on(AN: Ok, as always I'm going to start with this….I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE BOONDOCK SAINTS CHARACTERS! Like all rabid fan girls, I only wish I did..*sniffs* However, I do own all the other random characters that pop up like Mae. Now, I'm writing this because for some odd reason, I have the worlds worse case of writer's block on Don't Even Think About It!...and that is just sad… But then, I got a message from pizzazz8my8luv challenging me. After staring at this amazing message pointing out key things that no one else has, I had to accept. Lol that and I really need to start writing more! Hopefully, I do this justice!)
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Rain was tapping at the window, whispering secrets into the pale ear pressed against the cold glass, secrets that couldn't or, perhaps, weren't meant to be understood. But it seemed like that was all life was at the moment to the man leaning his head against the window. Secrets, pain, and betrayal. Blue eyes, normally full of life, were dull and dead as they stared at the table the man was seated at. The silent phone sitting on it was taunting him, screaming that he was unwanted, uncared about, and forgotten once again. Long, nimble fingers itched to just throw the stupid thing across the room and shatter it to make the taunting stop, but they resisted, instead tangling themselves deep into a mop of soft, dark brown hair.
Heaving a frustrated sigh, Murphy MacManus stood and started to pace the small kitchen he in, like it was a cage and he was a tiger. It hadn't always been this way, actually, this had started about a month ago. Romeo had gathered his courage, sucked in a deep breath, and asked Murphy out so fast that it took Murphy a full minute to decipher the words that had been shot at him like a bullet. He had just stood there, mouth slightly open, eyes wide like a deep that had stepped in front a moving car. Romeo had started to look like he was going to just walk away, head down, when Murphy finally just stammered a reply. At first, his voice had only been a simple squeak, and he had to swallow hard and clear his throat before he could repeat his answer. "Sure, why not?" He replied, shrugging his shoulder. Romeo had almost hit the floor in shock. He finally regained his senses and flashed Murphy a huge grin.
"Great!"
At first, all had been going really well, Romeo actually trying to live up to his name, though most of the time, Murphy had to laugh when he thought that. It seemed odd that the man he had met on a boat was actually sweet. They had gone on dates, watched movies, and hung out most of the time and just goofing off. He had been happy, and he had thought that as hard as Romeo had tried to get him to date him, how hard he had tried to impress Murphy, and done everything he had, Murphy had figured Romeo was happy as well. But now, it was looking like he was wrong. Romeo hadn't called him in two days, or tried any way of contact with him. At first, Murphy had just shrugged off the signs, let the little things slide. But this was ridiculous. They had made plans to go dinner and a movie tonight, and Romeo had yet to say when he was going to pick him up.
Sick of pacing, Murphy flopped down at the table once more and stared out at the rain. The long, clear droplets sliding down the pane made him think that the angels watching him were weeping. Finally just giving in, he grabbed the phone and punched in a familiar number. The owner of it wasn't home, they were at the pub, but he knew that if he called, the owner would answer.
"Aye?"
"Are yeh at the pub?" Murphy asked, resting his head once more on the window, letting the cold sink in, and trying to let it clear his thoughts.
"Where else would I be? Wha' ta fuck are yeh doin' home?" Connor questioned. Murphy tried not to sigh before he replied.
"Sittin' a' the fuckin' window, starin' ou' an' tryin' ta freeze me brain." He replied, closing his eyes.
"I'll be there in a bit." Came the response. Before Murphy could protest that he didn't need to be babysat, the line went dead. Glaring again at the phone, he clicked it off and tossed it on the table. Standing, he just stood there for a moment, trying to figure out what to do while he waited. Settling on just randomly throwing clothes off the floor and onto a pair of chairs near their beds, he looked around the ratty apartment, lost in thoughts. What was going on with him and Romeo? Had he said something stupid and the man had just started ignoring him out of anger? Was Romeo really that childish? Murphy actually laughed at the thought, yeah, he was. But why act like that? Why not just tell Murphy what he had done so he could fix it? Or was it…Murphy killed that train of thought faster than he could think it. If that was true, Murphy wasn't sure if he wanted to mock an ostrich and stick his head in the sand, or if he was going to just punch Romeo in the jaw the next time he saw him after figuring out it was true.
Shaking himself out of his zone, he looked down at the shirt clenched in his grasp. It was Connor's, the martial a light steel gray. His other half didn't wear it much anymore, but couldn't bear to get rid of it. Smirking, Murphy tossed it on the "Connor's pile" that had built up on the right chair. As he bent down to grab more clothes, he took a step back to take his foot off of a shirt. Losing his balance, he tumbled down onto his bed with an "oof" as he hit. Staring up at the ceiling, he just gave up, throwing the random shirt across the room. This whole situation was going to drive him absolutely mad. Closing his eyes, he tried to make his mind settle on a more pleasant topic. Nothing was wanting to try and grab his attention, and before he knew it, he was dozing off.
