Two years after the worst day imaginable, Erin tries to move on with her life in a new city. But nothing is ever that easy. On her eldest daughter's birthday, something happens to force her to remember. Warning: Major character death.

I want to apologise in advance for the angst contained within. The idea came to me and I couldn't ignore it. I'm sorry for said character death but I hope you enjoy this story regardless. I have 1, maybe 2 more chapters in my mind but not yet on paper, I hope it won't be long until I can share them.

I also apologise for the less-than-great title. I was so desperate to get this up, I didn't want to spend ages trying to think what to call it.

As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.

Chapter 1

"Happy birthday, pretty girl."

A sleepy smile spread across the little girl's face as she pushed the covers away. She wiped her eyes and gazed up at her mother. "Can we still go to the beach today?"

Erin sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked her daughter's light brown hair. "You bet."

"Is Rachel coming?"

"Yes."

"Lily and Baby too?"

"Lily and Baby too."

More awake now, Cody sat up and pulled her bed spread up to her chin. Her eyes shone with excitement. Seeing such delight on her oldest girl's face was all that Erin needed. Her kids were the reasons she could make it through most days.

"So, what do 9 year olds eat for breakfast then?" Erin forced a smile onto her face and summoned all the energy she could find. Today of all days she wasn't going to fall backwards. Today she was going to give her beautiful, clever, thoughtful girl the best birthday she could want.

"Pancakes please."

"Coming right up." Erin stood up, but not before kissing Cody on her forehead. "Get dressed, I'll have them ready in no time."

Erin stared out the kitchen window as she stirred batter with one hand, her 18 month old balanced on the opposite hip. The family cat, content at having been fed, purred as she curled herself around Erin's ankles. Baby fussed, and Erin rocked from side to side in a vague effort to settle her. She watched the sunlight dance on the back lawn as the gentle breeze jostled the leaves in the sycamore tree. She was only roused out of her daydream by her middle child traipsing into the kitchen looking glum and rubbing her head furiously with the hand that wasn't clutching her teddy bear.

"Good morning sleepyhead."

The six year old didn't reply, but wrapped her arms around Erin's legs instead, displacing the cat who darted away, indignant. Erin laughed. Of all her children, this one had most inherited her own loathing of mornings. Erin gently prised her grip away from her legs enough to take the few steps it required to place Baby in her highchair.

Erin scooped Lily up and sat her on the counter top. "What's the matter, Lils?"

"I bumped my head" she explained.

"Oh no. Let me have a look."

Erin made a pantomime of inspecting Lily's head for injuries, finally planting a healing kiss on the area the little girl pointed to. Erin could feel a slight bump already but it wasn't anything worth worrying about. "Would pancakes help?"

Lily nodded, already happier.

"I have an idea. Why don't you go and get Cody's presents all ready for when she comes down?"

"Do you think she'll like my card?"

"Are you kidding? She'll love it!"

Lily smiled and Erin helped her down to the ground. No sooner as her bare feet had hit the tile, she scuttled out of sight in the direction of the living room, her injury forgotten. Erin turned on the hob and dropped butter in the pan.

"Mom, can I help?"

Cody hopped up on one of the stools at the breakfast bar next to her youngest sister. Baby babbled happily and Cody squeezed her soft little hand.

"You don't have to help sweetheart, it's your birthday. Today we're all going to look after you."

Cody shrugged. "I don't mind. I like to help."

Erin smiled sadly. She felt guilty for the amount she asked of her oldest child sometimes. When she was at her lowest, and everything was threatening to overwhelm her, it was Cody who suffered the most. She never complained, helping with her sisters whenever she was asked, but sometimes Erin looked at her and saw a sadness in her that she couldn't help but feel was partly her fault.

Cody reached for the apple juice and poured herself a glass. "Do you have to go to work later?"

"No way" Erin replied, happy that at least being there for her daughter all day on her birthday was something she could do. "I have the whole day off and we can do whatever you want."

