«One Last Time»
Everything belongs to Sui Ishida.
Summary:
One of the many times Haise visits Touka in :re, and his last. Based on Mutsuki's flashbacks from chapter 114. Tousaki. One-shot.
—o—
He's desperate.
Frantic hands reach for the striped jacket on the coat rack and his feet shove hurriedly into a pair of black boots before his eyes latch on the messy reflection in the mirror. Haise stands panting in the glass, nails traveling to the crazy tendrils that poke out with electricity on his head. He licks his fingers, trying to keep his hair in place, but it's a lost cause; the dense weather doesn't help at all and he sighs, giving up.
He doesn't look so terrible, or at least that's what he thinks.
One last check at his reflection in the mirror and he decides that he's ready to go. A deep sigh escapes from his lips as he grabs his bag, looping the strap around his shoulder and going down the stairs with his boots bombarding each one of the steps. His hands travel to the inside of his bag to check if the book is still inside. He feels the pages caressing his fingertips and nods, glad that he hasn't forgotten the most important thing of all. When he arrives at the living room, he spots a lonely Saiko bending in front of the open fridge in the kitchen.
"Hey, Saiko!"
The girl turns around, her chubby arm resting onto the fridge door as her sleepy eyes stare at him with boredom. She murmurs something that sounds like whatdoyouwant.
Haise smiles awkwardly and his eyes travel to his own outfit, then back at her again.
"How do I look?"
Saiko frowns, clearly confused.
"What?"
Haise shakes his head, pointing out his outfit with his hands.
"J-Just tell me, do I look like an idiot or something?"
"Why do you wanna know that?"
Saiko dedicates a few minutes to inspect the weird look he's giving to her and the way his hair pops out in all directions like the hair of a fluffy Chihuahua. She can help but giggle a bit.
"Ah, never mind, forget it," Haise whispers back, definitely giving up. He reaches out for his bag to check if the keys are inside.
"Yeeaaah, your hair looks funny," Saiko closes the fridge and leans against the island. "Mamaaaaaaaaan."
"Mmmh?"
"Saiko is hungry."
"Uhm, Saiko, I can't really co—"
"You're going somewhere?"
A voice whispers in a lower tone behind him. He follows Saiko's eyes, which land drowsy on top of the stairs with a tiny smile. Haise turns around and Mutsuki approaches little by little, step by step, his hand sliding slowly through the handrail. He's studying his outfit with straight-faced eyes.
Haise nods, quickly closing his bag after finding the keys.
"Yeah, I'll meet Arima to hand him some documents and, uhh, buy some stuff…"
Saiko raises her head.
"What kind of stuff? You mean, stuff like food?"
Haise arches an eyebrow, shifting around to face her.
"Do you want something?"
Saiko smiles brightly, happy that he understands, and Haise stretches out his hand to pinch her right cheek.
"Thank you maman," she giggles, being squeezed by Haise's hands. "Can you bring ice cream and donuts?"
Haise nods.
"Okay, ice cream and donuts."
"And Pocky too."
"Pocky, got it."
"How long will you be out?" Mutsuki asks.
He smiles at him, adjusting his jacket.
"Oh, just an hour or so, I'll be back soon," he looks at his outfit, then at him. "Do I look good?"
Although Haise is smiling and Saiko rolls her eyes, replying that his hair is a mess and that his jacket doesn't match the color of his trousers, Mutsuki is unable to smile properly. He can't be honest, not really, not in the way he wants to be, so he blinks, nodding, sighing as he takes a seat in one of the steps behind him.
Nodding is the only thing he can do.
"You look good," he simply answers.
He does. He really does.
Saiko moans, wrinkling her face.
"Don't be a liar!"
Haise looks at Saiko, nodding with a tender smile.
"You see? Mutsuki is nice," he says, adjusting his bag on his shoulder once more. "Okay, I better get going. I'll be back soon."
Haise pats Saiko's head with one hand as he heads to the door, giving Mutsuki a soft smile before shutting it down with a deep sigh. His eyes meet the glassy sky above him and during an instant he wonders if he should bring an umbrella, but the cravings to see her are way stronger than his common sense, so he keeps the keys back into his bag and his legs march towards the only place he wants to go, the only place he's been thinking of for almost the entire week.