He didn't hear the door's lock click open, or the footsteps gently making their way over to him, but when a hand brushed across his arm, Murphy jolted up, eyes wide.
"FUCK!" Connor yelped, jumping back slightly. As he took in the sight of his older half, Murphy tried to calm his pounding heart.
"Fuck Conn, 'M sorry." He said, shooting Connor a sheepish grin. "Didn' notice I'd dozed off."
Connor just snorted and flopped down next to Murphy. "I could tell. So, did he not call yeh?" Connor asked, getting right to the point.
Murphy gave a small growl. "No, the arse." He replied, shrugging one shoulder. "Yeh didn' have ta come home." He said, glancing at Connor.
"It was borin' withou' yeh. Besides, it was jus' Doc and me. Still early fer the others. Anyway, yeh wanna do somethin'? Still early fer a Saturday nigh'."
"Wha' ta fuck could we do? It's pourin' rain." Murphy pointed out.
"Aye, bu' how abou' we jus' walk ta the store, grab some snacks, ask Mae if she's go' anythin' new in a movie selection, an' if not we can' jus' han' out here watchin' tv or just messin' around." Connor offered. Murphy bit his lip. He felt like a girl shown up on prom whose mother was taking pity on.
"'M not a fuckin' girl Conn." He groused, punching his twin's arm.
Connor started laughing. "Yeh sure abou' that? Yeh sure look like one." He teased, punching back.
"Maybe if yeh weren' lookin' in a fuckin' mirror!"
"I'll be damned if I look like a girl! Yer jus' jealous because 'M more attractive!"
"Maybe ta the blind!"
At that comment, Connor tackled Murphy, swatting and slapping every inch that he could. Soon, they were rolling around on the bed, laughing and play fighting with each other as they spit insults back and forth. Soon, Murphy was pinned under a grinning Connor. The blue eyes above him were snapping and popping with mischief and laughter as the wicked grin crinkled the edges. Murphy could feel his own responding smile as they locked gazes. "Looks like I caugh' a girl!" Connor teased, snickering as Murphy narrowed his eyes.
"Arse." He shot, laughing.
"Aye, I never said tha' I wasn't." Connor replied, smirk widening. Patting Murphy's cheek teasingly, he slide off to rest beside his better half.
"I'd call yeh out if yeh did." Murphy replied, giving a tired laugh. Connor just shrugged, crossing his arms behind his head.
"Murph?"
"Mmmm?"
"Can I ask yeh something?"
"Aye."
"Are yeh gonna talk ta me, or are yeh jus' gonna act like nothin' is wrong?" He asked, tone turning serious. He felt Murphy shift uncomfortably beside him.
"Conn, I jus'…I don' wanna complain an' act like a fuckin' girl."
"Sometimes it's wha' yeh gotta do. I know yeh Murph, better than anyone else, an' abou' as good as me fuckin' self." He shifted closer, nudging Murphy lightly. The younger of the two caved.
"Did I fuckin' say somethin' wrong? Did I act stupid and piss him off? I don' know wha' tha fuck I did…" He said, gesturing around. "An' he won' fucking TALK ta me, so I can' fix wha' I did!"
"Wha' if it's no' somethin' yeh did? Wha' if it's somethin' else?"
"I was tryin' no' ta think abou' it like tha'." Murphy whispered. Connor rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow.
"Don' worry abou' it Murph. In the end, it'll all work out. Now then, yeh wanna go grab some snacks with me and call in fer a pizza and just han' ou' here?" He asked, giving Murphy a smile. He hated it when his younger half was hurt or in pain, because it was no different than him being in pain. He could feel every ache, every throb of pain. He knew they were one soul that had been split into two bodies, and he wanted to make Murphy feel better, that way he could as well.
"I like tha' idea Conn. I'll call the pizza in an' while we wai' we can head on over ta the store." Murphy replied, normal, mischievous smile returning to light up his face. With that, he hopped off of the bed to pad lightly across the flat to the table and grabbed the phone. "Yeh wan' the usual Conn?" He asked, punching in the numbers.
"Aye. I think tha' Pete's head would explode if we ordered anythin' fuckin' else." He replied. Murphy laughed as the phone rang.
"Pete's Pizzeria." A voice said, picking up the other end.
"Aye, I'd like ta place an order. One large pizza please. Canadian bacon, green peppers, and pineapple on half." He rattled off, grabbing a pack of cigarettes that were on the table. "Alrigh' then, thank yeh." Hanging up, he took one of the smokes and tossed the pack to Connor. "Twenty minutes, as usual." He said, lighting his smoke.
