Fusions That Should Never Be
Idea 1
Insert absolutely inane banter
As you know, there are some people that insist that anything can be fused with anything. Though technically true, this is not necessarily a good thing. For example Mad Bull/Magical Girl Pretty Sammy. Windaria/Kimagure Orange Road. Dark Warrior with anything. Ranma/Avengers...err, nevermind about the last one, but you get the idea. And even though some of them can be put together and if by some miracle it can work...well, the way in which it's done is all too often bungled and you end up with what is more commonly known as the 'BAD FUSION IDEA'. Well, here's one of the last for your reading pleasure (or pain, they're so much alike, who can tell the difference)? ^_^
Standard disclaimer: No. I don't own the characters.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Shinji Ikari was in a foul mood. First, his train was late. Second, his ride was late. Third, there was a giant ugly creature attacking Tokyo-3 and blowing up everything that moved. And lastly, he had stepped in some gum and it was sticking to his shoe like nobody's business. He couldn't even walk without feeling his foot drag as the chewed-up piece of unknown gray substance tried to cling to the street while maintaining its hold on his sole. And judging by how close the giant monster was getting to him, he wasn't going to get a chance to remove it either.
Just as it looked like it was all over, a car skidded to a halt next to him. The passenger's side door opened and within was revealed an attractive woman, about in her thirties, with long legs and her hair done up in a long brown ponytail. It took a moment for Shinji to recognize her from the picture she had sent earlier.
"Get in!" the woman shouted as she saw Shinji hesitate right before getting in the car. The Angel's foot crashed within ten meters of the vehicle, forcing the woman to reach out, grab Shinji by his shirt, and throw him into the car before taking off at top speed.
Once they put some distance between themselves and the angel, the woman began to speak. "Sorry I was late. But traffic was a mess." She looked Shinji over. "Say, you look a lot like an old boyfriend of mine."
Shinji began to blush. True, whatshername, Makoto, if he remembered correctly, was attractive, but she was also old enough to almost be his mother. Maybe she meant someone from when she was a teenager. That made sense. Either that or he was being picked up by a potential child molester.
Makoto's eyes traced a large bomber flying overhead. "Un oh. We'd better get out of here. Time to go faster."
They were already going close to a hundred kilometers an hour. "I don't want to go any faster!" Shinji exclaimed.
"Would you rather get blown up by the N2 mine that they're dropping back there?"
Shinji considered that. "I'd like to go faster."
"That's the spirit! " Makoto pumped her fist in the air once before placing her hand in an odd hole in the dashboard. "Good thing this car's been modified especially for me."
Shinji was still wondering what she was up to when she shouted, "SUPREME THUNDER!" There was a smell of ozone, and the car kicked up a trail of dust as its speed doubled and they head off to their destination.
"I'm never riding with you again."
"It's not my fault there was a little too much electricity in the system for me to slow down. And it's not like running into the concrete wall hurt all that much. And you got gum on my beautiful carpeting. You ought to be a man about it and quit whining."
"I'm sorry." Shinji hung his head low.
"Geez. You really are spineless." Makoto shook her head sadly. "You know, you really, really look like that guy I used to date when I was still in grade school. Are you sure you don't have any older uncles or something I don't know about?"
Shinji decided Makoto's incessant droning was only adding to the headache he had gotten when his head had slammed into the dashboard in the car wreck Makoto cleverly pretended was parking. He tuned her out until she stopped talking on her own. They continued walking around the massive geofront, passing the same employee's lounge three times. "Why are we walking in circles?"
"Exercise," Makoto said, obviously lying. Shinji was about to call her on it when the door they were about to go through for the third time opened on its own.
"You got lost, didn't you?" The speaker was a woman that appeared to be in her thirties as well. She was wearing a white lab coat, and had short blue hair, as well as an air about her that implied she knew where she was going.
"It was an accident, Ami," Makoto explained.
"No time for excuses. We have to get to the first holding cage before the Commander chews us out."
'Commander.' Shinji focused on those words. Who was this mysterious commander they were referring to? What was this huge base? Would he ever be able to get the damn gum off his shoe?
They followed Ami to a huge room which held what appeared to be a giant purple robot that would have been several stories high had it not been submerged in water up to its head. Shinji was high enough to look the robot in a green crystal eye, and for a moment was struck by the feeling of familiarity around it. He wondered if it was called an EVA-01, since that was what was painted in big white letters on its neck.
