A/N: So this is a piece I wrote for an idea I posted about on Tumblr a couple of weeks ago that I decided (probably stupidly) I wanted to try and write myself instead. It's an AU of the scene in 4x13 where Jane makes the comment about being one person short of an orgy. This is NOT a ficlet about a threesome. It's a story about Jasey that turns into Rizzles by the end. For all I know, this is just silly, or the characters are too OOC. I'm not really sure. You'll have to be the judge of that. I've gotten to the point where it seems as if the more ridiculous I feel like I'm writing Jane and Maura, the more people tell me I'm writing them in character.
This isn't really T, but it isn't M either, so I'm not sure at all what to rate it, but since it's not explicit or anything, I'm going with T.
"So, which one of us is going to say uncle?"
The deep breath and sigh were inevitable. Jane slowly rubbed her left hand over Casey's upper back below his shoulder. "There doesn't seem to be a way around it, does there?" She paused for only a moment. "One of us has to be a house spouse."
Another deep breath followed and Jane's words were soft, quiet. "Why is it so complicated?"
"Don't stress," Casey replied. "They've extended my leave."
Jane's dark eyes widened in surprise.
"We have two more weeks to think about it."
"Really?" she whispered excitedly before Casey briefly nodded and swiftly began kissing her.
At that precise moment, Maura entered the apartment, quickly calling out in warning. "Morning! Everybody decent in there?" Her light footsteps tapped down the hall and she poked her head around the open door of Jane's bedroom.
"Nyooo, it's perfect timing!" Jane exclaimed.
Maura smiled brightly and showed herself more fully in the doorway.
Casey rolled off to Jane's side as the brunette propped herself up on her elbows. "We were hoping to have an orgy and then we realized we were one person short."
Hazel eyes widened at Jane's words and Maura took a hesitant step into the room. "While I never imagined you'd ever be one to extend an invitation for another partner to join you in the bedroom," Maura began to say, arms crossing over her waist to grip the bottom of her running top before swiftly pulling it up over her head. "I've always been open to the idea of engaging in sexual activities with multiple partners at once." The running top dropped immediately to the floor.
Jane shot up immediately off the bed toward Maura to obstruct Casey's view of her best friend's quite perky, full breasts. "Hey oh, Maura. I was kidding! Really?" She swooped down to snatch Maura's top from the floor, holding it up over her best friend's chest.
As soon as Maura's eyes met Jane's, the brunette blushed furiously and bit her lip. "Casey," Jane said softly before clearing her throat, not turning around to face him. "Could you, uh, let me talk to Maura for a minute, please?"
"What?" he asked, clearly confused at Jane's request.
This time Jane turned to look at him. "Please?" she repeated. Her eyes were begging him to leave. "Just give us a minute."
As he walked closer to the two standing close to the door, Jane placed her hands gently on Maura's bare shoulders and pushed her further into the bedroom to allow Casey to leave, shutting the door behind him. The door latched quietly and Jane heard Casey's footsteps walking away from the door.
"Maura, what the hell?" Jane hissed, eyes wide.
"I'm sorry!" Maura whispered. "I thought…I thought you were being serious. I didn't realize—"
"That I was being sarcastic?" Jane finished quietly. "Jesus, Maura! I should think by now you'd have figured out when I'm not being serious!"
"Jane, I really am sorry!" the M.E. replied softly, tears now sparkling in her green-tinged golden eyes. "You know sometimes I am terrible at reading social situations."
"Maur, c'mon. Don't cry. You know I hate it when you cry." Immediately Jane wrapped her arms around the honey blonde, Maura's arms still holding her running top to her chest.
Maura's forehead dropped to rest against Jane's shoulder. "I feel so humiliated," the honey blonde whispered.
It wasn't until dozens of seconds into their embrace that Jane remembered that Maura was standing topless, breasts only covered by thin material and two arms, as she gently rubbed a hand soothingly up and down Maura's bare back. Her face flushing red, Jane quickly stepped back, her arms dropping awkwardly to her side. "Sorry," she said immediately. "I guess it's, uh, second nature to me by now…to hug you when you're upset, I mean."
"It's fine. It didn't bother me," Maura confessed softly, avoiding Jane's gaze.
"I'll just," Jane said quietly, motioning that she'd turn around. "So you can…you know."
Maura bit her lip after her best friend turned around, looking longingly at Jane's back for just a moment before she quickly turned her shirt outside in and pulled the light, stretchy material over her thin but curvy torso. "Finished," she said with a whisper.
Slowly the brunette turned around and her eyes met Maura's. The awkward tension that had developed in the room Jane felt an immediate need to diffuse, opting for humor. "So I guess if we'd ever actually just flashed our tits for Dean to decide between us, he definitely would've chosen you."
"Larger breasts are not always the most preferred, Jane," Maura refuted. "In fact, if I were Agent Dean, I would have been much more inclined to choose you instead."
Jane opened her mouth, her intention to say one comment, then paused, her brow furrowing. "Wait, are you saying you like my boobs, Maura?"
Swallowing hard, Maura's tongue flicked out to wet her lips. "Aesthetically speaking, smaller breasts can be just as pleasant to admire as large breasts."
With a shake of her head, Jane replied, "That's not what I asked you, Maura. I asked if you liked mine."
Immediately Maura felt her pulse begin to quicken, her breathing become shallower. Her chest flushed pink.
The reaction did not go unnoticed. "Maura!" Jane gasped as her eyes widened briefly. "But that would mean…" Her voice trailed off in disbelief.
Maura's facial expression turned worrisome at her best friend's realization.
Flabbergasted, Jane forced herself to step toward the bed, turning and sinking down to sit on the edge as she let the news soak in. "That's why you weren't excited when I told you that Casey proposed," Jane commented softly, almost as if to herself. "You seemed almost distraught, even."
Silently Maura stepped forward and sat on the bed's edge next to her best friend. She linked her fingers together in her lap, her thumb nail scraping lightly back and forth across the center of her palm. "I just want you to be happy," the honey blonde whispered. "As long as you're happy, that's what's most important to me, even if it means losing my best friend."
A warm left hand found its way to Maura's knee, squeezing softly. "You're never going to lose me Maur, not even to Casey."
Entwined fingers pulled apart and Maura lightly grazed her right little finger back and forth against Jane's left one. "I feel like I've already lost you to him," she confessed as tears welled in her eyes.
"Impossible," Jane replied, moving her hand slightly to link her pinky with Maura's.
"How could I really know?" the blonde asked hesitantly.
"Because he's never made me feel the way you do," Jane softly affirmed. She felt Maura squeeze her pinky before she heard a little sniffle.
Silence stretched between them for several minutes. It was Maura who finally broke it.
"What are we supposed to do now?" Her voice was unsure, full of worry.
Jane let out a puff of air. "Well first I have to tell Casey I can't marry him."
"Then?"
The smile that stretched across Jane's face was easily noticed out of Maura's peripheral vision and the honey blonde turned her head to face her best friend as she spoke. "Then we can do whatever we want, I guess."
Jane's response prompted yet another question from Maura. "What do you want?"
As Jane turned her head to look at Maura, she quietly replied, her lips curling into a smile, "Anything, Maur, as long as it's with you."
Seconds later she added, grinning widely, "Except a threesome. Or an orgy."