Title: Battleships
Author: Personification of Fluff
Rating: Pg-13 for a couple of swear words
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well, nothing regarding Inuyasha, although this fic is mine and the result of not wanting to study for midterms. ^_^;
Summary: Someone once asked why Kagome would pick Inuyasha when all they do is fight. So here's a little explanation as to why they fight. Does it have a point? No, not really. Just a little piece of fluff, that isn't actually as fluffy as I expected it to be. Oh well. Still, it keeps the: 'Oh dear Lord, I haven't studied for mid terms' blues away. ^_^ Hope you guys enjoy it!
Special Thanks: Thank you to Kiyoushi, who helped me with my writer's block!!
~*~
Sighing, I let myself fall back as we strolled through the village. No matter what Inuyasha might say, I'd always think he'd fit in, in the villages we habituated at night. But then, I think I'd always feel he could fit in anywhere. The memories of him arriving on my world on more than one occasion made me smile. Yeah, I think Inuyasha would fit in anywhere.
I mean, is it just me or could you totally see him sitting on the roof of a speeding bus?
He turned around, glowering with a sour mouth. "What's the matter with you, wench?"
Anger flared in my eyes, disguising another sigh and a quickening hard beat. He looked so cute like that! Yeah, yeah, I know. Cute? A glowering demon: cute? But his ears pull back slightly, almost as if they were already feeling for… that word, to come out of my mouth, and the twist of his mouth looks just like I'd imagine his smile would. If were the other way around, of course. But the main reason why there was anger was to hide my other emotions. Why couldn't he always call me by my name?
I stuck my tongue out at Inuyasha, who seemed slightly surprised by my rude gesture. Holding my back tighter, I brushed by him, swinging my hips at the last second so the heavy knapsack hit him. "I was just thinking what a nice day it was. But I suppose that you don't understand that!"
"Hey! I can understand a nice day, ya know!" He folded his arms of the folds of his fire rat robes. "You're so pathetic, Kagome. You tried to knock me off balance, but you didn't even manage to keep me from walking in a straight line."
Here's the really funny thing. I hear those words a lot. 'You're pathetic, Kagome.' But don't all teenage girls? Every time I do badly on a test or an assignment, every time I accidentally burn something, the voice in the back of my head is already chastising me. Hearing those words really hurt me, but I suppose you can never get used to them. But when Inuyasha says them, I know he's just saying them. There's no malice behind the words, nothing to even so much hint that he really means them. He just… He's just being himself.
Prickly.
He has to keep everyone and everything away from himself so that he can't get hurt.
I can understand that. I can understand that Inuyasha doesn't want to get hurt. The poor guy did just spend half a century pinned to a tree, after all! But I can never understand why he feels he has to push everyone away. Okay, so maybe what I should be saying is that I can never understand why he pushes me away.
"Oh, and I suppose that you can try and do better when you're trying to knock over someone with better balance, is taller, and stronger than you?"
Right. It's because I provoke him. I should probably stop. I mean, it's not really nice, but when I get the better of him, his cheeks go kind of red and he gets this little pout that makes it hard to believe he could barely be… say, nineteen? Eighteen? Heck, I'd even debate that childish look he gets when he loses would make one think he's eight!
How old is he in demon years, I wonder?
"Yeah, I could," he snapped. He wasn't getting that look now. The fight had only just begun. Instead, his arms seemed to travel deeper into his robes. He was defending himself for a fight, and even though his shoulders stooped slightly at this motion, he did not loose his grandeur in my eyes.
Smiling slyly, I reached out and poked him in the side. "You mean like Sesshomaru?"
"Yeah, like… hey! That was low, bitch!" His voice was a snarl that slowly turned softer. "I didn't think you had it in you." His clawed hand reached out, and he nearly touched me. See that 'nearly' in there? That's what we don't want to see.
That's what I don't want to hear.
This is where our relationship starts going crazy. I can deal with the teasing. Heck, I have to, given all the wacky lies Grandfather's come up with! Most of the time he doesn't mean it. It's the time when he does that it hurts, or the times when he doesn't realizes he's hit a weak spot. So then what do you think that I do? I start to get teary eyed, or pissed off, or both! That's when I start telling him to sit, or I run away and he tries to figure out why I'm sad. And he usually doesn't, at least, not right away. Honestly? Do you want to know what I think? I think it's because it hurts too much to see my cry.
