Better Left Unsaid
The air inside the Gryffindor Common Room was stifling. It was mid June, a week before term would end and everyone would be taking the scarlet Hogwarts Express from Hogsmeade to Platform 93/4 and a blissful two and a half months away from the school.
But, despite the prospect of freedom, fifth years Alexis Riddle and Sirius Black had their minds on other things. They were the perfect couple, Alexis and Sirius, and they had hit it off straight away their first year. In the beginning, their relationship had been a secret, as the idea of the most good-looking eleven year-old at the British wizarding school being anything but single was atrocious.
The best thing about the two of them was that once everybody found out, (no thanks to one James Potter) no one ever knew if they were on one of their numerous "breaks". They had broken their record this year by breaking up a grand total of forty-seven times over the course of nine months. On this particular muggy day, they were "split up".
"Oh Sirius, kiss me again," Alexis begged, her voice soft and pleading, a rarity indeed.
She was straddling him as he sat in a big armchair, staring past her at the flames crackling serenely in the fireplace. Why the House Elves continued to light the fires into the summer was beyond him, but he didn't care. He wasn't aware of anything but the girl in front of him, though he refused to look at her. He was afraid of being drawn into her emerald gaze, the one that had deceived him.
"The way Remus did? Or would you prefer my technique?" he asked bitterly, but she was not so easily fooled. He wanted her. The only thing standing in his way was one of of his best friends.
"The way you used to do," she whispered, leaning forward. Her cool lips brushed his ear as she spoke and he twitched slightly, moving as if to touch her, but then scratching his ear. Smiling slightly, she rose to the challenge.
Gently, she took his hand and placed it around her neck. She felt him tense up, but when she took her hands away, his remained beneath her chin. Slowly, his fingers tightened, then relaxed and slid down to her collar bone. She grinned and leaned forward again, her lips tantalizingly close to his.
"Kiss me," she said again, but this time it wasn't a request. It was a command. He had no choice but to meet those eyes, as bright as gemstones, but as deadly as snakes. In one quick movement, he pushed her away and stood up, going to the fireplace. With both hands against the mantle, he glared into the vibrant flames that burned with all of the fury in his heart.
She watched him from the ground where she had fallen. A smirk on her face gave the illusion of mischief, which certainly wasn't an illusion at all. She was up to something, and he would put a stop to it.
"Get out," he ordered, doing his best to mingle his voice with disgust. He grimaced when her derisive laughter rose to meet him like smoke. He listened as she stood up and paced twice, back and forth behind him like a cat toying with its prey.
Finally, the stroke fell and he felt her hands, cold as ice despite the sweltering heat of the room, creep around to the front of his buttoned shirt.
Once, she moaned his name, and a button slipped through its hole. Twice, he could feel the passion rising in his chest, screaming to be released. Three times, she paused. Her hands had found the heavy locket given to Sirius by a distant relative. He had not yet opened it, nor did he intend to while she was still around. Alexis was the only daughter of the Dark Lord Voldemort, making her the prime suspect of small disappearances concerning anything to do with pure blood.
"Sirius," the word slipped from her tongue for the fourth time and she deftly unfastened the final button. His name sounded so powerful coming from her, meaningful and filled with purpose. She knew this as well as he did, and he hated her for it.
Slowly, deliberately, her cool hands slid down his bare chest to rest at his hips. A moment's hesitation on her part gave him all the persuasion he needed. Grabbing her wrists in one hand, he spun around, pinning her down on the carpeted floor.
Alexis gasped, though she knew it had been coming, and the sound was immediately muffled by his deepest kiss, which really took her by surprise. She grinned regardless and fought against his working tongue, the way he liked it. She shuddered with delight when he brought his leg over, suspending himself above her. She was trapped beneath him, vulnerable and completely victim to his will.
Keeping one hand on her wrists, he began to unbutton her blouse. Her heart beat faster and faster with each button he tore apart and she wondered for a fleeting moment if he was going to smother her to death. His kisses moved, however, from her lips down her neck, resting finally on her collar bone. The kisses lightened here, becoming nothing more than a gentle presence that she was hardly aware of.
Suddenly, she broke free of his restraining grip and she tore at the chain around his neck. He fumbled with her hands and there was a loud snap. The chain had broken, the locket resting in the palm of Alexis' hand. She grinned and draped the necklace around her neck, the metal mending itself beneath her thin fingers.
