She walks these hills in a long black veil
She visits my grave when the night winds wail
Nobody knows, nobody sees
Nobody knows but me
(Danny Dill and Marijohn Wilkin)
The end of class bell rings. It must be Thursday... Or Friday. Whatever. Sherlock doesn't remember it.
He places all his pencils inside his metal case with their sharp points looking left, always left. The rubber and the sharpener go in a little tray made of the same material in which the case is made, separated from the pencils. He places the notebooks that he is going to need on his desk. First, he places the thinnest and, then, the thickest an smallest, like the French language dictionary or the Chemistry book, his favourite subject.
Madame Bretodeau is late. Sherlock thinks perhaps she has missed the train because of the rain.
Suddenly, the boy who sits behind him pulls his chair, making Sherlock fall down to the floor. Half a dozen of young men stand up and start to kick him. He hears strong insults, which hurt him more than the kicks. One of them, even, takes an umbrella and hits Sherlock's back with it.
The young man starts crying in pain just before faint.
Finally, Madame Bretodeau gets into the classroom. She leaves her briefcase by her desk while everybody sits down in their sits. The theacher realises that Sherlock is lying on the floor, with his forehead stained with blood.
"Sherlock, mon chéri?" She says with her delicate soprano voice while she touches his forehead. "What happened?"
But nobody says nothing. In the tiny communities which form any school students, the law of silence rules.
A doctor cames and, then, an ambulance stops at the door and takes Sherlock.
"They have hurt my body." He thinks. "But they are not going to hurt my soul" -
"Good morning, Sherlock." Says a cheerful voice. "I'm Kate Winter. I've been asked to look after you for some time."
Sherlock wakes up. He touches his forehead, which is wrapped in an elastic bandage. Then, he feels the bed linen. It's rough, in contrast with his white cotton nightgown. I front of him is a nurse. He starts making deductions: "She is a professional nurse, because of the horizontal band in her cap. I'm at the London Hospital, because of his badge. She is left-handed, Irish and catholic. She is married and has a child named William."
"Did my parents come?" He says quickly to the nurse. "And Mycroft?"
"Yes, everybody came. And they are happy to see that you have recovered consciousness." She says while he puts a wooden tray on the bed. "Let's go! Breakfast."
There is a cup of tea, a plastic bag with five oat biscuits, a plate with two slices of bacon and two hard boiled eggs and a glass of orange juice. First, Sherlock takes a sip of his tea. He desired not have done it. Its a revolting concoction: Concentraded and overly sweet because of condensed milk. He decides to leave his cup aside and open the cookie package, which he starts eating with appetite. Then, it's the turn of bacon and eggs. Drains his juice glass and concludes his breakfast.
Kate, in the meantime, has filled a metal bowl with hot water and has taken a big sponge.
"I'm going to bath you." She says. "Ready?"
Sherlock nods while Kate puts an oilcloth on top of the bed, unbuttons his patient's nightgown neck and starts rubbing him with the sponge. Sherlock laughs quietly.
"What's so funny?"
"I knew you were left handed."
"Why?"
"Because of the watch that you pin in your breast. It is where you can fasten it more easily to your uniform with your left hand. I also know that you are Irish and catholic, that you are married and have a child, William.
"All that? How?"
"In your apron's pocket you carry a Connemara marble rosary. That confirms your origins and faith. Because of your ring in your left hand, you're married and your child... You carry a wooden beads keyring with a man's name. It could be your husband, but is a children's handicraft, which confirms that he's your son.
"You're absolutely right." Says the nurse, smiling while she covers up his patient's body with a towel.
Sherlock is frozen stiff and the cloth smooth is very pleasant. Kate dresses him with clean pyjamas and, on top of it, a dark blue cloth dressing gown. Sherlock puts in his slippers embroidered with a golden lion in the instep, while the nurse helps him to sit in a wheelchair.
"It isn't good for you to walk now." Says Kate softly.
They leave the hospital building. Some boys of the same age as Sherlock play throwing balls, speak o, simply, walk. He doesn't get near to them. He is scare that they could hurt him.
"Kate?" He asks. "Am I weird?"
"No. You're different."
"Same thing. And that's not OK."
"No, no, no." Says Kate. "What is not OK is that they treat you badly because you're different."
Suddenly, gets near to the nurse a chubby, slanted eye, boy.
Kate hugs him and greets him moving her hands. He answers the same way.
"What is this, Kate?" Sherlock asks. "Some sort of game?"
"Nope. An alphabet."
"An alphabet?"
"Yes. Jeremy is deaf-mute. That's the way we can communicate. It's a language exact the same as we two speak, but with your hands. Look." She says moving her fingers. "This is the sign for 'milk'"
"So curious!"
