Hello again! This little fic was inspired by the song "Be Still" by The Fray. It seemed only fair that I give my Trevelyan and Cullen a fic that was inspired by the same album that inspired a couple of my other fics.
As usual, BioWare is the overlord that owns all. Enjoy!
It would often begin in the dead of night. His shivers would shake her awake and she'd always be lost for a moment, unsure of where she was. But then he would groan or whimper, cry out or plead. She would be yanked into reality quickly then, her focus immediate. She would roll over to face him, usually, and give him a once over before acting. Rarely, very rarely recently, it would turn out to be nothing and she would snuggle into his chest and go back to sleep, grateful that he had found his own peace. More often than not she would have to act, however.
She would start by securing his arm in her hand, trailing circles across the muscle there. Generally, this would calm his tremors, occasionally eliciting a sigh. If he was still restless she would move her grip to his hand, rubbing circles into the back of his hand with her thumb, while her other hand came up to his forehead, her fingers gently combing through his hair. This was the certain cure for most of the night terrors, her name escaping on his next breath, Ana, as he leaned into her touch. Sometimes his eyes would crack open blearily and he would gather her in his arms, murmuring an apology that she always waved away, before they both passed comfortably back into sleep. It was her physical touch that was the key to pulling him out of the Fade; he seemed to need that physical tether to the real world to bring him back to it, away from the nightmares.
But that night was not one of those nights; it was not such a simple pain to fix. His face was contorted in a pain she would never fully understand and whose weight she could only hope to share with him. There was sweat beaded on his forehead and she felt her heart break as he whimpered and pleaded with the Maker to bring it to an end. This seemed to be the worst of them yet, his whole body shaking in a way that made her own bones feel jittery. Eliana edged her way closer to him across the mattress, stopping as a strangled cry escaped him. She closed her eyes against it, biting her lip hard to distract herself from the way her heart constricted at the sound. She was close enough now that she reached out a hand for his chest, feeling his hammering heartbeat. At her touch his shaking calmed, only a few quivers running through his body after a moment. He was still restless though, he began to pull away from her as he tried to shift to the other side of the bed. But she held him fast, her hand entangling itself in his shirt, her other grabbing his wrist.
"Cullen." Her voice was cracked and quiet from sleep. This calmed him for only a second before her tried to move away again, this time more urgently. "Cullen." Eliana said again, putting more strength into her voice. He stopped trying to move but began to tremble again. His dreams had pulled him deep that evening. She let go of his wrist, moving to circle her arms around his neck, her fingers twining in his hair as she pulled herself flush to his chest. She brought her mouth to his ear and whispered his name once more. "Cullen." He stilled. She closed her eyes and turned her face into his neck, breathing in his scent. He seemed to relax muscle by muscle in her embrace, eventually sucking in a deep breath when the process seemed complete. His arms came up around her, clutching her like she was a lifeline, though she supposed she was the only grounding factor he had in these vulnerable moments. His hand smoothed her hair, starting from the top of her head and traveling down to the middle of her back, the repetitive action keeping him preoccupied. She allowed him the time he needed to recover himself, pressing a light kiss into his neck as a reminder that she was there, present with him.
Eliana was beginning to doze off by the time he shifted against her, pulling back so he could see her face in the moonlight that was pooling on the bed. She cracked a tired smile at him, simply happy to see his face without the pained expression. He looked sheepish though, ashamed. Thus he started with the apologies and she struggled not to interrupt him with a sigh or a dismissive comment. She felt as though this time was different. When he began to struggle for words and flounder with what he was going to say next she laid her head on his chest and sighed, taking hold of his hand. She brought their hands up close to her face, studying their interwoven fingers. He had fallen silent.
"Did you want to talk about it?" She rarely posed this question. The Commander kept these occurrences close to himself, barely sharing anything about what they entailed. She never pried, he would share when he wanted to and until then she would just have to try and alleviate the part of the burden that he actually shared with her. She knew enough that what plagued him was horrible, he likely kept it from her to prevent her more worry than she already had. Not that it mattered; she worried for him all the same. He was quiet for a long time, his thumb sweeping across her knuckles, another reassurance.
"No." His quiet reply was not surprising, but she had decided that she wouldn't let this one go as easily.
"Was it an old nightmare or a new one?" Eliana asked, drumming her fingers against the back of his hand, a small sign of irritation. She listened to his breathing as she waited for his reply, it took a while.
"It was new." He finally said, moving ever so slightly as he admitted this, showing he was still unsettled.
"Well, I'm here with you so there's nothing to worry about." She looked up at him and smiled. It was the best thing she could think of in that moment to chase away the small tremor of fear in his voice. He returned her smile and planted a kiss on the top of her head.
"And I am grateful for that." He murmured against her hair. She hummed and snuggled into his chest, drifting off to sleep soon after, thinking her work was done for the night. Cullen brought his arm up around her shoulders, giving her a slight squeeze.
"But you were there too." He said, his voice sad, a shiver running through his body. He doubted he would get much sleep the rest of the night, so he settled for soaking up every detail of her body pressed to his, her deep breathing, the way her foot twitched every once in a while. He wondered if having a concrete memory of this would help him stay in reality or if it would only be more twisted when the Fade decided to drag him down again.