Wine & Mistletoe
a Law&Order: SVU story by RoadrunnerGER
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the idea for the story, a kudos to Dick Wolf's creation that we all enjoy so much.
Summary: How an innocent piece of greenery led to an epiphany… Barisi
A/N: Actually, this is not the first story that I wrote for SVU, but the first one I did after Elliot left, getting back into the fandom in last November.
I know it's a bit late for Christmas, but the idea only struck on New Year's and I didn't want to wait until next December. It also isn't beta-read, so in case you spot any grave error, feel free to let me know. Enjoy!
xXx
It was that time of year again that assistant district attorney Rafael Barba met with mixed emotions. Though he used to love the Christmas season, he nowadays rarely found it merry and bright.
From pictures that his abuelita showed him, he knew that he enjoyed anticipating Christmas evening as much as Christmas morning. One thing Catalina had repeatedly told him about, were the straws he put into the empty manger of the nativity set, one a day during the Advent. Rafael did not remember those first years of his life, some of which were still spent in Cuba. His actual recollection of childhood memories started with one of the first Christmas seasons in the Bronx.
Living in America now, confronted Rafael with a whole different culture and customs the young boy asked about at home. Fascinated as he was with what he learned about Santa Claus, stockings, and the gifts the sacred man brought, he asked if Santa Claus would come to him as well when they celebrated Christmas. His old man then taught him with quite plain measures what he thought about such non-christian customs, measures so plain, that young Rafael's butt smarted all through Advent Mass and Monday morning at school.
Growing up in the Bronx, Rafael often found himself on the receiving side of violence, at school, out in the streets, and even at home. Things became better when he made friends with Alex Muñoz, a boy from his school who showed him the ropes on the street. In return, Rafael helped him with school. Alex could not help him with his father. Through all those years, Christmas remained a purely religious feast for Rafael. Faithfully, he prepared for their Savior's birth during Advent, went to mass, and said his prayers. Occasionally, he caught glimpses of his friends families' traditions, but the overall hysteria about and cheerful anticipation of Christmas kept eluding him.
Due to his differences with señor Barba, teenage Rafael put most of his energy into his studies, graduated from college, and finally gained a scholarship at Harvard's Law School. Though his studies left hardly any time for a private life, it was at Harvard that Rafael learned to appreciate the finer things in life, to converse with upper class people, and make connections that would help with his career later. In his third year, he found an internship and his first long-term relationship with a woman, his fellow student Rita Calhoun.
During those years, his Christmas seasons were filled with work, going to the mass on Advent Sundays, and social obligations like the law firm's Christmas party. Thanks to Rita some of the modern Christmas spirit also became part of his life, and on Christmas morning, they exchanged Christmas gifts. While he still enjoyed the religious anticipation of Christmas Eve, as well as appreciated the time together with Rita as much as seeing her happy, he could never get the hang on the forced cheerfulness preceding the Holiday.
Sometimes, Rafael liked to think that his attitude might have changed if he had gotten married and got children, but that was something that he had not been granted so far, and he suspected that it was now too late to start, even if male couples were now allowed to adopt children.
So tonight was one of those unfortunate, obligatory Christmas parties that he had to attend and the only thing that made him not actually dread the event was that it was the Manhattan Special Victims Unit's Christmas party. Unlike the Department's Christmas party that was as much a social obligation as the NYPD charity ball or the DA's fundraiser, this get-together would at least be less formal and the time spent in company of people whom he felt much more connected to than to those of the so called upper class. Not that he would ever admit to the latter.
In reverse, less formal often meant that participants were expected to be much more cheerful than Rafael could muster. Everyone would be looking forward to an evening with food, drink, and music. Everyone would be relaxed. Everyone except Rafael. He could not help himself. Such organized cheer was not his thing, so he planned to stick close to Olivia and those detectives he most often worked with, Fin, Rollins, and Carisi.
Approaching the squad room, Rafael could already hear it: Christmas music. Not the hymns he grew up with but the most popular Christmas songs were playing. Right at that moment, that happened to be Frosty the Snowman. Admittedly, Rafael also knew and enjoyed some of the modern songs, but Frosty certainly was not on the list.
