A/N This is my first effort at FanFic and was written purely for my own pleasure / release. It was started straight after PitP but as I'm sure all newbie's will remember with their first pieces it took a long time for me to feel as if it was ready for others to read! I'm posting as I'm curious to see what others think of my work. I'm a realist – if it's pants I'll keep anything else I do firmly on my laptop's HDD for my own pleasure only!
Disclaimer: I don't own Bones
When Will She Know?
Seeley Booth was confused. He was sitting across from a beautiful woman in a luxurious restaurant. This beautiful woman had pursued him. She smiled at him, paid him compliments and made him feel a million dollars. And yet every time he dropped his guard, even for a moment, he felt his mind wandering to another.
It had been three weeks since he made the biggest gamble of his life and lost everything that was important to him. He and Bones were still working together but things were weird. It was out there. Their interactions were awkward. Behaviour that would normally have seemed natural was now followed by an apology or a need for reassurance that everything was ok.
In the beginning Booth had been convinced that Bones really didn't want him. That he had totally misread the signals. He had allowed Sweets to push him into something he was not ready for and something that Bones did not want full stop. Knowing this at least helped Booth to realise that he had to move on. At least that's what he thought.
Now he didn't know what he thought. Bones asked him about Catherine constantly. She talked about Hacker at every opportunity. But always there was something holding back her enthusiasm. Her conversation revolved around comparisons between their respective love interests but they never seemed to match the standard that was Seeley Booth and Temperance Brennan.
He was shaken from his thoughts as he caught sight of his date returning from the bathroom. Catherine appeared preoccupied and then he saw the cellphone attached to her ear. She ended the call and approached the table.
"Seeley. I'm so sorry. I've had a call from the aquarium. We have a problem with a hammerhead we released two weeks ago. I have to go into work." She was flustered.
"Sure Catherine. I can drive you over."
"It's probably better you don't. We are waiting for information from his electronic tracking device. There's going to be an awful lot of hanging around and techno-babble. It's best if I drive myself over to the aquarium"
Booth felt his body slump. He was tired. Work had been a bitch and he was inwardly beating himself up for thinking about his partner when he should be thinking about his beautiful date. Maybe he needed an early night and some rest.
"Ok Catherine. I'm gonna head home. Maybe catch some baseball on TV, have an early night. You sure you're gonna be ok?"
"Seeley - I'm fine. No point you hanging round a giant fish tank all night twiddling your thumbs." Catherine gave him a confident smile. "We can finish our date off later in the week." She raised her eyebrows seductively, leaned forward to brush her lips against his cheek and was gone.
Booth let out a sigh. This dating game was way harder than he'd remembered. Had things really changed so much since he last dated a woman? He subconsciously checked his phone. No missed calls.
Temperence Brennan sat on her own at the cafe style kitchen bar in her apartment. She had ended her date with Andrew Hacker early. He was keen. Really keen. Brennan had very quickly ascertained that Hacker wished to have sex with her but since his initial overtures their relationship had progressed at a snails pace. As she considered the period of time they had been dating she realised that the reason for the lack of progress was her. Her mind flashed to her partner Seeley Booth. She did that a lot of that at the moment. He had a new girlfriend; Catherine, a marine biologist. Brennan should be pleased for him. After all, he was her best friend. What she felt instead though was jealousy. She checked her phone out of habit. No missed calls.
Ten minutes later
Brennan carried her steaming mug of coffee with her to the door and peered through the spying glass.
"Come on Bones - open up..."
Booth shuffled sideways past his partner and through the door with a brown paper bag precariously clutched in one hand and a four pack of beer in the other.
"I brought Thai!" he beamed, trying a little too hard to be enthusiastic. He deposited the bag onto Brennan's low oak wood table and looked around for a bottle opener.
"Booth, I've already eaten - why didn't you call?"
He gave an apologetic shrug and suddenly looked unsure of himself.
"It was a kinda spur of the moment thing. Anyway, we always eat Thai together."
"I thought you were on a date with Catherine tonight."
"Yeah, I was but something came up at work and she had to run before we ate." He paused. "Is there a problem Bones?" Booth scanned the apartment nervously "Hacker's not here is he? Don't tell me I've interrupted a romantic evening for you both?"
Brennan looked to the floor and paused before beginning to speak.
"No Booth. Things aren't going so well between Andrew and I. We finished our date early and went our separate ways at the end of our meal."
Booth looked directly at Brennan when she uttered those words.
"Do you mean you and Hacker are no longer dating?"
"No, I don't mean that, but I find myself questioning whether there is any long term future in our liaison, and we still have to consummate our relationship."
Booth stuttered and stammered as he struggled to spit out the words.
"You mean you have been dating for 3 months and you still haven't slept together?" Booth was incredulous, "What is wrong with that man?"
