The Diaries of Charles Xavier
July 30
This file is set to open if I have not accessed it for four consecutive days. If I haven't that means I have either been incapacitated or I am no longer myself, I can only pray I am dead.
The 21 attachments are to be opened in the first instance by Jean Grey only, if she has not survived the current events then the path has been forked in ways not clear to Destiny and they will be of limited use to who so ever opens them.
My diary of the events over the last weeks is continued below, please understand that events are out of my control now and I can only pray that I have managed to stop what is foretold to happen. I can only pray that the evil inside me is stopped before it can do harm. I can only pray for Piotr.
July 12
Rogue has gone missing today and in consulting the diaries I am fearful of the chain of events that appear to have begun. Destiny sent me the diaries with the express wish that Rogue was not to see them until she turned 19, I fear I now know why. Until the chain starts the events are unclear and confused, for weeks I have been trying to sort through them with no avail. Now I open the books and it is all so much clearer.
The man known as Sinister, Dr Nathaniel Essex, the main so entwined with the history of Remy LeBeau has taken her. According to the diaries he may have been watching her for some time. At first I believed it was linked to Mr LeBeau's relationship to her, now as I read more it is clear this is a separate strand in the tale Destiny has committed to paper. The paths of Sinister and Mr LeBeau are separate entities now; they cross only twice more and are never parallel. This brings me some hope that we will find her.
They are in Seattle, Cerebro has told me as much. I have sent the teams to retrieve Rogue, although the events set in motion may be to far progressed to stop. However, alongside this there is a red path, a path still unclear to me. It is close to Rogue's and yet foreign to us all. It has not yet started and as such is not revealed to me. I can only pray my team are strong enough to cope with the tempest that is about to descend, I can only pray I am..
July 14
The second path has become clear and it scares me. We were able to retrieve Rogue, but only with the help of a being that has possessed Jean Grey. It calls itself Phoenix and the power it wields is immense. Both Rogue and Jean are currently in the med bay unconscious. We were too late to stop Sinister starting his work on Rogue; he has inserted a chip into her leg. Hank is working on running some tests now. Looking at the diaries I can see more of the path we are now on. Jean Grey and Rogue are on paths that can lead only to their destruction; however Destiny has written a note that reassures me –
'the destruction of a person can encompass only the destruction of the person they once were. It can signify a change rather than the cessation of existence.'
This one line is keeping me from despair. There is hope that they will survive, albeit changed.
Logan and some of the team have been to check the bases. Remy has revealed to us his past with Sinister and is sharing his knowledge. His feelings for Rogue have changed the previously selfish thief; his path is still unclear to me. What is clear though is his connection to Rogue; much like Scott and Jean, he and Rogue are entwined so completely that to keep them apart would bring about events that may lead to tragedy. I feel as though I am making excuses for baiting Remy to join the X-Men – for using Rogue the way I did. At the time I did what I felt I had to do to ensure he would join of his own volition, if he was here I could keep an eye on them.
Throughout the diaries one thing is constant, that is the intertwined lines of Rogue and Remy, and Scott and Jean. Even without the clarity the beginning of an event brings I could see the importance of ensuring they were together. I can only apologise for using and deceiving them. I can only hope I haven't put into motion a destiny that will lead to their deaths.
July 16
Jean and Rogue have finally awoken. Hank and Storm were in the lab with them when it happened. Jean is back to herself, although I sense the creature still within her – it is only a matter of time now.
July 17
It's happened, Jean is lost to Phoenix. The power she has now is untrue, I can feel the remnants at the mansion and in the artic. The potential we all missed, I knew she was powerful, but this…this is amazing. She is potentially the most powerful mutant I have ever come across, including myself.
This Phoenix has returned Rogue's absorption powers that were temporarily inactive, I am unsure if it is to be considered friendly or not, but attack is not an option – we cannot lose Jean, I will not fail my student more so than I already have done.
More of the diaries are becoming clear now. My own path has shown up and I do not like where it appears to lead. I am more convinced than ever that the events in motion now will lead to the end of the X-Men as I know it now. Am I not acting through fear of changing what the diaries predict? Changing things for the worst? I worry that I am failing my students through choice.
July 23
Rogue has finally awoken. I was unable to aid her, but her own actions freed her from her mind. I just hope she doesn't pay too high a price.
We have searched for the entity know as Phoenix for a week now, but to no avail. I cannot sense her nor find her with Cerebro. The diaries too offer no information, I can only surmise that Destiny is unable to see what is not human. She could only sense Phoenix in relation to Jean, now that Jean is suppressed, Destiny cannot see the path. There is hope however as Jean's path re-appears later in the diary, or what I think is Jean anyway.
We now go in search of both Phoenix and Sinister, Rogue has given us somewhere to start from what she learned from Phoenix. I pray for answers.
July 25
We have relocated to Muir to aid us in our search. We have thus far been unsuccessful. However, we do now know a bit about Sinister and both Rogue and Remy are learning more of their past, it is regretful it had to be from files compiled by a man obsessed with their powers.
Kitty has asked that I allow Piotr Rasputin to join the team, I have agreed. After negotiating with Magneto for the boys release last year I feel the need to accept when he offers to help. What worries me is the mention of both Piotr and kitty in the diaries, Destiny has noted that whilst she has not seen what occurs between them or anyone else, it will be important.
I am beginning to dream things that I have not dreamt since my powers first appeared. Dark dreams, voices of people I remember, people whose minds I read. They are beginning to have a combined voice and they are interested in Phoenix. I find myself unwilling to close my eyes for fear I will wake up as them and not me. I think this may be how Rogue felt after the Carol Danvers incident, for the first time I can understand the pain she was in. My own path in Destiny's diaries grows stronger on the page each day I read, I cling to the hope that the future can be altered, that I can change what I fear I see in her writings. God help me and all I hold dear if not.