As soon as Rafael entered, he saw himself confronted with a broadly smiling Amanda Rollins who held out a glass of eggnog to him.
"Hello, Barba!" she cheerfully greeted. "Do you want a glass?"
"Good evening, Detective," he replied, agreeing dutifully, "One glass can't hurt."
After handing the offered drink to him, she swept away to help herself to a refill of her own glass. Inwardly, Rafael rolled his eyes, and greeted the rest of the squad that was gathered around the conference table.
"Great that you could make it," Olivia told him, scooting aside with her chair to make room for another seat for him. "You can place your portion for potluck over there," she motioned at Rollins' desk and then to another, "and your Yule package there."
Yule package...
Rafael drew a blank until he looked in the direction she indicated and saw a pile of newspaper-wrapped packages on Fin's desk. Right, I've heard about that. You wrap something up that you have no use of anymore and bring it as a gift. It's supposed to be fun.
Rafael brought neither food nor a gift.
"Already taken care of."
Turning to the hushed voice near his ear, Rafael just found an empty space. Confused, he sat down his suitcase under the buffet table and sidled over to the dining group. As Rafael took his place at Olivia's side, he furtively looked around. As predicted, everyone seemed to have fun. Only Rafael still could not find a way to feel the joyousness he pretended to experience. So he sipped at his eggnog, hoping that a bit of alcohol might relax him.
"Hello, Counselor."
Oh, I just know who this cheery voice belongs to, Rafael inwardly groaned, turning his head right in time to see Carisi pulling a chair in to sit on his other side. A wide grin split the detective's features as he held out his own glass to toast with the prosecutor.
Leaning towards the attorney, he queried in a hushed voice, "Is being a Grinch a requirement for the job as a prosecutor?"
"No..." Rafael groused, dreading the comeback that certainly was to follow.
"You should tell your face," Carisi smirked. "You look like you'd have sucked on a lime."
Scoffing, Rafael took a big gulp of eggnog. If you'd know what I'd like to suck on, you'd be more careful with such remarks.
Against all odds and better knowledge, Rafael found two reasons to actually go to the party: One being that he felt he owed it to the squad for the good cooperation and support, and two being Carisi. Last year the new guy on the team had made the party bearable for Rafael. How exactly, he could not even tell. Maybe it was because the junior detective also seemed like a bit of an outsider. They had ended up discussing the legal matters of current cases which made time pass quickly.
Now, one year later, Rafael soon had to realize, though, that Carisi was fully integrated by now. Before he could even consider a sassy return to the lime-comment, Carisi's attention was on somebody else's tale.
Drinking the last of his eggnog, Rafael sat between Olivia and Carisi, trying not to notice that the ridiculous Christmas sweater that the man wore over his dress shirt actually matched his eye color. Even the stylized reindeer and the storm of snowflakes that were stitched on its front were not as horrible as they should be. They just accentuated Carisi's joy in Christmas and seemed to mock Rafael because he still could not relax.
Getting up, he decided to fetch more alcohol. As he did not want eggnog and could not find scotch on the potluck buffet, he settled on red wine. Surprised, he noticed that it was a variety from his favorite vineyard and suspected that Olivia brought those bottles. Rafael filled a glass and set it down at his place before he continued to the restrooms.
Upon his return, he found the wine bottle standing next to his glass as well as a plate filled with a selection of salads and finger-food.
"Thanks, Liv," he told the lieutenant who absently nodded.
Olivia animatedly discussed something with Amanda and another two detectives whom Rafael only knew by sight. Fin sat too far away for Rafael to engage him in conversation. Carisi was nowhere to be seen.
In the background, White Christmas was playing. Over the chatter, Rafael could not clearly recognize if it was the Bing Crosby version, but it sounded good. At home, on his own, he might have sung along, but here, he could easily refrain from it. None of his co-workers would ever let him live it down if he allowed himself to get carried away to sing.
So Rafael examined the food on his plate that looked quite appetizing. Mozzarella sticks lay right beside small sausages wrapped in puff pastry, cookies that looked like mini pizza, and small bell peppers filled with cream cheese. The other half of the plate was filled with variations of potato salad as well as pasta salad. Rafael tried one with cheese tortellini as it seemed, tomatoes, and chicken and was surprised by a faint taste of balsamic vinegar. Though it looked like it required getting used to, he enjoyed a potato salad with peas, sweet pepper and tuna.