Connor grabbed the keys to the apartment and nodded. "Alrigh'. Come on then." He said, waiting. Murphy slipped his boots on and grabbed his rosary as Connor grabbed his. "I'm thinkin' beer, some chips, an' maybe somethin' sweet for yeh." Connor offered, appealing to Murphy's sweet tooth. The eyes just as clear and blue as his own lit up.
"Cinnamon rolls." Murphy said, grinning. Connor started laughing as they made their way down the small hall that lead to their door. It was the only one on the fifth floor, just like all the others. Reaching the elevator, Connor punched the down button.
"One o' these days yer gonna fuckin' turn in ta one o' them." He taunted, swatting Murphy's shoulder. The dark haired man snorted and punched him back, shaking his head as he tried to hide his grin. Hearing the ding of the elevator, they turned to face it as the doors opened. As they did, Connor almost choked on the air he was breathing. Romeo was standing in the elevator, his eyes wide at the sight of them.
"Murphy!" He said, voice sounding startled. "I was just coming to get you." He said, eyeing the twins. Murphy shifted from foot to foot, suddenly uncomfortable. He could feel the rage radiating through Connor from their bond, but he himself was feeling nothing but confusion. "I didn't think yeh were comin'." He replied, shrugging, suddenly fascinated with the carpeting in the hall.
"I lost my phone." Romeo explained, giving a sheepish grin. Connor could see it in his eyes that it was just a lame lie, but he said nothing. It wasn't his place to. Murphy looked up, lifting one hand to his mouth to start chewing at a small hangnail on his thumb. "Um…should I just go?" He asked, shifting around. Murphy bit harder on the hangnail.
"The movie started about fifteen minutes ago…" He replied, trailing off.
"I know that, but um…I got tickets to the local concert that you wanted to see instead." Romeo said, digging around in his pockets. Connor was trying not to just snap at Romeo to leave, to tell him to go the fuck back home and just leave Murphy alone. Romeo was his friend, although, he was starting to make Connor hate him. Murphy paused for a second in his nervous chewing.
"I thought those were sold out?" He asked. Romeo's face lit up a bit as he saw Murphy start to cave in.
"I managed to talk to some friends and get two." He said, holding them up. "It starts in half an hour, so we'd need to leave now to make it on time."
Murphy turned to Connor, eyes pleading for advice. Connor bit the inside of his lip so hard that he tasted blood. "Do yeh mind if we put this off till tomorrow?" He asked. Excitement was clear in his voice, but he didn't want to hurt Connor.
"Jus' go. Have fun." Connor replied, forcing a smile. Murphy's eyes lit up and he darted into the elevator. The doors closed and he was suddenly alone in the hallway. Staring at the doors, he just turned on his heel and stormed back to the apartment. Unlocking the door and throwing it open, he barged in, throwing his keys. He didn't know what to think, his mind was just to jumbled and confused. He was angry at Romeo for treating his brother like just some random person who he only talked to when he wanted something, upset with Murphy for just forgiving Romeo for one good thing, and frustrated with himself not stepping in. Looking around, he kicked a cup near the couch across the room, watching it skitter across the hard wood and slam into the wall where the showers were in their tiny, tiled in area. Shaking his head, he just flipped on the TV and sat down. It was going to be a long night.
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Murphy was laughing as Romeo unlocked his door. "I love tha' band. Thanks fer tha good time." He said, leaning against the frame of the door.
"No problem. So, what are you doing tomorrow?" He asked, resting one hand on Murphy's hip. The dark haired man gave a slow, soft smile as Romeo pulled him closer. "Or, should I ask what you're doing right now." Romeo said, returning the smile as he moved closer to Murphy.
"I should head home." Murphy replied. Romeo frowned at him.
"I'm sure you can stay for a bit." He said, leaning in to kiss Murphy's neck. The pale man nibbled on his lower lip, unsure. "Just for tonight?" Romeo whispered, pleading.
"Rome…I just…'M not up for anythin' tonight." He said, backing away. He tried to keep his tone light to keep Romeo from getting upset. The other man took a step back, dark eyes narrowing.
"Why not? Murphy, every time something comes up like this, you back out at the last second." He said, anger bubbling up. Murphy took a step back, shock slowly seeping into his expression.
"Rome, why the fuck are yeh gettin' mad at me? You told me yeh wouldn' mind if we waited!" He said, confusing on and hurt starting to war within him as well as anger. Romeo just gave a small snort and stepped fully away.
