have said that was very cute if it weren't for the fact that it was out of anger.

"What is the meaning of this?!" I flinched when Sora thrusted papers that were fisted in his hands at my face.

"I-I-I d-don't know-"

"Do you think this is funny?!" He seethed jabbing his finger at my chest. He did it so hard it oddly hurt more than any punch that I had to endure.

"I d-don't know what y-you're talking about!" I stammered and looked away not brave enough the look Sora in the eye.

"Then why don't you read it?!" I yelped when he suddenly slammed the papers at my face with his hand.

I fumbled with the individual sheets and hesitantly glanced up at Sora before readjusting my glasses and beginning to read.

Oh…

My eyes widened as I started down at copied images of entries of my journal. My hands shook as I realized all of them were the retold stories of either dreams or fantasies I had of Sora. Some of them were my most recent entries and some were the oldest. What was scary about this was that all of them were the ones I wrote in huge detail, and would be extremely embarrassing if someone had read them.

But somebody got a hold of them…

Somebody tore out these pages and copied them…

Somebody handed them for others to read…

The others must have made other copies and posted them throughout the school…

The school where both I and the guy I had it hard for occupied…

All of them passages about him…

Things I wanted to do with him…

He had read them… and now was standing in front of the person… me… who had written them.

What was scarier was that not only he knew, but the whole school as well. I probably stood there staring down at the crumpled papers for a good ten minutes before I was able to find my voice.

"Who? I didn't… Sora, I didn't-!"

"Don't even deny that you wrote those! It has your name on every single one!" He shouted knocking the papers out of my hands with such force that it stung a whole lot. Behind me I could hear Riku's lot laughing at my reaction including other students that had ringed around the scene.

"Do you know how embarrassing it is to see my name on every single one of these?! Do you think I want to know how-!" He stopped in mid sentence face beet deep red, but I couldn't tell if it was over anger or embarrassment.

"But Sor-"

"DON'T YOU EVEN!" He held his hand in front of my face stopping me front uttering the rest of my plea. He snatched up a flyer off the ground and pointed to it. "These are all over the school. In the halls, on lockers, in bathrooms, and on classroom doors. If I were you, I would go through the whole entire school and tear down every singleone of these before the end of the day. And you will do that, won't you?" He paused seeing if I was paying attention. I was, but I wasn't sure if I should use my own voice.

"WON'T YOU, ROXAS STRIFE?!" He yelled at my face coming closer and wanting me to answer his question. I did, but it was barely audible

"Y-Y-Yes." I replied still not daring to look the angry teen in the face. Where had everything gone wrong?

"Good. Now, you're going to take your homo ass away from here and start getting to work. I better not see your face in the halls while you're at it." He hissed and turned to walk away. But before he did, he made sure to add something that made my heart shatter into a million pieces.

"Whatever chances you hoped you could ever have with me, drop it. Your sick little dreams and hopes mean nothing now because I'll never end up with a nobody, Roxas Strife. Remember that for as long as you still breathe on this plant." He declared loud and clear before walking away with everyone else in tow.

"… drop it… you say…" I whispered to myself staring down at all the scattered copied pieces of my journal.

"But that will be so hard… because I love you."

It was my lunch period and everyone was buzzing about what happened earlier this morning. Riku was busy laughing and reenacting what had happened between me and Roxas with his gang. It was Riku's idea that I confront Roxas about the whole ordeal. He told me that he saw Roxas putting them up coming back from doing a few laps. Although, the reaction I had gotten from Roxas made me think otherwise. It was as if he didn't have any idea that they were being posted. It made me wonder if what Riku had told me was the truth… and if the way I acted was reasonable.

"Sora?"

"Yes, Kairi?" I turned to my female friend that was trying to get my attention for quite some time.

"Is what Riku told me true?"

"What did he say this time?" I sighed playing with my untouched food. My attitude causing me to lose my appetite.