Even if the book he carries within his bag is a good excuse—actually, it's great—to visit her once more, he still thinks that there should be something else, something not as vague and blank as a simple book that doesn't mean anything to her, maybe she has never read it, maybe she doesn't read that much, not as much as he does, and maybe talking about books isn't something as fancy as he thinks, what if she gets bored? He stops for a moment, staring at the floor as the people surrounding him keep walking, breathing and living. What if he's making a mistake? What if going to that place again is a mistake? He knows she's the reason behind it, the coffee is great too, of course, but that's not the motivation of his actions, the coffee is not the reason for why he spent hours picking a proper outfit and fixing his unruly hair with inexpert fingers. The coffee was like an old taste, something he has tried before, but she…
She was like someone he would see in one of his dreams, the good ones, whispering his name before he could even listen.
He caught her looking at him the last time he visited the store. She'd smiled, but that's what pretty girls are supposed to do when they catch a funny guy looking at them under the shadow of a mug, right?
He likes her. He knows that he likes her. How is that he likes her without even knowing her? How can he be so sure that he does, though? She's pretty, and her hair smells nice even from afar, and her coffee is delicious, and that's basically all he knows about her.
He knows that she likes good music; he has seen her putting a song from Ling Tosite Sigure on the music player inside the shop when the place was almost empty.
He knows that black waitress skirts look great on her.
He knows that he likes her, and yet he doesn't know how to give the first step.
But that's going to change today. Yeah, that's totally going to change.
The store isn't too much far away from his home and he wonders why he hasn't ever spotted that place in the past. Maybe he and the pretty waitress met each other before, is that why she looks so familiar? Maybe on a train, or in a different coffee shop, or walking down the streets like two completely different strangers. Maybe.
His body releases a deep sigh of relief when he spots the shop and it's open. He sighs again, looking around with no intention to find anything extraordinary special, and clenches his fists for a second before relaxing his hands, looking at the sky and praying for a miracle.
Don't be an idiot, keep it cool, you have seen her before, she knows who you are, don't screw this up.
His feet move towards a place that softly whispers his name and he can see her behind the glass. The store is almost empty and she's behind the counter, as she usually is, and she's reading a magazine with her chin resting on her hand. He sighs once more and starts walking towards the entrance. He's careful to pace slowly so that she looks up as he's walking by, and Haise's heart almost stops when he sees how quickly she is at noticing his presence before her. Her eyes stay on him, sparkling like stars, and they never leave him as he gets closer and closer, and opens the door, and when she looks away to leave the counter, he realizes that both had not been breathing.
She takes his breath away; just having her near him is enough to make his heart flutter.
"Hi," she says, smiling softly, greeting him with the most beautiful presence. Her eyes look kindly surprised to see him there.
She's wearing a pigtail at the back of her head, soft stray strands of hair falling on each side of her face, one lock touching her right eye, stroking her eyelashes. She looks prettier than the last time he saw her, and seeing her with a new hairstyle is surprisingly refreshing.
Don't say anything about her hair, don't be an idiot, don't s—
"Y-Your hair looks cute," that's the first thing he says.
Touka breathes a small laugh, eyelashes sprinkling the smiling apples of her cheeks and butterflies tug at the corner of her lips. For a moment, it seems to him that she wants to say something else, something that he fears it can be a "you're an idiot" or "what the hell are you doing", but she's smiling, and her cheeks flush in red, and he decides that she can say whatever the hell she wants to him. It doesn't matter, it won't matter.
"Thank you," she responds, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. She's still smiling, and Haise finds himself smiling back. "I didn't expect you to come today."
He giggles a bit, placing his bag on the nearest table.
"Oh, yeah, well, I had the day off so…"
"It's okay, I always like to have you here," she adds and points out the chair. "Sit, I'll bring you coffee."
She likes it. She likes when he comes to the store.
He doesn't say anything, but his silence his loud. He sits on the chair, studying the way she moves towards the counter and grabs a mug to prepare his coffee.
"You're literally the only customer today," she says, and Haise's eyes travel around the store with a small grin. "So thank you for giving some relevance to my shop."
He chuckles, resting his elbows on the table.
"It's not usually like this, isn't? The last time I came, the place was pretty crowded."