"There's the Commander."
Shinji turned at Makoto's words and followed where she was looking. High in a room which overlooked the whole area was just who Shinji expected it was. Standing there as though she owned the world, dressed in a black business suit with twin blonde ponytails trailing behind her head and wearing a set of glasses that appeared to be perpetually falling off her nose, stood the one woman who he most wanted to see and never wanted to see again.
"Shinji, it's been a long time," Usagi Ikari said in a carefully controlled voice.
"Mom," Shinji took a moment to compose himself. "Why did you call me here?"
"I want you to pilot that." She pointed to the Eva.
So, she didn't want him at all. She just wanted to use him, just as he feared. "No! I'm not your tool!"
Makoto and Ami cringed as Usagi unleashed 'The Glare.' Her deep blue eyes seemed to bore holes through Shinji. Even when she had to push the glasses back up, the glare was still enough to make Shinji quake. Everyone hated that look, not so much for the uneasiness one felt at having that stare unleashed on them, but for the torture that would follow.
"WAAAHHH!" Twin streams of tears shot out from Usagi's eyes like two large fountains. "You're my son, my own flesh and blood, and you're defying me! I thought I raised you to respect your parents!"
"You didn't raise me at all," Shinji couldn't keep his level of anger in the face of Usagi's crying though. What little willpower his spineless state allowed him began to flee in the onslaught of the attack.
Usagi stopped sniffling and regained her feet, moving her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. "Very well." She turned towards Ami, who was only just now removing her earplugs. "Dr. Akagi, bring out Chibi-Rei."
Ami sighed and ordered Chibi-Rei brought out. Shinji watched as a door at the end of the walkway he was on opened, and they wheeled out a young girl strapped on a gurney. She looked the worse for wear, wrapped up in bandages and having an IV in her arm. Shinji got a good look at the girl with bubblegum colored hair, pale white skin, and deep red eyes.
Shinji looked up to his mother, "She's-"
"She's not a clone of me," Usagi quickly blurted out. "Nope. Nosir. I wouldn't clone myself. Nope. It's just an odd coincidence she looks a lot like me when I was younger. And I have not genetically programmed her to be an instrument to help me use Third Impact to create Crystal Tokyo and make Earth into a Utopia whereby I will be supreme ruler, and separate your father from the EVA-01 he's trapped in. Where did you get a crazy idea like that, Shinji?"
Shinji formed a sweatdrop. "I was just going to say she's so badly injured that maybe I should get into the Eva."
"Oh," Usagi thought about that for a moment. "Shinji, remember all that talk about Crystal Tokyo?"
"Yes."
"Forget I said that. I was just kidding. We're just here to stop the Angels and not take over the world. Really."
"Right." Shinji had to sigh to himself. In all of those years, his mother was still the same. Maybe not being raised by her was a good thing.
Scenes later in the series:
Usagi Ikari stared at the members of SEELE before her. "I need more funding."
Lorenze Keele carefully considered that...for point five seconds. "No."
Usagi Ikari adjusted her glasses.
"No!" Keele shouted out, jumping out of his chair and trying to prevent the inevitable from happening.
"WAHHH! Why?! I'm just trying to save the world from the Angels! And I'm not trying to situate things just to use Third Impact to create Crystal Tokyo and make Earth into a Utopia whereby I will be supreme ruler, and separate my husband from the EVA-01 he's trapped in! Why can't I have my funding? WAHHH!"
"Fine!" Keele shouted as the rest of SEELE began covering their ears. "You can have all the funds you want! We'll sell Ecuador! That should raise enough money for you. Just stop crying, Ikari!"
Still later:
Makoto watched as the chopper bearing the second child landed. She continued watched as a red haired girl and an older, unshaven, unkempt-looking man in his thirties exited the chopper. The two crossed the flight deck to where Makoto waited. As they got up to her, she looked at the man and said, "You know. You remind me of an old boyfriend of mine."
"That's because I am your old boyfriend, Mako-chan," Kaji pointed out.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
There now, That wasn't so good, was it? Some characters just weren't met to fit into the role of others. Sure, Gendou/Usagi works fine. But Ami/Ritsuko? Luna/Fuyutsuki? Shinji/Shinji? No. Just a bad idea all around. Let that be a lesson to you all in things not to do.
Ciao.
D.B. Sommer
PS: No. Nothing in this was meant to be serious, you silly people you.