"It's not a matter of what he said this time, but what you said to the boy that posted all those cute-"

"They weren't 'cute', Kairi, they were disgusting, gay, embarrassing, twisted, and…" I trailed off feeling like a knot was stuck in my throat.

"They weren't any of those things, Sora. Do you even know the kid? Roxas I mean."

"No, it's just-"

"I dated him at one time." She suddenly cut in making me lose my train of thought.

"You… you what? When?" I shouted so loud that everyone in the room completely fell silent to see what was going on now.

"Quiet!" Kairi hissed and wanted a moment when everyone disregarded my outburst. "I dated Roxas in my early middle school years. It didn't end very well."

"How… did it?" I asked being a little more curious than I had to be.

"I'd rather not say it, but just know it was the reason why he turned gay." She chuckled when I stared at her like she was crazy.

"Damn, Kairi. What did you do?" I moved a few inches away from her in attempts to protect my straight orientation.

"Sora!" She giggled slapping my shoulder but returned to being serious. "I just wanted to say that I know Roxas better than anyone here. When I dated him, he put all his feelings into our relationship. I don't know what happened when we separated, but he suddenly became… how he is now." Kairi's face saddened as she said this like she had lost a really good friend.

"Kairi, why are you telling me this?" I was on the verge of starting to feel something that I really didn't want to feel at the moment.

"I'm just saying… that Roxas has sense enough to not post something as secret as that through the whole school. Someone set him up."

"…" I thought back to Roxas' reaction. He honestly looked like he didn't have any clue what was going on.

"And… from the looks of these…" I was shocked that Kairi even saved a few flyers and placed them in front of me. "He truly had feelings for you." She paused looking to see what my reaction was to all this new information. "I just hope you didn't break him too badly. 'I'll never end up with you Roxas Stri-'" Kairi started, quoting whatever she heard from this morning.

"Alright, alright! I get it." I sighed deeply and rubbed my temples coming to an undeniable revolution. "…I fucked up big time

"You sure did." Kairi mumbled hitting the back of my head the same way I did to Riku.

Oh right…

"How long has Riku been on Roxas' case?" I asked her peeking through my fingers.

"You mean bullying? About some time after I broke up with him which was years ago. Him and those stupid friends of his bother him every time they get him alone. Why?"

I didn't answer her question, but thoughts of all the things that I had just learned with our little talk unnerved me. I glanced at Riku who was currently talking with one of the other members of our swim team. They were smiling and laughing about something that would least likely concern me, but this time it made me wonder. For as long as I've known my silver-haired friend, I never thought he would waste his time harassing a kid that had nothing of benefit for him but maybe for his own enjoyment. It was a kick to the ass when I realized that I had been overlooking this, and barely made an effort to look more into it. What's more, I've come to the conclusion that Riku had something to do with all the printed out copies of Roxas' journal, and he wasn't the only one in on it.

I was going to deal with Riku when it came to the right time, but first I had to find Roxas and set things straight. That is if I could find him.

I did what Sora had told me without hesitation. Going through all the halls, class doors, and bathrooms tearing down all the flyers that had pieces of my journal copied out. Though it didn't stop there. There were also flyers on student's cars and stapled to wooden posts outside. It had taken me all day to get every single flyer in the entire campus, and I also managed to avoid seeing Sora or Riku throughout the whole day like Sora had wanted. The last of my job was done when I picked up the last of the papers on the wall in the indoor pool area. I was so distracted with the job that I hadn't noticed that Riku and his troop walked in.

"Well if it isn't the fag. Did you have fun picking up after yourself?" Riku and his whole gang snickered coming closer at me. I didn't spare them a glance as I hefted a trash bag overflowing with paper over my shoulder heading to the other exit. If they were going to start something, I would rather have them do it inside and not here.

"Are you trying to run away?" The older teen questioned finally reaching me and took hold of the bag pulling backwards. The action made me lose my grip on the bag, and the next thing I knew papers were flying everywhere and into the pool.