Touka nods, shrugging.
"Yeah, but this week has been tough. It's been raining all morning so I wasn't expecting many people to be honest, but it's fine, I get to rest a bit."
She continues to speak, explaining how hard it is to run the store on Monday mornings when her brother is not there to help her. Her words get lost in a funny anecdote about a kid who came to the store and got scared by her brother's face, but Haise is not really listening. He studies her. When she's not looking, he counts the pores on her skin, the hairs of her eyebrows, the way she frowns when she accidentally blurts out a curse and rolls her eyes in an apology, not being able to hold herself back, the true nature of her wild soul taking control of her actions. He enjoys hearing her talk, even if he's not paying attention to her words, it seems that she enjoys having a conversation; another thing he has learned from her today. For instants, her ponytail dissolves and she sighs with irritation, taking the rubber band to make the hairdo again, and Haise smiles softly when he spots her bangs falling into her eyes like rain, he wonders how would it feel to brush them away with his fingers.
Haise blinks, coming back to real life when Touka walks towards him with the cup of coffee between her hands. She places it on the table and Haise smiles at the sight of a cute rabbit decorating the top of the drink.
"My favorite," he flatters, and Touka smirks. He suddenly remembers and gasps, grabbing the bag and plucking a book out, he hands it to her. "I brought the book back."
"Oh," she says, and takes the book in her hands, inspecting the cover. Haise's heart almost stops when she takes a seat in front of him. "Did you like it?"
Haise thought that the book that she let him take with him for a few weeks would be a great excuse to come back later, she said he could borrow more books if he wanted, and if every book meant that he could have a chance to see her again, and again, and again… he was honestly more than ready to take them all with him, even if he already read many from her bookshelf.
"Yeah, I loved it," he says, his eyes starting to shimmer due to the topic. He can't help it, he loves books. "I thought I wouldn't like it at first, the main character was an idiot, but as I kept reading the plot got very intense. I read it in almost two days."
He almost feels embarrassed.
Stop, stop talking about books, girls don't want to talk about books, she will think you're an idiot, she will—
"Oh, really? Tell me about it."
He blinks, almost choking with the coffee he just drank.
"W-What?"
Touka laughs, frowning.
"What's with that face?" she asks, still giggling.
He puts the cup back onto the table.
"A-Ah, sorry, it's just that — uhh, well, I didn't know you wanted to — I mean, do you like reading?"
She sighs, resting her cheek against her hand.
"I really do, believe me, it's just that I can't seem to find the right book for me. I'm kind of picky. But go on, tell me about it, I'll listen."
Haise hesitates, not very sure. Does she really want to talk about books? He peers around, unsure, and the lack of people around them gives him enough confidence to steal her some time and keep her with him a little longer, although he's not very sure if books are an accurate conversation material. What if she gets bored? What if—
"O-Okay," he says, hushing the noisy whispers inside his head. This is his chance, and he came here for a reason. He took a sip of coffee, sighing at the delicious taste, and took a deep breath. "Well, the story beings with—"
His lips move, explaining everything he remembers with meticulous details. Name and age of the main character, his occupation, his motivations, his friends, family, the girl he likes, and Touka's eyes shimmer with nostalgia. He hasn't changed. He hasn't changed at all. His eyebrows frown with the same intensity when he tries to explain something he doesn't really understand, rambling around over the same topic until he gets it, and tries to explain it again for her to understand. He smiles with the same tenderness and his hands move up and down all the time, fingers drawing patterns in the air while trying to describe the shape of an object that the character found. She feels lured by his presence, a young man with hundred glimpses of who he used to be; but bolder, smarter, older. He looks like a funny professor trying to explain the hardest calculation and his mussed hair makes her smile, she smiles so brightly when he's in front of her. It doesn't matter; it doesn't even matter if he never finds out the truth, if he keeps coming at this store with absolutely no idea of who she really is, of who they used to be. He looks happy, he looks healthy, he's alive, and that's all that matters.
