Heya! Wheezy here.
This story contains sad!Drarry. If you don't like MxM relationships, this would be the perfect time to press the back button.
Warnings: Angst, Sadness, Drarry
This is a ONESHOT and I won't be continuing this fic.
Do you remember?
That day when I, the ever-immaculate person to ever walk this Earth, begged you for forgiveness for a mistake I never committed? Even now, as I think back on it, I cannot fathom why I pleaded with you to forgive me. I'd never done anything and as far as my past crimes were concerned, I am serving my term. You made sure of that, didn't you? Our world made sure of that. Hence the exile that I'm currently living in. I now live in a world without magic. I'm not a wizard anymore. I'm banned from entering our world forever. It has been five years since I stepped into the other side hidden from this muggle world. Don't you think this is punishment enough? Yet, somehow, it didn't seem so threatening or lonely at the time. You know why? Because I had you by my side to support my fall. Maybe, I relied on you a bit more than required and look at me now. Left alone sitting by embers in the loveseat we've bought together and caringly placed close to the hearth. Why did you have to leave? What must I do with all our memories scattered like permanent dust over every inch of this place and my body?
Do you remember?
The way you avoided my touches must've told me everything I needed to know about the growing distance between us. Your infrequent visits should've educated me about your fading love. Yet, I craved for more. Just a little bit more. I'd be ecstatic like a virgin when I held your hand in mine and you wouldn't shake it off. I'd be over the moon like a lunatic for no apparent reason except that you hugged me back when you were leaving for the night. And, I wish you could imagine how my happiness skyrocketed when you finally knocked on my door for the first time in a month. When you stopped visiting me like you once used to, I couldn't for the life of me understand why you were building a bridge between us, or why you were cutting our time together. I confronted you and all that ever brought to our doorstep was chaos in the form of brutal and vulgar verbal fights. So, I stood down. Maybe, you did too, I do not know. I can only give my account here. I did everything I could to not cause a messy fight when you finally came to relieve me of the grief I steadily built over your absence.
Do you remember?
It wasn't your visits at first but the time you spent with me. I had no job. I was just a burden to you. You might not have said it outright but I knew it, my love. I could feel it whenever you talked about the stress involved in your job as an Auror. I respected you enough to not retort whenever you heaved a big sigh and said – 'You wouldn't know, Draco. So, what's for dinner?' Yes, I would not know because I was a culprit who wasn't allowed a job where I can supposedly work! But, it did not matter to me. I swerved out of our home with an air of determination and started looking for a job. I would take anything, even the lowest of jobs, just to understand you and be a man in your eyes. I did not want to be someone who smooched off your riches or the gold left to me after the Ministry raided my family's vault for reparations. It was hard trying to find a job without any support. I suppose now that I could've asked for your help but that wouldn't serve my purpose of trying to be on an equal footing with you. I did not know then what an ID was and how it was essential for me to get a job. But then, some muggles were kind enough to create a fake one for me, for a price and I gave them a few gold coins as payment. It got me a job and I earned muggle money. My Father would roll in his grave and call me names if he'd ever got to know that I live on muggle money. That wasn't my concern though. Your face filled with utter shock and elation after I told you that I was working as a Helper at a café a few blocks away made me realize that I was finally at peace, and it feels like home in your strong arms.
Do you remember?
The first time we went out on a date after I moved into a house you bought for us in Muggle London is one of my best memories. I was depressed by the war and my banishment. My emotional state was a mess and I knew that you weren't any better. Yet, you let me lean on you – physically and mentally. I guess we were curing each other. We held no hands. It was just you and me standing close enough, sitting close enough, eating the best we could, and that night there was no bed, no sofa in our house. We were too tired to even remove our shoes. So, we huddled together just close enough and slept like logs. The whole day, we didn't touch each other except for a few times yet in the morning after, I found you clinging to my back like a child and crying in your sleep. I wished I could take all your nightmares away. I hoped to be strong enough to turn around and hold you close, whisper to you that everything will be okay and that our past is just a dark ghost to be forgotten in the darkness it truly deserved. But I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. So, I cried along with you hoping that one day we'll be better.
Do you remember?
Your eyes begging me for forgiveness across the Ministry, pleading with me to understand why you did what you did, was one sight I could never ever erase from my mind. You tried your best to defend my actions but I knew that there was no absolution for me. Maybe, you and your friends might find me 'not guilty' but I found myself guilty. I deserved punishment but your love saved me from it. Not entirely but at least from the worst, Azkaban. I could live anywhere, even at the bottom of an Ocean if I had you. We could make our home anywhere in this world because I knew for sure that we'd be together till my life ends. I smiled at you as you left the court with your red-headed friends and that was all it took for you and me to understand that all is forgotten and forgiven. Everything would be better in the coming days. We were sure of it. When your freckled best friend, Ronald Weasley, turned around at smiled at me in acknowledgment and patted you on your back, we both knew that there are people who are willing to forgive and forget, to change for a better world. Irrevocably, we'd all joined our hands in hopes for a better future filled with love and joy.
Do you remember?