"Look, it's late. Just go home." He said, walking into his apartment and shutting the door. For a moment, all Murphy could do was stand there, staring at the wooden door. As he stared at it, rage flooded him and he spun on his heel and stomped off down the hall and out into the darkened street. His feet just took a life of their own, and his hand fished around in his coat to find his cell phone. Flipping it open, he pressed two and then send. Just as it gave a second ring, he suddenly snapped the phone shut. He wasn't about to drag Connor into this. He had already ran to him once to talk, and now he was going to deal with this on his own. Connor wasn't his baby sitter for fucks sake. While his walked, his phone suddenly came to life, the Flogging Molly song Rebels of the Sacred Heart telling him it was Connor. Fishing his cell phone out, he stared at the name. Finally, he just gave in and opened it.
"Hello?" He asked, voice dull.
"Come home, please?" Came the reply. Murphy smiled slightly.
"Are yeh sure?"
"I'll wait."
"Thank yeh."
With that, the two hung up. Spinning, Murphy started jogging back towards the apartment that he shared with his other half. His mind was still reeling with every step that he took, trying to figure out what to do. He didn't know what to do, or how he was going to fix it. He didn't know what he was feeling any more. He cared about Romeo, he really did, but was it worth the headache of how he was being treated? And why was Romeo even staying with him in the first place? Was he just keeping Murphy around for his own purposes, or did he actually care?
What was he going to do? Slowing his steps, he let out a frustrated shout and kicked a can that was near him. The aluminum thing flew down the sidewalk a bit before coming to a halt in front of a fire hydrant. Walking, Murphy kept his gaze locked on the can as he continued to kick it down the street in front of him. Was he going to forgive Romeo? Or was he going to break up with him? Did Murphy honestly want to be alone? Or could he change Romeo? Why had this happened to him? Finally, he reached the building that was his home. Opening the lobby doors, he walked in and made his way over to the elevator and pushed the button. As he waited, he shifted from foot to foot. The doors opened, and he got in. Shoving those thoughts aside, he bit his lower lip. He had more important things to worry about. How the fuck was he going to face Connor after what had happened? His lighter half was going to tease him endlessly. A bell sounded, letting him know he had reached his floor. Heaving a sigh, he stepped off and made his way over to the door.
Stopping in front of it, he paused. Taking a deep breath, he was getting ready to knock as the door opened. "I knew yeh were there." Connor said, stepping aside to let Murphy in. The darker twin stepped in, not meeting his older half's gaze.
"Thanks." Murphy said, never looking up. A warm, calloused hand reached out and wrapped strong fingers around his arm.
"Murph…" Connor's voice was soft, caring. Giving in, Murphy looked up and locked gazes with his twin.
"Aye?"
Connor said nothing, just drew him into a hug. Murphy melted into it, resting his head on Connor's shoulder and closing his eyes with a sigh. The feeling of warm, strong, protective arms around him had him melting into the embrace, their bodies meeting perfectly. Connor was warm, and firm against him, his scent washing over Murphy and bringing back memories of other times he rested his head on that very same broad shoulder. His older half smelled like soap, detergent, smoke, and a scent that was all Connor. Surreptitiously, he buried his nose into the soft fabric of Connor's shirt to inhale more of the scent. Something inside of him lifted a heavy head and thumped it's tail, content with where he was, a feeling that he had never once had with Romeo.
As he held Murphy, Connor rested his head on the one that was resting on his shoulder, like he had done so many times before when they were younger. The soft, dark locks tickling his cheek smelled like the shampoo Murphy used, mixed with smoke. He could feel Murphy melt against him, their bodies fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. Something deep within him was engulfed in fury, claws and fangs glistening in his soul, and that something wanted nothing more than to feel hot, wet blood run down it's fur and paint it's rough tongue with it. And it wanted that blood to be Romeo's for hurting the man in his arms. Breaking away, he smiled at Murphy. "I lef' some o' the food for yeh." He said, leading the way over to the ragged couch as he tried to tame the beast inside. Murphy smiled, grabbing a slice of pizza and taking a huge bite.
"Thanks Conn."
"Yer welcome." Connor replied, flopping down next to him and propping his feet up on the coffee table in front of them. "So…may I ask wha' happened?" He asked, turning to face Murphy. His twin stiffened, eyes going dull once more as they stared at the pizza slice. "Murph? Yeh don' have ta if yeh don' want to." He kept his voice soft, and one hand came to rest on Murphy's arm.
Murphy took a deep breath and sighed. "I said no…again…and it...I don' know Conn…It made him mad." He said, nibbling a piece of pineapple. "He just stormed into his apartment and slammed the door like I wasn't even there." He explained, setting the pizza down. Looking up, he locked eyes with Connor, and he could feel the anger radiating into him from the bond they shared as he did.
"He WHAT?" Connor snapped, blue eyes crackling with anger. Murphy placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Calm down Connor. It's nothing." He said, trying to calm his brother down. "Please, let me handle it." He whispered. The lighter of the two just nodded, trying not to punch the wall.
