I still don't understand him sometimes. After all that's happened to him, he's still so happy. He can be so kind, and I call him stupid for it but really...I'm worried that he'll get hurt. How many times has he gotten hurt for me, to save me...to save someone else? He's so dedicated to his work, and if he ever fails, he blames himself.
However, how many people know about the other side of Asato Tsuzuki? The darker side of him that whispers dark thoughts in his ear, tells him he's a monster, that he doesn't deserve to live. Why does he believe it? It's not true...he's not a monster. He told me that Muraki called him a "Descendant of Darkness"...he shouldn't believe anything that insane doctor says. Even if Tsuzuki is a descendant of darkness, he hasn't acted like one, ever. He risks himself to save other people, to save me. Every time he does though, I'm scared for him, but he always pulls through. I wonder why I'm so attracted to him? It doesn't make any sense why I would be, and I'm so frustrated because of it.
God damnit!
Why? Why do I like him but then act so distant when he helps me!? Why...why can't I just tell him that I love him? Is it really so hard to do? Why is it so hard? Every time I want to say it, I just...can't. I work up the courage, and then Tsuzuki just looks at me, and I'm too scared to say it.
I'm fearing rejection...great. I even thought of other ways to tell him, but I'm just a coward; a pathetic coward. I was rejected by my family when I was alive, why is it so hard to steel myself against pain now?
I wish I had answers, I wish I wasn't frustrated so easily! Why can't life...even the afterlife, be simpler?
"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki's voice rang out behind me. I turned, gazing at him, waiting for him to tell me something. He was wearing his usual outfit, a suit and a black trench coat. He walked over and sat down next to me, his amethyst eyes gazing at me.
"Are you alright?"
'Say it, tell him!' My mind urged. What if he rejected me though, what if...what if he stared at me with sympathy? There are so many things he could do that would hurt me.
"Hisoka?"
"I'm fine." I answered curtly, wincing inside as I said it. Why was it so hard for me to let him get closer, what was the problem with it? I trusted him, why couldn't I just trust myself?!
"Are you sure?"
"No." I bit my lip. I stared at the ground, not daring to look at him. If I did then I would lose my resolve.
"Tsuzuki, there's something I have to tell you." I paused, trying to put my thoughts in order.
"Is it about that report?"
"Yes, no! It's not, it's about..."
Why was this so difficult!?
"Are you sure you're okay Hisoka?"
"Will you just shut up!? I'm trying to tell you that I love you!" I froze.
I had said it, after such a long time I'd finally said it. I was relieved but at the same time, I was so scared. Oh no.
"Hisoka."
Oh god, please don't reject me.
Please, please don't.
I felt his finger underneath my chin, raising my head until I was staring into his eyes. He smiled, his eyes soft, "I love you too."
Leaning forward he kissed me on the lips. I brushed my hand through his black hair, and sighed.
It was about time.
X
Erika: Heh, I was bored, and got into the mindset of Hisoka, and I couldn't help but make a drabble. I've been wanting to do a Descendants of Darkness fic for a while, but I really haven't come up with a plot yet. So, I decided to do a drabble. R&R if ya want.