"Did you try the pizza cookies?"
Suddenly Carisi was back beside him, a full plate of his own in hand. While the detective waited on his reply, he began to eat.
Trying one of said cookies, Rafael replied, "They're good. Why?"
Leaning a bit closer, Carisi winked at him, "You brought them."
"I did?" Rafael chuckled.
"Yep," Carisi nodded, "I didn't know you can cook."
"It's more baking than cooking," Rafael corrected earnestly.
Grinning broadly, Carisi popped one of the cookies in his mouth. "I knew it was a good idea to give you the recipe."
"If you continue speaking with your mouth full, I'll have to charge you with indecent exposure."
Laughing out loud, Carisi threw his head back. It was such a carefree, infectious laugh that Rafael could not help but grin back. Sensing some of his tension bleed out of him, he took his glass and drank from his wine, which was as delicious as the homemade salads. Sipping on the full bodied red wine again, he kept it on his tongue for a moment before he swallowed.
"I brought the wine," Carisi casually remarked.
Did I hear right? Rafael cocked his head to the side, eyeing the younger man intently.
"Did Liv tip you off?"
Carisi shook his head, his grin softening to a warm smile, "I'm a trained detective."
That's true, Rafael thought. And a good one. I just never thought that you would even think it necessary to figure out which wine I like. Did you notice when you shadowed me for your studies? I don't think so.
Rafael had to admit that he liked it.
"Rafael, did you put your Yule gift on the desk?" Olivia asked.
Only then, Rafael realized that she could not have been the one who brought it in his stead. Carisi told him that he contributed the pizza cookies he made, so it was not such a long stretch to assume that he also wrapped the gift for him.
Feeling himself nod at Olivia, Rafael wrecked his mind about why the detective should do that. The chorus' lyrics of Grandma got run over by a reindeer distracted him from his musings.
Amanda stood from the table and declared that they wanted to begin with the Yule gift game. She passed a shaker with two dices to Det. Morris who sat left to her and explained that everyone who rolled a six could go and pick one of the gifts. Lively chatter and laughter filled the room while the SVU detectives played. One after the other rolled the dices and occasionally, one stood to get a package. It was Rafael's third turn to roll when one of the two dices showed a six. An unexpected joy filled him as he got up to pick out one of the gifts. Proudly, he took it to his place at the conference table and sat back down. Johnny Mathis' Sleigh Ride began to play and Carisi sang along, which made Rafael smile wistfully as he denied himself such exuberance. A few more packages were left and, accompanied by good-natured cursing when still no six wanted to come as well as cheering when it did, the squad played another ten minutes.
Once everyone got a gift, Olivia stood from her place.
"I don't want to hold a long speech," she began, "I just want to say that we've mastered a challenging year. Through all the ups and downs this squad stood together and I'm proud to call you my team. Thank you. A Merry Christmas to us all."
"God bless us, every one."
Everyone's look focused on Carisi who just shrugged the amused gazes off.
"Charles Dickens," Rafael muttered as he began to peel at the tape on his package. "You strike me as the kind of guy who knows A Christmas Carol by heart."
"Not by heart," Carisi warded off, "but pretty well. My favorite is the 1984 movie with George C. Scott."
"I see," Rafael drawled. "The art of reading is totally overrated."
"I save it for law books," Carisi winked at him and pulled the newspaper wrapping off his package to reveal... "Oh, Jeez!" he laughed at the bright pink octopus mug. Two big eyes stared at him and the tentacles with lime green suckers wound around the body, one forming the mug's handle. "That's terrific!"
As Rafael pried the paper open more carefully, he could first peek inside before the others spotted it, and he did a double take. What a freaking coincidence!
"You like it?" he prodded the detective.
"Actually, I find octopuses fascinating."
"Want this one, too?" Rafael snickered, removing the paper fully to show him a matching octopus mug in a light blue color with equally lime suckers.
Carisi was not the only one of the group who had to laugh at the peculiar gift. Leaning in to Rafael, he whispered in his ear, "Its giving me ideas..."
Ideas? What ideas?