There was a pause in which they looked into each others' eyes. The air was thick with hatred, betrayal, lust . . .
The first light of morning crept through the wrought iron windows of the common room and fell upon the two sleeping figures lying in front of the hearth. At first, one wouldn't have guessed that it was indeed two, for their bodies were melded together by the heat of passion.
Of course, James knew perfectly well that it was Sirius and Alexis and he also knew they wouldn't be the least bit embarrassed to be found in this position by the entire Gryffindor house. He had to do something, quickly.
"Oy!" he hissed, but neither of them moved. James could hear movement upstairs and he swore under his breath. Reverting his eyes, he jumped over the back of the couch and landed beside them. He pointed his wand to the air above their heads and a loud crack rent the air, causing Alexis to sit bolt upright, her eyes snapping open.
"James!" she whispered angrily, grabbing Sirius' cloak and covering her bare chest.
James snickered and tossed her bra to her. "Next time, set an alarm," he said bemusedly and she glared daggers at him, snatching her bra and the rest of her clothes.
"Why deprive you of another chance to be a smug, egotistical prat?" Alexis snapped, pulling her shirt over her head and attempting to button the top few buttons, only to remember that Sirius had torn them apart.
"Got a bit rough, did he?" asked James, evidently thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to make Alexis blush.
"Shove off, Potter," she muttered, slipping into her shirt and glancing toward Sirius, whose eyes were still closed.
"Oooh, the dreaded last name . . ." James ruffled his hair, smirking at her. His eyes trailed to the golden locket resting in her exaggerated cleavage. "Hey, doesn't that belong to Sirius?"
Alexis paused, for a second confused as to what he was talking about, then she looked down, her hands flying to her ripped shirt and the locket. She quickly covered her cleavage and glared up at James.
"Keep your eyes on that filthy mudblood." Her words cut into him like ice cold darts and his expression went from amused to furious faster than the Snitch.
"You watch your language, Riddle," he said in a dangerous voice, raising his wand again and pointing it straight at her heart. She sneered.
"What are you going to do? Jinx me like you did Snape? That was real classy, by the way. Dare I even say . . . impressive?" Her eyes met his and she saw defiance flicker within the hazel depths.
"And you'd know all about class," he said in the same quiet voice, but this time, it was filled with sarcasm.
Quick as lightning, Alexis grabbed her wand from the inside pocket of her robes and stood over James, the tip of her wand mere inches away from the spot on his forehead right between his eyes. He glared up at her and she felt the tip of his wand, searing hot with his anger, press against her abdomen.
"Alexis--James . . . stop."
Neither James nor Alexis moved from where they were. Instead, they continued to stare at each other with utmost contempt.
"Please . . ."
To James' immense satisfaction, it was Alexis who responded first to Remus' words. Her eyes flickered to the person behind James who was watching them imploringly with an indiscernible look on his face. Slowly, she lowered her wand and with a short derisive sniff, she turned on her heel and swept out the portrait hole.
As soon as the portrait slammed shut behind her, Sirius sat up and reached for his pants.
"I thought she'd never leave," he said, smirking. James laughed and shook his head.
"I don't know how you do it, mate."
Sirius shrugged. Remus, meanwhile, had pocketed his wand and started toward the portrait hole at a jog.
"Hey, Moony! Where are you off to?" Sirius called, though he already knew the answer and was severely annoyed by it.
Remus said nothing, but cast him an admonishing look before stepping out into the hallway. In fact, because he wasn't looking where he was going, he bumped right into the person he had begun to chase after. Ignoring a snicker from the fat lady behind him, Remus spun around, a hand going instinctively to her arm in case he had caused her to lose her balance.
"Alexis, I'm sorry. Are you alright?"
She did nothing but continue to stare at the floor, arms folded, chewing on a fingernail. He paused, searching for her gaze, but she merely turned and started down the hall.
"Wait!" Remus called out, sprinting after her. She picked up her pace, ignoring him completely. "Alexis, please, stop!"
Finally, he caught up with her and gently grabbed her elbow, turning her to face him. "Here, at least let me fix this," he said, taking out his wand and pointing it at her torn shirt. "Reparo!"
