A/N: Hey guys! Just a quick fun one-shot about this show's most underrated character, Nate. I love him so much - he's such a tool. SPOILER ALERT FOR FUTURE EPISODES: This takes place after Lewis leaves the show (Yes, if you didn't know he leaves, busy filming Packed to the Rafters! Older H2O fans should check it out it's cute!) and after Rikki breaks up with Zane. Title taken from his oh-so creative "Ladies" song from Season 3 Episode 3.
Amber Grosenberg is my own…very attractive creation. Enjoy her.
Summary: Nate goes on the prowl for a lady… and strikes out. Songfic for Family Force 5's song "Love Addict." Enjoy! Shorter summary: Nate is a huge creeper.
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I popped my collar and gave myself a wink in the mirror. I deserved it, I was looking pretty irresistible if I do say so myself.
"Yeah! Get ready to eat your heart out, ladies." I grinned and blinked down at the sink. My hand skimmed over the aftershave, past the cologne and deodorant and stopped at the absolute good, the guaranteed chick magnet: AXE body spray. I picked up the can and flipped it in my hand then stood back, shut my eyes and started spraying. After only a whole minute the spray stopped and I frowned – it had run out. I chucked the empty can in the bin and shrugged. It didn't matter – the ladies would be all over me anyhow. There was a room full of potential girlfriends waiting for me at this party; single ladies in need of some Nate-loving. Yeah: tonight was Nate's night.
Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it!
Doctor, Doctor, I've got an emergency
It seems I'm head over heels, a case of L-O-V-E
It's like I'm glowing inside
Yeah, a light I can't hide
And if this feeling is bad then I don't wanna be right
What I've got in my soul gives me the highest delight
Oh yeah it's better than drugs
In fact it's sent from above, huh huh
I head off down the stairs and gave myself another wink in the closet mirror before I left, 'Lookin' hot Nate old buddy. Tonight is your night, mate!'
"NATHAN!"
I sighed and grit my teeth a little, "YES, MUM?!" I shouted back up the stairs.
"DON'T FORGET YOUR MEDICATION; YOU KNOW HOW PUFFY YOU GET WHEN THAT RASH FLARES UP!"
I groaned, "OKAY, MUM!"
"AND DON'T FORGET TO BRUSH THE DANDRUFF OFF YOUR BACK THIS TIME! I WANT TO BE A GRANDMOTHER AT SOME POINT!"
This actually made me stop. I looked down at my shoulders and sure enough… moms are always right, even if it happens to be about the embarrassing stuff. I quickly brushed and shook the white flakes away.
"DONE, MUM. BYE!" I pushed my way out the door and grumbled, "And I'm only 18, mother; Christ on a cracker…" I shut the door behind me before she could say anything else and jumped in the car. Oh yeah; Nate is back on the prowl. Look out, ladies! Here I come.
Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it!
Hey, Can't kick the habit
Yeah, I got to have it
Yeah, I 'm what they call a
Love addict, Love addict
Hey, can't live without it
Yeah, G'on shout about it
Hey, I'm a symptomatic
Love addict, Love addict
I shoved through the door like I owned the place. There was a ton of people in the room and I was pretty happy with the guy-to-girl ratio. I had this in the bag, and these girls were practically here waiting just for me. None of them turned around when I walked in, but that doesn't matter. I knew they wanted me. I started scouting immediately and found Cleo sitting at a table next to the dance floor with a drink: Target sighted.
'Bingo!' I slipped through the crowd and slid into the seat next to her, "Hey hot-stuff – ready to make room in your life for The NateMan?"
She jumped and I guess she wasn't expecting to see me. I bet she was pleasantly surprised. She gave me a look that anyone else would have read as disgust, but I knew what it really meant – she wanted me.
"Nate, Lewis has been gone for like…4 days. Please tell me you're joking?"
"I never joke about love, sweetcheeks. What d'you say you and I pick up where you know you've been wanting to leave off?" I gave her my best smile and she gave me another look and stood up.