Idea 1
Insert absolutely inane banter
As you know, there are some people that insist that anything can be fused with anything. Though technically true, this is not necessarily a good thing. For example Mad Bull/Magical Girl Pretty Sammy. Windaria/Kimagure Orange Road. Dark Warrior with anything. Ranma/Avengers...err, nevermind about the last one, but you get the idea. And even though some of them can be put together and if by some miracle it can work...well, the way in which it's done is all too often bungled and you end up with what is more commonly known as the 'BAD FUSION IDEA'. Well, here's one of the last for your reading pleasure (or pain, they're so much alike, who can tell the difference)? ^_^
Standard disclaimer: No. I don't own the characters.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Shinji Ikari was in a foul mood. First, his train was late. Second, his ride was late. Third, there was a giant ugly creature attacking Tokyo-3 and blowing up everything that moved. And lastly, he had stepped in some gum and it was sticking to his shoe like nobody's business. He couldn't even walk without feeling his foot drag as the chewed-up piece of unknown gray substance tried to cling to the street while maintaining its hold on his sole. And judging by how close the giant monster was getting to him, he wasn't going to get a chance to remove it either.
Just as it looked like it was all over, a car skidded to a halt next to him. The passenger's side door opened and within was revealed an attractive woman, about in her thirties, with long legs and her hair done up in a long brown ponytail. It took a moment for Shinji to recognize her from the picture she had sent earlier.
"Get in!" the woman shouted as she saw Shinji hesitate right before getting in the car. The Angel's foot crashed within ten meters of the vehicle, forcing the woman to reach out, grab Shinji by his shirt, and throw him into the car before taking off at top speed.
Once they put some distance between themselves and the angel, the woman began to speak. "Sorry I was late. But traffic was a mess." She looked Shinji over. "Say, you look a lot like an old boyfriend of mine."
Shinji began to blush. True, whatshername, Makoto, if he remembered correctly, was attractive, but she was also old enough to almost be his mother. Maybe she meant someone from when she was a teenager. That made sense. Either that or he was being picked up by a potential child molester.
Makoto's eyes traced a large bomber flying overhead. "Un oh. We'd better get out of here. Time to go faster."
They were already going close to a hundred kilometers an hour. "I don't want to go any faster!" Shinji exclaimed.
"Would you rather get blown up by the N2 mine that they're dropping back there?"
Shinji considered that. "I'd like to go faster."
"That's the spirit! " Makoto pumped her fist in the air once before placing her hand in an odd hole in the dashboard. "Good thing this car's been modified especially for me."
Shinji was still wondering what she was up to when she shouted, "SUPREME THUNDER!" There was a smell of ozone, and the car kicked up a trail of dust as its speed doubled and they head off to their destination.
"I'm never riding with you again."
"It's not my fault there was a little too much electricity in the system for me to slow down. And it's not like running into the concrete wall hurt all that much. And you got gum on my beautiful carpeting. You ought to be a man about it and quit whining."
"I'm sorry." Shinji hung his head low.
"Geez. You really are spineless." Makoto shook her head sadly. "You know, you really, really look like that guy I used to date when I was still in grade school. Are you sure you don't have any older uncles or something I don't know about?"
Shinji decided Makoto's incessant droning was only adding to the headache he had gotten when his head had slammed into the dashboard in the car wreck Makoto cleverly pretended was parking. He tuned her out until she stopped talking on her own. They continued walking around the massive geofront, passing the same employee's lounge three times. "Why are we walking in circles?"
"Exercise," Makoto said, obviously lying. Shinji was about to call her on it when the door they were about to go through for the third time opened on its own.
"You got lost, didn't you?" The speaker was a woman that appeared to be in her thirties as well. She was wearing a white lab coat, and had short blue hair, as well as an air about her that implied she knew where she was going.
"It was an accident, Ami," Makoto explained.
"No time for excuses. We have to get to the first holding cage before the Commander chews us out."
'Commander.' Shinji focused on those words. Who was this mysterious commander they were referring to? What was this huge base? Would he ever be able to get the damn gum off his shoe?
They followed Ami to a huge room which held what appeared to be a giant purple robot that would have been several stories high had it not been submerged in water up to its head. Shinji was high enough to look the robot in a green crystal eye, and for a moment was struck by the feeling of familiarity around it. He wondered if it was called an EVA-01, since that was what was painted in big white letters on its neck.
