Just knowing that they're never going to be together for real breaks my heart into itsy-bitsy pieces.. how I wish J.K. Rowling would just give them a chance… -crosses finger-
So here's Hermione's side of the story..
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I'll take this tormenting pleasure of loving you secretly,
For in this silence, I fear no rejection.
His lips touches mine and I am in the brink of sanity. His hands caressing mine in the sweetest yet also most intimate of ways. I drive myself crazy with thoughts I know will never happen, of things that can never be. I dream of dreams that make me hurt both inside and out.
He loathes me to an extent I cannot measure. I know that the mere touch of my hand upon his will make him want to puke, for I am nothing but a mudblood to him, an inferior, a low life. If only he knows I feel the exact opposite for him.
Yes, I confess that I love the very being that abhors my existence. I care for that person who only gives a damn about himself. Feel for him in ways I cannot even suffice to bring logic upon. That very man has made me love in ways I never knew I was capable of.
And with this realization, I bury myself in piles of books that serve as my only refuge upon this sinful act I have committed. This simple affection is somehow complicated upon the life I have, a betrayal to all of my friends and to what I believe in. I have sinned not only to myself but to everything else I have stood for.
I try to ready myself with every spite he never seems to be lacking of. Every word of hatred he stabs upon me are like razor-sharp daggers that slice upon my heart thus leaving but another wound I am not expecting to heal. And how do I try to compensate with the pain? By making believe his blasphemes have hidden adorations between them intended only for me, that the curses he throws at Ron and Harry are just ways of showing that he is jealous of them, jealous of them that they can have me freely while he must deny what he truly feels. As pathetic as it seems, I have found this ridiculous hallucination as my only refuge.
I cry almost every night, loathing myself for loving someone I cannot have. Dreaming of him is a mistake himself, but it is a mistake I have given myself privilege to, a mistake I willingly commit, a mistake I will never ask forgiveness for.
No one else will know but I. No one else will know of this torment I go through every night. Nobody will know of those dreams I wake up from every night, dreams that always involve my love, my one and only love.
If only I can change the man he is, no, not the man he is, but the man he is to become, I would willingly do so. If was only given the chance, I will shower him with the love I know he has never experienced in his home nor in the company of his money-breathing friends.
I have tried loving Ron, believe me I tried, but I quickly found it an error, for it was then that I have found my burden. For every kiss he gave me, I felt that only of Draco's. Yet how could I be feeling a sensation of something that has never occurred?.. For every caress, every embrace, for every passionate act Ron tries to initiate, I find myself imagining that it was Draco doing my lover's part.
So many times I tried to end this suffering with potions, but finding them obsolete for each time I see his face, I feel the emotion all over again. Is my love for him really that strong that it defies the strongest of potions great wizards have struggled to formulate? And it was then that I stopped trying to eradicate him from my heart and just try to deal with this affliction in silence, alone.
I have stopped using logic as to try to explain why I was feeling this way towards him. Do not question me as to how it happened, or why it did, for I just do…I just do…
And now again, in the solace in my room, I find him haunting my head. He has always been for the past seven years.. I no longer fight him like the way I did before, I let him in willingly, whole-heartedly. I smile that he is again mine, tonight… He is ironically my solace despite the agony he inflicts me with. If it is only in my dreams that I can show to him my hidden desire, then so be it. I will shower him with love even if it is only in my dreams, for it is only in my dreams that he feels the same way..
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Heartbreaking….was it?!
Do tell me..
was there enough emotion??
Begging for Reviews! LOL