Fog of Trust
Spoilers: One of Our Own 4x25
Disclaimer: They aren't mine. Don't have a conniption.
Challenge Word: #16, Resentment
Summary: How can they trust her again?
I sit in the break room, alone, my mind dwelling on the task that I had taken on. None of them knew why I truly was brought here ; yes, true, I was a cold case DNA analyst, but the fact of the matter remained , the Miami Dade Crime Lab had it's problems and I was the one who was to report them. Never mind that I was new to them all, in the face of so much change; I had heard briefly of the loss of one of their own in a shoot out a year ago, and another just months after that. Their team was in need of unity not distrust, which was what I was bringing them. Day in and day out, I stand in their faces, the trusting smile permanently affixed on my face, all the while compiling information on them. If they ever found out, the resentment would be of a phenomenal stature. I would never be trusted to even take out their trash, never mind the complexity of the job.
Lost in my thoughts, I don't hear the door open, but look up to see Calleigh as she walks in, the sunny smile on her face. Deep under that, I can see that there is something else in the disposition that she has. She tries to keep a front up, to show that she's not weak. From light conversations with her, I know that she still grieves for Speedle, and Hagen, both of which were taken from her in a violent way. I know that she secretly wishes that she could step foot back into her domain, but refuses to, as if what had taken place there almost a year ago would attack her like a rabid wolf. I know that she still hides the pain of a drunken father, whom she rarely sees nowadays, but often remains worried for his safety. I know that she is tired . No matter how tired, she keeps up the front relentlessly, and some how manages to make it through her day. She has instilled her trust in me as a confidant, misguided as it may be. My purpose here is only for information, but I have found that I've now started to attach myself to them all.
"Hey, Natalia," she says in her normal chipper manner as she walks to the refrigerator. "How's it going?"
"Fine," I reply as I notice yet another team member as he opens the door. The smile comes back, but this one is genuine. The smile I have for Eric is real, as well as my feelings for him. He was as suave as I had heard, but I came to find that he also had a heart of gold. But as with every one, he had his share of secrets as well. I found my way into his heart, thereby his life, and noticed the stealthy way he lived it. His sister was suffering from cancer, and was dealing with it with the use of marijuana a fact that would cost him his job and Marisol's freedom. What he was doing was commendable, but unfortunately what they were looking for. If he only knew...
"Boa Vista, how's it going?" Eric asked, a smirk forming on his face, jarring me from my thoughts . No doubt, he was thinking of what we did last night in his house, on his couch despite the fact that we told each other that we would cool it. I feel like the scum of the earth, for taking something so precious as his love and using it for my own gain. How I wished I could've said no when they asked me.
" Fine. How are you doing?" I return as I advert my eyes from his, knowing if I connected with them, I would inadvertently reveal everything. My curse, as my mother had told me long ago, was that I wore my emotions on my sleeve.
"Great," he said as Calleigh took a seat next to me. " The day seems to be starting off slow."
A commotion draws their attention out of the break room into the corridor where a phalanx of blue lab coats walked, their stern faces telling of my impending doom. It had finally happened, the feds were swooping down. Calleigh came to her feet as she glanced at me then to Eric, then finally back out to the corridor as Ryan opened the door, his eyes wide as silver dollars.
"It's the feds," he stated simply, " Any one know where Horatio is?"
"I haven't seen him," I return as I stand, knowing that they would all see the agent in charge of the inquiry before the day was out. I would not , however, and I planned to to hole up in the DNA lab until this was finished. "See you guys later, the lab calls."
I can feel the unspoken questions as I get up and walk out, leaving them to stare at each other. This day would not end nicely for any of us.
NBV
"You're the mole, aren't you?" he asked, his now intense brown eyes boring into me. I try to explain to him, but I know that he isn't hearing me. The words that stumble out of my mouth fall on deaf ears. All he can see is the deception, not the desire to help the lab. All he can see is us tangled in each other's arms, now knowing why. I won't blame him for his resentment, I can't. At this point, I resent myself.
He leaves me in the corridor, speechless. I can feel the tears as they begin to well up, trying to force them down. I was still at work, I could not afford a break down here. I had to save it for the end of the day, when I knew that the ones that I would trust my life with, would hate me for interfering with theirs, the fog of trust being my cover.
Taking a deep breath, I start to move again, feeling as if everyone was watching me. They had to have figured it out by now; I was the only one that hadn't been questioned. The eyes of the lab had narrowed in on me, squeezing from me any comfort that I claimed to have had. Sighing deeply I continue to walk. This day has to end some time.
NBV
"Bye, Max..." I start before she turns her back on me. The end has come, and now, as I thought, I have been shunned. What was I to expect, were they to hear about my deception and just shrug it off? I had taken their trust and used it to my advantage, which now, I am seeing isn't going to do me any good. I've made a mess of everything, I've lied to my colleagues and been the proverbial wolf in sheep's wool, taking their secrets and their lives and cataloging them for reports. I've put all their dirty laundry out to dry for the world to see. Even though the lab had been saved from being discredited, I still feel soiled. Resentment is the lightest feeling I will feel from them for a time to come.
End