Subterfuge
Disclaimer: Not Mine, except for any mistakes - those suckers are all mine.
A/N – I have a bunch of ficlets that I've written that have been sitting on my pc that I decided to just go ahead and start posting. I don't always get a lot of responses but I have people that read them so I figured what the heck. So far no one has told me I suck (and please, if you think that, keep it to yourself!).
A/N 2 – I reference Strauss in here – I'm still pissed that they killed her off. What a waste of good talent. Boo! I choose to ignore that tidbit in my fics.
Penelope Garcia couldn't help but frown at the pair standing by the coffee bar in deep conversation. They were no doubt commiserating over their latest disastrous dates or lack of dates. She wasn't quite sure. The only thing she was sure of was the fact she was tired of the pairs' obliviousness.
"What's got you blue, Mama?" Morgan questioned coming up alongside her seeing her expression but not who it was aimed at.
"We've got to do something." She stated emphatically, not able handle it any longer.
"About?"
"That!" She flung a hand in the pair's direction. "How much longer are we going to help them keep up their charade?"
"I thought we agreed we were not going to interfere?" Reid commented, having heard and seen both Garcia's comment and gesture.
Garcia rolled her eyes. "Well, you should have thought about that before you pointed out that they were in to each other." She grumbled, still a little annoyed that Reid was the one to see what the others had all missed.
"Honestly, I thought everyone knew." To him it had been painfully clear.
Rossi joined his team and knew exactly what they were talking about. It was a favorite topic once Reid had innocently stated he didn't know why JJ and Hotch bothered dating other people when they were so clearly in love with one another. "I see Aaron and JJ still appear to be happily clueless." He smiled as he watched his friend throw his head back in laughter.
"They're pathetic, that's what they are." Garcia groused. "Did you know that they get together for a play date with the boys every Sunday? It started out as kind of a sounding board for the two of them after their dates. But I know for a fact that little Ms. Jareau hasn't been on a date in well over a month."
Morgan grinned. "But they still get together?"
The blonde nodded. "Every Sunday just like clockwork. It's apparently the highlight of Henry's week, but I was there when they were getting ready and I can tell you that Henry wasn't the only one looking forward to the afternoon."
"That sly dog." Rossi shook his head. "No wonder he didn't want to come over to watch the game. He's got a little game of his own going on."
"This is painful." Garcia growled. "It's like watching two prepubescent teens."
"What do you think Hotch should do, bend her over the break room table?" Morgan teased.
Garcia nodded emphatically. "Yes. I think that is exactly what he should do. One of them needs to man up, and you know, he is the man."
"He would never do anything that might jeopardize his friendship or make her uncomfortable. He values her too much and he would never risk losing her good esteem." Blake stated, joining the conversation.
"In other words, if that is all he can get he's willing to settle for it." Rossi added. "Does he think she would reject him?" He asked, aloud, to no one in particular.
"He knows that she's fond of him, but I think he worries that he's projecting his own feelings and is uncertain of what she actually feels for him." Reid theorized.
"What's her problem then?" Garcia wanted to know.
Blake again gave the insight. "She's afraid to get hurt. She's a lot like him in many ways. She's comfortable with what she is getting from him. She wants more, but she can't imagine that he does. How many times have we heard her say that they're friends, that he's her best friend? She honestly doesn't believe that he views her as anything but."
"I really hate when smart people behave so stupidly." Garcia said, with a sigh. "Can't we do something?"
The profilers and the IT guru where all thoughtful when Rossi announced suddenly. "Maybe they've been dating the wrong people."
Garcia looked over at him disdainfully. "Uh, yeah, I think we've established that, Dave. Profilers. Sheesh."
"Sheath your claws, Kitten, and hear me out." He said, warming to his idea. "Up until now they have only dated non-threatening candidates. I think it's time to help them along."
Garcia's eyes lit up. "You want to set them up? Like a blind date?" She squealed.
"They'd only balk." He stroked his chin in thought. "We need to find them suitable dates. With other people."
Reid was quick to find fault with the plan. "You think pulling two non-suspecting individuals into this drama is a good idea? What if it backfires? I wouldn't want anyone getting hurt."
"That's why you stick with someone you know and let them in on the plan." Rossi gave a devious smile.
Morgan snorted, assuming that he knew what Dave was planning. "You start sniffing around JJ and Hotch'll kill you. Friend or no, your reputation precedes you."
The older man preened at the warning. "I'm not talking about me." His grin widened. "And I'm not talking about Hotch. I know Aaron well enough that he would never interfere in JJ's romance. Sure, he would be miserable, but he would never show it. Hell he'd be so damn stoic he'd give her away at her wedding if she asked."
"That's actually very sweet." Garcia sighed.
Rossi chuckled. "Now JJ on the other hand..."
Garcia lost the soft expression she wore and gasped. "What are you going to do to my Buttercup?"
"Just help her gain some clarity. Those soccer moms Hotch has been dating never worried her. We need someone to shake her up a little."
Morgan couldn't help but laugh. "JJ does tend to be a little possessive. But who do you get to bring that out in her? I mean, she didn't like Beth but she was always cordial."
"She knew that Beth was never going to be a permanent fixture." Reid stated. "We all knew that."