"I was only doing what Sora told me to do." I muttered picking up the papers and not making any eye contact.

It hurt to mention his name, but there was nothing I could do to make it any better. I really didn't want to be stuck with Riku at the moment, and I badly just wanted to get home and never come back to this school. I've received my share of laughs and humiliation, now I just wanted to disappear. Even the friend that had claimed that would be there for me wasn't even there to be at my defense. Though I couldn't blame Axel. I hadn't seen him all day and I doubted he had his cell on him. But if Axel learned of what happened today and was present when it happened, I didn't want to know what might have happened if he did.

"You must be a very obedient little dog, and someone as obedient as you will clean up all the papers that found their way into our pool." I glanced up and saw that more than half of the papers that I had collected were floating in the water.

"I can't. I don't know where they keep the equipment to clean it." I said quietly and continued to pick up the papers that were scattered all over the wet floor.

"You don't have to get the equipment. Just go in and get them. We'll even help you." Riku smirked signaling at his guys to proceed with their plan.

The next thing I knew, I was picked up and carried to the deep end of the pool. "Wait! Stop! I can't swim!" I struggled, trying frantically to wiggle my way out of his friend's grip. That didn't make a difference since I was as weak as a small toddler in comparison to them. Somewhere in the whole fuss I had lost my glasses.

"Don't worry. With such a small mass, I think you'll be able to float. Oh! And one more thing, you should thank my friend Axel. He has been a really good help to our cause." Riku laughed at the shocked expression on my face.

Axel… had helped them? He betrayed me...to help humiliate me in front of the entire school?

When I thought back to when I had been with Axel, there were many times that I had shown or let Axel read a little from my journal. It must have been from those times that Axel must have ripped pages out when I wasn't paying attention.

How could I have been so stupid?

"Well, in you go!"

"WAIT!"

I was thrown in without a second consideration that I was indeed wearing heavy clothing. I flailed around trying to get my bearings, but I didn't know that I was thrown so far in that I was far from the edge of the pool. It was a struggle to keep afloat and keep water from entering my mouth and nose, but the weight of my clothes made me use more energy and tired me out more quickly. I started to panic when I started to sink deeper within the pool. I was forced to hold my breath and try to slip out of my thick jacket, but it was like everything was tangled up and I couldn't escape. Nothing I did was working. The more seconds that ticked by, the faster I sank deeper into the water. It was becoming unbearable holding in my breath and my lungs felt like they were burning from the lack of air.

I remembered looking up before I had blacked out. I strangely was able to hear a loud sound through the water, and could barely make out the form of someone else in the water. They seemed to be reaching towards me, but my eyes weren't open long enough to even make out who it was.

It was the last period of the day and I had learned from Kairi that other than herself, Roxas also shared my AP Environmental class with me. I had expected to see him there before class started, but he was nowhere in sight. Kairi thought it was a good idea to build on my guilt parade quoting that I had wished to not see his face until he had finished the job I ordered him to do. I waited through the clock until the last bell rang and dismissed students from school. To help me in my search for the teen, I had a few of Kairi's and my friends tell me if they knew the whereabouts of him. They all came up saying that he was picking up the flyers off the wall, but the last they had seen of him was when he left to go into the gym. Which was the good news for me, but bad news when they noted Riku and his posse going in after him.

Packing my things as fast as I could, I rushed out of the school building, went around the parking lot, and ran through the fields that lead to the pool area that was separated from the school itself. Rushing in the room, I was met with Riku's group that seemed to be agnostic about something. There were flyers scattered everywhere and including in the pool. Still no Roxas in sight.

"Riku? What are you doing here? Where is Roxas?" I asked the older teen wondering why he and his friends were standing near the edge of the deep end of the pool.

"Well…um…" He glanced down at the water at something that was dark and… moving.

"What's in the pool?" I questioned as my voice raised an octave. I didn't need Riku to tell me what or who was in the water. I was already beginning to take my shoes off and had a pretty good idea since the person I was looking for was not present.