Carisi did not elaborate, though, getting up so he could better see what his co-workers had unwrapped. Fin got off easy this year with a glass candle holder and a box of chocolates. Amanda hit it harder with a plunger and a pedestal mat. The bag with peanuts and clementines that came with them did not make it much better.
Olivia unwrapped something that she would not have use for for several years to come, meaning until Noah was big enough to wear them: suspenders and a pair of cuff-links. Grinning, she nudged Rafael's side.
"Did you bring those?" she teased.
Glancing at her gift, he shook his head, "No."
"Do you want them?"
"I don't assume you want mine in exchange?" he asked back. Rafael could not deny that he would have much more use for the accessories as for the octopus mug. Knowing that Carisi had a similar mug, though, he could not imagine giving the blue octopus away.
"You can keep it," Olivia snickered, still shoving her present in his direction. "Take them. I bet they'll look great on you."
"Thank you."
If he was honest with himself, he could see that as well. The round, engraved silver cuff-links could adorn any of his suits, and the burgundy suspenders might match his cream colored suit. He even had a matching tie at the back of his mind already. They even look new. Why would anyone give them away? Maybe they were a present and the detective did not like them.
"Nice," Carisi remarked. "Try them on?"
"Nah..." Rafael declined. "Doesn't match the tie."
"I should've known," Carisi laughed and reached for the wine bottle. Instead of pouring some in his own glass, he first filled Rafael's. "I really loved that tortellini salad," he declared, standing up, his plate in hand. "Do you want something?"
"I think I'll have a look at the buffet this time," Rafael replied and followed Carisi over to the desk that nearly bent under the food piled up on it. The large variety of dishes made it difficult to choose. He could see that Carisi did not have the same problem as his plate quickly filled until it could hold no more. Amused, Rafael wondered where the lean detective left all that food. Being more cautious himself, he selected a few spoonful of two salads, an onion bun, and three veggie balls. The bun turned out to be so great that he asked who contributed it, learning that Det. Beale's wife made them. Complimenting them, he tried to hide his disappointment at not being able to get them again.
While Rafael continued his meal, Carisi left his place to go over to Beale and ask him if he could have the recipe for the buns. His colleague promised to send it via email.
Rafael did not notice any of it, finally engaging in a conversation with Olivia. They talked animatedly, finishing their plates and having more wine. Feeling back on familiar terrain, Rafael lost some of his tension, even enjoying a jazzy version of Santa Claus is coming to town.
Carisi returned with two dessert bowls, placing one in front of him.
"Thanks," Rafael told him, accepting the spoon. Carisi smiled at him but did not touch his dessert. "What?" Rafael prodded, feeling watched. Carisi just shrugged.
Fine, Rafael inwardly grumbled and took a spoonful of tiramisu, expecting nothing spectacular, but that was exactly what happened. The richness of texture and intense explosion of flavors on his tongue surprised him.
"Wow," he blurted out.
Beside him, Carisi grinned and finally dug into his own dessert.
"You made this?" Rafael asked and Carisi nodded, his mouth full, spoon still sticking in his broad grin. A look that set off a swarm of butterflies in the counselor's stomach.
Oh no, that's highly inappropriate, Rafael reprimanded himself. Forget about it. Nothing would ever come out of it anyway.
Somehow, he questioned the wisdom of coming to the party.
"It's delicious," he muttered.
"Thanks," Carisi grinned around another mouthful of tiramisu.
Before Rafael could come up with something else, Carisi was absorbed in another conversation. A ridiculous pang of jealousy hit Rafael.
What the hell? We're not in a relationship. I have no reason to be jealous when somebody else is having Sonny's attention. His thought made him backpedal. I also have no reason to call him 'Sonny'. At that, a small, traitorous part in the back of his mind cut in, Except in some fantasies... or should I say especially in some fantasies?
Rafael had to flee to the restroom.
Upon his return, he ran into Fin who asked if he enjoyed the party.
"Yeah," Rafael agreed. "Yeah, it's nice."
"Those octopuses really took the cake," Fin snickered. "You want to keep yours?"
"Why?" Rafael shot back. "Do you want it?"
"Jeez, no!" the detective laughed. "I wonder who was its spender."