Or maybe he just doesn't understand. Kikyo sure didn't seem to express a lot of emotions, so maybe suddenly caring about somebody with a heart confuses him. He's only ever had to deal with the mind before. Okay, maybe that was a little low of me. I mean, Kikyo has plenty of emotions, but would she ever start to cry in front of Inuyasha? Probably not. But me, on the other hand… I think I cry in front of him too much. Sometimes it makes him confused, but the times when he doesn't….
Oh, the times when he doesn't get confused when I smile at him, or cry, or even laugh! It's worth everything, all the confusion in my own head, or the guilt I feel after I've 'sat' him, it's worth it all to see him smile, to see the laughter build up in his eyes. Even if I have to tickle him, one day I can get Inuyasha to laugh, to really laugh!
But if he doesn't, that's all right too. If I think about it hard enough, I can hear his laughter in my head. And in my heart, too.
"What, Inuyasha?" I snapped back, quick as a whip to the comeback. "Don't you think that I might have picked up an insult or two from you?"
"If you did, you could have come up with it earlier, instead of sticking out your tongue at me!" Score one for Inuyasha. He brushed by me, looking for the inn, and with my shields now lowered, he fired what would have been the final shot. "Don't stick your tongue out at me unless you know how to use it!" he puffed.
Well, I wasn't about to give up without a fight! His final shot was about to turn into round two. "Are you implying something, Inuyasha? I mean, is that a request or an order?"
Shots one and two fired! Direct hit! His face went red.
Firing off a perfect impression of him, I scoffed, my chin high in the air, although the whole pride affect was ruined by the twinkle in my eyes from seeing him blush. But he wasn't finished yet, and my ammo wasn't spent! "Maybe you're jealous of my talent! Well, if that's the case, maybe you should ask Miroku for pointers. I'm sure that with enough sake he'd be more than happy to help you learn some skills! Some of the females we've stayed with have given him quite the comment about him and his skills. And speaking of which, there's where we're supposed to meet him and Sango."
Inuyasha pulled me close. His hand was heavy on my arm. His lips brushed my ear, and he muttered in a low voice. "Don't tempt me, Kagome."
Taking on water! Direct hit! Abandon ship! Abandon ship! My face went darker than Inuyasha's jacket, and my three companions, already ordering dinner, were more than eager to learn the reason for my red cheeks. Inuyasha, suddenly the perfect gentleman, didn't bring up the argument we'd had, and made no more comments to me except to pass this or that.
Damn him! What was he trying to suggest? That he prove to me just how good he was with his… oh, I couldn't even finish the thought without having my hands tremble and my cheeks feel warm. Honestly, we all call Miroku the pervert of the group! Thank God they couldn't see the thoughts I had in my head sometimes!
I mean…. Um…. I didn't just say that did I? Well, look at Inuyasha! Who wouldn't want to be cuddled up with him, or feel his ears? You know, even Miroku is pretty good looking… but Inuyasha, for being prickly, is a cuddler underneath. There's something about him that tells me he is.
Other than the questions in the beginning about my red face, dinner was uneventful. Well, uneventful for our group. Shippo fell asleep, Miroku drank until his cheeks were matching my own when I thought back to Inuyasha's voice and realized that I wouldn't be able to get it out of my head for a long time… actually, come to think of it, Miroku only had one glass of sake. The reason for the red cheeks was because of Sango. After the fourth time he had slipped his hand under the table, he had asked to be hit on the other side, as his right cheek had been getting sore.
"Well so's my left one!" had been Sango's reply. Then she stared across the table at us. "Next time, Inuyasha is sitting with Miroku!"
We'd gotten two rooms for the night: one for the girls and one for the boys. Sango had disappeared, for what I didn't bother asking. It wasn't my business to pry, and alone in my room, my thoughts drifted to Inuyasha. I had gotten so used to being with him that I felt he was still around me even when he was in another room. Until I realized that he actually was in my room, or at least peeking in through the door.
"Inuyasha!!" I threw a shoe at him.