July 26
We have located Phoenix using Moira's equipment; we leave for Stonehenge in moments. Rogue and Remy will stay on Muir - I cannot risk Rogue whilst her powers and mind are so unstable and Remy will not leave her side.
I worry about Scott, he is heartbroken in Jean's absence, he fears the worst and finds it harder each day to hope. I too am finding it harder to cope, I read minds without meaning to and find my patience growing thinner each day. Logan and Storm have noticed I think, they share concerned glances. But for now I am in control and only worried for my students.
July 27
We have Phoenix at Muir now, in exchange for access to knowledge she has agreed to let Moira and her scientists run some tests. She has changed Jean so much. Rogue informed us of the changes before, but to see them in person…it scares me.
What worries me most is the terms Phoenix has offered us in exchange for releasing Jean. Rogue, Sinister or I must take Jean's place. I cannot sacrifice Rogue and I cannot allow Sinister that level of power. The only option is myself, I admit the power of Phoenix appeals to me, I just worry which part it appeals to most – myself or the dark that haunts me as I sleep.
In our absence Rogue's powers have been erratic, she has destroyed part of Beast's labs and attacked Gambit. She grows more distressed by the moment. And now as I call the X-Men to a meeting, I can feel her indecision. The diaries show her path diverting from ours for a time, she is going to go after Sinister alone. I find myself unable to stop her, the part of me that craves the power of the Phoenix stops me from acting. What am I becoming?
July 28
We have failed to find Rogue at Sinister's base. Leaving Phoenix in the care of Moira and Scot we went to Argentina. We have reason to believe Rogue has walked through a portal into Sinister's hands; Kitty is working on a program to identify possible locations of Sinister's new base as I write. I have reason to believe we will find Rogue much changed when we do find her. The potential of her powers far outweighs what she can currently control – it's just her mental state I worry for.
As for my own…I am playing the role of the professor more and more as I fight to keep my students safe from my own mind. The darkness has taken form now and speaks to me whilst I'm awake, it is harder and harder to keep up the pretence that I am myself. I must save Jean and Rogue, then I shall remove myself until I can get this under control.
July 29
Moira has informed me that Jean's mental state is weakening. It is a matter of days before we lose her all together – I cannot allow this to happen. The paths in Destiny's diaries are no longer as clear as they were, something is changing – I fear we have come to a fork and the wrong path could lead to disaster.
I know what my choice needs to be now, like it or not I must hand myself over to save Jean. I am trying to convince myself that is why I am doing it. It is almost working, were it not for the laughter in my mind I would believe it.
Logan is distrustful of me now, I can see it in his eyes. He knows what will happen if it comes down to a face off against Phoenix, they will lose their beloved professor Xavier.
I have called in some help from some of the UK's finest in order to aid in the rescue of Rogue. I also hope they will do what is necessary should I become a threat to them. It may also be worth bringing Magneto in, but that I will discuss with the team. I am wary of Erik seeing me like this. I would not know if he would use it as a chance to oust me or a chance to encourage my dark side.
July 30
Magneto has arrived, he can help us locate Rogue by finding Sinister's base. I do not like calling on him for help, but I will do what I must – I owe Rogue that much. I just hope I have time. If it comes to it, I must fight my own mind. I cannot allow it to be completely lost. I have set up what I can as I feel myself slipping, colleagues to help with the school, messages to friends. The diaries for Jean – I am still unsure as to whether she lives or dies. I am sorry my X-Men, if I fail, I fail you all. I only hope that the image I see in the diary pages, drawn thirty years ago by Destiny, does not come to fruition. Piotr's lifeless eyes haunt me now.
Jean sat back and wiped the tears from her cheeks, taking a deep shaky breath she shook her head in disbelief. So much they were all unaware of, so much that Phoenix was not aware of – how had she not been aware of the diaries? How had Charles kept hat knowledge secret all this time?
She looked at the attachments that contained the diary pages and grimaced, did she want to know? Could she handle that? She had the body of a thirty year old, the mind of an immortal alien entity and powers beyond the comprehension of normal mutants and yet they scared her. Even Phoenix could not foretell the future. Rogue turned 19 in two months, maybe she should hand them over to Rogue then – it appeared that knowing the future did not give you a chance to change it. She locked the files and sent them on a time release email, they would only be delivered at midnight the morning of Rogue's birthday, a brief message said as much, it also reassured her that the team would support her in anything she chose to do with the diaries, even if it was delete them.
She stood up and turned the computer off, glancing back down at the screen she briefly wondered about the hard copies of the diaries – where had they been placed? The diary entry did not mention that, she wondered if Charles had looked at the electronic copies or the hard copies, if it was the originals he had been given – where were they?
Sighing she left the study and headed to the kitchen, the house was quiet, the children all asleep. Rogue, Remy, Moira and Sean had returned to Muir. Kitty had returned home and would then decide if she would take Pete Wisdom up on his job offer and Magneto was reporting daily on his interactions with older mutants – including the brotherhood and his own children. He had yet to find Mystique though, Jean was particularly interested in talking to the woman now. Maybe she knew what had happened to the diaries? After all her and Destiny had lived together for many years and what concerned Rogue, tended to concern Mystique.
"Jean?" She turned at Scott's voice and smiled as she saw him in the door of the rec room.
"Hi honey, was just getting some water and then hitting the sack – you joining me?"
Scott grinned at her words, their relationship appeared to be growing strong, despite the age gap. They had been close before the events of this summer – now they were closer. Jean suspected Scott would propose soon, she already knew her answer would be yes.