Disclaimers: Cupids not mine, got an idea for this in a book I once read.
Some facts that mankind should know.
That's it I've had enough of humans and there pitiful little life's. How can mankind go though life like you all do? Everything about you mortals is so fragile and yet you all act as though you were invincible. Well none of you are and it about time you all learned the difference. So being a thoughtful kind of a guy I going to give you mortals a few facts about how it all really began. How humans got to be where they are.
The big bang was just a knock. I do believe it was the day dad sneezed loudly.
Dinosaurs rule the earth, but decide to leave, as earth is yesterday's news.
Dad coughed again.
My sister and brother have a major fight they somehow make the biggest mistake ever known they create mankind. Both of them try to fix their mistake before the others find out. They manage to fix the mistake in the nick of time. Mankind is killed of, for the time being.
Dad catches a cold and starts the ice age.
Dad renacts my siblings mistake and recreates mankind. This time they are here to stay.
Mum is in a bad mood, creates fire for man by accident. It puts her in an even worse mood. We all stay out of her way for a century or two.
Various modern appliances are invented. Fire destroys all inventions and they are lost to mankind for a few thousand years.
Giant ice-cream cones appear in the desert, no one will own up to it. Who would?
Coffee is invented, dad steals the recipe.
Someone builds a wall across China, what's the deal with that.
For a laugh we make dad lose count of mankind's years on earth to date, he has to start all over again.
A young lad dies and is born again.
Holy wars, nothing to do with me but I suspect my dad's involvement.
Spanish start a little fight over land and over who stole the other person sunbathing spot
Gravity discovered it's like discovering the nose on the end of your face.
Shakespeare, bless that man he has done a lot for, my line of work
America, equality is everything, takes them another two centuries to actually practice it.
The telephone is invented; the curse of the mobile phone comes later, the most annoying thing to be invented next to country music.
Radio and television. Something that humans think they can entertain each other with.
Dad is busy this century, 2 wars worldwide. Which for him is busy.
Unite a couple on earth joy my life is complete.
Mankind visit the moon. Means the family can't vacation there any more. Mind you we still have mars.
Earth moves orbit by a metre, no one on earth knows what has happened.
You may wonder why I have put no dates on my list of facts about earth. You want to know each fact/event occurred work it out yourself. As for me I'm Cupid God of love. Though these days I haven't really had the time to help mankind with their love lives. You all wanted free will and that's exactly what you have received. Courtesy of a little old man that wished for it a few thousand years ago.