Later, pancakes stacked high on a plate and the table laid, Erin went to the door and called up the stairs. "Lily, breakfast time. Are you dressed?"

There was the dull thud of something tumbling to the floor above and Erin grimaced. A second later Lily came pounding down the stairs.

"What was that?" Erin asked, unable to hide the amusement from her face.

"Nothing" Lily replied.

Erin turned around and shared a look with Cody. They both smiled. Erin didn't believe Lily's denial for one second, but chose not to worry about it now. She raised an eyebrow at her troublesome middle child but didn't say anything other than "syrup please."

Lily scooted to the cabinet to retrieve the syrup, thankful for the moment that she'd got away with whatever it was she had knocked over upstairs. She climbed up on a stool opposite Cody, and Erin sat down beside her and began dishing out the food. Erin had a good feeling about today. Any day that started with breakfast with her children and the sun shining was going to be a good day.

"Happy birthday" Lily said to her sister, crumbs falling from her mouth.

"Thanks!"

"I made you the best card ever."

Erin stroked Lily's hair. "Let's just eat breakfast first ok?" It was sweet how excited Lily was, she had been talking about Cody's birthday for weeks. She worshiped her big sister, and on some level, Erin thought, Lily sensed that the day needed to be extra special.

"I bet I'll love it" Cody replied.

Their bellies full and the dishes in the sink, Erin wiped Baby's sticky hands and face with a cloth and carried her through to the living room. The older girls were already there, Cody sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table laden with presents, Lily standing over them as if she had magicked them there herself. Erin sat down on the floor, Baby on her lap.

"Are you girls ready to go the minute Rachel gets here?"

Lily nodded, Cody turned to her mother. "Will you braid my hair before we go?"

"Of course." It's funny, Erin thought, how much your life could change. A decade ago, the ability to do a French braid was not a skill she ever thought she would need. "But first, presents!"

"This one's from me!" Lily all but threw the brightly wrapped parcel at her sister and Cody laughed. "And here's my card." A trail of glitter fell across the carpet, the table, and Treacle the cat who had come to see what all the commotion was. Cody put her present on the floor and studied the card that her little sister was so excited to give her. It was a colourful explosion of glitter, feathers and crayon and Cody smiled, seeing how much thought and effort her little sister had put in to make it perfect. "See, I can do art too!"

"I love it" Cody said, genuinely, stroking the cat with her other hand.

Erin was touched by both her girls and their relationship in moments like this. Drawing was Cody's very favourite thing to do and Lily wanted to be just like her. Some kids might kick up a fuss at their younger siblings trying to copy them, but Cody never seemed to mind. She had more patience for Lily than Erin herself did sometimes.

Cody ripped off the wrapping paper of Lily's gift to find a brand new art set inside. She hugged her sister, who had rushed round the table to Cody's side. "Thank you."

"This one's from Baby" Erin said, lifting a heavy box from the table. Inside, were a selection of books that Erin had spent time and care picking out at the bookstore. Cody smiled knowingly at her mother after studying each one, knowing who really chose them, but kissed Baby's head as a thank you anyway. Baby squirmed off her lap and crawled away to play with the discarded wrapping paper. The cat followed.

Erin stood up and went to the closet under the stairs. "This is from me" she said, over her shoulder and she ducked her head inside to retrieve the gift. The girls twisted around to watch her and Cody's eyes lit up when she saw what her Mom had bought for her.

A brand new bicycle. Cody jumped up and ran to her Mom, throwing her arms around her middle so hard that Erin stumbled back slightly, laughing. "Is it the right one?" she asked, returning Cody's hug.

"It's brilliant."

"You've got more presents" Lily called. Erin thought that she would tear them open herself if Cody didn't.

Cody ran her hands over the handlebars, inspecting the bike she had coveted for months every time she passed the store, but she returned to her sister and the remaining cards and parcels on the table. Lily shoved a card in her face. "Open this one."

The envelop was blue and someone had stuck gold star stickers everywhere there wasn't a stamp or an address. Cody opened it and a $50 bill fell out. By now, Erin was sat on the sofa behind her daughters, and as Cody opened the card, Erin read it over her shoulder.

