"James Potter What do you think you're playing at?" Professor McGonagal's mouth was tight with fury, and her eyes were on fire with malice, as she peered down at James, speaking in a very accusatory tone. Sirius sniggered, from where he was sitting next to his best friend. Remus and Peter turned around from their position in front of the pair, and before long the whole class had their eyes fixed on James, and McGonagal, who was staring down at his wand, and the dog that he was meant to be transfiguring, in slight disbelief.
James looked up at her, and pleaded her with hopeless eyes to make less fuss this time. Sirius stopped laughing. There was something wrong. He had thought that James wasn't doing the work on purpose, like they always did, just to spite the teachers, but it seemed to be more than that. Under normal circumstances, for example, James would now be ruffling his hair arrogantly, and looking across the room to where Lily Evans sat with her friends, to see if they found his antics mildly amusing and luring.
He wasn't, however, do any of these things, which was what got Sirius and the other marauders a little scared. Remus looked at James' hopeless face, and racked his brain for answers about whatever was happening. He came out with nothing. Lily Evans was also quite shocked at the lack of attention that James was trying to suck out of the situation. He hadn't even glanced her way, or…was she imagining it? Was he actually avoiding her gaze?
"Potter?" McGonagal said again, sterner this time, also puzzled by his quiet approach, but determined not to be fooled by it. James and Sirius had planted many trickier schemes than this, and letting her guard down would not be good for her well being.
James looked up, sadly, and tried to put a smile on his face. "Sorry Professor. I don't know why I can't do it. I'm tired I guess."
"Tired, Potter? That's not good enough. I am tired of the pranks that you and your friends play relentlessly on the staff and I, however, the mere fact that I am tired of them doesn't stop them from happening, does it?" she said, smirking. James cursed himself inwardly for being an arrogant berk. Sirius let out a tiny laugh at McGonagal's words, and James groaned, and cursed himself inwardly for his friends being arrogant berks.
"I know Professor, I just-"
"You just thought that you would perform the spell now in front of the class?" she prompted, and James' heart sank. He stuck out his wand, and said the incantation, focusing as hard as he could on transforming his dog into a kitten, straining his brain much harder than he did when performing any magic, including the transformations that he mad into a stag, which was definitely more complex transfiguration than that of the puppy that was staring up at him, growling softly, it's tiny green eyes mocking him in a way that no one else knew or understood.
"Potter?" McGonagal said again, looking down at him. James looked back up, biting his lip, and she saw that the boys eyes were shiny with unshed tears. He pushed his lips into a hard line and stared at her.
"I cant Professor. Sorry." He said, gruffly, before looking down at his desk determinedly. Lily and Remus exchanged looks of shock and Sirius just stared at his best friend, scared and confused.
"What was all that about?" Sirius asked James when they left the classroom a few minutes later. Remus and Peter struggled to keep up with them, James walking abnormally fast from the room, slamming his feet in frustration in every step.
"James?" Remus said, catching up and walking next to James, letting out a groan of irritation as James sped up even more.
"Don't worry Moony, just having an off day, that's all." James said, trying to be casual but wrecking the image slightly by kicking the edge of the wall as they turned the corner and headed up the stairs to go to charms class. Charms class.
"I don't feel well." James announced, turning to face his three friends, "I think I'll go up to the Dorm."
"I'll come-"
"No Padfoot, it's fine, I can go by myself." James said, and set off, deflated up to Griffindore Tower.
"Shit." Muttered James, when he turned the corner and found himself face to face with Lily Evans. Lily trued to give him a small smile, feeling sorry for the embarrassment that he had been put through last period. As much as he annoyed her she had top pity him for the hollow look that crossed his face when the class had laughed at him. Of course, those who had had been payed back sorely by Sirius Black when they had left the class room, and were now hopping down the halls due to a very inventive enchantment, however, James knew nothing of that, and so the tiny smile was all that she had to give him.
"You ok?" she asked him. James smiled awkwardly.
