So... I decided that I wanted to write some Naruto fanfiction.
It's gonna have some yaoi, because I prefer the yaoi pairings. If you want to suggest some different pairings, post a review and I'll see if I like your idea.
Current pairings: Sasori x Deidara, Itachi x Kisame, Konan x Pein, possibly Zetsu x Tobi/Madara.
This fanfic is slightly AU seeing as I don't know where it would fit in the canon universe. I'll try to keep the characters IC, but I make no promises.
Disclaimer no Jutsu! (I know, so original.): I do not own Naruto. If I did, then Sakura would be long-dead, Sasuke would have never left, and the Akatsuki would be still alive and would have turned on Madara and joined forces with Konoha or something. I may have to write a fanfic along those lines someday. Tell me in a review if you think that's a good idea.
Also... please, PLEASE don't look at my other fanfictions. Yes, I mean the twilight/HP ones. They are awful. I get reviews every so often saying ZOMG UR FANFIC IZ SOOO FUNNIEEE. That just proves my point. I wrote them two years ago and I've come pretty far since then.
Fun With The Akatsuki
Chapter 1: Deidara & The Internet
Deidara's Point of View
"DEIDARA-SEMPAI! TOBI BOUGHT YOU A LAPTOP!" the hyper orange-masked ninja screamed. Heh, I bet Kakazu's gonna yell at him any second now.
"You spent our money on WHAT?" Yup, there we go. Kakuzu hates spending money. Wait, did Tobi say the laptop was for me?
"Tobi wanted to get sempai a present! So Tobi sold Hidan-san's underpants on eBay and made a lot of money, which Tobi used to buy a laptop! Here, sempai! Catch!" Tobi threw the expensive-looking laptop at me. Somehow, I caught it.
"Tobi, don't throw laptops, un. That's how they break. And thanks, un!" Whoa. This laptop was seriously awesome. I opened it and turned it on.
- 5 Minutes Later –
I officially love this laptop. The internet's awesome! Hey, I wonder what'll come up if I search my name. Wow, that's a lot of results. Deviantart? That's an art site! But it's not real art, since art is a BANG! KATSU!
"DEIDARA! YOU BLEW UP MY PUPPET!" Oops. I clicked on the DeviantArt link. Wow, this is a pretty good picture of me. (How does this person know who I am?) Hey, they have more pictures too. SasoDei? Huh?
"Brat, why did you blow up my puppet?" Sasori walked in just as I clicked the words 'SasoDei'.
I screamed and covered my eyes.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHAT THE HELL, UN!" The entire Akatsuki (minus Zetsu and Tobi, who were off doing God-knows-what) ran in, to see me freaking out at something on the laptop screen. Sasori picked up the laptop, only to pale and put it down again.
For there on the screen, was a picture of me and my danna... making out... in bed.
Hidan took one look at the screen and burst out laughing. "That... is just... so... fucking... WRONG!"
"I want to know how someone managed to get a picture of that, un!"
That shut Hidan up. It also made Konan blush.
"...Konan?" Sasori asked, glaring.
"Uh.. PEIN! SAAVE MEEE!" Pein looked at her like she was mad.
"You snuck into Deidara and Sasori's room when they were having 'alone time', took pictures and posted them on the internet. And you want me to stop them from killing you?"
She pretended to think. "Yup!" I say 'pretended' because she's clearly not thinking.
Pein walked out the room. Konan squeaked, and ran after him. I looked at Sasori.
"Let's go make that paper bitch pay."
"Hell yeah, un!"
Hidan's PoV
AHAHAHAHAHAHA! I KNEW IT! PINOCCHIO AND BARBIE ARE FUCKING EACHOTHER!
Hey, me and Kakuzu had a bet about this!
"KAKUZU! YOU OWE ME 400 RYO!" I yelled triumphantly. The old fart looked at me like I was mad.
"Why would I owe you money?"
"Because of our bet! Don't you remember, atheist bastard? We bet on whether Pinocchio and Barbie were fucking or not! Now pay up!"
"...Shit. How did you manage to win a bet?" He grumbled, handing over my winnings. I finally won a bet! AGAINST KAKUZU!
"I dunno. Jashin probably decided to-". I was RUDELY INTERRUPTED by Shark-boy. No, not Taylor Lautner. What does he have to do with anything? Why am I even thinking about him? I need to go do a ritual or something.
"Shut up about your bloody god, Hidan! Every single day it's always Jashin-this and Jashin-that! Seriously, if you like him so much why don't you go marry him? Oh wait, you're trying to. And would it kill you to wear a fucking shirt for ONCE? Or did your beloved Jashin-sama say 'NO' to shirts?" Kisame was ranting. Nothing new, he did this occasionally.
