I've been thinking of this idea for a while now, and not only is it my first Reborn! fanfiction, but it's my first time writing fanfiction in years. I don't know why I left it for so long, but that's really something I couldn't help at the time. I don't even know if I'll finish this one, I just want to get the idea out before it flits away, as so many others before it have done. Ah well.

Anyway, 8059 has become a huge favorite, so that's why I'm writing. Fic inspired by "Once More with Feeling" by Lorein003. Much love to her. Go read it!! It's wonderful!!

Enjoy my pointless drabbles. Chapter still in draft form, and therefore subject to change.

CHAPTER RATING: T for language. Rating may go up in later chapters, but for now its T.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Gokudera's POV.

Why was it that no one had ever bothered to mention that heartbreak hurt this fucking much?

Why does this happen so much to me? Why is it that the one person I even think of opening up to betrays my trust? I really hate it when my initial perceptions of people are changed. I thought the baseball idiot was a decent human being, one of the only true nice people in the world. I couldn't have been more wrong. If that wasn't bad enough, it's Jyuudaime as well. Both of them aren't who I thought they were.

I'm probably not making much sense. Hell, I don't even understand it myself... I'm just trying to sort things out before I leave. Yea, that's right. I'm heading back to Italy. I wasn't my choice though. I've been sent away. Again.

I'm not leaving in disgrace, or anything like that. Reborn came up with this idea that Jyuudaime needs someone he can trust operating in Italy alongside the Vongola famiglia stationed there. He wanted Tsuna to have someone on the 'inside'. That's where I came in. I was to go there, and keep an eye on things. I was to study how things were run and report back to Jyuudaime. Pretty much just to prepare him for what to expect when he came into his own as the Vongola Decimo. All in all, not very difficult work. I can see why Reborn chose me, rather than one of the other guardians. If only for the sole reason that, out of us all, I'm the only one who speaks Italian fluently. Because of Mukuro, Chrome was also an option, but I doubt anyone would want to run the risk of having her alone in a (to her) foreign country.

To be honest, I would much rather remain in Japan, even though it would destroy me. I wanted to be selfish for once, and stay with the people I saw as my friends. I wanted to be in one of the only places that ever accepted me for who I was as a person, rather than what family I belonged to.

Though I know and accept the reason, it still sucks. Rejection in general sucks. You can feel, somewhere deep down inside you, that beyond a shadow of a doubt, no one wants you. Even if it wasn't intended that way, it still hurts more than anything.

It might have felt better if I had been included upon this decision from the beginning. All of the guardians and the Jyuudaime had spoken to Reborn about this beforehand. I found out from Reborn as we were sitting on the roof during our lunch hour. It was just a week ago, but it feels so much longer. I remember being confused as to why the Jyuudaime and Yamamoto had been withdrawn that day. I didn't push it, feeling that they would tell me in their own time. I just didn't know how big the bomb they dropped into my lap was going to be.

I was shocked when Reborn told me that he had sent in my transfer papers already, and bought my plane ticket. Everything had been arranged. And I had no say in it. I think that's the moment when I realized that I was being abandoned again, in a sense. I was angry that I hadn't been consulted, that I hadn't even been asked. It was decided for me, and there was nothing I could do. I felt completely betrayed when neither Tsuna nor Yamamoto said anything to me. They didn't even bother to look me in the eye.

If nothing else, I'm proud that I took all this in stride. I didn't blow, as I normally would have. I was... empty. After the initial shock had passed, I didn't feel anything. Looking back, I'm thankful for the numbness that day. I was very mature and collected on the outside. It was only when I went home that I left everything crumble. Or tried to, at least. In truth, I only started feeling again about two days ago.

After the big news, I didn't bother going back to school. What was the point? In eight days time I would be on a plane, destined for half way across the world. My plane leaves tomorrow. It's been an entire week, a full seven days, and no one has made the effort to show up at my place, or even say anything to me when I ventured out to get supplies. I saw Ryohei a few days ago when I went to get an extra bag. He took one look at me and started walking back the other direction. Not even my sister has made an appearance.

In any case, my apartment has been cleared out and sold, my stuff packed, and I'm going to need to get some sleep. I'll be sure to keep in touch with everyone here, even if they don't reciprocate. After all that's happened, I'm grateful for the memories I have of my stay here, and I'll not begrudge any of them. I'll just leave as quietly as I came, with no one the wiser. I refuse to make this harder than it needs to be.

Damn. Even in my own mind I feel as if I am whinging and complaining about how much my life sucks. Whatever. I'm going to bed.

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Feedback? I'm already planning the second chapter, from Yamamoto's POV. You'll get to see what happened flashback form. ;)

And someone come up with a title!! I can't think of anything!!!