Some seconds later, another nurse arrives. Gives her hand to Jeremy and takes him to his room. Kate sits on a bench. The nurse takes a little green hardcover notebook and a pencil from the pocket in her apron.
"I want you and me to play something, Sherlock." She says opening the notebook and writting at the top of the first page: "Things I am good at".
"Nothing."
Kate shakes her head "no".
"That's impossible." Says the nurse. "I am sure there is something. How old are you, Sherlock?"
"I'm fifteen."
"Do you know what that means?" Sherlock shakes his head. "That means you have many years again to find happiness."
"Sometimes I think I'm not going to be capable of it."
Some minutes past before Sherlock dares to start writing. The complete list has about twenty lines.
"Bravo, Sherlock" Says Kate, smiling.
An hour later, a car stops at the hospital's door. Sherlock recognises the people who gets out. It's his parents, Gwendolyn and Alfie; his grandmother Temple and his brother Mycroft. The young man's eyes brighten.
"Look, Kate." He says while poiting at the window.
The nurse smiles while she helps her patient to sit down in his wheelchair.
"Are you comfortable?" Sherlock nods.- Here we go.
Kate pulls the wheelchair. They go to the reception in the elevator. There is everyone, carrying a big bag.
"Hello, Sherly." Says his mother, hugging him.
"Hello. This is Kate. It's the one who is going to take care of me."
Alfie gives his hand to the nurse before giving the bag to his younger son.
"This is for you." He says.
Sherlock takes a red paper package with a white ribbon from inside the bag. Unties carefully the bow and opens the box lid after ripping the paper which covers it. Inside is a smooth blue wool blanket with his name embroidered in a pale yellow and a big purple box containing every single kind of Cadbury's chocolates and sweets.
"I think I know who's idea was it" Says Sherlock, winking at Mycroft, unfolding his new blanket and covering his legs. "Thank you to all."
"By the way, Sherlock. You have to tell me who did this to you." Says Mycroft, tightening his fists. "I will find him and he will suffer."
Sherlock sighs before saying:
"Don't worry, brother dear. It's no worth to get revenge."
Mycroft opens the box. His brother takes a chocolate and unwraps it. It's been a long time since he hasn't eaten such a delicious chocolate. Temple joins his grandchildren.
At half past one, Kate makes Sherlock return to his room for lunch. The young man says goodbye to his family while the nurse pushes his wheelchair to the elevator.
When they get to the room, Sherlock lies down before Kate places the wooden tray on the bed. The young man eats some mashed potato whith sausages and, when he ends, falls asleep. He starts to dream. He dreams with that fateful day's events. He has a headache. Closes his eyes strongly and muffles a scream. His heartbeat speeds up and sweats profusely. He tries to get relaxed by breathing, but it's impossible. At last, he decides to move the bed linen, sit himself up and stand up. He can't think in anything but the pain. He squeezes his theeth and fists. He puts his slippers and coat on and gets out his room.
Next to the nurses station is a metal trolley with the medical instruments. The station its curtains closed, so nobody can see him. Sherlock takes a scalpel and runs to his bed.
He opens the metallic plastic package and holds the instrument with his fingers. With tears in his eyes, he sits on the bed, takes off the plastic top and makes himself a big cut in his neck.
Some minutes later, Kate enters Sherlock's room and utters a scream. He rings the bell beside the bed and gives her hand to her patient.
Two nurses come in with several bandage rolls in their hands. They cover in gauzes Sherlock's neck after sewing up his wound. "You're not going to die, you big shelfish man." Kate thinks, trying to contain her tears while she wraps the bandages around his neck.
When they finally end, the doctor decides to sedate him. Kate takes his hand while the needle penetrates in Sherlock's arm skin. She has decided to stay with him all night. She moves her lips closer to the young man's ear.
"You're going to get well, Sherlock." She whispers.
But she says this more to herself than her patient.
Sherlock doesn't know how much time has been unconscious. When, at last, he can open his eyes, the first thing he sees is a black, bamboo handled umbrella hanged in the coat stand and his brother Mycroft sitting on the armchair, his legs covered with Sherlock's blanket and sleeping with a book in his lap.
Kate enters the room with the breakfast tray in her hands. When she leaves it on the bed, she gets near to the armchair and rubs Mycroft's shoulder.
"Seems I have fallen asleep, nurse Winter." He says, smiling. "Any news?"
"No. He has been very calm. It could be because of the morphine. You sould go to the canteen and have breakfast. Don't worry. I'll take charge of him until you go back."
Mycroft leaves the room and Kate wakes up her patient.
"Good morning, Sherlock."
He opens his eyes and asks for his brother when he sees the empty armchair.
