Author's Note: I'M STILL ALIVE!
So I kind of went inactive for a while... that's because I lost internet and then I had to do midterms and I kind of forgot about fanfiction for a while. Don't worry though! I'm working on the next installments of my current projects! Patience is a virtue when dealing with me!
This is a pointless drabble that kind of reflects Tsuna's emotions on having his flame forced away when he was a child. I may redo this peice because it's mostly ineligible (to me, at least).
[Wait, if it's ineligible, why are you posting it?]
BECAUSE MY READERS HAVEN'T HEARD FROM ME!
[And whose fault is that?]
NOT MINE!
[Uh-huh. Keep deluding yourself.]
I don't even want to hear the backsass coming from you. You're a figment of my imagination! So there! Okay... enough of my rabble. On with this drabble!
Sometimes, when he is alone and Reborn is dead asleep to the world, he allows himself to think. Sometimes, he allows himself to fall into the seemingly never-ending pattern of 'what ifs' and 'why nots'. It is in those moments of clarity that, for one brief moment, Tsuna can bring himself to outright hate his father and the Ninth for the unintentional damage they caused—at least… he hoped it was unintentional… because he'd honestly hate to figure out that they weren't looking out for his well being, that they truly didn't care if the Vongola fell or rose anymore.
Reflecting on it now, it had seemed so innocent at the time—when the Ninth sealed away what made him a Vongola. It had been a simple flicker of the flame that he prided himself in, no big deal… or so they would think. To Tsuna, it had been so much more… not that they really knew that. To Tsuna, he could remember feeling a sense of helplessness as what made him him was ripped away from his grasp too fast for him to do anything about it. He remembered the burn, the unusual itch, of having his flames taken away.
He remembered feeling like half of him was just completely gone.
He never told his father but he remembers clearly that that had been the turning point. That had been when he stopped caring whether the man lived or died because of how wrong not having that piece of him made him feel.
But he reminds himself that it was unintentional and the ache dims, just a little bit. He reminds himself that the Ninth didn't know that it would cause him to be an outcast, that it would make it so he couldn't retain knowledge the way he would have otherwise.
Because if they did know… Tsuna thinks that… maybe, just maybe… that meant they knew that Timoteo's sons would die too… and that Tsuna didn't have a choice in taking up the Vongola Mantle.
And that would be too much for him to bear.
That would be his breaking point.
But the thoughts are still there, weighing heavily in the back of his mind and he can't help but wonder.
'Do they know how much they've hurt me? Do they…?'
Owari.
Instead of working on homework, I write. Go figure?
Thanks for reading~!