Garet of Green Gables
A/N: AHAHA! A little something I decided to do! Well…I actually found the idea pretty amusing. Well, tell me what you think-it's based on the 'retold' version, so if I got something wrong…ignore it. This is only an extra simple version. Please read and review! YAY! Rated K+ for…you'll get it when you read. :D Happy Reading!
Chapter 1 – I am NOT a Girl!
Part 1 – Dreams, Screams, and Unpretty Things
Garet glared furiously at his clothing. Usually he would be satisfied with whatever his mother forced him to wear-even a stupid mud-brown sweater that she made. But this was too far. Isaac opened the door, and then stifled a loud snort, and Ivan began screaming from a couch how "Priceless" this was. All Mia did was gape.
"What?" Garet screamed as he pushed the door open forcefully.
Dora screamed and ran upstairs to hide.
"GARET IS A GIRL!" Ivan sang loudly, but luckily, not loud enough for the whole world to hear.
"AM NOT!" Garet grabbed Ivan by the collar and began shaking him up and down, but Ivan seemed to ignore this act of violence. "AND I WISH YOU WOULDN'T ACT AS IF THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!" he put his nose to Ivan's nose, and Ivan just laughed even more.
"YOU'RE WEARING MAAAA-KEUP!" Ivan squealed and began commenting a whole bunch of other weird stuff.
"…" Isaac said.
"Hey! How can you say '…'?" Mia squawked, pretending that Garet wasn't there.
"I like your LOVELY dress, oh PRETTY Garet." Ivan blinked innocently, and then received a hit on the head.
"AND I LIKE YOUR LARGE, LUMPY LUMP!" Garet roared and whacked Ivan on the head several more times. Ivan acted as if nothing had happened, and continued smiling. Garet looked flustered, then dropped Ivan on the ground, where he began laughing maniacally like a freak, shaking uncontrollably in hiccups of laughter.
Isaac blinked in confusion, then looked at Mia, who was throwing up behind his couch.
"HEY! NO THROWING UP BEHIND MY COUCH!" he screamed and grabbed Garet's sword and hit her on the head with it.
Garet pulled his sword back, and Isaac began yelling at Mia about house rules.
"So you're moving in with some idiots you don't even know, and they're just a regular weird couple who want a boy for housework right?" Isaac nodded to Garet, and Garet began fuming at the reminder where he was going. "And you're going to be their household-"
"SLAVE!" Ivan butted in, and grinned broadly.
Garet shot Ivan a dirty look. Isaac taped Ivan's mouth shut with duct tape, then ripped off the tape. You probably know what happened next. Ivan had a frantic look on his face and Mia only smiled with a funny look. Isaac frowned as if there was something strange about Mia, and then continued.
"And these people are the 'Cupboards'?" Isaac mused, and received a funny glance from Garet.
"CUTHbert. Not cupboard." Garet corrected.
"Right. The Tubbywats." Isaac nodded. Garet sighed.
"Now where did you come up with that?"
"You told me their names were the Flabby-butts."
"…"
"!" Ivan screamed.
"Ahem, translated roughly, that means, 'household slave!' so I wouldn't act like what Ivan is saying is gibberish." Isaac announced. Then he grabbed out a roll of "Extra Sticky Duct Tape" and pasted it on Ivan's mouth again. This time he didn't pull it off. Ivan screamed silently and began bowing at Garet's feet. "Garet, I grant you with your own household slave." Isaac said earnestly, and pushed the two out the door.
Part 2 – Lost on the Streets and the Attack of the Killer Train Monsters
Ivan with tape on his mouth proved to be much more useful then Garet had ever imagined. He did whatever he told him to do, like the simple "Roll Over" trick or maybe the "Fetch". But he had no idea why Ivan was so frightened of the duct tape and whenever he attempted to take it off for him so he could say what was wrong, all he did was muffle a scream that was so faint, he nearly took off the tape before he heard Ivan screaming. Naturally, he would have ripped it off for the fun of it all, but he had no time for games, there was a train station to get to. That is, if he could find his way there. What was a train anyways?
Ivan gave him a look that read: There are no such things as 'twaene' you dolt. I have no idea what a twaene is anyways, and we don't have the time to figure it out. If we don't get to this 'twaene', the Fat Butts will forget to pick you up.
