Happy Holidays?
There were certain signs that the approaching holiday season had arrived at the Albuquerque, NM federal Building. And Mary knew them all. Before Judy the ground floor receptionist brought out her plastic nativity set despite the grumblings from the ACLU and the politically correct. And even before the fake trees and snowmen graced the desk of the Assistant US attorney's secretary's desk, there was one more. Stan switched his usual tie to his collection of slightly off beat holiday themed ones.
Mary was watching closely as Stan arrived, the ice skating penguins waltzing merrily on his tie. Once he was in his office and was pretty much ignoring their conversation, she turned to Marshall and held out her hand, "I was right about it being today. You owe me $10 so pay up."
"You always win," Marshall groused as he reached for his wallet. "I'm beginning to think you sneak in and take away all his other ones so he has no choice but to wear these."
"Stan go tieless? God forbid," Mary said in mock horror as she took the proffered bill.
"Well I did actually see him go without a tie once," Marshall replied as he switched on his computer. "Hey double or nothing he wears the one with the glow in the dark ornaments tomorrow"
"You're on. And loser can buy the winner lunch," Mary said. "I'll tell you right now I am not going to the Pi Plate for lunch."
"What is it you don't like about the place?" Marshall asked. "You do know they have the absolute best pie in Albuquerque."
"Too geeky for my taste. All those math symbols on the wall. And what does pi have to do with pie?" she added.
"A play on words; pun," the young man explained. Did you know there are two national days for pie and pi? January 23 for P-I-E and March 14 for pi. Since 3.14 just happened to be what pi is equals although in a shortened form," Marshall stated. "And even though it's used to calculate the circumference of circles pi also has a square root thus you get the fact that pi r square."
"I thought pies were round ," she joked.
"Don't quit your day job," Marshall replied as he began going over the varied law enforcement bulletins.
"So what exactly would a square pie be?" Mary asked after a moment.
"A fruit cobbler comes to mind as it resembles a fruit pie although most cobblers I've seen tend to be rectangular…" Marshall elaborated.
She quickly cut him off, "Stop it, you're making me hungry. And we're not going to the Pi Plate today either."
December 22
"Hey, you know Pete Maxwell, works on the second floor?" Marshall asked suddenly.
"Just in passing. Why?" Mary asked in return.
"He asked if I knew anybody who could play Santa and Mrs. Claus and I immediately thought of you," the young man answered.
"Marshall, you got to be out of your freakin' mind! Me play Santa Claus?" Mary exclaimed.
He patiently waited until her outburst was over and replied, "No, I'll be Santa Claus. But I just need a Mrs. Claus."
"Why don't you ask Stan?" Mary suggested.
"Now you've gotta be kidding. Stan as Mrs. Claus?" Marshall asked incrediously.
"He'd make a better Santa than you, Doofus, since he's just the right size. Somehow I just can't see Santa as being tall and skinny," she answered an impish grin on her face.
Slender not skinny. Big difference," Marshall pointed out.
"Hey, you know if you were in an elf costume you'd look like that guy from the movie Elf. You know the one I mean," Mary joked.
Their conversation was brought to a temporary halt by Stan appearing at the door to say, "Inspectors. My office. Now!"
"Uh oh. What did you do now?" Marshall asked as he got to his feet.
"Hey what about you?" she shot back. She tried to hold back her giggles as Marshall suddenly began whistling the Pink Panther theme. "Let me guess you just had to se e the Peter Sellers movie marathon on the Insomnia Channel?"
"It's the Nostalgia Movie network and Peter Sellers was a brilliantly comic actor for his time. However contrary to what most people think, the Pink Panther was actually a flaw in the diamond and not a big pink cat. Although the big pink cat has been the advertising symbol for fiberglass," Marshall elaborated.
Whatever you're discussing this time, if it has nothing to do with this office then I don't want to hear about it," Stan said firmly.
"I was just explaining what the Pink Panther actually was," Marshall said
"Okay, Siskel & Ebert, the movie talk is over for now. Stan replied.
"What's going on, Stan?' Mary replied just a little too cheerfully as her mind hadn't completely rid itself of the image of Marshall decked out in Will Ferrell's elf costume.
"I need you to go pick up a couple of witnesses and transport them back here," Stan said consulting the open file before him. "Details are kind of sketchy but the names are Missy and Deana Wagner. The girls were the witnessed and only survivors on an attack on a Meth lab. Police want to get them the Hell out of town as fast as possible."
"How old are these witnesses?' Mary asked.
"Nineteen and twelve. They're sisters and the older has legal guardianship of the younger," Stan answered.
"Where are exactly we going?" Marshall questioned.
"Columbus, Ohio. You've got a flight leaving in an hour," their supervisor replied. "Better grab your over night bag since the way this weather is, the flights could get delayed."
"Just what I love, getting stranded at some airport," Mary said sarcastically as she headed for the door.
"Hey, Stan where do we find these girls?" Marshall asked.
"The police can tell you," the older man answered.
"Looks like all we do is fly out and pick up the witnesses and flay back here. What could possibly go wrong?" Marshall was saying as the door shut behind them.