The question was more to himself than Bones but he found himself staring into those cerulean blue eyes and feeling the need to explain himself.
"Look Bones. If I were dating you there is no way I would let you get to the point where you were questioning 'us' and as for three months and still no sex? Well, Hacker needs his head examining - why is he keeping you hanging on?"
Brennan looked to the floor and then slowly raised her eyes to meet his.
"Booth. Do you remember the night at your apartment when I told you I was jealous of you and Cam, and Ange, and Hodgins?"
"...when you said you wished you could believe that love was transcendent and everlasting? Yeah Bones - I remember..."
"...well Booth, whenever I am with Andrew I find myself thinking of that night. Of how you told me that one day I would believe. I find myself with a man who thinks the world of me but whom I just cannot feel any kind of deep and meaningful connection with. Then I find myself back outside the Hoover Building with you. Every single day I question the answers I gave you and feel regrets. I compare Andrew and you and every time you win Booth. And yet..."
"And yet what Bones?" Booth had moved closer to Brennan and took both her upper arms in his hands. He spoke softly.
"You put your heart right 'out there' Booth. Only for me to run you down. The courage it must have taken for you to tell me how you felt, and yet I couldn't show the same courage and be honest with you. Now you've met someone new. I should be pleased for you - my best friend - and yet all I feel is jealousy."
Brennan had tears streaming down her face but she barely noticed.
"Why do you feel jealous Bones?" Booth knew the answer but he needed to hear her say it.
The pause seemed to last an age.
"Because that should be me - not her."
Booth trailed his hands down her arms and took hold of her hand. He took her mug of coffee from her grasp and led her to the couch.
"Bones..." he looked her straight in the eye and spoke in a whisper. "...I've never stopped loving you. I've tried to move on but everyone else seems like second best. All you need to do is say the word and I'm yours."
Brennan composed herself and began to speak. Now was the time for honesty.
"Booth, when we came out of Sweet's office and you told me you wanted to give us a chance...when you kissed me. For a moment I felt everything would be ok. It felt so right. And then..." she was struggling to put her rambling thoughts into words.
"You got scared."
"Yes. But scared of what I stood to lose. What we stood to lose."
Booth sat quietly and waited for her to finish, knowing that this admission could be the most important of their 6 year partnership.
"Booth, when we first worked together you said that you would ask me out but the FBI don't allow relationships between co-workers. Although I was initially disappointed it allowed me to form a deep and lasting friendship with you without ever worrying that a romantic relationship and the inevitable breakup would change the dynamic we possess. I allowed you to get closer to me than any other person ever has. I trust you with my heart and my soul. What this has also meant is that I cannot bear the thought of not having you in my life. If we were to embark on a romantic relationship we would have to stop working together. My work is my life Booth, but part of the reason for that is that you are my life. The two are inextricably linked. I cannot have one without the other and yet that is exactly what would happen. There is no option Booth."
Brennan started sobbing.
"And the worst part is that if I choose to pursue our friendship and my career, rather than sacrifice our partnership over a relationship, I still lose you. I don't know what is worse. My work and my job is what makes me Dr Temperence Brennan. It is my identity. If I change my focus I change who I am. I feel trapped. I am destined to always be alone, and while I was always content to be this way you have changed me Booth. Maybe I would have been better staying a 'cold fish' At least I wouldn't get hurt again..." she trailed off despondently.
"Bones, don't ever say that! You must be able to see how far you have come over the last few years. You are one of the most special people I have ever met."
Brennan looked unconvinced and was still sniffling.
"More than anything I want us to be together. I love you Bones. It's the natural progression. Look, we are by far and away the most successful partnership working for the FBI. I cannot imagine them wanting to split us up and pair us with new people. Think about their closed case stats. Think about the FBI's relationship with The Jeffersonian. That's you and me baby! We go - that relationship goes. Can you imagine two other people working with Cam, Hodgins, Angela, Sweets?" Booth gave Brennan a moment to process his hypothesis, took a big breath and continued, "Why don't we give this a chance - give us a chance? Take it slow, keep things quiet and make them make a decision if it comes to it."
"And what happens if 'we' don't work out?"
"That's the Bones I know and love! Bones - of course we're gonna work out. You're my best friend. I've loved you since I can remember and now we're gonna add some red-hot sex into what most people think is one of the strongest relationships around! How can we possibly fail?"
For the first time the faintest outline of a smile was visible from Brennan. Her eyes began to sparkle and she leaned forwards towards Booth. He reached his hand up towards her face, brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear and brought her lips to his. The kiss was slow, gentle and full of meaning. Brennan pulled away first and Booth caught her eye.
"Tequilla." she said as a means of explanation as she got up from the couch.
"Ahh! Let me get the glasses." Booth followed her towards the kitchen.
FIN
Thank you to anyone who has taken the time and effort to read. If you choose to review then many thanks – much appreciated!