"He's at the canteen, having breakfast." Says the nurse, placing the tray on the bed. "That is what you should do."
After that night's rest, Sherlock is starving, so he starts eating. In the tray is a plate of scrambled eggs, two slices of bacon, a toast and a cup of tea.
When the young man ends his breakfast, Kate moves the tray from the bed and starts to unbutton Sherlock's pajamas shirt. She takes the bowl, the sponge and the soap and unfolds a big towel on the bed.
"That's it." Says the nurse when she finishes, caressing her patient's cheeks.
Just then, Mycroft returns to the room. Sherlock can't restrain his laughter. His brother has the corners of his mouth full with cakecrumbs and there is a green icing spot in one of his shirt's cuffs. "What a banquet!" Sherlock thinks. Just a moment after, looks Mycroft in the eyes. They have become red and deduces that he's crying. It is the first time that he sees his brother crying. But, inmediatly, his happiness expression returns.
"Last night I had the craziest dream, Mycroft." Says Sherlock, covering his shoulders with his blue blanket. "I helped the police to investigate cases which seemed impossible. I want to punish the bad ones and make justice."
"Sounds good." Mycroft says with a guffaw. "Sounds very good."
Sherlock is now eighteen years old and this year starts University. He has decided to do a degree in Chemistry, a subject he has always loved. He is going to live in a student housing near his school.
Today he settles. He places all his books in the shelves and the microscope, on his desk. "Okay." He thinks while sitting on the bed. "Okat Here I am."
His anxiety leves start to rise. His heart speeds up. He's afraid. Afraid of what sorround him, of the new boys, of the change drastic from school to university.
"It's okay." His mother told him while they were preparing the luggage. "You'll get accustomed to it."
It's been a month since he started his classes. He hasn't got any friends and his life reduces now to classes, study and meals.
Many times, he locks himself in his room and plays the violin. He composes melancholic tunes, which reflect his mood.
He can't concentrate in his studies and decides to see a doctor, who gives him a prescription. Half an hour later, he goes to a chemist's and buys a jar of pills. It's methylphenidate which, according to the doctor, is a soft stimulant.
The next day, he decides to try the new medicine. The hunger sensation has vanished and he feels he has energy to do anything.
After four weeks, when the jar it's empty , he thinks the medicine inneffective. Today is Saturday and he has decided to go to London by train.
When he arrives, his ears and sight fill up with sounds and pictures: The cars horns, the people running... One of that pictures, near the district of Whitechapel, powerfully calls his attention.
It's an old abandoned Victorian building, made with red bricks, with broken windows and rooftop.
Sherlock decides to sight inside is deplorable: Dirty matresses on the floor where several men lie with straps on their arms or needles sutck, sound of deep coughing, and, above all, a smell nauseating.
One of the men gets near to Sherlock with a syringe full with a transparent liquid in his hand. He shakes his head and another man gives him a piece of rolling paper with a gramme of cocaine.
With the aid of a razor blade, minces very finely a tiny part of the drug in a mirror and prepares two lines with the resulting podwer. With a metal straw, he inhales it with his nose. The efect is so fast. He feels capable of doing anything.
In Chinatown, Sherlock buys a little Chinese porcelain bottle which has painted in blue some bats and the Chinese character of double happiness, closed with a metal thread lid. He always carries it in his trousers' pocket and repeats his ritual three times a day. Two weeks later, he has doubled his dose. The drug causes him a strong anorexia and, in the canteen, he only eats jelly, yogurth and juice.
A month later, he returns to the building, but this time buys two grammes of cocaine. Sadly, they last the same as the first one.
At least, Christmas break has started. Sherlock gets his luggage ready to go back home. First, he writes down in a sheet of paper what is he going to need and crosses up while he put everything in his suitcaise. When he has finished, he closes the suitcase's buckles and places in his black trousers' pocket the little Chinese porcelain flask.
He returns home in a steam train. He has always liked trains a lot. This one has very comfortable seats, in dark green velvet with wings and the compartments can close completly.
About one in the afternoon, he gets a brown paper bag from his suitcase. It contains a metal spoon, a flask of orange juiceand four jelly tabs. There is yellow lemon jelly, orange mango jelly, red strawberry jelly and purple grape jelly.
He thinks about what is going to say to his parents when they see that he has stopped eating. Perhaps, he can say nervousness hurt his stomach and suppress his appettite.
A couple of hours later, arrives to the town where his parents live. When he arrives, carrying his big suitcase, he sees that his grandmother, Temple, walks in the garden, wrapped in her dark blue velvet with a white fur collar coat.
Sherlock's face enlightens when he sees his grandmother. He gets near to her and she hugs him to greet him. Both enter the house, where Gwendolyn and Alfie are sitting on the sofa while his older son lights the fireplace. Everyone gets near to Sherlock and greet him. Mycroft looks at his younger brother with mistrust when he sees a vestige of a white blight in one of his nostrils.