"Yeah, you know, I was just pretending, I could have turned McGonagal into a cat if I wanted to Evans. But I don't even have to do that to make you purr, if only you'd-"
"You don't ever change Potter, you prick." She said, grabbing her friend by the arm, who gave James a scared sort of glance and followed Lily closely. James looked as though she had slapped him. Then the waves of what he had said came crashing over him in startling realisation, and he groaned loudly.
The hall way was deserted, and James grabbed the nearest wall and proceeded to bash his head against it unceremoniously,
Why do I have to be such an idiot? Make her purr? I'm an idiot! Why the hell do I say that crap?
James continued to cause his head to collide with the hard stone, only realised that this was probably not such a good idea, and seeing as he could hardly do magic any more he had better not damage his good looks or he would have nothing.
Have nothing? James thought to himself, the annoying little voice in his head that scolded him piping up again like a demon. You don't have Lily. Does anything else even matter?
James walked the rest of the way up to the dormitory, and threw himself onto his bed.
He took his wand out of his pocket, and muttered the first incantation that came into his head.
"Lumos." James whispered, focusing hard. Nothing. Not even the tingling feeling that a wizard got when a spell coursed through their body. Not even a whisper of light escaped the end of his wand. Only the empty feeling that came from mulling over thoughts of Lily Evans was left within him. James sighed. He needed help. He needed Remus.
"Oi, oi Sirius." James whispered into his mirror, and almost instantly Sirius' face appeared in the tiny hand mirror that he and Sirius each had counterparts of.
"Yeah? You ready to spill now."
"I hate myself. I hate the stupid words that come out of my stupid mouth."
"Come on mate, sometimes those words are funny.
"Not everyone thinks so. I need to talk to Remus."
"Ok, hold on."
"No, not through the mirror, I really need advice Padfoot."
"We have double charms!"
"I know, I'm desperate."
"Ok Prongs, hold on a minute." Sirius finished. And before the mirror went black again, James was sure that he heard a loud thud, and an incoherent scream.
"What the ruddy hell did you do that for? Bloody hell, I have a bloody bad head ache now!"
"Oh No! Remus HAS A HEAD ACHE. I will have to take him to the hospital wing, wont I Professor?" Sirius said loudly Remus gave him a scandalised look.
"What the-?"
"No Mr Black, I think that given your record, it's not wise to let you out of the classroom again. Miss Evans, will you kindly accompany Remus to the hospital wing?" Professor Flitwick asked, his squeaky voice rising even higher at the thought of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black set loose during class time. Especially since James Potter was mysteriously absent. Lily noticed this as well.
"James too embarrassed to show up to charms then?" Lily asked Remus, as they headed up to the hospital wing, after a muttered explanation from Sirius that James needed to see him in their dormitory.
Remus noted the bitter tone in Lily's voice.
"Oh dear, what has he done now?" he asked, resigned to the worst.
"Told me that he can 'make me purr,'" laughed Lily spitefully, adopting a harsh deep voice when she acted out the part of James Potter. Remus groaned, and then turned it into a laugh.
"He really does like you though Lily." He said, finally.
"No Remus, he doesn't. He likes the idea of me. He likes the fact that he hasn't gone out with me. He likes the chase, and that's all Remus." She explained, tired. Remus knew that this wasn't true, and that a man with merely a school boy crush wouldn't have done everything from sending anonymous roses on Valentines day to investigate about someone's muggle family, though he thought it best not to mention any of this, one, because Lily was in such a bad mood over James' last attempt to woo her, and two, because most of these details made it sound as though James was stalking her, which might have been off putting, even if it were rather accurate.
"Well, we're here." Lily said, stopped abruptly. Remus looked where they were. "The hospital wing?" Lily said, raising her eyebrow at him, smiling as though Remus were crazy.
"Shit! Er, no, I didn't actually want to come here. Well, I did want to come here, I just, I wasn't meant to."
"You don't have a head ache?" Lily asked, confused. Remus' head throbbed, where Sirius hit him.