"I think I'll keep it as a reminder,"Rafael decided, realizing that he really meant it. It would always remind him of tonight as well as the fact that Sonny had one, too. The imagined picture of Sonny drinking from it would stay with him from now on.
For a moment, they talked about one of their recent cases before Fin headed on to the restroom and Rafael strolled back to his seat, collecting just a small bowl of tiramisu on his way. While he consumed it, he kept thinking about Sonny.
I still can't believe that Sonny prepared both a potluck dish and a Yule gift for me, anticipating that I would forget about them. Actually, I don't even recall that it was mentioned when I was invited. Who told me about it this year? Olivia? Or was it Carisi?
He brought the wine as well. He figured out what I would like and purchased it for tonight.
A familiar warmth spread in him that he had not felt for a long time.
Without wanting to allege anything, I can't help but wonder if he did not pack up the suspenders. There would be easier ways to give them to me. Sonny had no way of knowing who would pick the package after all.
And why the hell should he go to such efforts?
Rafael decided not to care and enjoy his company instead.
Well into the night, the party drew to an end. Several detectives had already left when Fin excused himself. Now only Olivia, Amanda, Sonny, and Rafael were left. When Olivia declared that she would call it a night, the others decided to leave as well. They packed up their gifts and empty food containers and got their jackets. Rafael was done first and waited at the entrance to the squad room. Sonny stepped up to him first, carrying all the bags. Looking back to see if the ladies were coming, he found them whispering to each other and breaking into giggles.
"What?" he asked.
Still giggling, Amanda pointed at something above him. Sonny looked up...
"Oh."
Startled by the detective's amused tone, Rafael followed his gaze to discover a bough of mistletoe.
"Yeah, very funny," Rafael huffed.
"It's a tradition," Sonny argued, putting the bags he carried on the floor beside him.
"You won't!" Scandalized, Rafael made a step backwards, running into the door frame. Judging by the huge, mischievous grin on Sonny's face, he would.
"Yes, c'mon!" Amanda pleaded, giving them puppy dog eyes.
"Please, no," Rafael turned to her sourly. Are you out of your mind? This might be your only chance! He scowled at his subconscious.
"Counselor?"
The familiar address made Rafael look back to Carisi. His grin had faded to a soft smile that instantly got to Rafael. How could he say no?
Easily, given the witnesses.
Rafael wanted to speak, but no sound came over the lips of his suddenly dry mouth.
"He's good at it!" Amanda promised. "His undercover kisses have convinced them all."
"Undercover?"
Sonny quirked his brows apologetically. "I've kissed men undercover. Looks like they're out for a live-show."
'Not with me', Rafael wanted to shoot back but it died in his throat at seeing the look in Sonny's eyes. Hell, I want it! Judging by the soft smile tugging on the detective's lips now and the twinkle in his blue eyes, Sonny wanted it as well. The interest that Rafael saw reflected in his features scared him. Every thought that he had had about what Sonny had done for him tonight shot through his mind again but he still could not come to a conclusion.
"Ki-iss! Ki-iss!" Rollins' drunken singsong egged them on.
Don't! Rafael panicked inside his head at seeing the intent in the other man's eyes. Don't open Pandora's box!
Too late.
Sensing Carisi's long-fingered hands alight on the sides of his neck, gently tugging him in, Rafael felt his resolve crumble. Their lips touched and...
Bliss!
A bolt of desire shot through Rafael's system and his hands up to cup Sonny's head. Feeling his fingers thread in the blond strands, he lost himself in the prickling emotions that rose in him.
Neither of the men noticed the sobering effect that they had on the ladies. Amanda's eyes grew wide with astonishment as she watched the kiss become deeper and more heated than any undercover kiss had ever looked. Olivia's brows shot up with surprise as well, but then a knowing smile cracked her features. Elbowing Amanda, she urged her to leave, but the detective was glued to the spot.
"Don't be rude," Olivia whispered, taking her by the arm and pulling her with her, past the oblivious couple and to the elevator.
Rafael was still lost in the kiss when he belatedly noticed that it was over. Opening his eyes, he met Sonny's blue orbs and choked.
Did I misread him? Was it just an 'undercover kiss' as Rollins called it?
