AN: ...no not how the music used to play, but when the stories on this board weren't full of Mary Sues and such...
This story consists of various types of Titanic fan fiction stories.
Everyone, who doesn't like that kind of humour, please just leave it out.
It's my way of telling people – think before you write or your story will get just as ridiculous as sadly many on this board are now.
But believe me even more to blame are the people who are always writing - what a great a story, awesome and such - to kind to these.
Hey, hey, even if this story might not be very nice, I still love reviews :-)
Type 1: Jack and Rose survive.
On the Titanic
Ruth: You must marry. We don't have money. I won't allow you to see that poor boy again.
Rose: Mother, you can't tell me anything. I love Jack.
Ruth meanwhile ties her corset.
Ruth: Cal is a rich man. You wouldn't find anyone better.
Rose: But I hate him. Doesn't that matter to you?
Ruth sneers.
Ruth: The discussion is over. I don't intend to live on the streets.
In the Atlantic
Rose: I feel so cold.
Jack wracks his brain.
How can she be cold, when I'm the one in the water?
Damn script.
Jack already shivering: You've to survive…bla bla…go on…
Actually, which idiot wrote that lines? I can't even breathe normally.
Where's the director?
Rose: Oh no Jack, you can't be dead.
Crys.
Barely alive Jack is able to make a signal with his hand. Rose is so happy that she almost drowns him.
However, finally Jack is saved and taken to an infirmary.
Afterwards on the Carpathia
Ruth: Oh, my daughter is dead – oh no. Why did she die?
Well Ruth how can a person die on a sinking ship?
Molly: Maybe, because of the icy waters?
Ruth: No, no, no. My poor daughter…
Cal tries to find Rose in third class. However he's too stupid to go to the infirmary and never sees her.
A look around is enough for him.
Meanwhile with Jack and Rose
Rose/Jack: I'm so happy you survived.
Kiss, kiss, kiss, while nurse stands aside.
Nurse: Mr. Dawson, you've serious pneumonia. You can't kiss her like that. You shouldn't even be able to move like that.
Wonders about strange script.
Jack barely alive still manages to tend to Rose.
Jack: Don't worry about Cal.
Just everything is sooo happy and oh funny.
Rose: I wonder what happened to my mother.
Jack: Why don't we go and look? She hates me, but I don't care.
Kiss, kiss, kiss…almost leading to sleeping with each other.
Obviously the other hundred survivors around them don't seem to mind.
Nurse: Want to have a separate room?
Rose: Is this possible?
Nurse: No, I was joking.
Laughs.
Man besides them: Are you married?
Jack/Rose: No.
Look at each other.
Laugh.
Man: No, problem, unmarried couples kissing in front of everyone are quite normal in early twentieth century.
After an hour Jack is all well.
No wonder with these kisses.
Finally Jack and Rose decide to tell Ruth everything.
Cal doesn't see them or hear them though they're dancing around happily.
The ship seems to be bigger than the Titanic.
Ruth: Oh you survived. I'm so happy.
Hugs her…
Somehow there doesn't seem to be a money problem anymore.
And where's Cal?
He seems to have disappeared from the ship.
Jack, Rose, Ruth decide to live with each other.
Ruth: It doesn't matter at all that we're now living in a nine square metres flat (about 96 square feet) and that we're all poor now. Jack is just the right one for you.
Rose is thinking.
Now she is wondering about the strange script.
Rose: What about Cal?
Ruth: Who's Cal?
Ruth hugs Jack instead.
They're dancing around.
Afterwards they live happily ever after.