"Shut it, or I'll slice you up into sushi, shark boy!"
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME? I'M NOT A SHARK!"
"You ARE. You have blue skin, and sharp teeth, and gill things."
"Grr... At least I'm not a freaky albino vampire priest!" Did he just call me a vampire? And an ALBINO?
"Hey, fuck you! At least I didn't get my ass kicked by some loser in green spandex! And he can't even remember your name!" At this, Kisame swung Samehada at me. I jumped out of the way. He's so slow!
"Haha! You can't even hit me! Shouldn't you be in your fish bowl, fishy?"
"Hidan. Kisame. Enough. Come look at this." Itachi finally spoke. I forgot he was even there. He and Kakuzu were looking at some things on Deidara's laptop. They were looking at an entire page filled with pictures of Sasori and Deidara!
"Does.. does he have boobs in that one?" Kakuzu asked, incredulous. Yes, Sasori had boobs in one of the pictures. Hah, bet you thought it was Deidara. Who am I talking to..?
"Holy shit. That takes 'tentacle rape' to a whole new level." Kisame commented, about another.
Suddenly, a loud BOOM sounded through the hideout, followed by a female scream. Then.. silence.
"I think they caught Konan." I stage-whispered. Kakuzu facepalmed.
"Congratulations, Hidan. You've been promoted from Freaky Vampire Priest to Captain Obvious." Kisame chuckled. Sasori and Deidara chose that moment to walk in, looking very pleased with themselves.
"I take it you got your revenge on Konan?" Kakuzu asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yep, un!" It was fucking scary, seeing Sasori all smiley. And with Deidara grinning madly... I had to ask.
"What the hell did you do to the paper bitch, Barbie?"
"I'm not a Barbie, un! And Danna tied her up, and I blew up all her clothes and shoes. Then we put on videos of her and that pink-haired bitch who killed Danna. Wait, Danna... if Pinky killed you, how are you alive, un?" I blinked. Barbie had a point. How was Pinocchio alive?
"I used a Defibrillate ring." Pinocchio stated. What the fuck? Is he high? He looks high.
"Are you high?" Barbie punched me! Fucking hell! I'm gonna sacrifice her/him/it to Jashin! "DON'T FUCKING PUNCH ME, BARBIE!"
"Why does everyone always think that I am high? I've never done drugs. Unlike Itachi."
"Sasori, we agreed on this. What happens in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas."
"But this wasn't Vegas, this was a random village."
"We still agreed on keeping this a secret." I'm confused. Is Pinocchio saying that Itachi Uchiha, pretty boy and one of the most serious people I know (and that's fucking saying something!)... has done drugs?
"Itachi-teme's done drugs, un?"
"..."
"Brat, let's go to bed. I'll tell you all about it."
"Hey! We want to know too!" Kisame yelled, indignantly.
"No. You. Don't." Itachi said, glaring.
"Actually, I want to know this too. I have a bet with Hidan on whether you've done drugs or not."
"Hey, I forgot about that! Jashin-dammit, I thought he'd be too much of a prissy-prissy to do drugs."
Itachi got up, glared at me and Kakuzu, and dragged Kisame out of the room.
I sighed, and looked at the clock that was on the wall. Even the Akatsuki need a clock.
Why was it backwards?
"Kakuzu, why is the fucking clock fucking backwards?"
"...You know what, I don't know. It was most likely Tobi deciding to have some fun." JASHIN DAMMIT! After a few minutes of trying to figure out the time, I finally worked out that it was about time for me to go sacrifice something to Jashin. I had a few captive ninja chained up in the dungeons for this purpose. Hopefully Zetsu hasn't eaten them all this time. I swear, if that plant fucker has done it AGAIN, I am going to spray him with weed-killer.
END CH. 1
Well? Review and tell me if you liked it or not. Reviewers will get Sharingan cookies.
Hidan: AND IF YOU DON'T REVIEW, I'LL SACRIFICE YOU TO JASHIN-SAMA!
Where the HELL did you come from?
Hidan: I dunno. This is YOUR story.
What happened to the fourth wall?
Hidan: Zetsu ate it.
-sighs- How does Pein put up with you all?
Hidan: Why do you think we hardly ever see him and Konan? We hear them enough, though.
Okay, TMI.
HANHULA uses DUCT TAPE on wild HIDAN!
It's super effective!
Wild HIDAN can no longer talk!
Wild HIDAN uses RUDE HAND GESTURES!
It's not very effective...
HANHULA uses KICK TO BALLS!
Wild HIDAN fainted!
HANHULA wins!