Gwendolyn goes upstairs with her son to his room, where he helps him to unpack. They put all Sherlock's clothes in his wardrobe and the books, in his desk. When they end, they make the bed. He has always loved that bed. It's Art Déco style, in dark wood, with a white canopy.
Sherlock tells his mother that he is going to rehearse, because he will play the violin at the Christmas party. So, Gwendolyn gets out the room while Sherlock removes the instrument from its case and unfolds the music stand. He starts playing a soft melody,. But later, he cheers up and manages to play Offenbach's can can. When he finishes, Mycroft knocks on his brother's room door.
It's tea time and Temple has made chocolate cookies and a big sponge cake with lemon icing. In the cake she has written with cream "Sherlock". Everybody is now sitting at the table. Temple pours tea in the cups while Mycroft looks the freshly baked cake with greedy eyes. Sherlock can't restrain a roguish smile when he sees his brother. He takes a cookie and places it next to his cup while Mycroft, with the aid of a big knife with a dark wooden handle, starts to slice the cake, which he puts in small porcelain plates painted with multi-colored butterflies.
When he ends with his tea, Sherlock returns to his room. He sits on the bed and takes his Chinese porcelain bottle. He puts a part of the podwer in a small mirror before mincing it with his blade. Seconds later, he inhales the podwer while Mycroft opens the door.
That night, when they have finished dinner, the five Holmes sit around the table. Alfie pours a cup of whiskey and Mycroft, a cup of Madeira wine. Gwendolyn and Sherlock have preferred to drink white wine and Temple, sherry.
Mycroft sighs deeply, puts his hand in his pocket and places on the table Sherlock's little white and blue porcelain bottle.
Tears fill the young man's eyes. There is no other way out than confess.
Gwendolyn has decided to drop out his son from University and take in him in a hospital to recover. She thinks that is better for him to miss a semester and save his life.
In January 8th, after lunch, the five Holmeses go to Victoria Station and take a train. About half of the journey, Sherlock starts to convulse. The time has come. From his eyes tears warm well up. Alfie closes the compartment courtains while Gwendolyn holds his son tight.
"Keep calm, Sherly." She whispers. "We are not going to abandon you."
That is his trouble: He is terrified. Gwendolyn takes a handkerchief from her jacket pocket and starts drying his son's tears. Temple thakes a banknote from her wallet.
"Here, Mickey." She says giving the banknote to her older grandchild. "Take this money. Go with your father and buy some chocolate bars.
Mycroft nods and he and Alfie go out the compartment. Gwendolyn closes the curtains.
"You can't give up now, Sherly." His mother whispers. "You're going to get well. You're going to leave all this behind."
Finally, they arrive to Canterbury. The train stops while the Holmeses prepare to get off. Sherlock is so nervous that he hardly can stand, so Temple gives him her hand while Alfie goes to collect his son's suitcase. Gwendolyn stops a taxi. Half an hour later, they arrive to the sanatorium.
Mycroft is the first one who enters the building and goes to the director's office.
Some minutes later, it's Sherlock's and his parents' turn. When the interview finishes, the young man says goodbye to his family and a nurse accompanies him to his room. He reads her name in the metal badge who wears in her dress: Rose Cushing.
Sherlock starts to undo the lace which close his black shoes. When he is able to loose them completly, he takes them off and leaves them on the floor before lying down on the bed.
"Okay." He thinks. "Okay. Here I am".
He undresses himself and puts on the white nightgown with blue polka dots which is on top of the bed. His heart speeds up and tears blind him again.
He has decided to ring the bell near his headboard. About three minutes later, Rose appears, in his white uniform, lace cap and blue belt. She puts up a chair near Sherlock's bed and takes his hand.
"Keep calm, Sherlock." She whispers. "Here I am. I'm going to be here as long as you need me."
In this moment, it starts to thunder. Sherlock wraps himself with his bed's blanket. The blanket's pressure in his body relaxes him so much that he manages to fall asleep in a few minutes. Rose hangs the bell button in the bed's headboard and leaves the room.
Seven months later, in September, Sherlock returns to Oxford. He is going to resume his classes at University. Finally, he has reached to break the habit and reorganise his life. He is going to be a chemist.
Unfortunately, the ghost of the white lady is always there, prepared to give the last swat.
It sweetened the bile of this pain
That made me cruel
Cocaine, I know you're going at the end to kill me
You are my murderer, but you relieve my regret
If you leave me, everything is shadow in my living
I know at the end you must kill me
But you don't let me suffer
Cocaine tango,
Gerardo Alcazar