Oh lighten up, where's your sense of humor?
They're just tiny little rumors
That I started 'cause I'm lookin' out for you
Oh settle down, I'm just a little jealous
And I'm sure those other fellas
Never once believed the lies I told were true
Like the time I told that cowboy that you used to be a man
And the doctor you were datin' that you hide your wedding band
Even if I am responsible for scaring them away
You really ought to thank me, I was doin' you a favour
'Cause it never woulda worked out anyway
"Beca, is Stacie seeing anybody? 'Cause, I was thinking I'd ask her out." Unicycle asked Beca as she walked past him on the quad.
"You could try. What were you thinking of doing?" Beca responded.
"Taking her to the Knicks game this Friday." Unicycle replied.
"Oh, she can't. She'll be busy then." Beca said apologetically.
"How do you know?" Unicycle frowned.
"Her husband always takes her to the clinic on Fridays." Beca told him, as if it should be obvious.
"Husband? Clinic?" Unicycle asked.
"Yeah. Her husband takes her to get her oestrogen pills." Beca said slowly, like he should know all this already.
"Why does she take oestrogen?"
"She used to be a dude." Beca said in a tone that oozed 'duh'. She paused, biting her cheek to conceal a smirk. "So, do you want me to give you her number and you can call her or..?"
"No, that's cool." Unicycle said, retreating ASAP.
Oh can't you see, the reason that I'm doin'
All the crazy things I'm doin'
Is because I really care about you girl
And I'll admit I go a little farther
Than I know I probably oughta
But it's all because I need you in my world
Like the time I told that lawyer that you spent a year in jail
And the salesman you were seein' you hang out at cheap motels
Even if I am responsible for scaring them away
You really ought to thank me, I was doin' you a favour
'Cause it never woulda worked out anyway
"Becaw! Wait up!" Donald shouted. Beca rolled her eyes.
"Did you just call me Becaw?"
"It's what Jesse calls you. Sorry. Used to it." Donald shrugged.
"Apology accepted. Now if you'll excuse me…" Beca said, attempting to walk past him. He jumped in front of her.
"I wanted to ask you something." Donald began.
"What?"
"Can I have Stacie's number? I wanted to ask her out, maybe." Donald replied.
"I'm not sure she'll be allowed." Beca said sadly.
"Allowed?"
"Her parole officer's a bit… weird… about her dating." Beca said, trying not to smile.
"Parole officer? Why does Stacie need a parole officer?" Donald frowned.
"Why do you think? She did a year at county. Spent a little too much time hanging out at cheap motels, if you know what I mean?" Beca whispered loudly.
"Oh. Well, I gotta go." Donald turned and walked off.
"I thought you wanted her number!?" Beca called to him.
"I'm good. See ya!"
I can't stand the thought of you with anybody else
I know I've gone overboard but I can't help myself
Like the time I told that DJ you had seven little kids
And you doubled as a dancer at the strip joint on the ridge
Even if I am responsible for scaring him away
You really ought to thank me, I was doin' you a favour
'Cause it never woulda worked out anyway
"Hi, Becky." Luke called. Beca sighed.
"Beca. And what is it, Luke?" Beca replied, walking over to meet him.
"I'm looking for Stacie. We didn't exactly have plans, or anything, but I wanted to talk to her."
"I'll pass on a message."
"Actually, I was going to ask her on a date." Luke said awkwardly.
"A date?"
"That's what you call it over here, right? A date? Going out?"
"No, it's still a date. But, you know, she might be at work, or she might need to get a babysitter." Beca said.
"Stacie has kids?"
"Yeah. Seven little ones. All girls. Not one older than five. We Bellas all help out. Like, rotate in when we don't have classes." Beca told him.
"Wow. And a job?" Luke frowned, not remembering anyone ever mentioning it to him.
"Yeah, at that strip joint on the ridge." Beca nodded.
"Ah. Well, that's… interesting."
"Yes. Yes it is. Do you still want me to give her that message, or?" Beca asked.
"No, it's fine. I have plans that night. I just remembered." Luke replied.
"But you didn't say which night." Beca smiled slightly.
"I look after the station most nights, anyway. Probably wouldn't be able to follow through on the plans, anyway." Luke shrugged.
"Well, if you're sure…" Beca grinned to herself. He was already out the door.
It's all because I love you and I can't stop thinkin' of you
And it never woulda worked out anyway
"Rebecca Elizabeth Mitchell!" Stacie shrieked, bursting into the rehearsal space.
"Yes, Anastasia Heather Conrad?" Beca smirked.
"No! I am mad at you! Why did Unicycle ask me why I wasn't at the oestrogen clinic?" Stacie fumed.
"I have no idea." Beca choked, holding her hands up and trying not to laugh.
"And congratulate me on my sex change?"
"I have no idea. Maybe it's time to wax the upper lip, there…" Beca smiled, gesturing.
"He also congratulated me on my marriage."
Beca opened her mouth to reply but drew a blank. "…Yeah, I got nothing."
"While you're thinking of an excuse, can you also think of one for Donald asking me which motel I was working at? And how much it would cost for the whole night? And why I have a parole officer? And maybe why Luke thinks I work as a stripper at a cheap joint to support myself and my seven children!?" Stacie growled, taking a step forward with each word, growing more and more irate with each syllable.
"Well…"
"Look. I am unbelievably pissed at you right now. Give me a clear explanation and we'll see if I forgive you." Stacie said, hands on hips.
"It never would have worked out anyway?" Beca winced.
"What do you mean?"
Beca visible cringed as she replied. "All those guys wanted to ask you out. Today. I may have told a couple lies to get rid of them."
"Why?"
"I just told you."
"No. You told me what happened. You didn't tell me why your first reaction to hearing about a few guys liking me was to make shit like that up. Also, why would your mind go straight there? If you didn't think I'd like those guys, why didn't you tell them I was, like, dating someone else?" Stacie asked, remembering all the times she and Beca had lied about boyfriends to guys like Bumper and Jesse.
"Better question, where's your sense of humour?" Beca replied, amazed at her own bravery in the face of an enraged Stacie.
"Excuse me?"
"Look, they're just tiny little rumours that I started cos I'm looking out for you." Beca said, hands still raised in surrender.
"Seriously?"
"And I know I've gone overboard but I can't help myself." The smaller of the two shrugged.
Stacie took a deep breath, and stepped closer and closer to Beca as she spoke until she had the shorter girl backed up against a wall. "What? Beca, you know by now that I don't need you to look out for me, so tell me the truth right now or so help me…"
"It's because…" Beca began.
"Because?" Stacie encouraged.
Beca took a deep breath and sighed, closing her eyes briefly before opening them and looking into Stacie's eyes. "It's all because I… love you and I… I can't stop thinking of you, Stace." She leaned up and kissed Stacie, surprised when Stacie kissed back. They didn't break away until breathing became a problem.
"I love you, too, Becs. I would've turned those bozos down. You don't have to start spreading rumors about me."
"Those rumours will stop. Scouts honour. And, let's be real, it never would've worked out anyway."