Alexis stared at him for a moment, her eyes welling up with tears. Remus watched her silently, slipping his wand back into his pocket. Quite suddenly, she threw herself into his arms, quietly sobbing into his chest.
"Oh, Remus," she moaned, her voice muffled. He wrapped his arms around her, gently stroking her hair and resting his chin on the top of her head.
He said nothing, but let her tears soak his shirt until she was able to speak without being interrupted by a stream of sobs.
"Can we go somewhere more private?" she asked timidly after she had calmed down enough. Several minutes later, they were sitting in the abandoned Astronomy Tower, Remus watching Alexis with a soft, curious expression on his face.
"Oh, it was awful," she gushed, sniffling and brushing her cheeks with the back of her hand.
Remus knew better than to laugh at this assessment of the previous night and instead, he remained silent and allowed her to continue.
"I apologized, I really did. I told him . . . I told him that it didn't mean anything, what we--you did, but he just wouldn't listen. It was eight months ago, Remus!"
Yes, he knew how long it had been since that night he had brought her to the lake and kissed her. It had been her birthday, the thirty-first of October. He knew.
"'But what's eight months to five years?' he said, but I've counted. The amount of days we were actually 'together' these past years, and it's only two. I know, I know that's a long time too, but it doesn't matter. I've known you for seven!"
Seven years already? It felt to Remus as if he had known her all of his life. In reality, his mother had taken Alexis, alone and in grave danger, in as one of her own in 1969. He had been nine years old at the time, as had she. He remembered her well from back then.
"Well, eventually he shut up to . . . erm," she paused, then continued, "but when he stopped, I insisted. I told him that we're just very good friends. You're like a brother to me, Remus. He called me some pretty nasty things after I told him that, but he has skeletons in his closet too. Oh yes, he does."
She was stubborn when they had found her. She kept insisting that she could do everything on her own. Remus' mother had tried to wash Alexis' clothes for her, but Alexis just clung to them, demanding to be told where the washer and dryer were. And she always insisted on being alone. Several times, Remus had invited her, much to Romulus' dismay, to come with him and his brother to the back woods to play. Each time, she refused and they would eventually find her while they were playing, sitting by herself, scribbling like mad in a little black leather-bound book, the only possession she'd had with her when she arrived.
"He said that this wasn't about him, but I told him it takes two to tango. Oh Remus, you should have seen him," she shuddered, staring at the floor in front of her. "I've never seen Sirius so angry in my life. He kept yelling, telling me not to turn the blame on him. But it is his fault. It's all his fault. I never would have let you kiss me if it weren't for his arrogant bullshit."
Let you kiss me. Remus distinctly remembered Alexis returning the kiss with just as much passion as he had poured into every second. For those few moments--or had they been seconds?--when they were locked in an embrace so complete, nothing of God's creation could tear them apart, he had felt her love fill every one of his veins with hope. For that short time, he had been touched with a compassion he'd never thought possible since his transformation.
"He struts around with that Potter, acting like he owns everything and everyone. Normally, that wouldn't bother me, but then he plays the power card in all of his arguments. It makes me sick, sometimes, how he treats you--"
"Oh please, don't bring me into this," Remus implored, looking up at her.
"But don't you see? You're already in this! You've been in this longer than I have. When did you become friends? Beginning of first year? We didn't start dating until January. Now, when has he begun treating you how you deserve? Don't hold your breath, Remus, because I've been waiting five years."
"Sirius isn't as bad as you think. You don't know him like I do--"
"Likewise," Alexis interjected bitterly. He continued patiently.
"He's one of my best friends, and he knows all of my secrets. He pokes fun every now and then, yes, but that's only a small price to pay in return for someone I can confide in."
Alexis laughed, but it wasn't cold or sarcastic; she was truly amused.
"Oh Remus, what secrets could you possibly have?"
"You might be surprised," he replied, turning away from her. She watched him incredulously, torn between actually believing him and brushing it off completely.
"Remus, I'velived with you for the better part of my life. What could Sirius know that I don't already?"
"No, Alexis. Some things are better left unsaid," he insisted, his cheeks flushing slightly. Alexis knew better than to press the issue. Remus, despite his high tolerance for nosiness, had his limits. But the Riddles all had a certain disregard for limitations.
