Day 7 of 12 Days of Christmas Tolkien fic series, of which I am beginning to get sick and tired, hence the iffy quality of this fic (but maybe that's just because I'm plain old tired...)
As a reminder, the 12 Days of Christmas fics started on December 13 (the 12 days leading up to Christmas, because I'll be skiing the day after Christmas and then going back to school :P) and will be going through Christmas Day. They are:
Day 1 (12/13): All I Want for Yuletide (Silmarillion)- I really, really wanted to write a Hobbit fic to honor DoS coming out but even though I saw the movie I don't know Thorin's Company that well and couldn't think of anything. :(
Day 2 (a day late on 12/15): The 12 Days of Christmas, Middle-earth version! (Lord of the Rings)
Day 3 (a day late on 12/16): My Revenge on the Internet, or, Fëanor Learns the Spirit of Christmas (Silmarillion)
Day 4 (on time! 12/16): The 12 Days of Christmas, First Age Version! (Silmarillion)
Day 5 (12/17): Sam's Yule Gift (Lord of the Rings)
Day 6 (12/18): The Goblins' Christmas Feast (The Hobbit- FIRST HOBBIT FIC EVER! WHOO-HOO!)
It was Bilbo's last Yule in Middle-earth, and he wanted to go out with a bang and give everyone the best Yule gifts they had ever gotten!
He sat down with a fresh piece of parchment, picked up his quill, and began making his list.
Elrond- eye cream (to apply to his overactive eyebrows to prevent muscle strain)... or perhaps a locket, which he would be much more likely to use (note: must have at least eight picture slots for the entirety of his strange complicated family; at least he hasn't met his fifty-member extended family in Valinor yet)
Elladan and Elrohir- whoopie cushions to keep Aragorn & Arwen from becoming too serious
Glorfindel- inflatable Balrog punching bag
Erestor- paperweight that looks like Bag End (although that may encourage his obsession with paperwork...)
Gandalf- Shirt reading "I fought in too many battles to count, argued with idiotic and obstinate leaders for three thousand years, saved countless Mannish, Hobbitish, Elven, and Dwarven behinds, led a pack of stubborn dwarves through the wilderness, got offered the most evil object in the universe, was imprisoned atop Orthanc, led four Hobbits, a bickering Elf and Dwarf, and two Men fighting over politics through the wilderness, got killed by a fire demon, rode frantically all around Middle-earth like a crazy person, had to spend three days on horseback with Peregrin Took, had to deal with the Steward of Gondor setting himself on fire in the middle of a siege, and charged the Black Gate of Mordor... and all I got was this stupid T-shirt!" I think it would be a nice gift of gratitude... Also pocket-handkerchiefs, because now that he's going back to Valinor it wouldn't be proper for him to disdain them like he did on the Quest to Erebor.
Aragorn- lots of Old Toby, athelas seeds
Arwen- scented candles
Frodo (I could probably send a gift to the Shire through Bree)- four-fingered right hand glove
Sam- Shirt reading "I Simply Walked Into Mordor"
Merry & Pippin- Elven mushroom recipes
Oops, forgot about Lindir... Christmas sweater with "Figwit" embroidered on it
Bilbo looked over his list proudly. Yup, these were the best Yule presents ever!
He IS getting old and senile after all... please review!