It hit the wall beside him. Then he scowled at me, but it wasn't as bad as it had been in the market place. Now he was just teasing me again, simply for the sake of teasing me. "You know, with your bad aim, I'm shocked it didn't go through the blind. Maybe you could ask Sango for some pointers."
"Did you come here to mock me and my arm or was there some other purpose to you keeping me up when all I want is to go to bed?"
He blinked, as if suddenly realizing that I would be going to bed. I swear: cute boy, tries to be nice: not so swift in the head sometimes. "Sorry. I was just hoping that maybe, now that you've eaten and stuff, that maybe you've sensed something. I don't like wandering without a direction."
Ah yes, the bane of my existence. I'm the jewel detector. My annoyance turned into a glare. "If I felt something, don't you think I would have told you? I don't like the idea of wandering aimlessly either, but I can't help it if I can't sense anything. What am I, a blood hound?" I heard the door start to close and my back stiffened. "Stay."
"What?"
Inuyasha sounded surprised, until I realized that stay was what I would have said to a dog. I smiled brightly, but did not apologize for my ignorance. "Stay, won't you? Just until Sango comes back. We can talk." I moved over so that he could sit on the mattress with me, and was pleased when he did so….
Sitting all the way down on the other end!
Suppressing a growl of annoyance, I was the one who moved closer. Inuyasha stared at me, and I stared right back. Then I barked out the question that had been on my mind so often. "Why is that every time you go to touch me, to ruffle my hair or something, you never do? Do you think I... I have cooties or something, Inuyasha?" I sat up on my knees and leaned over him, so that it actually felt like I was a few inches taller than him. When I saw repulsion and surprise in his eyes, I sat back down. "I guess so…."
"How come you always have to fight me?" he retaliated. Round three was started. He stared at me, his golden eyes and his face revealing nothing about how he really felt. "How come you can be so cute and polite with everybody else, but never like that with me?"
"Because I like fighting with you! It keeps me on my toes and… you mean you're jealous?" All the fight drained out of me, my eyes growing wide at the information. Of all the reasons why he was always so… ornery towards me, jealousy was never a reason that I had come up with!
Turning red, Inuyasha sulked again, but he still looked like a knight to me. "I never said that," he pouted.
I gasped in surprise, pointing a finger at him. "No," I admitted, "you didn't say it, Inuyasha. But it's the truth! You really are jealous!" My voice softened, and I shifted on the mattress, staring at the ground. "There have been times when I haven't fought with you," I pointed out. "Like after you pulled that tree out of the well. And I… hugged you."
Damn it! I had choked on my words! Now he was probably thinking that I was disgusted at the memory or something. Fuck. Yes, that's right: fuck. Shit. Shit! I had finally learned something about it, and then I had to get all emotional! Well, I was just an emotional person, so I guess that Inuyasha was going to have to get used to it!
But he didn't seem to notice. Instead, his eyes narrowed. "And then when I looked at you, you started yelling at me!"
"You were looking at me really funny!"
"I was trying to figure out why a sweet girl would worry about someone like me!"
"Why wouldn't I worry about you, Inuyasha? You're my friend and I care about you!"
Our yelling match suddenly paused, and we found ourselves staring at each other. His mouth was in a hard line, but his golden eyes were wide, surprised. My own surprised expression turned into a glare. "What? You're such an idiot, Inuyasha! You couldn't even tell that you're my friend? That I care for you? You…."
"This is exactly what I mean!" he interrupted. "We start to have a moment, and then you go and yell at me and ruin it all! How about we just don't talk from now on?"
The blush of my cheeks became crimson with fury. "Fine! I won't talk if you won't!"
"Fine!"
We sat there on the mattress, our eyes avoiding the other person. The silence was tense, but good. At least we weren't fighting. I didn't like it. I had questions, and I wanted answers. I'm sure that he had questions of his own to be answered. "I don't think this is going to work, Inuyasha."
"What?"
"The not talking."
"That's because you're talking right now."
I took a deep breath, counting to ten before I responded. Really, I was calm after four, but the other six seconds gave me a moment to figure out what I was going to say. "Inuyasha, we obviously have things to talk about, so we should talk about them now, while we have the time and he privacy to do so. Not talking won't avoid the problem of fighting when we talk, so we should talk, and learn to communicate without arguing."