"FAT BUTTS?" Garet gawked at Ivan, causing many passer-bys to stare ominously at the strange boy and the other boy who had duct tape plastered on his mouth. "Uh…IT WAS IVAN!" Garet screamed quickly, and pointed to Ivan who was pointing accusingly at him.
The people on the streets muttered and continued on their way, some staring momentarily and left, whispering quietly to one another and giving funny glances.
Several hours later…
"Uh…I don't think we're in Weyard anymore." Garet muttered, glancing at the unfamiliar territory. Fat bunnies were bounding around, birdies were flying and a little orange and yellow ball thingy was waddling towards him.
"Ahem." The creampuff declared, attempting a serious voice but failed because the voice was very…very…mushy or something. "You have arrived at Green Greens, Popstar. We hope you enjoy your stay." The thing looked waveringly a moment at the two, and pointed them towards a little building.
POOF!
"Uh…sorry, I just blanked." A person out of nowhere wearing a moo mask with fake plastic fangs and a red and black cape with blue clothing appeared out of nowhere and grabbed the thing out of the way. "Get out of the way Waddle Dee." The person then pulled the two into a hole in the sky. "You were supposed to go to the Flubber Butt – I mean, Cuthbert house. It's right down the street, the train station. You better not be as stupid as I thought you were." The person disappeared with a small 'POP'.
"Uh…that was weird." Garet grumbled, then pulled Ivan down the street.
"You are at the Person Crossing Train Station!" a Waddle Dee squealed as soon as they reached the Information Desk, which was pretty small because the Waddle Dee was the size of Ivan's head.
"Hey Ivan, why don't I sever your head and put that Dee as your head?" Garet suggested with a laugh, receiving dirty glances from the Waddle Dee and Ivan. "Uh…never mind…anyways, we're here to get to the Cuthbert residence."
"Uh huh…" The Waddle Dee mumbled absentmindedly and wrote down the location on a small pink notepad. "Right that way. You buy your tickets there." The Waddle Dee pointed to another look-alike of an information desk.
Garet and Ivan lugged themselves tiredly through the train station. And then, all of a sudden, a huge black object zoomed past. Ivan screamed silently and strangled Garet's head.
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
"Hey, stop disturbing the customers!" a girl wearing a coonskin cap that was swallowing her head screamed above all the racket. "If you want to buy your tickets and get where you're going, then SHUT UP!"
They did. She was, after all, brandishing a huge mop. The girl gave them their tickets after they paid several gold pieces, and they got on the train.
"Uh…where are we supposed to board?" Garet muttered, looking at the long lines of people running around to get where they had to go. Most boarded enormous chains of black worms that spewed smoke and made 'Ding-Ding' noises.
Ivan stared at the black objects with anxiousness as they zoomed off leaving trails of dust and 'ding-dings'. He muttered something silently under his breath but was muffled. He was obviously displeased.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" a familiar voice floated over the crowd of people.
Sheba appeared from the midst of the bustling crowd.
"Oh hi Sheba." Ivan said suddenly.
"I thought your mouth was taped." Garet said, glaring slightly at Ivan.
"MMMMmmfhle." Ivan declared proudly, then attempted to flirt with Sheba, who walked off with a toss of her head.
"…Sheba is weird." Garet said slowly, and Ivan glared at him.
"No she is not!" Ivan shouted hotly, and grabbed Garet's arm and stormed off to the nearest black object.
As soon as they got on, a person took away their ticket and showed them their way to their chairs. Several seconds later, the thing began moving slowly. Ivan sighed in relief. Then it got faster. And a bit faster. And faster it moved. Ivan grew green.
"Train-blurgh…" Ivan burbled slightly as he threw up over his chair.
"OY! What was that for?" a man behind screamed.
"Oops…" Ivan grumbled with a slightly yellow face. "…Whirlwind…" he grunted weakly, and the man was sent flying over the next chair.
"Ivan you idiot!" Garet screamed, and grabbed Ivan. "Don't get sick on everyone!"
Ivan blinked weakly at him. Then he threw up again.
"AUGH!"
Ivan was set on fire. Ivan crumbled into ashes. Ivan 'died'. Ivan yelled at the author. The author laughed maniacally. The author 'muhahaed'.
A/N: …I suppose you fancy me mad, but did you like it? YOU MUST! MUST! OO NOW REVIEW MORTAL! Ivan has suffered from 'Traniaphobia', so I won't include him in the next chapter…in fact…I have something else in store…MUAHAHAH!