Blake frowned, a deep line formed between her brows. "That's why it has to be someone that she knows. Someone that she thinks could possibly mesh into his world. Someone that is familiar with the workings of Aaron Hotchner. Someone that understands what drives him and will support that. It should be someone that JJ knows and likes as well so she perceives an honest threat."
Garcia tapped her finger against her lip. "I'm going to tell you right now Strauss isn't going to work."
"What about Ashley? The younger woman angle might really set her off." Reid suggested.
Rossi and Morgan looked at one another. "Prentiss."
"Won't work." Garcia argued, ruining their moment before they could even celebrate their presumed genius. "Jayje would never buy it." She shook her head. "Derek, definitely; Reid, maybe; Rossi, could happen; Hotch, not a chance."
"This isn't for real." Rossi explained.
"You want it to be believable don't you?" Garcia snapped, then looked over at Alex. "How's James?"
Reid shook his head. "Hotch wouldn't step out with a married woman."
"Too many pesky morals." Rossi agreed.
They stood around racking their brains for a moment when Derek finally said. "Andi Swann."
Reid frowned, "Isn't she married?"
"She was." Rossi said with a slow grin that had them wondering. "Good call." He said to Morgan.
"You know, I think having him go on a date with an attractive single female might not be the best idea, what if they end up liking one another and my poor JJ gets left out in the cold?" Garcia huffed.
"There's not going to be a date, Penny. It's called subterfuge for a reason."
She still didn't like it. "But how is Hotch going to know that? What if…"
"That's why he has to be in on it." Rossi interrupted.
Morgan reached over and gave him a knuckle bump. "Nice."
Garcia wasn't so sure. "But, but, how? He's not going to want to manipulate JJ. It goes against his principles."
"Faint heart never one fair lady." Reid looked over at Rossi. "I have a feeling Dave has a plan for that."
"It's all in how you sell it." He looked over at the pair still deep in conversation. "If he wants her like we all think he does, he'll be in. Sure, he's Hotch, so initially he'll be offended and righteous then he'll calm down and think about it and he'll want to do it."
Blake smirked. "You sound pretty sure of yourself."
"Oh Cara, I'm always sure of myself." He responded, cockily.
"Full of yourself is more like it." Morgan corrected, before grudgingly admitting. "But I think you may be on to something."
Reid nodded. "I have to agree; it could work."
"I hope so." Garcia mumbled, looking over at her smitten friend.
"Trust me." Dave said confidently. "It's in the bag."
"You must be insane." Hotch told him angrily. "You want me to pretend to have a relationship with Andi all in an attempt to force JJ to admit that she has feelings for me? That's ridiculous. How many times do I have to tell you – JJ and I are just friends."
"Aaron." Dave sighed. "I love you. You are one of my dearest, oldest friends. You're also a complete putz."
Hotch sighed. "I don't have time for this. We have a job to do." He growled.
Rossi stared at him for a full minute before finally appearing to yield. "Fine. I'll drop the whole thing if you can look me in the face and tell me you don't have feelings – romantic feelings – for JJ." He gave the other man a smile and leaned back into the chair he occupied, raising a brow in challenge.
"I don't have romantic feelings for JJ." The words came out abrupt.
"Nope, not good enough. Look me in the eyes if you're going to lie to me."
"This is ridiculous." Hotch exploded.
"You're absolutely right, that's why we've decided to intercede on your behalf."
"Oh for Christ's sake."
"There's no need to get upset." Rossi admonished calmly.
"No need to get upset?" Hotch growled. "You come in here with some half-baked plan to try to get me to confess some deep hidden..."
"It's not really that deeply hidden, the only one on the team that doesn't know is JJ." He shook his head. "But in her defense she doesn't see it because she's too busy hiding her own feeling for you."
"Argh! Dave! Really, I'm used to you overstepping your bounds but this is just too much."
Rossi nodded, as if he were ready to concede. He'd seen the little glimmer of hope that his words brought to his friend. He decided to try another tactic. "Okay. So you wouldn't be bothered if I was to see if JJ was interested in spending a little adult time with me? I'm thinking we've both got itches to scratch and it would be mutually beneficial." He watched as Hotch said nothing as he continued to stare at him. "I've get to tell you. I've been looking at her for a long time. I'd like her to wrap those long legs around me. Not to mention that mouth of hers, I bet she could…"
"You're going to want to shut up right now." The words were clipped and his tone was deadly.
"I wouldn't do anything she didn't want me to." The older man stated arrogantly.
"Dave, I'm warning you…"
"Aaron, I'm a little offended. We're friends you and I. I might have a few divorces under my belt, but my relationships have always ended friendly, and honestly who couldn't stand to have another friend with benefits? You don't want her so I don't see any reason why I can't take a shot." He looked over at the visibly angry man. "We have decided that you don't want her, right?"
Hotch glared at him.
"Although, I have to wonder what is wrong with you. JJ is a fine looking woman. I bet she's a firecracker. You can tell from her temper she's a passionate woman. I…"
"I'm in." Hotch interrupted, coldly.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me, you ass. I'm in." Hotch raked a hand over his face nervously. "This is probably going to backfire and end with her hating me but I have to try."
Rossi smiled, smugly. "Because you want her for your own." He wanted his friend to admit it.
Hotch stared at his friend for half a beat then confessed. "Yes, I do."
"Good. Let's get started."
Thanks for reading!