He stared at me like I was insane. Which I often wonder about myself. I could have developed a crush on the lecher. I could have chosen to become gay and developed a crush on Sango, but no, I had to love Inuyasha.
Yes; love. I do love him. We fight, and he hurts me, and I hurt him, but I love him, with all my heart.
"I guess that makes sense," he finally agreed, scratching his ear.
Biting my bottom lip, I stared at the ear. God, I wanted to reach out and scratch that ear! I snapped out of it when he demanded why I was staring at him like I was about to go for his jugular. I bit back a return comment and I told him the honest truth. "I want to touch you."
Inuyasha looked shocked to hear me say it. Then it faded to pleasant surprise. "Kagome…?"
Suddenly, the floodgates opened, and I started to cry, my emotions pouring out of me. My shoulders shook, and I could not hide my tears, which were so heavy I didn't see Inuyasha's recoil of surprise when I started to cry. "I want you to hold me again. I want you to talk to me like you did before you pushed me into the well, because I know that you were being honest! I want to be able to be silent around you and not have to worry that you're brooding, or mad at me, or thinking about somebody else! I want to know what's going on inside of your head, and sometimes I wish that you would just…."
"Just what?" Inuyasha inquired after I had stopped.
"Never mind," I mumbled, turning away from him.
Even from the corner of my eye, I could see something going on in him. He was conflicted, and puzzled. Hadn't I made everything clear enough for him? I like you, I want you to hold me… but no. Inuyasha understood. I could tell he did, because underneath it all I could see his swelling pride, and an honest smile he would never allow himself to show.
That was it then. That was why he fought with me so much, why he could only hug me or touch me when he was afraid of losing me. Because those were the times when he remembered I was human, that time would catch up with me at any time, and I wouldn't be there. So why didn't he make a move on me then? I was so emotional, and he wasn't. It was just like the first time that I ever cried for Inuyasha. He couldn't understand why. Emotions weren't something he could easily express.
So, yes, he fought with me to defend himself, always keeping me away. Maybe at times it became a game to him, like it was to me, such as this afternoon and the comment about proving himself to me. I understood what I had to do now. I had to show him that emotions were okay to show.
I reached out and touched his hand, my other limb drying my cheeks. I need to be straightforward, but not enough to be accused of treating him like an idiot. "I know I cry a lot, Inuyasha. Or at least it feels that way for me. But you hurt me sometimes, and I worry about you, as much as you do about me. I already told you why. When I cry, all you have to do is hold me, Inuyasha."
"Really?" he asked accidentally. Nervously, he slipped an arm around me, and held me close against him. His warmth and scent surrounded me. I clung to his jacket, and he seemed to know what do then. I felt his cheek brush my hair, and his fingers started to comb through it. I relaxed against him, my tears automatically slowing.
It felt nice. Hell, it felt more than nice. But this wasn't what I wanted. I wanted his confidence. I wanted him to hold me against him without acting as if I was some frail little thing. Just because I cried, it didn't mean I was a porcelain doll, after all. Yes, to be honest, I love his pride as much as I love the rest of him. Inuyasha can be such a jerk at times, but I know that he never really means it, as I said before. The first time he grabbed me, and held me against him… it had been gentle. It hands had been warm and soft of my back. I had felt safe.
Sure, it had been because he wanted the jewel, but I don't really care. It was true, deep down I know it was. Otherwise, if it weren't, he would have just hugged me, not told me that he was worried about me. And if he didn't care, then he wouldn't have gotten the jewel by deception. He would have used force.
Sometimes I wonder if he loves me back.
But about his pride… well… it's just hard to explain. But if I love him, then I love his faults too, after all. That's just the way love is in my world.
I knew just what to say to Inuyasha, I just didn't know how to put it in words. I looked up at him, and received a pleasant shock. He was smiling. No, not the little smile he wore before he squished Myoga, or the cocky one from the middle if the battle, just a soft peaceful smile. It reminded me of when he had been stuck to the tree, only he looked happy, not sad. Happy. And he had his eyes were open. And he was staring right at me. Just at that split second, he was showing more emotion than I ever thought he could. His golden eyes were felt with a mixture of sadness and happiness.
