Episode 1: Meeting the Cast

Disclaimer: I do not own America's Top Model or Harry Potter.

Oh, and this is our first attempt at humor.

"Welcome, everyone, to the first episode of the first season of America's Next Top Model!" cried the tall brunette girl. "I'm your host, KayKrissi!" She walked up close to Draco Malfoy. "But you can call me Kay," she said with a high pitched giggle.

"Damn fool, I thought the contract said I was surrounded by SEXY women not high pitched gigglers, my gosh!" said the blonde.

She let out another giggle. "Oh, Draco, you're so silly! Well, anyways, for this season, it's different! We're not using Muggles anymore… we're using people from the wizarding world!"

"But, like, I'm not a wizard!" cried a blonde popstar. "Britney Britney is from Dimmsdale! Eh, and where are my Britney Britney back-up dancers?" The host shuffled around nervously. "Can I leave now?"

"Cylo!" whispered KayKrissi. "Send her back quick! I told you that was a bad idea!"

The other hostess, a tall blonde authoress, began examining the two buttons on her table. One read 'Dismissal Teleportation' and the other read 'Pit of Fire/Sharks/Acid/Goyle.' "Hmmm…." she said, waving her hand over both. With sudden vigor, she pressed the latter.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" cried Britney Britney.

As this was going on, Kay continued on with the episode. "We only have an hour to fit all this in, so everybody SHUT UP!" The murmur of wizard voices quickly died away. "Thank you. Well, cylobaby and I are two of the judges along with the famous Dark Lord Voldemort! Yay!"

"What?" cried Harry Potter from the back. "I thought I defeated him!"

Kay giggled again. "We found him in the perfume department of Macy's."

The pale wizard rubbed his long fingers. "They think I've turned to the Light. Ha, but they'll never realize that my secret plan is to-"

"Shut up, Voldie!" said Cylo, bopping over the head with a folder full of paper.

The wizards present gasped in horror. "Yes ma'am," muttered Voldemort.

Cylo smiled triumphantly and the contestants shuffled backwards in fright.

"Well, I've seen this show, and I thought that Tyra ran the show!" said a bushy haired girl who was standing by Harry.

"Hermione, Hermione, Hermione. Tyra had to go on a little trip," said KayKrissi.

Cylo snickered. "To my closet!"

Kay rolled her eyes. "You're not supposed to tell anybody that! GOSH!"

"Let's get on with it!" groaned Cylo.

"Well," said Kay, "we don't have a guest judge today, 'cause we're just getting started. Ya'll are going to stay in the same house while we judge your pictures."

"Wait a second!" cried Neville Longbottom, standing up and looking at the blonde Malfoy. "I have to sleep in a house with him?"

"What's the matter, Longbottom? Can't stand to be that close to my utter hotness?"

"Yeah," said Kay dreamily. "Hotness…"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" shouted Cylobaby. Immediate silence filled the room. "It's time to meet our contestants," she said, suddenly sweet.

"And they say I'm evil," muttered Voldemort.

"Shut up! I say you can't talk, so don't!"

"Maybe our books should have been based off of defeating her," muttered Harry. "I heard she broke her sister's arm over a sandwich!"

Cylobaby, with her cat-like hearing, whirled on the trio. "She deserved it! I mean, asking me for a sandwich! The very idea…"

"I'm the host, so quiet, Cylo!" shouted Kay. Cylo fell into silence. "Well, our first contestant is… Mr. Harry James Potter! He has no previous modeling experience other than what he did in the Prefect's bathroom during his fourth year."

Everyone turned to look at Harry. He flushed dark red. "How does she know this?"

"And there's Ron," continued Kay, ignoring Harry. "He's stupid."

Ron looked up from the bag of chips he was currently munching on. "Did someone say my name?"

Draco smirked. "Well, they got one thing right."

"And that's Draco Malfoy. He's a hottie, but also, he's a pansy 'cause he couldn't kill Bumblydoor. And he kissed a Pansy once too…"

"Kay! Stop drooling, it's freaking out our reviewers!" said Cylo, rolling her eyes.

Draco was looking quite offended. "When my father gets out of prison, he'll…" he suddenly broke off, seeming to notice Cylo for the first time. "Wow, you're pretty. Want to meet me at the Three Broomsticks some time?"

"Sorry doll, my heart's already taken by Sirius Black," she said with a heavy sigh.

"He's dead!" cried Harry, who was still miffed at their revelations of his time in the bathroom.

"No he's not," said Ron through the chip he was eating. "He's just-"

"Ronald!" said Hermione, hitting him in the gut. "You're not supposed to tell anyone that, especially on LIVE TELEVISION!"

"This is Hermione," said Kay. "She wastes all her time reading. What a loser!"

Cylobaby's hazel eyes had rolled over to Kay with a menacing look. "Excuse me?" she hissed, raising an eyebrow.

"Er, I mean, she wastes her time reading, but you read cool books… and magazines… and stuff." Kay was biting her lip, but Cylo didn't notice. She seemed mollified enough, and returned to doodling on a piece of paper on her desk. "That was close," muttered Kay. "Well, our next contestant is Neville Longbottom! He's a scaredy cat! I guess that's all there is to say about him…"

"No, Neville's nice and kind and… good at Herbology and… uh… and, uh… there are some other good qualities too!" said a short redhead who was sitting next to the aforementioned scaredy cat.

"That's Ginny. She's Ron's sister and Harry's X-GF," said Kay lazily, eyes locked on Draco. "Hey Cylo?" she said to her partner. "Did you know that Draco has blue eyes?" She sighed softly.

"Well, I have red eyes!" said Voldemort with a pout.

"And you're bald," said Kay with an upturned nose. Though the Dark Lord looked as though he was about to respond, one glare from Cylo silenced him.

"Our last contestant is Viktor Krum! Like a cookie crumb, or something!" said Kay.

"Viktor not know why here…" said Viktor with a vacant expression.

"Uh, 'cause I teleported you here? Now you're a model," Kay told him.

"Viktor like model. Viktor hot," said the Seeker.

"Okay, here are some rules. After everyone completes the modeling challenge, someone will be voted off! Get it? Oh, and we can use the camera footage filmed at the house against you."

"What's a camera?" asked Ron.

As Hermione filled him in, Kay said, "The reviewers can take part in our judging too! Just send a review saying who you'd like to get voted off next week and we'll obey!"

"Whoa, these reviewers sound pretty powerful. Maybe they're nicer than Cy-… than a Cyclops," he mended, catching Cylobaby's glare.

"Mmkay, you'll be taken to your new house for tomorrow's episode! But, before we go, we have to say that this is a production by Jarvmen Studios and no characters were harmed during the making of this story."

Voldemort rubbed his head. "Sure they weren't," he muttered.

"My feelings got hurt," said Neville.

"What about Britney Britney?" asked Ginny. "You sent her off to the Fire Pit, or wherever."

"Fine, no Harry Potter characters were harmed!" said Kay.

Cylo rose to her feet. "You want to start something?" she asked with a snarl. Ginny shrunk back in her chair.

"Well, this is KayKrissi and that's Cylobaby and that's Voldemort, and we'll see you all next time of America's Next Top Model: Harry Potter Edition!"

"This isn't America!" said Hermione primly.

"You'd better pretend it is," snarled Cylobaby.

To help along with the judging of next week episode, sent a review with who should be voted off. -Kay

Oh, and in the words of Thumper, "If you can't say nothing nice, you CAN'T SAY NOTHING AT ALL!" Please take his words into consideration. –Cylo