A Gift
Disclaimer: Sadly, I still don't own Red Dwarf
A/N: Hey guys! :D Here's a short fic for you whilst I'm busy with my new main fic, which is the Rimmer/Kochanski. Don't worry Bialy; I'm posting it soon as I can! :D
Lister charged into the dormitory and sprang up onto his bunk, "Goooood morning Rimsy!"
Arnold Rimmer, lying on the bunk below him, grunted a reply.
"Smeggin' 'ell, what's wrong with you? Who's rattled your crate today?" Lister waited for an answer from his hologramatic bunkmate, and took a swig of lager while he did so, but when there was no reply, he leaned over the edge and looked down at the older man's face, "Rimmer, what's wrong with ya?"
Rimmer shook his head, gave a funny smile, and turned his face away.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Lister asked, "Look, today's a good day and I'm not gonna let anyone spoil it. Is it me? Am I too happy for ya?"
Rimmer shook his head.
Lister frowned; surprised, deciding it was something more serious, "What then?"
"Nothing," Rimmer replied.
"Rimmer…" Lister carried on looking at him.
"What."
"Rimmer,"
"What."
"I've known ya fer smeg knows how long, I can tell when something's wrong with ya!"
"Where did you get that watch?" the hard-light asked, changing the subject.
"Wha-?" Lister frowned, confused, looking down at the rather stylish gold watch he was sporting, "Got it ages ago… I don't really wear it much… why?"
"It's far too good for a man of your sort,"
"Oh yeah?" Lister raised an eyebrow.
"You know the fake plastic one you might get in a box of low-key cereal, with a holographic picture of 'Captain Crunch' on its face?"
"Yeah?"
"Well that's your type of watch,"
"Cheers!" Lister said with mostly mock offence.
"And anyway, what are you doing in here; shouldn't you be loafing around the midsection with the rest of the loons?"
"Cat's still gettin' ready, Kryten's doin' a cleaning whip-round and Hol-"
"Wait, wait," Rimmer held up a slender hand, "Getting ready for what?"
"Oh…"
"'Oh' indeed. Let me guess this one Lister; you've found a planetoid and are all going to explore it without me,"
"…"
"Well? Am I more or less in the ball park?"
"Alright, let me be honest… yeah,"
"Great. Thanks a bunch,"
"Oh come on, you can come if you want-"
"No, don't bother,"
"Rimmer I'm sorry man, it's just-"
"End of conversation,"
"Okay, okay…" Lister sighed, jumping down from his bunk.
"Yeah, yeah! Hey time to go!" Cat came spinning into the room, "Oh no, Cartoon Head's not coming is he?"
Lister held up his hands, "No Cat, no…"
"Good, I was just about to raise the panic alarm!"
"Come on…" Lister steered him out of the room.
Rimmer waited a few minuets, and then went into the cockpit.
"Have they gone?" he asked Holly.
"Yep," she replied, "But… why didn't you tell them?"
Rimmer looked slightly surprised, "Oh… so you know then…"
"Course I do,"
"There's no point telling them,"
"Course there is,"
"No. They'll only think of it as a chore, something they've got to do because they're obliged to,"
"…I'd give you a present but I've got nothing to give you really…"
"No matter, it's like most of my birthdays really,"
"Happy Birthday Arnold,"
"Thank you Holly," Rimmer sighed. There was a pause and then he asked, "But does it really apply to me anymore? I mean I'm dead so…" he spread his hands and shrugged.
"Yeah it still applies; it just means you get a birthday and a deathday,"
Rimmer gave a slight smile.
"I don't know what's up with 'im," Lister said, as the three of them trooped around the planetoid.
"Maybe he's just having a bad day Sir," Kryten replied.
Cat was getting annoyed, "Look, can we stop talking about Goal-Post Head? I came here to get away from him, not have a tête-à-tête about him!"
"Smeg…" Lister stopped dead.
"What?" Cat growled.
"It's Rimmer's birthday…"
"Ah, well that would explain it, Sir," Kryten stated helpfully.
"C'mon guys, let's go back," Lister said.
Kryten and Cat looked at him.
"What?" Lister frowned, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Like what?" Cat enquired.
"Like an old lady who's just walked into a gay bar!"
"Well Sir, you going back for Mr Rimmer is like Mr Cat going back for an anorak,"
"Yeah," Cat said, "I wouldn't go back for a no style, no good, smeggy piece of smeg! Or an anorak! I'm stayin' put!"
"But you can't stay here by yourself Mr Cat,"
"Fine guys, fine!" Lister interrupted, "Kryten you stay here with the Cat and I'll go back, alright?"
Meanwhile, Rimmer sat miserably on his bunk, trying to remember the few presents he'd been given on previous birthdays-- not smegging many, and that was counting the bruises he got after his brothers had given him birthday beats. He stood up and caught sight of his reflection in the mirror; you are a sorry old git, aren't you? His conscience taunted, all alone on your own pitiful birthday…
"Hey, you alright?"
Rimmer turned around, surprised to see Lister standing guiltily in the doorway.
"I'm sorry I forgot its yer birthday…"
"It's alright. I wouldn't have wanted you all to make a fuss anyway," Rimmer lied, sitting down again, "Did you forget something?"
"Huh?"
"Did you come back for something?"
"Yeah,"
"Oh."
"I came back to say happy birthday, and give you this," Lister came forward and handed Rimmer his watch, "I know it's not the greatest present in the world but you did like it, so…"
"Y- You're giving me your watch?"
"Yeah…"
"Thanks," Rimmer looked surprised, "Really, I mean it, thanks…'
"No problem,"
"Look, I know this is going to sound a bit clichéd, but I think this is the best present I've ever had,"
Lister laughed and sat down next to him, "What, a watch?"
"Yes," Rimmer joined in his laughing, "pathetic but true, Listy,"
Red Dwarf
It's cold outside,
There's no kind of atmosphere,
I'm all alone,
More or less,
Let me fly far away from here,
Fun, fun, fun,
In the sun, sun, sun,
I want to lie shipwrecked and comatose,
drinking fresh mango juice,
Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes,
Fun, fun, fun
In the sun, sun, sun,
Fun, fun, fun
In the sun, sun, sun
A/N: Hopeyou enjoyed it, please let me know! :D
Nirvanah xx