Dear Cody, Have an amazing birthday! All our love to you and your family, Kim, Adam, Megan & Billy xxx

Erin smiled sadly. Any reminders of their old life in Chicago had that effect on her, and she was always nervous of how her children would react to things like this, but she was relieved when Cody turned to look at her with a smile. "I'm going to spend it at the art store and send them the best picture." She put the card and the money on the table and picked up the next package. "I bet this one's from Uncle Will."

Erin was braiding Cody's hair, as promised, when she heard a key in the door and Rachel, the girls' nanny, entered laden with grocery bags. She dropped them on the floor in the hallway and Lily ran to her. "Hey trouble" she greeted the little girl, but quickly turned her attention to Cody. "Happy birthday!" Rachel pulled a parcel from her handbag and held it out to Cody.

Erin fixed the elastic around the end of Cody's braid and she was good to go. "Hi. Thank you" she said, taking it. Inside was a new dress and Cody examined it happily. "I can wear it to my party!"

"Are you coming to the beach too?" Lily asked Rachel.

"Yep. I've got my swimsuit and everything."

"Go and get your bags girls, I want to be ready to leave in 10 minutes."

Erin and Rachel carried the grocery bags through to the kitchen and talked as they put away the food for Cody's birthday barbeque. "Thanks for going to the store" Erin said, opening the freezer. "And thank you for coming on your day off, I know Cody really appreciates you being here. We'll work something out, I promise."

"Don't worry about it" the younger woman said. "I want to be here."

Rachel had been in their lives almost since Baby was born. Since moving to California, Erin had more or less kept to herself, but had been introduced to Rachel through one of the parents at Cody and Lily's school and now she didn't know what she'd do without her. It was a little sad, Erin reflected, that apart from her kids, the person she was closest to in her life was someone she employed, but she truly counted Rachel as a friend too.

"I'll get Baby in her stroller" Rachel said, closing the cabinet door. Erin nodded her thanks.

Only a few minutes late, which Erin counted as perfectly on time in the scheme of things, they were ready to leave. "Have you got your hats?" she asked her daughters. They nodded. "Sunscreen?" And again. "Awesome. Let's go."

Their house was a good half hour walk from the beach, but it was a nice day and Cody wanted to ride her new bike, so they decided to walk. Rachel pushed the stroller a little way ahead, with Lily holding onto her hand. Erin and Cody hung back, Erin walked beside her daughter who was peddling slowly and a little unsteadily down the side walk, trying to get used to her bike.

Erin had her hand in her jacket pocket and squeezed the box she held there. Another gift for Cody. She had intended to give it to her daughter this morning before anyone else was awake, but hadn't been able to find the right time, and the truth was that she was trying to find the strength. While she was certain this gift would mean the world to Cody when Erin explained its significance, there was no doubt that it would also upset her. Perhaps Erin should let her enjoy her birthday before bringing up painful memories. But no, she was sure that today was the right day.

They caught up with Rachel and the little ones at the crosswalk and together the five of them crossed the street to the boardwalk that ran along the coast to the beach. It's was a warm, sunny Saturday and there were people everywhere, even though it was not yet 10am.

Lily was already begging for an ice cream despite the early hour, when they found an empty sport on the sand and laid out the picnic blanket, but Erin firmly shook her head. "Not yet Chicken. How about you go and show Rachel how good you are at building sandcastles?"

Rachel looked at Erin quizzically, sensing that she wanted Lily and herself out of the way. "Do you want me to take Baby too?"

Erin looked across at her youngest girl asleep in her stroller. "No, she's ok. We'll join you in a little bit."

Cody put her bike down sideways on the sand and unclipped her helmet. She kicked off her shoes and grabbed her own bucket and spade, about to follow her sister, but Erin called her back. "Just a minute Sweetheart, I have something for you." Cody obeyed, sliding up close to her mother on the blanket. Erin took the small blue velvet box from her pocket and held it in her palm.