"What are you hiding from me?" she asked, her tone forceful and she felt a twinge of guilt. She had her own secrets. But surely Remus' wasn't as bad . . .
Remus looked over at her, inwardly debating the weight of the consequences to that of the benefits. He could tell her the truth, that he was bitten by a werewolf when they were nine, and hope that she understood. But would she understand? Would she accept him as James, Sirius, and Peter had done? Or would she disown him, as the whole of the wizarding world seemed to prefer to do?
"Wait a minute." He paused, suddenly remembering something. When had she told him it wouldn't work that night in October if not for this very reason?
"I'm not like you."
The words still rang in his head, forever immortalized by the betrayal he had felt. Why was she playing dumb now? Was it a trick? Did she want to hear it out of his mouth? Fine.
Alexis watched him steadily. What was he hesitating for? Was it really that bad that he needed to first collect his thoughts? She'd never thought it possibly for him to keep anything big from her. They'd always confided in each other, even when no one else would lis--
"I'm a werewolf, Alexis."
Alexis' eyes widened in surprise. She couldn't believe her ears. Remus--a werewolf! Sweet, innocent, compassionate Remus?
He watched her face grow paler with the utmost confusion. If she hadn't known, then what made them so different? Was she hiding something too?
"Remus--"
"Alexis--"
They began at the same time, pausing and looking at each other.
"I . . . I never knew," Alexis was the first to break the silence. He shook his head.
"Then why dd you say we were too different?" he asked, not surprised at the uncomfortable expression that overtook her features.
"I . . ." she faltered, twisting a strand of raven black hair in her pale fingers. She looked down for a moment before letting her eyes meet his again.
"I am too, and I thought . . ."
There was a ringing silence in which comprehension filled his senses and he realized how beautiful she looked, sitting next to him in the warm rays of the morning sun. He knew instantly that if his love for her remained unrequited, he would never experience completeness.
"But--when? I never noticed."
Alexis laughed. "Probably because we were both too preoccupied with our own transformations. I never noticed with you either."
"When did . . . when did it happen?"
Alexis tilted her head thoughtfully. She remembered exactly when it had happened. "Seven months after I showed up . . . I was in the--"
"You were in the woods. I knew it!" he cut her off, his voice filled with excitement. Her stomach twisted with guilt.
"How did you know?" she asked, looking down.
"You weren't there at dinner. My father told me not to go out looking for you, but I did anyway. For all I knew, you'd fallen and hurt yourself."
"Close enough," she muttered.
"What?" he asked, searching for her gaze as he had done earlier. She looked up, clearing her throat.
"So, what happened? You never found me."
"No, but I thought I heard voices, so I tried following them. They disappeared after a few moments, though, and . . ."
"And what?" asked Alexis, suddenly serious. "That's not when you were attacked, was it?"
her heart sank as he nodded. "But it was strange. The thing only bit me, it didn't try to kill me. I think it was distracted by something . . ." he paused, staring at her. "Or someone . . ."
Alexis shook her head. "I had no idea it was attacking you, I just thought it was on the prowl."
"Alexis, why didn't you run?" he asked incredulously. He thought he sensed a slight hesitation in the way she answered, but chose to ignore it.
"I did," she brushed it off, laughing. He nodded, dropping the issue. As silence followed, it seemed as if a great tension had been lifted between them and being quiet reveling in this unspoken release wasn't the least bit awkward.
Finally, after a few moments, Remus spoke again.
"Alexis, I--"
"Shh," she silenced him, placing a finger on his lips. She was in front of him, her knowing eyes peering deeply into his. "Don't say it. Not yet."
And with that, she leaned forward and kissed him tenderly on the cheek, then stood up, straightening her skirt.
"I really appreciate this, Remus," she said as he stood up as well. He felt elated at the grateful smile that had crept onto her lips.
"You know I would never abandon you when you need help," he said softly, and she nodded.
"And I'll always remember that."
On that note, she looked down at her chest, pulling out the golden locket from beneath her blouse. "I suppose I ought to go give this back to Sirius." She smirked. "He's tried so hard to keep it from me."
Remus watched her turn and go back down the staircase, her light footfalls disappearing after a moment. Sighing, he sat down against the wall and brushed the hair from his eyes.
Not yet. But that meant it would happen eventually. And he could wait, because after all . . . not all things are better left unsaid forever.