"Well, yes, but I need to go and see James, that's why Sirius hit me over the head."
"Why couldn't you have just lied and said that you had a head ache? Was it really necessary for him to give you one?" Lily asked, exasperated. Remus held his hand to the back of his head gingerly.
"Yes, well, we all know Sirius. He hasn't always been a logical thinker, has he?" Remus laughed. Lily sighed.
"Well, if you're going up there then I might as well come. I don't feel like going back to charms anyway." Lily said, and Remus let her follow, thinking that at least it might cheer James up if he brought Lily along.
"Oh Shit." James said, when Lily and Remus stepped into their dormitory.
"Hello to you too James, and I would like to thank you for coming all the way up here, with a throbbing head, and even bringing you a visitor!" Remus said, sarcastically, and James picked his head up slightly from the bed, where he had thrown himself backward onto upon seeing the pair who had entered the room.
"No no Remus, thankyou and all that, but, well..." Remus raised his eyebrows at James, and let out a short snort of a laugh.
"Yes?" he said, thinking that James had a sore way of showing that he was grateful about finally having Lily Evans sitting in his dormitory. She was now resting herself on Sirius' bed, flicking through a book that was on Remus' dresser.
"Nothing, nothing." James said, sadly.
"So?" Remus said, sitting on the end of James bed, and staring down at him. James sputtered.
"Well, back in transfiguration, I didn't know what it was that had me not doing the spell, right? And I thought that maybe it was only that spell, but…" he trailed off.
"You cant do magic?" Remus asked, with a quick glance at Lily. Maybe she shouldn't hear this…
"Er, and could you…" he trailed off, not wanting to say transform. James shook his head slowly, his eyes darting from James and back to Lily again, in utter amazement. He had only heard of one reason that this could happen to a wizard…he didn't think that Lily should hear this either…
"Er, well, James, um, mate…" Remus continued to look between the two of them, stunned. They were seventeen. Things like this didn't happen at seventeen. They happened to old married couples whose partners died, or to people who found out that someone was cheating on them, or…anyone but James.
Love. It was love that could stop magic, for Remus had heard it all before. Dumbledore gave speeches about it, and books of proverbs proclaimed it's greatness, but the greatest proof of all sat in front of him in the pathetic form of a deprived adolescent.
"Spit it out Moony!" James said, looking at Remus's hesitation, scandalised.
"Well, er, I have only ever heard of this happening, I guess that I could be wrong…"
"Moony!"
"Remus!" Lily had called out at the same time as James, frustrated by his delaying just as much as James. Their eyes met for the briefest of seconds, and they shared a rare smile.
"Well, it could be…when someone er, loves someone, and that person does not love them back, then they can loose their magic. Sort of, well, loose the will." He said, slowly, looking at James as a dawning realisation spread over the face of his friend. James dove his head into his pillow, and Lily looked as though someone had slapped her, her mouth hanging open in amazement.
James let out a massive scream, muffled by the cushion.
"REMUS YOU IDIOT! COULDN'T YOU HAVE WAITED TILL LATER TO REVEAL THAT YOU PRICK?"
"What? You told me to tell you then! I wasn't going to you know! I knew that-" he stopped, because James couldn't here him anyway. He was screaming a wordless cry into his pillow, and Lily stared at him with the same, shocked expression as she had donned before. Remus just looked between them, like he was observing an interesting tennis match, though with the pained expression one gets when their team is losing the game of tennis.
"I have to go." Lily said quietly, and gave Remus a confused look before fleeing the dormitory.
"I think that I'll go and see Dumbledore, talk to him about when I leave the school." James said dully, when he sat in his bed that night. The others were all going to sleep, and Sirius mumbled quietly, before throwing a pillow through the air to hit James in the head.
"James you're a dead set idiot." He said. "You say all this gallant and noble crap but do you ever go through with it? No."
James stood up on his bed, and held the cushion high about his head. "Never go through with it? That's what you think!" he said, stalking out of the room, walloping Sirius over the head with the pillow on the way.
