A/N: Written for the Female Character Appreciation Challenge (Ruki) and Mega Prompts Challenge (writing prompts #010 – write a poem over 1000 words) on the Digimon Fanfiction Challenges Forum (link's in my profile!). The second poem this length I've ever written; the first wasn't too long ago too. :)
Ruki: Growing Up
She is born, a little baby with purple eyes
and a little tuft of red hair:
the best of both of them
but fussy, the life of their lies
but when one searched for peace,
intolerable.
She drags herself on the ground,
she crawls; she walks;
tottering precariously, she finds balance
and toddles along, waddling to and fro.
She walks faster, smoother, falls less
because she'd fall a lot before.
She climbs, up the chairs,
up the sofas, up the stairs
and into their arms.
She sits on the swings and kicks off the ground
and swings until the chains creak and groan
and her cheeks to be bright pink and her hands sore.
She bawls, a senseless baby knowing not
when to keep quiet instead.
She scowls when she's grown up a bit
and learnt that crying's not all that.
She frowns when things don't go her way;
she smiles and laughs when it's a bright sunny day.
She hides her tears when she's still too young
but they've gotten too old together
and they're fighting: falling apart.
She cries openly when they eventually split
and he walks away from them, from her.
She's quiet after that: sullen, angry,
less like the bubbly child she was, always swinging happily,
climbing on things;
instead she walks slowly, steadily, forcefully,
her punches slow but strong enough to break through walls.
She stays like that; grows like that
because there's no other way for her to grow, to go on
because she was too young; that family split hurt her too deeply
to forgive and until she could forgive she couldn't move on
And her mother was too young, too independent, as well,
not ready for a child, especially one on her own
and so they clashed and sparked unprettily
like incomplete fireworks bursting too early.
She wanted to be the strongest there was
because it was power: she could have anything she wanted –
the whole world in her hands if she chose:
a family she could make and keep together
by her own hands.
She wanted the power to control her life
so it didn't have to crumble in front of her again:
she wanted that childish dream back,
where nothing could go wrong
but she couldn't have that
so all she could do was fight on,
fight meaninglessly, but fight nonetheless
because the sweat that coated her body
was like a waterproof vest;
she wore it, and it kept her warm, safe,
and she didn't care, didn't want to care
about all else.
She had to, eventually, because that was a natural part
of being a human being, of growing up
and she'd stayed a child too long.
Meeting the Digimon was that turning point
she'd been unconsciously waiting for: that point
where she had to open her eyes, wash her face and hands
and look at the hearts she'd ignored to save her own.
It was the time her ideals had to be taken and crushed
and then rebuilt, when her lonely life had to be taken apart
and remade to include companions, friends, instead.
It was the time she had to admit she was wrong and change,
to open her arms instead of keep them closed, to smile
instead of frown, to be sad instead of always angry,
to strive for something other than power
and find that something that's truly worth fighting for.
She does, eventually. She meets Renamon: her fated partner
and they grow together, clash together, come together.
She meets Takato, that naïve boy she never thought she'd
have anything to do with, let along make a friend,
but she has and she does, and he's not half bad.
And Guilmon who's the weirdest Digimon she's ever seen:
a baby or a menace, she can never decide which
but he's an amusing thing, and she grows quite fond of him
in the end.
And Henry, the voice of placate reason,
the guy who never wants to fight, that she didn't understand
but she learns, in time; she understands better
and understands him a little more as well.
And then there's Terriermon, Calumon, Impmon…
all of them annoying in their own ways,
all of them growing on to her, in time…
and Kazu and Kenta as well, the same.
Then Jeri, the girl she never wanted to be
before knowing her, before seeing the strength
and sadness she carried deep inside:
a hurt even worse than hers, a parent lost for good
and not just gone – a death, not just a divorce.
And Ryo, the guy she'd first come to hate
because he'd beaten her, showed her weak –
but she'd grown a lot since.
She grew even more as time went on
and they took their blows, their broken bones.
Leomon's death; Guilmon's loss of control,
all of them shook her to the core,
reshaped her.
And then there, in the real world,
while the D-reaper attacked, she saw more
of everyone, the adults and the kids,
that she'd ever seen before.
The struggle her mother had gone through
became clear to her,
her selfishness that had driven her father into silence
in her ear.
Her phone was in her hand before she stepped back;
despite the realisation, it was not the time
because they still had to fight, even though she'd learnt
that fighting wasn't the way to walk in the world
because she had the world to fight for now:
her family, her friends, the girl she'd become.
There'd be a time to reconcile later on;
she had to, for now, struggle on.
And she did; they did. Together they fought
a seemingly unstoppable foe: adult and child
and digimon too, all of them together
for the fate of their worlds.
And still, they had to pay a heavy price
when they finally won, and the tears,
the anger, bubbled again
but she'd learnt, this time, she knew
that there was no other choice; no-one to blame
and this time, she wouldn't make the same mistake:
she called her father, heard his voice for the first time in years
and said he was sorry, and she searched, forever searched
for a way to talk to Renamon again.