Cody looked up at her, confusion on her face. "Another present?" Erin nodded. "But you already gave me a bike."

"This isn't from me." Her voice was quiet and strained, and Erin cursed the lump that had already risen to her throat before she'd even got to the hard part. "This is from your Daddy."

Cody took the box, and studied it without opening the lid. Erin felt her slender body tense and wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulders. Sensing Cody's reluctance, Erin took the box from her again.

"How?" Cody's voice was barely a whisper.

"He bought this for you when you were really little. It was supposed to be for your 18th birthday, but I want you to have it now. I'm so proud of you, Cody. I know things have been difficult, and I know some of that is my fault. But you've been so brave and grown up, I think you deserve it now. I wanted to show you how much I love you." She paused, allowing the thoughts she tried to keep at bay every day to seep just a little bit through the crack in her armour. "How much we both love you. Do you want to open it?"

Cody nodded, but seemed unsure, so Erin lifted the hinged lid and held the box so Cody could see its contents. Inside was a silver charm bracelet, only one charm hung from the chain. A star. Erin took it out and placed the box on the blanket. Cody looked up at her, a mixture of surprise and sadness on her face. "How did he know?"

"The star? You always liked stars, even when you were tiny." Erin paused, but continued quickly when she saw that Cody couldn't find the words to speak. "Your Dad told me he saw this one day and just had to buy it for you." It's funny, Erin thought, remembering. Cody's love of stars and her fascination with the night sky had been a godsend when it came to helping her come to terms with her father's death. She was fortunate that the perfect way to explain was already there. Although the word perfect was far from the right one to use. There is no perfect way to explain to a seven year old that her Daddy won't ever come home again. Even now, Erin couldn't imagine how confusing it must have been for her. Lily was far too little when it happened to comprehend their loss, and sometimes Erin envied her that. No doubt as she grew up Lily would wish she had more memories of her father, but while she was young it was probably best that she didn't. And then there was Baby, who was still too little to even understand what a father was.

Now, she employed the same metaphor she used almost two years ago, when she explained to Cody what was happening on the very worst day of their lives. Believing her father was a star in the sky watching over her gave Cody a focus for her grief. Now she was older, Erin didn't know whether she truly still believed that story or just chose to play along, but it still helped them both whenever they remembered.

Eventually, Cody spoke. "Now it can be like he's with me always, as well as being up there." She looked at the sky briefly, then took the bracelet from Erin. "It's really pretty. Can I wear it?"

"Not now" she said. "You don't want to lose it on the beach. But I promise you can wear it to your party later."

Cody leaned over and gave her mother a hug and Erin's heart melted. "Thanks Mom" she said, burying her face in Erin's shoulder. Erin tapped her on the back. She could stay there all day, being hugged by her child. But it was Cody's birthday, they were supposed to be having fun. "You're welcome, kiddo. Let's go and join Rachel and Lily."

Cody let go and nodded. "I'm going to paddle in the sea" she said, her face brightening.

"Go ahead. I'll be there any minute, as soon as Baby wakes up."

Cody stood up to leave, but then remembered. She handed the bracelet back to Erin and then ran off in the direction of the sea. Erin watched her go, not taking her eyes off her until she had reached Rachel and Lily, then looked down at the silver chain once more. She placed it back in its box and zipped the box safely inside her jacket. In her stroller, Baby stirred.

"Notorious killer Trevor Pierson has escaped police custody as he was being transferred to a high security prison across state. Last year he was sentenced to life for the brutal murder of five people, including two members of Chicago PD's Intelligence unit, Sergeant Hank Voight and Detective Jay Halstead."

The intelligence unit stood huddled around the TV screen, transfixed by the local Breaking News report. Nobody moved. In truth, nobody could move. Even the newer members of the team couldn't fail to remember that day and be affected by it, but for the guys who were there, the memories still haunted them.