"Sirius, you are a dead set idiot." Remus said, yawning.
"Why?"
"Because you just made him go and prove himself by spilling his guts to Dumbledore!"
"No I didn't!"
"Ok then. Where is he?"
"Maybe he went to the bathroom?" asked Peter Petigrew, speaking for the first time.
"Shut up Peter, he's in Dumbledore's office."
"Oh, ok."
"Chocolate frogs." James whispered to the gargoyle, having been in Dumbledore's office just yesterday for a much less pleasant reason. Dumbledore, had, however, let them off on that circumstance, on the pretence that no one was actually hurt by the flying spatulas. He and the headmaster were actually on excellent terms.
"Mr Potter." Said Dumbledore, smiling serenely at James as he entered the room, despite the ungodly hour.
"Sir, I need to talk to you."
"I gave summarised as much, seeing as you have taken the time to seek out my office James." Dumbledore said, his blue eyes twinkling naturally, behind his half moon glasses.
"Well, yes, I have. I've had a problem you see sir." James said, sitting on the chair opposite Dumbledore, slowly, as he motioned for him to do so. Dumbledore closed the book that he was studying and leant back in his chair.
"Go on."
"I don't think that I'm a wizard anymore sir." He said plainly. Dumbledore looked surprised, and then laughed.
"Is this another one of the pranks that you and Mr Black are to play on me James?" He asked, expecting James to laugh along, but James just bowed his head. Dumbledore smiled kindly.
"People do not stop being wizards James." He said gently. James looked up.
"I have though. Even Moony thinks so-" Dumbledore chortled.
"Moony? Remus, I am guessing?" James' face reddened.
"Yes sir."
"And did 'Moony' tell you why? I can't help but think that he would not give you that answer without providing you with a comprehensible reason." Dumbledore prompted lightly. James looked up.
"Unrequited love sir."
Dumbledore eyes sparkled, and the lines in his face seemed to radiate with knowledge as he smiled at James.
"Miss Evans, I am guessing James? You're antics around the school are nothing of a secret."
"I'm not here for advice on women sir, I am merely asking when I get on the Hogwarts Express."
"Why, at the end of September like every other wizard at this school James!" Dumbledore said, smiling jovially. "And remember, it is unrequited love that makes you unable to transfigure a dog, James, not love itself."
James left the office, and on the way down the moving staircase, thought back over what the professor had said…he didn't remember mentioning the dog…Dumbledore knew much more than he let on, about everything…
James went to sleep, and when he woke up, he found that his misery had not subsided, much to his friend's resentment. Remus was yelled at for not getting up quick enough, Sirius for taking up the shower for too long, and Peter for merely being Peter. James was in a bad mood right up until the moment that he stepped into the common room, and a flash of red hair came bounding up to him, a thoughtful, blazing hardness in her pretty green eyes.
Lily Evans wrapped her arms around James' neck, and kissed him deeply, passionately, so that his lips tingled dangerously and he felt as though he never wanted to let her go. Lily broke apart, but kept her arms entwined with his, and ignored the cat calling and houting made by the rest of the occupants of the Griffindore common room, and mostly by Sirius.
"But…"James spluttered, looking into her eyes as she stared at his beautifully confused ones. "But you hate me…"
"No James, I hated the idea of you…because I thought that you only liked the idea of me. But I know now…" James kissed her again, and felt all the magic rushing through him, the greatest, most powerful type of magic in the world…
A/N: well, I hope that you liked that! It was my first oneshot that wasn't based on a challenge ever! I was so proud. I normally get way to carried away to make my stories oneshots. This idea has probably been done before, and I'm sorry if it has, but I didn't check, in case I read one and then couldn't stop thinking about their ideas, instead of mine! It really was heaps of fun to write though! Wish I could have had more Sirius in it though. Glad that there wasn't much Peter anyhow!
Luv u all! Review PLEASE!
-Ella Evans xXx