Never...?

"So tell us, Ez," J D was bouncing slightly in his seat, "how old are you today?"

"Now really, Mister Dunne," Ezra said mildly, "surely you understand, a gentleman never tells."

"Gentleman?" Buck cocked his head, thought about saying something unwise... and then said it. "Since when?"

"Since I was taught how to spell it, of course, a birthday long ago."

How long?" J D bounced again, doggedly.

"An' ain't it a lady never tells? Ez, we know you do a pretty fair female -"

"Fairly ugly," Vin mumbled.

"- But still -"

Ezra narrowed his eyes at Vin, then at them all, and said nothing.

"C'mon, Ez," J D did his best wheedle - and very good it was - and pushed more of Nettie's best whisky-laced 'birthday' cake at him, pushing Vin's greedy fingers away as he did. "Tell."

"What've ya got to hide?" Nathan asked lazily, snatching the cake before Vin could retaliate.

Ezra blinked. "Is that a serious question? And if so, how long do you have?"

"Seriously, Ezra."

"A gentleman..." Ezra stopped, meeting their frankly skeptical gazes. "Let me rephrase that, then, rather more simply. A gentleman never tells... on a lady."

Buck sat up immediately. "A lady?"

"Especially a lady like... mah mother."

Josiah sat up, rather more slowly, but the gleam in his eye was frankly terrifying. "The lovely Maude...?"

"Ahhh, that would be her, yes. Mother has, after all, been just a shade more than forty for quite a while now -"

"Forty?" Nathan blinked. "No offense, Ezra, but -"

"For quite a while."

"An' just how much would that 'quite' be?" Chris, slouched down behind his black hat, murmured.

"I would never presume to keep count, Mister Larabee. After all," with a wicked grin, "I believe you once said there were a couple of ladies you were scared of -"

"None of them bein' your ma."

"For now. Do you really want to challenge that?"

Their eyes met - Chris's lips twitched. "Nah."

"Precisely. I daresay none of you gentlemen would tell, but knowing her as I do, I feel sure she would hear." Ezra lifted his glass in mocking salute, though whether to them or the absent matriarch was uncertain. "My regard for y'all does not extend to shielding you from the wrath of the dear lady. Let's just say what you don't know won't hurt all of us, and call it my birthday present - to you."

"Yeah, Ezra," Chris matched the mockery, "You're all heart."

- the end -