She dwells on his features, admires his presence during the whole conversation. She barely speaks, she just listens, smiles, nods, and laughs when he says something stupid, which happens quite often. Touka finds herself wondering what would happen if she could freeze this moment, if she could stop time and make him stay forever. She doesn't even have to hug him or cry against his chest like she always wanted to do. She just wants to listen, hear his voice all day, talking about books and adventures that are way too good to be true, way too perfect to belong to the real world. They could start again, learn to know each other every day a little bit more even if she knows him like the palm of her hand… she's willing to learn everything again, everything you have to know about Kaneki Ken. The way he touches his chin when he lies, the way he screams her name when she's about to do something stupid, the way he lies to protect her even when she makes a mistake, the way he kindly lets her win when they train together, the way he offers to help her with her homework, the way he held her in his arms and told her he would never leave her alone…
She's willing to learn everything all over again. Forever.
Haise stops when the story comes to an end, taking a deep breath, and suddenly he feels terribly ashamed. For how long he has been talking about the book? Idiot!
"Ah, dammit, did I say too much? I'm really sorry, when I talk about books I just go insane and I can't—"
Touka laughs, leaning against the backseat.
"It's okay, I enjoy hearing you talk," she explains, and takes the book in her hands. "The story was great, I think I'm going to read it."
Haise flicks up both brows, he looks horrified.
"W-What? But, y-you… I told you the end!"
Is she crazy?
Touka shrugs, frowning.
"So what? That way I can build my own opinion, I will have something to talk to you about next time."
Next time.
So there's actually going to be a next time.
Haise feels his heart tugging in the middle of his throat. He swallows, nodding with a grin, and he's extremely surprised of how well things are going right now. Great, actually. The place is empty, she's alone, both are together and she's sitting in front of him. Like some kind of… date. As if the universe wanted for this to happen, as if their lives are nothing but a story written in the cosmos, as if his desire to see her today when he woke up in the morning weren't just his own desires, but a major force leading him to a place that he barely knows, but that feels like home.
"Yeah, next time," he says, smiling way too brightly. "Great."
"You can take more books if you want," she adds, pointing out the bookshelf behind her. "I need to read more books too."
The sudden impulse tugs Haise's tongue, making him speak with way too much excitement.
"I-I'll bring you some books next time!" he says, blushing as the kid he is. "I have s-some books from Takatsuki Sen that I'm sure you will like. I'm sure you know Takatsuki, right?"
Somehow, someway, Touka's smile slowly disappears. She looks at him with kind eyes, the kind of stares you would give to an old, very old friend.
"Yeah… who doesn't." Touka replies, and her lips curve into a tiny smile.
She's beautiful. He can't even understand it; it goes beyond his own understanding.
Haise nods, ready to say something else even if he has no idea of what to say next, when he spots a tiny white bracelet on her right wrist, and a tiny rabbit hanging on top, bouncing with each one of her movements. He smiles, amazed, and his fingers loop around her wrist, taking her by surprise. He places her hand on top of the table, touching the bracelet with a smile.
"You really like rabbits, don't you?"
Touka giggles, cheeks going red.
"My favorite animals in the world."
Haise chuckles, touching the rabbit with his fingertips.
"This is really cute. I think I've seen something like this before… maybe in a keychain? I'm not sure."
The slight touch of his fingers on her skin makes her shiver. She's not smiling anymore, she's looking at their skins united, trying to hold her breath, trying to get her shit together.
"I… had a rabbit keychain before. I lost it when I moved out, I really liked it. It was special to me."
Haise looks up when he feels the sudden tone of her voice changing its intensity, low and slow, almost as if she's talking to herself. He sees her eyes glued in the rabbit hanging on the bracelet, and before he can even notice, his thumb is slowly caressing the soft skin of her wrist, right underneath the rabbit. He flicks his gaze over her features, stopping at her lips, and Touka feels dizzy as her eyes meet his gaze, his hand still looped around her arm and she's not pulling it away. She can't. She doesn't want to.
"Christmas is coming soon," he warns, and he's speaking quietly, there's no one else in the shop except for them, but the moment feels so strangely intimate that he feels the need to speak just for her. "I can buy you a new one if you want."
Touka's eyes glisten with a spark that is not a feeling or an illusion, it's there, he can see it, almost like little tears being born in the corner of her eyes. But she smiles, softly, tenderly, and he can hear her heart throbbing out of her chest. He knows it, because his own heart is throbbing too.
"That's very sweet," she adds, nodding, and he smiles back. "Thank you."