"I swear to yeh Murphy, that if he ever hurts you, I will make him pay for it." Connor whispered back, eyes narrowing. As they stared at each other, a warm bubble started to expand in Murphy's stomach. It was something he had never felt before, and the feeling was odd. As Connor smiled at him and reached over to wipe a bit of pizza sauce off of Murphy's chin, the bubble swelled. Smiling back at his better half, he broke the stare and reached for his pizza. A tanned hand shot out, grabbing the slice out of his reach.
"Oi! Yeh arse! That's mine!" Murphy cried, swatting Connor's arm. The older one just laughed, and swatted him back. Laughing, Murphy tackled him and stared to try and pry the hand holding the pizza towards him. Connor just laughed, shoving him back and tossing the pizza towards the box. Neither knew if it made it, because they were rolling around on the couch, swatting, punching, name calling, and laughing as they rough housed like they were still kids. Rolling, Connor pinned Murphy under him, laughing. Murphy tried to flip his brother, but as he sank deeper into the couch due to combine weight, he noticed something about himself. His heart was dancing in his chest, pounding out a rhythm that wasn't due to the fighting. The bubble in his stomach grew more, and a feeling flooded his veins. As he lay there, pinned under Connor, under the only male he knew as well as himself, he figured out that feeling. It hit him like a semi truck would a bug, and he almost fainted with what he discovered. He was in love…with Connor. The second he unraveled it, said the word in his mind, everything fell into place.
Why he came to Connor when Romeo hurt him, why he always was finding any reason to be near the other, why he always was trying to get just a small touch in every chance he could. But most of all, why he always felt wrong around Romeo, no matter how much he thought he liked the man. His eyes went wide, and he went limp in Connor's grasp. His twin noticed, and he raised an eyebrow. "Is somethin' wrong Murph?" He asked, voice worried. Murphy tried not to stutter as he talked.
"Nah, it's nothin' Conn…just thinkin' abou' wha' 'M gonna do about Romeo." He replied, shrugging. The second the lie was out of his mouth, he felt bad. Connor narrowed his blue eyes at him.
"Yer lyin' ta me." He said, watching the play of emotions on Murphy's eyes. The male swallowed, and looked away, trying not to let Connor read any more of his thoughts.
"I swear Conn, it's nothing. Please, just…let me go, I want to eat." He mumbled, staring at the blank TV screen. The hands that pinned his wrists loosened slightly and Murphy looked back at Connor. He was met with a gaze clouded with hurt. "Connor?" The name slipped out before he could stop it, before he knew what he was going to say.
"Aye?"
"'M sorry I dragged yeh in ta this."
"No reason to be."
For a moment the two just lay tangled together, their bodies flush against each other. Finally, Connor rose and sat at Murphy's feet. "Finish eating. 'M gonna head ta bed." He said, standing and stretching. As he walked away, he started to undress, and Murphy couldn't look away. Connor pulled the dark fabric up, exposing inch by inch of the tanned, scarred, tattooed flesh. Pulling it over his head, he tossed it in the general direction of the dirty clothes pile. Blue eyes couldn't tear themselves away from the body in front of them for a while, watching the other body undress and slip under covers in only a pair of black boxers. Finally, Murphy closed his eyes and swallowed. He was so, totally fucked. Opening his eyes, he just stared at his pizza, suddenly not hungry. Closing the box, he grabbed it and padded across the flat to the kitchen. Walking in, he opened the fridge and put the box in it. Grabbing the gallon of milk and a clean glass, he poured some. Popping the gallon back into the fridge, he put the glass into the microwave and punched in a time. While he waited, he grabbed a packet of hot chocolate and a spoon and set them next to it. Sitting down, he crossed his arms on the table and rested his head on them.
When had he fallen in love with Connor? Had he even realized it before? What was he going to do now? Wrapped up in his thoughts, he didn't hear the microwave go off, chiming that his milk was hot, nor did he notice the other person of the flat make their way in and pour the powder in to the opaque liquid. He was too busy yelling at himself in his mind for being stupid.
Connor set the glass down in front of his younger half, hand reaching out to rest on the broad back. Murphy jolted up and looked up to see Connor's contagious smile, and one of his own came to life. "Though' yeh were goin' ta bed?" He asked, looking forward at his glass of hot chocolate.
"Aye, I was. But then I heard the microwave. How come yeh can' sleep? To many things goin' on in yer mind?" He asked.
"Aye..I jus' go' so many fuckin' things on me mind that it just won' shut the fuck off…"
"Yer just gonna have ta try Murph. Finish yer cocoa an' I'll stay up with yeh."
"Thanks."