"There's the Commander."
Shinji turned at Makoto's words and followed where she was looking. High in a room which overlooked the whole area was just who Shinji expected it was. Standing there as though she owned the world, dressed in a black business suit with twin blonde ponytails trailing behind her head and wearing a set of glasses that appeared to be perpetually falling off her nose, stood the one woman who he most wanted to see and never wanted to see again.
"Shinji, it's been a long time," Usagi Ikari said in a carefully controlled voice.
"Mom," Shinji took a moment to compose himself. "Why did you call me here?"
"I want you to pilot that." She pointed to the Eva.
So, she didn't want him at all. She just wanted to use him, just as he feared. "No! I'm not your tool!"
Makoto and Ami cringed as Usagi unleashed 'The Glare.' Her deep blue eyes seemed to bore holes through Shinji. Even when she had to push the glasses back up, the glare was still enough to make Shinji quake. Everyone hated that look, not so much for the uneasiness one felt at having that stare unleashed on them, but for the torture that would follow.
"WAAAHHH!" Twin streams of tears shot out from Usagi's eyes like two large fountains. "You're my son, my own flesh and blood, and you're defying me! I thought I raised you to respect your parents!"
"You didn't raise me at all," Shinji couldn't keep his level of anger in the face of Usagi's crying though. What little willpower his spineless state allowed him began to flee in the onslaught of the attack.
Usagi stopped sniffling and regained her feet, moving her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. "Very well." She turned towards Ami, who was only just now removing her earplugs. "Dr. Akagi, bring out Chibi-Rei."
Ami sighed and ordered Chibi-Rei brought out. Shinji watched as a door at the end of the walkway he was on opened, and they wheeled out a young girl strapped on a gurney. She looked the worse for wear, wrapped up in bandages and having an IV in her arm. Shinji got a good look at the girl with bubblegum colored hair, pale white skin, and deep red eyes.
Shinji looked up to his mother, "She's-"
"She's not a clone of me," Usagi quickly blurted out. "Nope. Nosir. I wouldn't clone myself. Nope. It's just an odd coincidence she looks a lot like me when I was younger. And I have not genetically programmed her to be an instrument to help me use Third Impact to create Crystal Tokyo and make Earth into a Utopia whereby I will be supreme ruler, and separate your father from the EVA-01 he's trapped in. Where did you get a crazy idea like that, Shinji?"
Shinji formed a sweatdrop. "I was just going to say she's so badly injured that maybe I should get into the Eva."
"Oh," Usagi thought about that for a moment. "Shinji, remember all that talk about Crystal Tokyo?"
"Yes."
"Forget I said that. I was just kidding. We're just here to stop the Angels and not take over the world. Really."
"Right." Shinji had to sigh to himself. In all of those years, his mother was still the same. Maybe not being raised by her was a good thing.
Scenes later in the series:
Usagi Ikari stared at the members of SEELE before her. "I need more funding."
Lorenze Keele carefully considered that...for point five seconds. "No."
Usagi Ikari adjusted her glasses.
"No!" Keele shouted out, jumping out of his chair and trying to prevent the inevitable from happening.
"WAHHH! Why?! I'm just trying to save the world from the Angels! And I'm not trying to situate things just to use Third Impact to create Crystal Tokyo and make Earth into a Utopia whereby I will be supreme ruler, and separate my husband from the EVA-01 he's trapped in! Why can't I have my funding? WAHHH!"
"Fine!" Keele shouted as the rest of SEELE began covering their ears. "You can have all the funds you want! We'll sell Ecuador! That should raise enough money for you. Just stop crying, Ikari!"
Still later:
Makoto watched as the chopper bearing the second child landed. She continued watched as a red haired girl and an older, unshaven, unkempt-looking man in his thirties exited the chopper. The two crossed the flight deck to where Makoto waited. As they got up to her, she looked at the man and said, "You know. You remind me of an old boyfriend of mine."
"That's because I am your old boyfriend, Mako-chan," Kaji pointed out.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
There now, That wasn't so good, was it? Some characters just weren't met to fit into the role of others. Sure, Gendou/Usagi works fine. But Ami/Ritsuko? Luna/Fuyutsuki? Shinji/Shinji? No. Just a bad idea all around. Let that be a lesson to you all in things not to do.
Ciao.
D.B. Sommer
PS: No. Nothing in this was meant to be serious, you silly people you.