"Grow up, Nate. And you smell like a locker room." She walked off with her drink.
I threw my arms up and watched her walk, "Baby, that's just my musk!"
Need a refill cause I just can't get enough
I've got a fever, oh yeah, and the prescription is love
So lay the truth on me
Cause that is all that I need
Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it!
Hey, Can't kick the habit
Yeah, I got to have it
Yeah, I 'm what they call a
Love addict, Love addict
Hey, can't live without it
Yeah, G'on shout about it
Hey, I'm a symptomatic
Love addict, Love addict
Bella. The new girl, a total sweetheart and the hottest girl in school. I had known from the very beginning that she was using the band as an excuse to get close to me and what can I say? I couldn't blame her. I popped up behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist. She immediately pulled back and turned to look at me – good move, darling; I would want to look at me, too.
"Hey, Bella – looking good tonight, looking…" I looked her up and down, "very good!"
"Oh… Heh. Thanks, Nate. You, uh… you smell interesting."
I threw my arm back around her shoulder, "That's just my musk, baby – I'm 100% man. So… you wanna make out?"
"Oh… Uh, well no… No. No, thanks… I'm going to run to bathroom. See you!"
She'd circle back. Eventually they all circle back. No one can resist my pull for that long. I felt somebody come up behind me and I had the sudden sensation that I was being sniffed. I whirled around to see Amber Grosenberg and froze: all 2 meters, 95 kg of her, with her gaggle of weirdo uggo friends behind her. Her red hair was in its usual pigtails and also as usual, she was sweating profusely and I could make constellations by connecting the dots on her face. I gulped. She was breathing hard right in my face and the girl needed a breath-mint or twelve. Her shirt was tucked into her pants in one spot and she wore thick yellow socks under her sandals. How did she find me?! How does she always find me?! How did they even find out about this party? How did they even know what a party was?
"I appreciate your musk, Nate." She breathed strictly through her mouth and I shuddered. Before I could run for it she ran her hands all over my chest and closed her eyes. Holding back my urge to puke, I yanked away and hurried back through the crowd.
'Eww…'
I'm blessed, I must confess
My heart is pounding in my chest
Cause this love's the best
I'm just a love addict
Ohh, and just the thing to make up for the ug-fest I had just escaped! Walking towards me was the hottest little firecracker around – who cares if she had just broken up with my best friend? It's not like he was here.
"Rikki, Rikki, Rikki! It's—"
"Don't even try it, Nate – not even in your sad, lonely little dreams." She didn't even stop walking.
"Whatever babe, you know you want it!" I called after her. I slid onto a stool at the bar and leaned back on it on my elbows. The hot exchange chick from Spain was sitting to my left chatting with one of her equally-as-hot girlfriends and I grinned at her. I began my elegant courting and stared at her. It may have taken her a few minutes but she looked up. I winked at her and gave her my come-hither smirk. She glanced at her friend and they both slid off their stools and disappeared into the crowd.
'Hm. Must've been too much man for the two of them to handle…' But as they got up, I caught who was staring at me from just the other side of them and froze. She stood up and waddled over to me before I could squirm away from the bar. I felt my eyes bulge and I shrank back against the counter as the huge, hulking form of Amber Grosenberg towered in front of me breathing heavily through her mouth. I gulped; I was trapped.
Coming down with something outrageous
Lookout now cause it so contagious
This feeling's got me reeling
So amped up that I hit the ceiling
Gotta clear my throat
Huh huh, now I gotta have some more
"Hi sweetcheeks… Wanna make out?"
Hold up, wait a minute, put a little love in it!
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A/N: Haha, oh, Nate. When will you learn? Hopefully, never 3 Hope you guys enjoyed this! Feel free to drop a message or a review, and feel free to make requests as well. Oh, and here's some cool news! I'm a Featured Beauty Contributor for associated content now so I may be a little busier, but as always I will still be quick to respond to reviews, messages, requests and collaborations : ] Take care, everyone!