"Mmm…" The two remained in silence as Murphy drank his cocoa, staring intently in to the glass. When he finished, he rose and put the glass in the sink. Turning, he was met with the sight of Connor in the door frame, watching him. He had to swallow hard as he watched him. Connor was amazing, he had to admit. Something deep within him whispered that he had known that for a while, he had just been in deep denial. Stepping forward, he followed him into the main room and started to get ready for bed.
"Yer mind still reelin'?" Connor asked him from the dark where his bed was.
"Aye." It was true, Murphy hadn't managed to shut his mind up. It was going from what he was going to do about Romeo, to what Romeo was doing right then and how he was treating him, to what he had just figured out about what he really felt for Connor. Then it would go ballistic and think what he was going to do about it and how everyone would react and then it would start all over. He stood beside his bed, just staring at the white sheets that were pulled back and the blanket. Suddenly, hands were pulling the shirt over his head for him. He froze, mind suddenly shutting off and he just stood there.
"Lay down on yer stomach." Connor commanded, pushing him down on to the bed. Murphy almost fought him, but then Connor was pinning him to the bed, strong fingers working on his back. The second Connor's weight was pinning him to his own bed and the strong tan fingers were pressing in the taunt muscles. His mind slowed down, and finally started to unwind. He melted into his sheets as his older half rubbed his back. "Better?" He asked.
"Mmmmm….aye." he muttered, face half buried in the pillow. As he dozed, Connor slowed and softened his motions. His hands trailed lower with each stroke, each rub.
"Murph?" He whispered, voice almost lost in the darkness.
When there was no reply, he started to slide off of the bed. But as he did, Murphy's pale arm snaked around him, drawing him closer to his warm body. Connor tensed, eyes going wide. "Murphy, let me go." He whispered. But it was too late, he was tangled with Murphy. As his younger half's breath ghosted across his cheek, he couldn't help but smile.
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Sunlight was streaming in through the crappy blinds that covered the windows. Rolling over, Murphy cracked an eye open, hoping he would make it stop. Rolling over, he went to bury himself deeper into his blankets. Instead, he found himself chest to chest with a sleeping Connor. Their noses were almost pressed together, and he could feel Connor's breath ghosting across his cheeks. Smiling softly, he managed to untangle himself from his twin's grasp and stand. Looking down at his sleeping other half, he finally knew what he had to do. Getting dressed, he scrawled a note to Connor telling him where he was going. Slipping out quietly, he started to make his way towards Romeo's. As he walked, he tried to plan out what he was going to say, raising a hand to nip at the loose skin around his nails.
Reaching the building that housed Romeo's apartment, he shoved open the door and darted over to the elevator. Guilt, and worry were eating at him like a starving animal. He knew he was going to break Romeo's heart, but it was something that had to be done. It was like the elevator was dying, it was moving so slowly, and he danced from one foot to the other, thumb nail never leaving his mouth. Swallowing hard, he stepped out of it as it came to open on Romeo's floor. He could feel his heart hammering at his rib cage like a live bird was trapped there besides his heart. When he reached the door, he took a deep breath and raised a fist to knock. Pulling his hand away, he could see it shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. Inside, he could hear footsteps coming to the door, and voices. He took a step back, eyebrows furrowing as he did a small double take to be sure he was hearing more than one male voice. Standing there, it felt like someone had hit him with a Mac truck and had left him for dead. His breath began to come in pants, and his heart seemed to suddenly stop. A loud roaring was filling his ears, and his vision was turning to tunnel vision on just that door. He could hardly hear the lock turn, and then the door knob as the door swung open. A man was standing there, a man he didn't know. Light colored hair was disheveled, and his pale face was lightly flushed. He took in the sight of Murphy and raised an eyebrow at him. Murphy backed away from him like the man was armed, back slamming into the wall. Standing there for a brief second, he spun on his heel and raced towards the elevator, mouth dry. He could hear his name being called, but he just punched the button until the doors opened. Falling in, he tapped the down button like it was a life line. The doors slide closed, and he slid down the back wall of the elevator, eyes tearing up. Everything felt like he had been put in a blender and set to dice, mince and shred. He had been right, both he and Connor had been right. Punching the wall beside him, he stood and walked out the doors, and he didn't look back as he walked out of the building. Reaching up, he brushed a hand across his face and wiped away the tears. It was stupid to cry over someone who didn't love him, who had used him and when Murphy hadn't given in, had ran to someone else. But still, it hurt, it hurt like hell and he didn't know what to think.
The walk back to the apartment was a blur to him, a mindless blur, and when he found himself standing outside of his building, he was shocked he had made it back. Staggering in, it was like he was drunk at nine in the morning. Falling into his elevator, he pressed the button that would take him to his floor. As it was creaking its way up, he stared at the floor, repulsed by the thoughts that were toying with his mind. Had Romeo been cheating on him this whole time? Was he just using Murphy as a toy? The same thought process kept going around, and around, and around. No matter what he tried, all he could do was picture that man's face in his mind. The doors stopped on the fourth floor, and a little old lady made her way in. "Murphy." She said, her own way of greeting.