It only rekindled my desire to get into his mind, to know what he was thinking. Why did he look sad? And then I realized that I was wrong. He was scared, he was just hiding it well.
God, I was scared too! Maybe scared is too strong a word. Apprehensive, nervous, these words work much better. My breath was shallow, and my lips were dry. My heart was pounding in my ears. And yet… I was happy. And I felt safe. I was certainly safe from anything physical. This was because I was placing my heart out on the line, and in a strange way, so was he.
I licked my dry lips, and a look of desire passed through him that made me want to forget I had been about to say anything. I wanted to throw caution to the wind and just let him kiss me. I don't care what was going on in his head, I just wanted to be able to feel him the way I have been thinking about doing for so long. But at the same time, if what I wanted was to be close to him, then what would be considered closer than knowing what floats behind those pools of gold?
"I will never ask you to change, Inuyasha," I promised him. "I do want you. And I will never reject you. The only thing I'm asking for in return is to know that right here, right now, you feel the same way. That you want to be with me, and not with…."
His eyes cut me off. His smile grew just a little. Now he knew I was not Kikyo, not the Kikyo he had fallen in love with so long ago. I was someone different, who accepted him as what he was, who loved him as what he was, and who wanted only to be loved by him in return, for what I was. I wasn't asking for words, or promises, just for here and now, to be with him for five minutes.
Suddenly, his grip around me tightened, and pulled me higher into his lap. I closed my eyes, letting the moment wash over me. My lips parted, and his mouth brushed my cheek. Then he kissed my chin. Then, finally, his lips touched mine. They were soft and warm and everything and nothing like what I had dreamed about in the same moment. I shuddered in pleasure and pulled myself closer.
One of his hands let go so he could lower himself, and the mattress touched my back, and still I clung to him. I heard a swish, and his white hair cascaded around us, mingling with my own black. His touch grew hot, and when his lips pulled back I let out a soft moan. His mouth kissed my bottom lip, and I opened my eyes, just staring at him as his hungry kisses eased off. We stared at each other, our lips brushing each other as we simply let the moment hang in the air.
I swallowed hard, and smiled. "That's definitely one way of not fighting."
"I think I like this way instead of not talking," Inuyasha agreed. He kissed me again, his tongue brushing my lips. I wiggled in happiness under him. He stopped, surprised. "What?"
"Nothing, it just tickled."
"Oh…."
"In other words I liked it." I rubbed my nose against his, and he managed to smile.
"Do you like being tickled, Kagome?"
Tilting my head to kiss his neck, I giggled. "I refuse to answer that on the grounds that my answer may incriminate me."
He paused, his hand sliding from my lower back play with the hem of my shirt. "Kagome," he said, his voice lower than normal, as if he was trying to contain himself as my lips played at the skin of his neck. "Once I leave this room, everything will go back to normal. We'll start fighting again, and…."
Nodding, I felt his fingers touch the skin of my stomach, and a sigh escaped from me. "I know, Inuyasha. You don't want to show other people that you care about me. I understand that, I do. But, please, Inuyasha, when it's just us, can you open up just a little? Hold my hand, brush my hair; I'm not asking for much, am I?" He shook his head no. "Good. I want to be able to feel you close to me."
His breath was hot on my neck. "I need to go. Sango's coming down the hallway. And if I stay here any longer…"
"I understand." It felt cold when he stood up. I sat up, fixing my hair as he left. When the screen door closed, I giggled hysterically and fell on my bed, grabbing my pillow and squeezing it as tightly as I could. Inuyasha kissed me! Inuyasha freaking kissed me! Oh, I thought I was in heaven!
We wouldn't stop fighting; our game would continue. We'd continue throwing quips back and forth, an elaborate courtship dance so thoroughly twisted many wouldn't even acknowledge it as such. But we'd kissed, and talked, and that could never been taken back. Even how he had let me kiss him. He'd let me touch his throat, and by being above me, his stomach had been exposed too. Inuyasha has been completely vulnerable for that one moment, and it had been with me. Maybe I was looking into it a bit much, but it meant something to me.
And there wasn't a doubt in my mind that it meant something to Inuyasha too.
Even if he did call me crazy first thing the next morning when I gave him a happier than normal smile.
Nope. That act wasn't going to work with me anymore.
Battleship: sunk.