The whispers we've exchanged during our heated passion in the room of requirement still buzz aloud inside my head. We'd been dating for a year and we wanted to take our relationship to the next level. We talked about it frequently as we cuddled inside a warm blanket at the Astronomy tower but never took that final step. When our seventh year was close and our sixth year was about to see its end, we somehow knew that we'd be separated for a very long while, given we were fighting on different sides. You knew, didn't you? Even when you sliced my chest open and almost killed your then lover accidentally on a bathroom floor, you knew that I was on your side. A few weeks after that incident, you couldn't show your face and avoided me like the plague. All it took was a letter from me saying that I forgive you to bring you to the Room of requirement, albeit reluctantly. And as soon as you stepped in, all I could do was lift you up, pin you to the wall, and ravish your pretty boyish mouth like a man starved for days on end. With your glasses askew, you looked so damn handsome. As I found a pleasure spot on the side of your neck, your nimble fingers tangled themselves in my freshly washed hair and your legs wound around my waist and somehow, telepathically, we knew that tonight was the day we consummate our relationship.
'Draco, wait,' you tried to talk to me.
'Shut up,' and those were the last words spoken that night.
It was fast but it never blurred in my memories. I ripped open your uniform that day and exactly four buttons flew in different directions. I shut your protests with another bruising kiss and it was the cue you, my dear, needed to shuck off the rest of your clothes and mine and push me down onto the soft mattress. Your eyes and your touches clearly told me that you were the leader and I let you lead me into a fiery rapture filled with screams of pain and moans of pleasure.
I hope you don't remember any of these memories that weigh my life down.
Not a month ago you stood at our doorstep, well, it is MY doorstep now that you left for good, and told me that you were marrying your ex, the ginger-head, Ginerva Weasley. For the first time in years, I leaned on the door, something that wasn't you, to support my crumbling form and life. I've had my doubts when your visits changed from once a week to once a month, and then to once in whenever you wanted to. And the longest you left me here in this house without visiting was a whole seven months. I tried so hard to let our candle burn with the brightest of flames but I guess my effort wasn't enough. Like I wasn't to you. You needed someone else to fill your heart.
I didn't want to cause a scene so I invited you in, locked the door and told you that I was sorry for whatever I had done to you, that we could work things out and be together once more. I begged you not to marry Ginerva. You never even wanted to wear a promise ring and the ones I bought for us still sit at the bottom of my wardrobe waiting for your acceptance. And you came home that day with a ring on your finger and all I could think about was – 'What about the rings I bought for us?'
I kept on asking you if I did something. I chanted like a mantra that I would change whatever it is in me so that you could be happy with me and me alone. You just wouldn't agree and you shut the door on me after letting me know that you truly loved Ginerva and it would be the last time we'd ever meet. The thud of the door after you left still ricochets in my ears.
It's been seven months since the incident and still, the broken corners of my heart make me bleed rivers. I don't cry for you anymore. I suppose it is hard to manufacture tears when all I want to do is bleed red. I go to the job I got for you and work till my body says it can take no more. I go out with my muggle friends and party till the night is up and then go back to work like I slept the night before. I haven't heard from you but two months after you last stepped into my life, Granger paid me a visit. She was just returning all the gifts I gave you and it clenched my heart so painfully that I had to take a minute or two to compose myself and not breakdown in front of your friend. I still had my pride and it might let me grovel like the pathetic idiot I am for you but certainly not in front of your friends or anyone else for that matter. Like a gracious guest, she inquired me if I was doing well. If she had eyes, she'd have known that I was anything but okay. I chose not to answer her and thanked her for my things.
'If you need anything, Draco, you can call me. This is my mobile number,' she gave me a card and I took it although all I wanted to do was shut the door in her face and have a look at all the things of mine you returned.
'Sure,' I replied and fought against the urge to ask her about you. The longer she lingered like a puppy at my doorstep; I realized that the danger of me asking about you is over the threshold of my self-control.
She turned to leave and I relaxed that I wouldn't snap and I could go in and drown myself in our memories.
'Are you sure you're okay? You don't look so good,' she just had to turn around and ask me that!
'Quit asking me if I'm fine! Do I look like I am? Why don't you go back to your friend and ramble all about my situation, huh? Go tell him that I look like Hippogriff shite and that I still live in our memories. That is why he sent you here, right? So that he could laugh later at how I still love him and wait for him to come back to me. You can carry your sorry arse over to him and blabber all about me and you know what? I don't care!' I snapped at her. I expected her to punch me or anything. What I didn't expect was the pity looks she sent my way.
'I'm truly sorry, Draco. I hope you will get better someday. Harry is married now. He's happy. I don't want you to spoil that for him. After a lifetime of war and bloodshed, he deserves to be happy,' she said.
'Don't you think I deserve to be happy too? I lost everything! I lost the one I love. What am I supposed to do, Granger?'
She didn't answer. Because she had no answer. The only respite both of us could get from this awkward situation was me shutting the door in her face.
Today, as I blanket my barely clothed body with the cold air of December, I remember all the days we've spent together and try to drink it all away. Seven months and I haven't been any better in the wake of your permanent absence. I only hope for a day that when I look at myself in the mirror, I would be able to smile freely and from the bottom of my heart. Often, I wonder why none of your friends stopped you from marrying someone who isn't me, not even the same gender. They must've known how much we loved each other. Any stranger who cast a fleeting look at me would know that I worship you with all my heart. Your friends must've seen it too but why? Why did no one ever stop you? Why couldn't you stop yourself from leaving me? Did Ginerva love you better? I can only think so.
Though I wish you do not remember all our memories together, I desperately hope you remember that you walked out on me with my happiness and heart right up your sleeve. You took away my life and the one you don't see now is just a ghost that breathes and lives like a human.
I hope you remember my love for you.
I hope you remember me.
I hope you do.
Thank you for reading till the end!
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