Uncertain all of a sudden, he all but shrank in on himself.
Sonny on the other hand was stunned to see the usually so sassy prosecutor falter with insecurity. Keeping one hand level with Rafael's head, he caressed his cheek with a thumb. The faint stubble tickled and sent sparks of desire from his fingertips to his very core.
"What are you doing?" Rafael rasped.
"We should've done this ages ago," Sonny replied, smiling softly in an attempt to chase the doubt away that clouded the other man's features. Tentatively, he rested his free hand on Rafael's hip, sliding it up and around to rest it on the small of his back, the motion keeping them close together. Cocking his head to the side, he murmured seductively, "We're still standing under the mistletoe."
We are.
Rafael felt a tremor run through him as Sonny tugged him closer again. Long fingers behind his head kept him from shying back. At the same time, he wondered why he would want to shy back. Was this not what he had dreamed about so often that it hurt? Over and over again, he had told himself that pursuing Sonny Carisi romantically was useless until he believed it. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine that the detective might return his feelings.
Once more, their lips met, tentatively at first. Sonny was much more careful this time as if he was afraid he could scare him away.
The only thing Rafael was actually afraid of right now was that he opened his eyes and found Sonny gone, that he had only imagined the kiss - wait, kisses! - and he was once more left out in the cold.
It was then that he felt soft lips leave his own and unease crept into his stomach.
"What are you so scared of?" Sonny murmured against his cheek, breathing another kiss onto it.
Yes, what?
After a moment of contemplation, all the while being intensely aware of the gentle hold on his head and body, Rafael settled on, "I'm afraid to wake."
Still being so close, Rafael could feel the chuckle that ran through Sonny.
"Then it's good that you're not asleep," Sonny murmured, hugging him even tighter and planting another kiss on his lips. Less tentative but purposeful and becoming more passionate by the second, it lured away some more of Rafael's reluctance until he kissed back.
"Promising," Sonny smirked as they parted to get some air.
Rafael was left wordless.
"What's threat assessment saying?" Sonny asked, his turned on tone not wanting to fit with the sudden change of subject. "Do you need protective detail tonight?"
For a long moment, Rafael felt like his mind was short-circuited as it refused to catch on to what Sonny was asking. When he did, though, his mouth went dry.
"Definitely," he hoarsely replied.
"At such short notice it'll be hard to get someone," Sonny told him with a crooked grin. "So I guess, you'll be stuck with me for the time being."
"I'm devastated," Rafael shot back dryly.
"I have no choice," Sonny told him gravely, but with an underlying lecherousness that made Rafael's skin tingle. "As long as you're in danger, I have to do full one-on-one defense."
"That'll be best," Rafael croaked. I croaked! I actually croaked! He did not mind. By now, his body was feeling funny things, and that was not due to the wine he had consumed.
"Good that we agree about that," Sonny smirked. "Let's take you home then, Counselor."
Never before had his title sounded so sexy and Rafael basked in it.
Captivated by Sonny's eyes which seemed as dark as ripe blueberries in the twilight of the corridor, Rafael could not find it in himself to move. Suddenly, they were gone, and he needed the moment until they returned to realize that Sonny had just bent down to pick up their bags.
Shocked was the best word to describe what Rafael had felt during those seconds. Shock at the possibility that he might lose this treasure.
"Andiamo, bello?"
For Rafael, those Italian words rolled off Sonny's tongue like honeydew, and he wanted to taste them, let them linger, and keep them in his heart. Though he did not know their exact meaning, he understood what Sonny meant and nodded.
Reaching out for him, Rafael found Sonny's hand and interlaced their fingers. One of those adorable, dimpled smiles cracked the detective's features, melting the remains of whatever reluctance Rafael might still have felt. Looks like this will be a wonderful Christmas after all. Though Sonny tugged on his hand, he paused a last time to reach up and pluck the mistletoe from its place above the door.
Seeing Sonny cast him a skeptical look, he quirked one eye brow at him, "Por las dudas, querido."
Laughing, because he was pretty certain that they would not need the piece of greenery, Sonny led Rafael to the elevator.
The End
A/N: Andiamo, bello? - Are we going, darling? / Por las dudas, querido - Just in case, sweetheart