Murphy looked up and almost screamed out loud. His day was just going downhill like a boulder down a mountain. But instead of her usual squaking rant at him, she smiled at him warmly. "I know yeh boys ain' goin' home fer tha' holidays, so I made yeh a pie. I know yeh both like pumpkin, so here. I was goin' ta bring it up ta yeh now, but since yer here, I'll let yeh have it." She said, holding out the pie pan. He stared at it a second, then reached out and took it. This was the first time the woman had ever shown him any sort of kindness, normally she was like a wicked old toad out for blood.
"Thank yeh so much ." He said, looking at her. She smiled at him.
"Yer welcome, MacManus boy." With that, she turned and walked back down to her door. The doors closed, and he was alone once more. A small bubble of gratefulness welled up in his chest, and he smiled down at the pie. As the doors opened to his floor, he walked over to the door and tapped on it, praying that Connor was awake. As he waited, the nightmarish images of Romeo's apartment had him gasping for air as Connor opened the door.
"Fuck, Murph! What's wrong? Come on, ge' yer arse in here and breath." Connor said, panic sweeping over him slightly. He grabbed Murphy's upper arm and gently tugged him into the apartment. His darker half set the pie down on the coffee table before collapsing on the couch, gasping for breath. "Murphy, come on, calm down an' talk ta me." Connor begged, rubbing his younger half's back. It took about a minute for Murphy to regain his breath and look Connor in the eyes. His own blue eyes were dull, clouded with pain and lifeless, their normal flame having burned out.
"Yeh were righ' Conn…an' I was too fuckin' stupid ta listen ta ya. I went over there ta leave Romeo…an' some random guy opened tha door." He said, voice low and dull. Connor's eyes went wide before he reach out to pull Murphy to him.
Feeling Connor's powerful arms around him, Murphy melted into the touch, resting his head on the offered shoulder just as he had the night before. Vision going blurry, he closed his eyes and tried to fight away the tears that were welling up in his eyes. He wasn't a fucking girl, and he wasn't about to cry like one. Clinging to Connor, he felt the strong fingers start working on his back as a heavy head came to rest on his.
"It's gonna be alrigh' Murph. Yeh'll see." He promised. Murphy smiled into the shirt as Connor talked. He began to relax as Connor held him, making him feel better. For a while, they just sat there, wrapped around each other. "Murph?" Connor asked, his voice low.
"Aye?"
"'M here if yeh need me, no matter what it is, no matter when it is, 'M always gonna be here if yeh need me." The words were whispered so low, Murphy wasn't sure if he heard them right. Pulling back, he locked gazes with Connor. The weight of the words finally sank in, and he smiled at Connor.
"'M gonna hold yeh ta that." He replied.
"I kinda figured yeh would."
As they grinned at each other, Murphy realized how close he was to Connor. Only scant inches separated him His eyes darted from Connor's, to his mouth for a split second, before back to the eyes as blue as his own. His body came alive, and insanely aware of the man holding him. His breath hitched slightly, and his heart skipped a few beats as the blood in his veins heated up.
Connor watched him, raising an eyebrow. "Are yeh alrigh'?" He asked. Murphy just nodded, trying to calm down. "Are yeh sure?" The more Connor talked, the more Murphy became aware of the warm breath tickling his cheeks. Swallowing hard, he started a war within his mind, one that could potentially make him lose everything. Should he do it, or should he just back away and let it go? "Murphy?" The sound of his name jolted him into reality. "Jus' fuckin' tell me Murphy, please."
It was the breaking point, and he gave into the part of his mind that was going mad. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and leaned in. Pressing his lips to Connor's, he waited for the shove away, the punch, the fight, anything. Instead, he almost had a heart attack when hands buried themselves in his hair and pulled him closer. Lightly chapped lips pressed back against his, and a moan escaped one of them, though he didn't know who. Soon, his lungs began to scream for air, and he had to pull away for oxygen. Slowly, as if the motion would throw him back into reality, he opened his eyes.
Blue eyes, clouded with lust met his. Their noses remained touching, and their breaths mingled as they panted for air. Neither spoke, they just watched each other, waiting to see who would make the first move. It was like two predators circling each other, toying with the others mind. Suddenly, Murphy was shoved back and on to his back. Before he could contemplate what it meant, Connor was pressing his mouth against Murphy's once more. Eyes snapped closed, and hands began to rove over bodies as Murphy pulled Connor closer. A slick, wet tongue flicked against his lower lip, begging to be let in. Slowly, Murphy parted his lips, and a dominate tongue invaded his mouth, tangling with his own, teasing it in to a small battle, before pulling back slightly to run across the roof of his mouth and slowly along his teeth. Strong, tanned fingers trailed down his sides slowly, teasing the man below them. Breaking away, Connor smiled at Murphy.