"…Roxas." He answered meekly backing away as I came closer to see how deep in he was in.

"Can he even swim?!" I turned from Riku and saw the sudden amount of bubbles that had risen up from the water. I hastily took off my winter jacket and heavy sweater. I could barely tell if Roxas was moving or not.

"Well, he did say that he couldn't but I-"

"BUT YOU THREW HIM IN ANYWAY?!" I shouted and resisted the really strong urge to bring the idiot down and beat the hell out of him.

Not giving him time to respond, I dove in after the drowning teen. Thanks to all the chemicals in the water, my eyes burned but I tried to tough it out since I needed to see where the kid was sinking. The deep end of the pool was about twelve feet deep, but Roxas seemed to have sunk down a little over half the distance. It didn't take much to finally reach him, but the state of alarm I was in increased immensely seeing that his eyes were closed and he wasn't moving at all. Quickly wrapping one arm around Roxas' waist, I kicked and propelled us up to the surface. Awaiting us at the top was none other than the absence of Riku and his group. Instead, Kairi and a small group of her friends helped me get Roxas up and over the ledge as I went up the ladder that wasn't a far ways.

"OH MY GOD! IS HE ALRIGHT?" Kairi practically screeched going down to her knees and looking Roxas over.

"The question you should be asking is if he's breathing."

"He isn't!"

"I know mouth-to-mouth!" Kairi's sister, Namine, shouted and pushed everyone from Roxas as she made room for herself beside him.

"And so do I!"I retorted somehow feeling it was my responsibility to revive the child.

"Says the guy that broke this kid's heart to millions of pieces!" Namine replied just as sharply.

Ouch…

Namine performed the procedure and tried to get the water out of his lungs. I stood close by and watched helplessly as water started to spill from the corners of his mouth and nose. Every second it lasted was a strain for my patience. Finally after what felt like forever, Roxas made a show of going into a coughing fit and curling to one side hacking away the water that remained in his lungs.

"Give him room to breathe!" Someone had shouted but I didn't obey the order going to Roxas' side at an instant.

"Roxas!" I brought a hand to his back and steadied him as he brought himself up to a sitting position.

It took him a moment to finally regain his composure, and he slowly turned to look at me. Both him and I froze when we met eyes, and took the time to look upon each other. Well… I took the moment to really look at him.

I hadn't realized that Roxas was a blond. I couldn't tell from all the other times I had seen him because he always had his hoodie pulled over his hair. Despite the water, I could tell that his hair was similar to mine but defying gravity, and had a very unique style of swinging to one side and up. He had the deepest blue eyes I had ever seen on a human being. Other than his complexion, I noticed that he and I had very similar face structures. If it wasn't for the situation, I would have said that he could have passed as my somewhat identical twin. After a long moment of silence, I had to know if Roxas was truly alright.

"Hey, are you alrig-!" I was cut off before I could finishing my question. Roxas had suddenly shoved me away and scrambled to his feet. "H-Hey!" I shouted after, watching him race out of the door so quick. For a moment I had thought it was inhumanly possible for someone who had almost drowned to move so quickly. "Roxas, wait!"

But it was already too late. I watched the drenched teen scramble away into the cold afternoon, and I didn't have the nerve to chase after him. From that moment, I realized the wrong I did, all I wanted was to apologize to the blond. I felt that there was a large knot forming in my chest, and regret flowing into my mind. I knew I wouldn't be able to settle down until I had this problem between him and I resolved.

So from that day on, I waited for the blond to return to school. I came to the school early in the morning and stayed late after school waiting for him, but he never showed. However, when Roxas ran past those doors that day, I didn't think that was the last I would ever see of him until the first day of my Senior year.

I just realized that I have a knack for making Sora such a douchebag.

Well there you go! Here is Part 1 of Dear Journal. And the other should be coming soon. I find myself having two fics to keep track of but I'll manage ^^

Until next time,

-Roxy