Adam Ruzek stood off to the side, biting his thumbnail nervously. He had his arm around his wife, and he could feel the tension in her body. Kim wrapped her arms around Adam's waist, her eyes not leaving the screen. Beyond the initial report, the newscaster's words were not registering. Behind her, she felt her sergeant's presence but couldn't have turned to see him even if she wanted to.

The phone rang, and a second later Antonio answered it.

"Sergeant Dawson." A pause. "Yeah, we're watching it now." Now a longer pause. Kim and Adam shared a look, and they both dared to look over their shoulders, trying to catch Antonio's eye, but he stared at the wall intently, listening hard to whoever was on the other end of the call. He nodded, but looked agitated. "Yes" was all he said, before he placed the receiver down hard on its cradle.

Kim looked at him questioningly, he only shook his head and beckoned the two oldest members of the unit he had inherited into his office. Kim took one last look back at the screen. An overhead helicopter shot of the empty countryside was on, and a thumbnail of the killer's face was a permanent fixture in the side panel of the screen. Seeing his face again, fury built up inside her, but she quickly pushed it down and followed Adam into Antonio's office.

When the door was closed, Antonio began pacing. "That was the commissioner. He won't let us anywhere near the case."

"What?" Adam said, incredulous.

Antonio stopped. "I know, believe me. But there's nothing I can do." He leaned on his desk with both arms and let out a long, frustrated sigh.

"Someone should call Erin."

"No." Kim was quick to knock down her husband's suggestion. "Not yet" she clarified. "This could all be over in an hour and we would have worried her for nothing. Plus, it's Cody's birthday today. We can't ruin that." She took a deep breath. "I'll call her. But only if the news spreads or he's not been caught by tonight."

It was 8pm, and the house was finally empty of Cody's classmates and their parents. Even Rachel had gone home, promising she'd be back in the morning to help clear up the aftermath of Cody's party. Baby had been put to bed a while ago, and Lily had finally crashed around 7:30, the mixture of excitement and sugar finally wearing off. Erin sat down hard on the sofa, a glass of wine in her hand. The cat jumped up beside her and purred, no doubt as relieved as Erin was to have the house back to normal again. A minute later, Cody snuck back downstairs in her pyjamas and huddle up close to Erin. Almost immediately, her eyes drifted closed.

"Good birthday?" Erin asked, stroking her daughter's hair.

Cody nodded. "I wish Megan could have come."

Erin sighed. "I'm sorry."

Sorry for what? For keeping you apart from your best friend? For ripping you away from your old life so abruptly, and nearly everyone who loved you in the world? For feeling like I'm failing you as a mother almost every day? But Erin didn't elaborate, she just kissed Cody gently on her head.

"Have you cleaned your teeth?"

"Yes." Cody's voice sounded far away, she was already falling asleep.

"I think it's time for bed then."

"But…" Cody's argument was weak, she didn't even finish her sentence.

Erin carried Cody up the stairs like she hadn't done in years. She was too big to be carried to bed really, but any little thing Erin could do for her girls to make their lives just a little bit easier, she would do. She couldn't fix the big things, she certainly couldn't fix the biggest thing of all. So if carrying her sleepy big girl to bed on her birthday was what, right now, would help her, Erin would do it. She lay Cody down on her bed and the sleeve of her pyjama top fell down from her wrist as she let go of her mother's neck.

"You should take this off Sweetheart" Erin said, holding her arm gently and unclasping the charm bracelet. "I'll keep it safe." Cody didn't protest, she was already lightly snoring into her pillow. Erin gave her one last kiss good night and closed the door behind her.

In her own bedroom, Lindsay took her jewellery box from her dresser drawer and opened the lid. She lifted off the top tray, containing her broken watch which she kept meaning to get fixed but never seemed to get around to, and other assorted pieces of invaluable costume jewellery, to reveal the secret compartment below. There was only one other object in there, and as she placed Cody's bracelet onto the red velvet lining, she picked up her wedding ring and held it between her thumb and forefinger.

She brought it to her mouth, kissing the gold band and letting it linger on her lips for one peaceful moment. She closed her eyes. From somewhere else I the house, she heard the sound of her cell phone ringing.