"Well…tha' was unexpected. How long have yeh been hidin' tha'?" He asked, nuzzling Murphy's throat.
"A while, bu' I jus' admitted it ta meself not too long ago." He replied, shifting to bare more of his throat to the mouth working its way down it.
"Mmm, I think 'M rather happy yeh did." Connor said, pulling back to smile at Murphy.
"I think I am to."
Smirking, Connor attacked Murphy's neck once more, licking and nipping at the pale skin as his hands found their way under worn fabric and onto soft flesh. Breaking away from the neck under him, Connor eyed his work. The mark was dark, and raised, and he had to smile. "Looks like I staked my claim." He teased, nuzzling him. Murphy snorted.
"Arse."
"Never said I wasn't."
Just as Connor started to attack his darker half once more, someone started knocking on their door. Growling in frustration, Connor stood up. "Don' even think abou' movin'." He said, smirking at Murphy. His younger half just laughed, and stretched out on the couch.
"I never said I would."
Laughing, Connor made his way over to the door. Looking over his shoulder, he smirked at Murphy. "Keep layin' like tha' and yer gonna learn somethin' new when 'M done." He teased, opening the door. Turning to face the person outside of it, he fought the urge to slam the door shut. The same large animal that had calmed down inside of him roared to life, claws extended and fangs dripping with saliva as he was met with the figure of Romeo. "What." He snapped, rage flooding his veins and clouding his vision with a hazy shade of red.
"Um…I need to talk to Murphy." He asked, shifting from foot to foot. Connor snarled, fighting the urge to slam the door in Romeo's face.
"I don' fuckin' think so." He snapped, taking a step back to slam the door.
"Please, just let me talk to him. This isn't any of your business! This is between us." Romeo replied, narrowing his eyes.
"This is my business! He's me fuckin' twin, and me other half. Yeh hurt him, yeh hurt me."
"Conn…move." Murphy said, voice low. Connor turned to face his twin.
"Are yeh sure?" He asked. Murphy nodded. Turning back to Romeo, Connor glared at him. "Don' fuckin' upset him. An' don' try anythin' fuckin' stupid." He snarled. Moving aside, he let Murphy thought.
"Wha' the fuck are yeh doin' here Romeo?" Murphy asked, leaning against the door frame.
"I just want to talk to you." He said, stepping forward a bit. Murphy glared at him, and crossed his arms.
"I don' think there's anythin' ta talk about."
"Please Murphy! Just let me explain."
"There's nothin' ta explain. Yer a cheatin' arse who treats his lovers like shite. Go tha fuck away Romeo. Yer no' wanted here anymore." With that, Murphy turned and made his way back into the apartment.
"Murph!" Romeo cried.
Murphy froze, and before he could fully turn around, Connor had shot past him and had Romeo pinned to the wall.
"Don' yeh EVER call me brother that. Yeh don' have the right ta. 'M tha only one who can call him tha'. Yeh get yer arse outta here an' don' ever come back." He snarled, slamming Romeo once against the wall. Letting him drop, Connor turned and made his way back into the apartment and slammed the door shut. Murphy flashed him a wicked grin.
"My, I get all fuckin' tingly when yeh get possessive." He teased, smirking. Connor snarled at him, rage still pulsing through him. Murphy laughed, shoving Connor. "Aw, calm down Conn, he's no' comin' back." He said, walking over to the couch and flopping down on it. "Please calm down?" He asked. Connor sighed and nodded.
"Sorry Murph. He just crossed a line with me is all. Pissed me off to tha point tha' I wanted ta punch him so hard tha' he fuckin' woulda went through tha wall. He never shoulda showed up, nor called yeh tha'. 'M tha only one who is ever gonna call yeh tha'." Connor snapped, running a hand through his hair. Murphy rose and sauntered over to him. Reaching out, he brushed his hand down Connor's face.
"Yer right, yer tha only one tha' 'M ever gonna let call me Murph. Do yeh know why Conn?"
"Aye. I think I do."
"Why do yeh think yeh know?"
"Because it's tha same reason I only let yeh call me Conn. Because yer tha one tha' loves me, because yer me other half." He whispered, leaning into the touch and reaching out to place his hands on Murphy's hips and draw him closer. Their chests pressed together, and Murphy sighed as he closed his eyes.
"Yer right. I do love yeh, and yeh are me other half. But most of all Conn, I love yeh."
"I love yeh too Murph." Connor whispered, leaning in and kissing Murphy softly. Wrapping his arms around Connor, Murphy deepened the kiss. They both knew where they were where they belonged.