Words are absent.
He doesn't need words when she looks at him like this.
But suddenly, out of the blue, in the blink of an eye, her eyes travel to his hair and she burst into laughter, little giggles coming alive as her hand abandons his to cover her mouth, cheeks turning red as cherries.
He frowns, confused, and raises a hand to touch his head.
"W-What is it?"
"Your hair… shit, I'm sorry," she apologizes, but her giggles don't stop. "Your hair looks really funny right now."
Haise sighs in frustration, cursing at his hair for running the moment. He blushes, his hands trying to put the rebellious locks of hair in place, but they pop out of their place whenever he tries to hold them still. His frustrated expression and lack of experience with his own hair make her laugh even more, and she takes his hands away from his own head. She's closer than before, and Haise forgets how to breathe properly.
"Here, let me help you," she offers herself, her tiny hands sinking into his hair, brushing it with her fingers. "What the hell have you done with your hair today? It looks way too fluffy."
He grumbles as she chuckles.
"I don't know! I think it's the weather, I hate it."
"It's fine, it doesn't look that bad. You just look like you have a poodle on your head."
"Ah, shut up."
Touka keeps laughing as her hands come back to her own lap, and her eyes suddenly spot a third individual staring from behind the glass. Her smile slowly disappears as the person standing in front of the main entrance gazes at them with clenched fists glued on each side of their hips. Touka leans back, coming to the realization that she knows this person. It's Mutsuki, one of Haise's subordinates, she has seen him before. Touka looks at Haise, and points out something behind him with a small movement of her jaw.
"Haise, you have…"
He frowns, turning his head around, and blurts out a gasp of surprise when he finds Mutsuki waiting for him outside.
"Mutsuki?" he whispers to himself. "What…? Hey, wait a minute, I'll be right back."
Touka nods, smiling.
"Sure."
He runs towards the entrance and opens the door, the fanned breeze traveling to the inside of the shop and embracing Touka's body, making her shoulders shiver. She stares at Haise speaking with Mutsuki, the words "Saiko" and "hungry" being repeated constantly, and Mutsuki's eyes travel towards Touka every five seconds. She sees Haise nod, palming softly Mutsuki's shoulder, and then he turns around to enter the shop again, his face not looking quite happy as it was before.
"S-Sorry," he apologizes, standing in front of her. Touka sits up, and the height difference is huge compared to how it was back then. "I have to go."
Touka nods.
"It's okay, don't worry. I have to get back to work too, I'll probably close now, it's pointless to keep the shop open if no one's coming."
Haise smiles, scratching the back of his neck with sheepish eyes.
"Yeah, well… it was fun. Thank you for listening to my boring book talk."
"Thank you for being my only costumer today," Touka responds, and both laugh.
This feels nice. This feels so nice.
"Uh, well, goodbye," he says awkwardly.
She smiles beautifully.
"Goodbye, Haise."
He grabs his bag, still in front of her. She looks very tiny.
"I'll come back soon."
I promise.
Touka's eyes brighten, nodding softly.
"I'll be waiting."
She always will.
With a tender squeeze on her arm, both say goodbye and Haise abandons the shop without first giving her a farewell smile behind the glass, one she responds with a faint wave of her hand. His friend Mutsuki follows Kaneki immediately, but the last stare he gives to the waitress isn't as friendly as it was Haise's smile.
"I thought you were going to meet Arima," Mutsuki speaks as they walk through the chilly streets.
"Y-Yeah, I did… I just went to drink a coffee before going home. Sorry for making you wait so long, is Saiko still hungry?"
Mutsuki sighs, nodding, and gets closer to Haise, trying to keep up with his pace.
"Yes, we should hurry and buy what she wanted."
Haise smiles.
"Sure, let's go."
He can't wait for the next time.
A/N: The fact that Touka lost the keychain is a bit sad, but I thought it was a fun thing to add for Haise to offer buy a new one for her. I really hope she still keeps the keychain anyway. I missed writing tousaki a lot, and the recent chapter gave me a great opportunity to do so. This could be one of the last? or the last time Haise and Touka see each other as Kaneki being Haise. I'm really glad to know what he went to :re more than twice.
Thank you for reading! feedback is always appreciated :'')